THE FUNNY PAGES COMICS AND NOVELTIES

Why did the farmer have to separate the chicken and the turkey? He sensed fowl play.

What key has legs and can’t open a door? A turkey.

What did the turkey say to the computer? Google, google.

In Japan, 75% of the male population does this on a regular basis:

A) Wears Eyeliner makeup

B) Give all their money to their wives and live off a monthly allowance

C) Sleep with anime themed sheets and or pillow cases

D) Get up at 3am to prepare a family breakfast

2) This actor was initially considered for the role of Edward Scissor Hands before Johnny Depp landed it... But the actor in question asked too many odd questions about the character, like “How does he go to the bathroom? How does he ever eat a meal?” Who didn’t make the cut, so to speak?

A) Leonardo DiCarprio

B) Brad Pitt

C) Sean Penn

D) Tom Cruise

3) Ladybugs... We all know and love them... Despite their name there are male ladybugs too... Though, they are perhaps not a very bright creature. Male ladybugs often will do this:

A) Fall asleep mid flight and plummet to their death

B) Will often try to fight the reflection of themselves in mirrors, glass and water

C) Will cover themselves with their own poop and play sick to try to get out doing their daily “chores”

D) Mate with a dead female ladybug and not realize something is wrong until hours in

4) Lastly, this little gem came across my desk the other day... And BOY is it a gem.

Many years ago... This notorious musician who famously would not pose in photographs for much of their career, was asked by their bodyguard, who was writing a book about self defense, to pose in photos for it. So to this day, you can find this 40 page self defense book with loads of this person posing in various fighting positions. Who was it?

A) Alanis Morrisette

B) Prince

C) Stevie Nicks

D) Eddie fucking Money

It finally feels like fall, goddamn it. About time. Here’s a list of which holiday side dish you are based on your sign.

Aries - Eggnog - (Technically not a side dish, but you’re an Aries and you break the rules) because you’re real hit or miss. Some people think you’re the ultimate. Other people gag at the very thought of you.

Taurus - Mashed potatoes - With butter AND cheese. Because you’ll be damned if you’re gonna cater to anyone’s allergies.

Gemini - Dino nuggets - Because your refusal to eat what’s been made for you has become a family tradition.

Cancer - Olives - And you wish they still fit on your fingers.

Leo - Mini pumpkin pies in fancy little glasses because you’re so extra. We get it, you’ve got your life together Susan. You can just afford to throw your money at extra glassware for tiny pies for single use. So cool.

Virgo - Cranberry sauce - Cheap, easy and loved by many. Just like you!

Libra - Green bean casserole - Delicious fresh and crispy, most troubling cooled to room temp and soggy. You’re SO dynamic.

Scorpio - Pecan pie - Sweet, spiced and a little nutty.

Sagittarius - The salad that your vegan cousin brings that has kale in it and they’re trying to convince you the whole time how delicious it is… but we all know that salad is going directly into the trash. Because you too are troubling and healthy in all the wrong ways.

Capricorn - You’re that one candied yam dish with marshmallows baked on top that someone always brings to family dinner but does anyone ever really eat it?

Aquarius - Tofurkey - ‘Nuff said.

Pisces - Gravy - Lumpy and questionable, like your taste in partners.