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THE ANCHOR-Diocese of Fall River-Fri., Aug. 15, 1986
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Dear Mary: For 31 years of marriage I worked fulltime away from home. My husband never helped with the housework. Believing that the husband is head ofthe family and the wife is heart, he has been absolute ruler. Every check I ever got went into our joint bank account, but the only checks he gave me permission to write were for groceries. Now our sons are grown and my health is failing. I quit work a year ago. My husband has always been cheap on donations to the church, so I desired to donate some time to charities. I asked him if I could spend one-half day each week for the church and he told me no, never to volunteer for anything. Please tell me how much duty a wife owes her husband. I resent him forbidding me to volunteer such a small amount of time. Should I submit to his selfishness? I feel lowe God some time. (Alabama) You seem to have thought . through your situation rather well. I do not think you want me to outline your "duties" so much as to support you in your rightful anger. You suggest that your marriage is built on the model of husband the head of the house and the wife
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the heart. Yet your letter is filled with words like "duty" and "selfishness." There does not seem to be much "heart" in your relationship, nor does your husband's style of absolute dictatorship represent the "head" of the home. The ideal marriage, according to Scripture, is the one in which· the partners cherish each other. "Cherish" is a beautiful word which means each partner wants the very best for the other. The pattern in your marriage has existed for over30 years. Changing such patterns will not be easy. However, you have another factor on your side. You are angry and, in a situation such as you describe, you have every right to be. Anger is not one of our favorite feelings, but in cases like yours, it can serve a vital function. It can get you moving. Recognize and .use your anger to develop the courage to change. You recognize that you have done more than you "owe" your husband. Now you want to do what you "owe" to God. What seems lacking is any sense that you are an OK person. God loves you just because you are you. Walk over to a playground and watch some small children. Notice how they praise God. They move and shout and tumble and totally
enjoy being alive. While I am not suggesting you go down the slide, try to reflect on ho\\l much God loves carefree, joyful people even as he also loves serious, duty-conscious people. Try to develop a sense of yourself as a beautiful person. Perhaps a prayer group or a Bible study group with other women will help you develop your own self-esteem as a woman. As you develop your sense of self-esteem, your action toward your husband should become clearer and easier. Of course you can spend time working for the church. You do not need to ask him. Tell him it is very important to you. Then do it. Your ultimate goal is to become a loving person. Your first step toward that goal is to love yourself. As you make some progress in this area, you are apt to become a more contented and happy person. This is the greatest gift you can give your husband and family. In fact, you just may become the "heart" of your home in the best sense of the word. Reader questions on family living and child care to be answered in print are invited. Address The Kennys; Box 872, St. Joseph's College; Rensselaer, Ind. 47978.
The fight against the Klan By Antoinette Bosco It's hard to believe, but reports indicate there is increasing neoNazi and Ku Klux Klan activity in the United States. This includes KKK rallies in my back yard in Connecticut cities, one of which I witnessed.
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my reaction is mixture of horror and almost disbelief. It is difficult to understand how the paramilitary activity of white supremacist groups goes on almost unchecked and why it is so difficult to convict leaders linked to violent crimes and plots. It is encouraging to see that lawenforcement agencies are more vigorously investigating racially motivated violence than in the past. But much more needs to be done to stop harassment, threats, cross-burnings, swastika-painting and the existence of racially motivated hatred.
We cannot allow the KKK or neo-Nazism to be romanticized. Our children must be taught to recognize what those groups have done so they will not tolerate their reemergence. Ultimately, however, elimination of racism requires a change in people's hearts. Children must learn to love children of all races and creeds. This will happen only through continuing integration and exposure and example from us, the adults in their lives. Companies, schools, government and social groups need to keep making an effort to integrate. And as Christians we must be vigilant in opposing hatred and promoting racially-mixed environments where all can learn to understand and love one another.
White supremacist groups operate under a number of names such as The Invisible Empire, Knights of the Ku Klux Klan, The National Socialist Party of America, Aryan Nations and The Order. It is particularly disturbing that some Klan and neo-Nazi activity is carried out in the name of Jesus. A group called the Church of Jesus More serious consideration Christ Christian teaches that Jews should be given to the danger are the children of Satan, that posed by the groups and the harm white people are the true chosen they are doing, especially through people and that the United States recruitment campaigns targeted to is the Promised Land. white high school students. The Alabama-based Southern Poverty Law Center reports in its Klanwatch Law Report that Klan groups in Texas, Alabama and North Carolina conduct paramilitary operations to train members in the use of violence. In Texas a . judge ruled that the local Klan group had violated laws forbidding private groups from organizing as a military company and parading in public with firearms. In a report on the North Carolina-based White Patriot Party, the Southern Poverty Law Center focused on the group's techniques, including publication of a newspaper called "The Con- , federate Leader" and sponsorship of dial-a-hate phone recordings called "White Power." The law center and newspaper accounts have reported that the White Patriot Party operates paramilitary camps for intensive training in weapons usage and ambush techniques. W~en I hear about groups A U.S. PARK police officer and his horse beat the heat on openly parading evil and hatred, a Washington, D.C., afternoon. (NC photo)