The Journey Through Grief Rev. Michael Keith
You don’t get over it; you get through it.
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s a pastor I have journeyed through the valley of the shadow of death with many people. The loss of a loved one leaves us profoundly hurt and broken. We experience emotions of grief that at times can feel overwhelming. The loss of a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences we go through in life.
Many Misconceptions There are many misconceptions surrounding grief that can lead to false expectations for someone experiencing grief as well as family and friends seeking to lend support and encouragement. One of the biggest misconceptions is that grief is something like the common cold. You have it for a while and then you get over it and get back to “normal.” That’s the great desire for those in grief and those who are seeking to lend support—for things to get back to normal. The idea seems to be that you have grief for maybe six months or at most a year, and then you “get over” it. The harsh reality is that this never happens. That is the pain of death. What once was can never be again. You don’t get over it; you get through it. This raises the misconception of “closure.” Many look forward to a funeral so they can gain “closure”—as if, after the funeral, all the grief and mourning can be left behind. That is not how it works for most people. It is far more helpful to see the funeral as something near the beginning of the journey through grief. It is the public recognition that a death has occurred. It is the community, the body of Christ, gathering to receive strength and encouragement from God so that they might then in turn offer support and encouragement to each other. It is a time where we gather before God to give thanks for giving life to this person and for the opportunity we had to share in it. More than this, it is a time to give thanks for the eternal life that was secured for our friend by Jesus. Far from the end of the journey or providing “closure,” the funeral is often the beginning of the journey through grief. Another common misconception is that grief and mourning are the same thing. It is helpful, however, to make a distinction between them. Grief is the emotion and feelings that you experience on the inside as a result of a loss. Mourning is instead the public expression of those emotions. One of the great struggles we THE CANADIAN LUTHERAN September/October 2021
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