22 Bucks Student, Wednesday 21st March, 2012
ON THE BOX Soaps Review N Crime drama to make you cringe
ow, I’m not usually a big fan of crime dramas, although there are a few good ones out there. What I have become slightly addicted to, however, are programmes best described as crime comedies, or as I like to call them: crimedies. You know the kind of shows I mean, the ones that are so hysterically rubbish they are almost good; shows professing to be about crime, but succeed only in raising a few laughs from the audience. I have selected two programmes that I consider to be perfect archetypes of the crimedy, both of which are utterly ridiculous, but entirely watchable. First up on my shortlist of two is Midsommer Murders. I have never seen a show that is so far fetched, and yet so believable: 1) Why would anyone ever move to Midsommer? Granted, the house prices are low, but that’s only because all the residents are trying to flee due to the high murder rates. 2) Doesn’t anybody find it strange that this idyllic countryside setting appears to be the murder capital of the world? Dark alleys and rough inner-city areas are nothing compared to the picturesque gardens of Midsommer. 3) I’m beginning to wonder if Midsommer is situated in some strange parallel universe, totally separate from our own. I say this because in each episode there seems to be a newly added town or village in the county, each with the prefix Midsommer. It is as if the county is ever expanding and slowly overtaking the neighbouring settlements. That is the only explanation. How else could ten million different districts be squeezed into a small corner of the British countryside?
Above: The gardening/crime solving duo Rosemary & Thyme, nothing gets past them!
S
o, last edition before Easter, which means that there’s just one more edition to go! I hope you’ve enjoyed reading my EastEnders columns as much as I’ve enjoyed writing them. In the last edition before Easter, it’s worth mentioning a rather bittersweet moment. The current Executive Producer for EastEnders, Bryan Kirkwood, has handed in his resignation and will be leaving next month. A huge slump in the viewing figures and a negative reputation with some of the most hard core fans has resulted in Kirkwood quitting. The existing series producer Lorraine Newman will be taking over the show until a more permanent role has been cast. Despite his short two year stay on the show, he’s managed to accomplish a lot. Whether he’ll be remembered for that controversial baby swap between Kat/Ronnie which sparked almost 13,000 complaints, brining Alfie and Kat back on to the show, or burning down the Queen Vic - it’s no doubt that he’ll
be remembered for some reason or another. Either way, whether you’ve loved or hated this Marmite producer, I’m wishing him all the best in his next project, and let’s hope that the next producer, who’s brave enough to take on the role, manages to continue to bring us some hard-hitting drama! So, what have we got happening in EastEnders then? Well kicking off with Tanya’s storyline, viewers saw her receive the all clear from the hospital results last week. Sticking with the Brannings, Lauren disappoints her parents once again, as she arrives to her birthday lunch drunk! Heather’s ‘who dunnit’ storyline is finally underway. With all fingers pointing at a demented Ben Mitchell, he’s ‘framing’ Roxy Mitchell. But who was actually responsible for sending loveable Heather to her grisly end? The crazy boy who shopped his dad (Phil Mitchell, no less) to the police, the best friend who was feeling pushed out of her life, the apparently ‘innocent looking’ fiancée Andrew Cotton who was just released
Midsommer Murders, however, is totally feasible
when compared to the strange and fascinating world belonging to Rosemary Boxer and Laura Thyme. I think this show is less well known. For those of you who haven’t seen Rosemary & Thyme, it centres on the lives of two female gardeners (both of which, you may have noticed, are conveniently named after herbs) who lead double lives as super sleuths. Every gardening job Rosemary and Thyme take turns into a crime scene, and the pair end up solving the crimes. I told you it was cringe-worthy. And here are a few reasons why: 1) See above for embarrassing names. 2) One of the women (Thyme) used to be a police officer, so why is she unable to cope with a crime scene? And why is she constantly asking Rosemary, a former horticultural lecturer, questions that she as an ex-cop is surely more than qualified to answer? My favourite so far has been, is that blood on there? Was Laura Thyme such a poor excuse for a police officer that she was promptly fired, hence why she is now a gardener? 3) How inept is the police force supposed to be? One would think they could solve crimes more effectively than two busybodies, especially when their only means of defence are trowels and bags of compost. At least Midsommer’s Inspector Barnaby is good at his job. 4) Both women have an alarming propensity for pulling unconvincingly shocked faces. It’s almost as if they are pretending to be shocked. Either they are ham acting, or they are involved in the crimes. Maybe they are the criminal masterminds behind it all? I’ve always found it strange that they know exactly where the murder weapon is located in each episode. By Shane Millar
from prison for doing 18 months for GBH or could there be someone completely different? Either way, the clues will start rolling out over the next few months and hopefully will culminate in us finding out which murderer could be cold hearted enough to kill someone like Hev! Little George will be sticking around as Shirley Carter is given temporary custody until Darren can be tracked down, however Shirley struggles as George starts to become a constant reminder of what she’s lost. Ian and Mandy are still clearly affected by the arrival of Mandy’s mum, a fortnight ago. One thing leads to another and when Ian finally shouts at Mandy that she’s exactly like her mum - has she finally pushed him too far? There’s not too much to report on this week, as everything is centred on Heather’s murder, and all I can say is stay tuned as there are some shocking truths to be told and there is some great TV heading your way!! Enjoy your Easter break and see you for the
Above: Loveable Heather Trott’s days are numbered on the square. Far left: Bad boy Ben Mitchell is causing yet more drama Left: Boozy Lauren continues to be a worry for her parents with her wild ways.