by
PA U L A H . C O O K S O N
There’s something deliberately whimsical about There’s something the phrase “falling in love”. It reeks of face powder and the dust from the pages of ancient fairy tales. Falling, falling, falling, like Alice in Wonderland, but plummeting into something far more complex than even the Cheshire Cat could envision. LOVE. LOVE.
It happens gradually and in ways we least expect it. Until, eventually, we solemnly come to the realization that this person, who held such a large part of our heart at one time, is no longer someone we care to share our life with, let alone our minds and bodies.
We are somewhat prepared, even trained for How can our clumsy hearts betray us in this way? falling in love; by the time we experience these Yet, how can we resist? As it happens, falling feelings we are often well aware of the process into love isn’t all that hard. It happens to the best through the examples of our families, friends and of us, often when we least expect it. culture at large. We joyfully stumble in, reveling in the surge of Oxytocin and riding high on the dopamine freight train. Flavors are more flavory, colors are brighter, and the world at large seems like a better place. What could possibly ever change? But, what about the next chapter in that fairytale? Because the passage of time can flog the love out of any relationship. People change over time. Interests, passions and energy levels shift. Resentments accumulate. Love might seem endless and unconditional, but it’s not.
Falling out love also happens to the best of us.
We have norms around falling in love and being in love; there are rituals that we participate in and expectations we carry. On the other hand, falling out of love is less proscribed; perhaps we’ve witnessed or experienced break-ups and bad endings of relationships, but there is no real preparation for falling out of love. How do you manage it?
Express it and grieve it before you leave it ...