“If we have been pleased with life, we should not be displeased with death, since it comes from the hand of the same master.” Michelangelo
Memorial Day 24
THE CATHOLIC SPIRIT
A Catholic Spirit special section
MAY 24, 2012
Need help planning a Catholic funeral? By Susan Klemond For The Catholic Spirit
When a church-going matriarch passed away this past year, her non-practicing family members presented pastoral associate Lisa Amos with some unconventional ideas for the funeral at St. Peter in Mendota. Gently, Amos explained the Catholic Church’s funeral rite and convinced them that the contemporary music, non-scriptural readings and poems they had picked out wouldn’t be appropriate for the funeral Mass. “The day of the funeral Mass came and all of them were very happy with what they’d experienced and really felt that it was exactly what their mother would have wanted, knowing how important faith had been to her,” said Amos, adding that one daughter decided in the process to return to the church. Often bearing secular ideas or misconceptions about church funerals, burial or cremation, non-Catholic or non-practicing family members rely on pastors, pastoral ministers and funeral directors to help them make decisions for their loved one’s Catholic funeral. While it helps if their loved one expressed their preferences before death, learning about the church’s rites may affect whether family members return to the parish for something other than another funeral.
Funerals offer opportunities “Funerals are an opportunity to welcome people back to the church, or they serve as one more reason for them to turn their back and walk,” said Sister Fran Donnelly, BVM, director of LifeTransition Ministries at The Catholic Cemeteries. “It’s all how you do it.” Sometimes it’s hard to convey parish expectations — especially to Baby Boomers who want everything their own way — while trying to listen empathetically, funeral experts say. “The church’s teaching really does support what the families want,” said Amos, who helps plan about 15 funerals per year. “They just need to know that.” The church teaches that funerals are to commend the
deceased person’s soul to God — not to celebrate their life, which is more appropriately done beforehand at a vigil service, said Dan Delmore, funeral director and owner of Gearty-Delmore Funeral Chapels. The church treats all the departed as children of God, which is why the funeral liturgy isn’t personalized, he said. Amos said, “There’s a notion that it should be a celebration of life, which really misleads families about what it is they’re doing when they celebrate the Mass of Christian Burial, the funeral Mass for their loved one. . . . It’s a celebration really of Jesus’ sacrifice that allows us all to have eternal life.”
A proper time for eulogies Father Michael Reding said he sees the most confusion in funeral planning with family members’ desire to add eulogies to the funeral Mass. St. Bartholomew in Wayzata,
the site of about 24 funerals per year, no longer allows eulogies during funeral liturgies because of abuses to the practice, said Father Reding, pastor. Instead, family members are encouraged to include them during the vigil or funeral lunch. Unfortunately, he added, many families are choosing a reviewal before the funeral rather than a vigil the day before to avoid imposing on mourners, even though it can interfere with their grieving. “Someone has died here, attention should be paid,” Father Reding said. “Life should be altered as we mourn this loss and as we commit this person to God.” As cremation has become more popular in the past 10 years, more families are delaying burial, said Delmore, PLEASE TURN TO BEAUTY ON PAGE 26
Give your loved ones comfort & peace of mind by pre-planning your cemetery arrangements. Minimize stress when you die to allow your loved ones time to grieve & celebrate your life.
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