NUMBER THIRTEEN
"how Disney's Hollywood Records produces some of the most violent, pro-suicide, and pro-Satan music in the industry:' Historically, the Birchers have had little luck in getting their own into public office. Most Birchers with any real political experience joined after leaving office, as in the case of one-term congressman Howard Buffett, father ofbillionaire investor Warren Buffett. Similarly, those politicians who, unmindful of the effects of political poison, proudly declared their JBS membership-as did California Republican Representatives John H. Rousselot and Edgar Hiestand in 1962often found themselves promptly ousted by the voters. They didn't have far to fall. Most former Bircher politicos easily "transitioned" to positions within the JBS. How many Birchers held legislative power in the Sixties will probably never be known. In 1961, however, conservative paladin Barry Goldwater stated that a search for Birchers through the hallowed halls of the Capitol Building "would turn up a lot of embarrassed people:' The last noteworthy and open member of the JBS to hold national elected office-the society's chairman, no less-was Representative Larry McDonald of Georgia back in the early Eighties. McDonald also made the unfortunate decision to board KAL 007, the passenger plane shot down bythe Soviets in 1983, undoubtedly sending the Birchers into paroxysms of shivering paranoia. With the recent flowering of the right, though, one hardly has to be a JBS member to support the society's once-kooky beliefs. Representative Ron Paul, a former Libertarian candidate for president and a major proponent of taxpayers' rights
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(namely the right to pay few or none), has proposed measures to withdraw U.S. membership and funding from the United Nations. A particular sweetheart of the Birch fraternity is the notorious Representative Helen Chenoweth of Idaho, who finds time in her busy schedule to write for The New American. "Thank goodness for those, such as the John Birch Society;' gushes Congressman Chenoweth (as she insists on being addressed), "who are unashamed to advocate love of country, defense of nation, and an abiding commitment to our Constitution." As for potential future Birchers, today's JBS has had better luck getting in touch with the kids than Bob Welch ever did. One pet project is Robert Welch University, which, the Good Lord willing, will soon become a fully functioning, fouryear liberal arts college, empowered to issue degrees in God-fearing 100 percent Americanism. As it stands now, though, Robert Welch University exists only in the form of a thirty-thousand-volume library, every last damn book of which deals with the "preservation of our heritage of freedom." One particularly fun aspect of the JBS is the summer camp held under the Bob Welch U. banner. While the typical activities of volleyball, canoeing, hiking, and singings of"Kumbaya" are practiced, campers can also take classes designed to remediate the bum education they pick up at Illuminati-run public and private schools: "Our Godly Heritage;' "What is Humanism?", "Global Tyranny-The UN," "The Life of John Birch," and, as an alternative to making wallets and weaving lanyards, "Salesmanship:' Other activities include the "Night