Holiday message 1 usually look unfavorably at anyone who tries to motivate me by laying a guilt .trip on me. Guilt trips are a form of covert force which go against the grain of freedom we all try to pre serve. But within ·the last few weeks I have experienced a guilt trip which will undoubtedly heighten during the holidays. Advertisements are urging people to fulfHl every creature comfort imaginable this Christ mas. For example, brochures ar riving in the maU Jist exotic foods to send as gifts. We are offered discount enticements to purchase the foods by the dozens. I must admit it'~ easy to get into the shopping spirit and to want aU the enjoyment the goodies promise. Would· that 1 could wrap my self in ,the festivities and fully enjoy ,them! What stops me dead are the newspaper accounts which report there are a potential 150 million Africans who will probably die of starvation during the holidays or after. iA leaflet published by Ca·tho lic Relief Services estimated that 60 or 70 percent of the develop ing WOl"ld's population lacks ac cess to pure wat~r. In these same coun.tries, 80 percent of sickness can be traced to inadequate sanitation and Jack
of clean water. These countries
also are threatened by the grad ual loss of arable land to desert and deforestation.
Many of us have seen the pic
tures of children whose ribs are barely held in by their emaciated skin. And it's difficult for us to comprehend the horrors of re fugee camps where a bare exist ence is all one can hope for now. How easy it is to forget those in :less fortunate countries as we turn on the faucet and drink purified water or Ilook at neigh borhoods beautified by trees. We enjoy huge amounts of the richest soil in the wor.ld. Most of all, we have nothing that resembles the horrors of a refu- . gee camp. There obviously is a dispropor tion between healthy countries and Third World countries. But does thiS mean we have to blame ourselves if others are starving while we are enjoing the festivi ties? Doesn't blame presume culpa bility and a conscious effort to break the Ilaw? Are we to be held responsible for something we didn',t cause? Following the letter of the law, no, we aren't to iblame. Yes, we have a right to enjoy festivities. No, we are not guilty of break ing a law. But if we haven't gone beyond the letter of the law to its spirit then maybe we deserve a big gUilt trip during the holidays.
THE ANCHOR-Diocese of Fall River-Fri., Nov. 30, 1984
By
FATHER EUGENE HEMRICK.
If. we feel the problems of the Third World are not ours - that we have enough of our own problems then what does Christian unity mean? If we do nothing to educate our children to be aware of star vation and to be grateful for the born of plenty, then what is real education all about? If we don't do something ..:.... write a congressional represen tative or our newspaper - then what is Catholic action all about? If we haven't made an effort to share our financial blessings or to better inform ourselves on how to help starving people, then what values are motivating us? Oh, how sticky questions raise guilt feelings! But if we find ourselves on a guilt trip because of such em barrassing . questions, then I think 'the very freedom guilt trips threaten will ibe enhanced. We may find ourselves moved. to take some positive action. Aren't a gift given and a meal denied for the :love and com passion of another at t~e very heart of tru'e freedom? ,"
Hassle - free 'Noel
It's that time of year again when we have to give our selves permission to be im perfect - in advance. We aren't going to have that Better Homes & Gardens Christmas no matter how hard we try so let's accept it right now and not feel guiJ.ty about "failing" later on. After years of failing, 1 have developed some suggestions for a hassle-free Noel. 1. Lower your expectations. Learn to live and aaugh with broken cookies, Ilopsided trees and cards received that weren't sent. 2. Lowtt youII' housekeeping Closets exist to hide clutter replaced by seasonal para phernalia. Let's use them. Learn to Jive with ,the messier bath rooms that accompany returning college students. s~andards.
5. Do away wifu money wor ries. Rule of thumb: either enjoy spending it or don't spend it. Don't fall into .that trap of over spending and then resenting it. 6. Share Christmas card acti vity. Let the spouse and kids write some of the notes and don',t nag about their spelling. Relatives don't mind. Neither do good friends. The 'rest don't matter. Kids are good at address ing, licking, and stamping. 7. Don't - repeat - DON'T feel guilty about not having a gift for unexpected givers. Send tI:lem a Valentine cake. 8. Laugh when the tree sinks starboard or portside. Perfect trees exist only in the forest or department stores. Let the kids decorate 'it and feel pleasure in their achievement even if some of their decorations seem unus ual. One of ours once hung his turtle collection and it got more attention than icicles.
3. Set up a wrapping table with paptt, tape and strings and 9. De-stimulate . the children give the children a go at wrap . by turning off TV occasionally, ping packages. Live with crump pro~ding quiet time, reading led corners and poor bows. Luke, and singing carols to They')iJ get that way by Christ gether. Give them a chance to mas anyway. settle down and reflect on the meaning of Christmas instead of 4. Don't attend all the Christ mas functions offered. Pick the adding more activities. few you enjoy and forget the 10. Don't invite houseguests if rest. Celebrate from a "want to" they're going to spoil your holi days. If you keep saying, "We rather than a "should" orienta have to get this done before tion. Go ,to your children's pro grams but skip those of your Aunt Mabel comes," everyone baby-sitter, friend's or employer's will hate her by the time she comes. She isn't coming for the children.
By
DOLORES CURRAN
house. She wants to spend time with you - warts, clutter, and a.ll. We worry apout our cup boards, more than relationships. 11. Eat what you cook or don't cook it. Why make others feel guilty by baking rich faods ~nd then watohing them with incrim inating eyes as they enjoy it while you munch celery? If you're going to feel guilty be cause of holiday eating, go ahead and eat because you're going to feel guilty anyway.
12. Don't count' down the days as parents do - 011, Lord, only· 8 days left to do everything - but as children do - are there still 8 whole day's till ChrIstmas? 13. Don't worry about spending the same amount on every child\. They only complain when they sense you're feeling gui\.ty. If they do complain, give them The Look. If that doesn't work, give them The Talk about GiviJ1g. 14. Enjoy - don't endure the hoDdays. Anything that in fringes on enjoyment should be questioned. Pray, laugh, and share good times together - in cluding memories of a pleasant hassle·free time in the family.
The Advent wreath Q: What is now the proper ar rangement for an Advent wreath? Formerly we used three purple candles (or white candles tied with a purple bow) anell one pink. In recent years I have seen other forms of the Advent wreath, sometimes with all white candles. What is proper now? (Florida)
A. There is no official form of the Advent wreath. It can be for our homes a beautiful and mean ingful symbol of the spirit of Advent, but its arrangement is .only a matter of custom. The observation you mak~' about Advent, however, is signifi cant in light of the developing flavor of ihe church's obser vance of'this significant time of the year. , In times past Advent was seen as somewh~~, of a mini-Lent; a time of penance and self-denial but with a tinge of joy in the background - perhaps symbol ized most by the rose vestments the priest wore at Mass on the third Sunday of 'Advent and by the rose candle lit on the Advent wreath that day. 'As, the church's liturgy devel oped over the past century or so, particularly in the last several decades, the predominant spirit of Advent is one of joyful await ing and hope. This theme clearly appears in the sqipture readings for weekday and Sunday Masses asweltl as in the other liturgical texts for this seas,on.· The increase during the past few years of the use of blue (symbolizing hope) rather than purple in liturgical, art for Ad vent reflects this same spirit. Q. Could you tell me how the Catholic Church stands on the teachings of ECKANKAR? My niece has started attending lec tures on this and I nevell' heard of it. (IUinois) A. ECKANKA'R is among the dozens of forms of Eastern mys ticism which have captivated, tl,le imagination of many in the United States during the Jast generation. As' most others, it professes to offer a science of "total awareness" of all reality and freedom. According to its practitioners, the word ,itself 'stands for "·the all-embracing spiritual force of Sugmad (god) which composes life and makes up aLI elemental substances, inciuding the com ponentparts of the soul. The present ECK' master, or Lig·ht-giver, is Sri. Darwin Gross, said to'be 972nd ECK master in "an incalculably ancient Hne of spiritual adepts known as the Order of the Vairagi, the long est unbroken line' of teaching masters on this planet." As in most philosophies or "ways of life" it is difficult to identify any specifics of belief. As with many similar groups,
By
FATHER
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JOHN DIIETZEN
reincarnation is an essential ele ment of ECKANKAR. One does not die; he is "translated" cen tury after century ",through my riad forms and facets of experi ence." ECKANKAR is one of the, many, and Jess Christian orien ted, forms of Gnosticism which promise mystical techniques for attaining "all knowledge." It would, I think, be impossible to harmonize such a phi.Josophy with Christian belief and prac tice. Q. Reading one of your recent columns gives me hope you can help me. I am now in my fourth marriage. Tlnat sounds terrible, but I had many serious problems due partly ~o .. very trouble some childhood. My first mar riage was my only marriage in tine church. I am now 31 years old and feel I have a good marriage with a man who Is a~so a baptized Catholic. Our children are bap tized and we want to raise them CathoDe. With the help and grace off God I have indeed grown up and matured- greatly from my younger days. But when I go to .Mass I am sad that J cannot participate fully In the sacraments.
My questions are: Am I ex communicated? Is there anything you can do to give me hope? (Indiana) A. First, you are not excom municated. Excommunications which once applied to people divorced and remarried outside the church do not apply today. Any decisions about your pre vious marriages can be made only through the tribunal of your diocese. I will say. however, that your description of your past and present life indicate a reB'1 possi bility that your earlier emotional and psychological immaturities could indeed have been serious enough to affect the ,validity of your first marriage. The question ·is: Were those deficiences of yours (and/or of your first spouse) so profound as to make a real, permanent commitment to the common life of marriage impossible for one or both of you in that marriage? Of course, another question is whether or not those defici encies have been overcome In the intervening years. Your let· ter indicates you have come at least a long way in that direc· tion. '" Please go to a priest and tell him what you told me. A'sk him to help you take the necessary steps to return to the full prac tice of your faith, which you obviously want very badly. Good luck!