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, By Charlie Martin
I DON'T HAVE THE HEART Your face is beaming You say it is because you're dreaming Of how good it is going to be You say that you've been around And now you've finally found Everything you wanted and needed in me I don't have the heart to hurt you It is the last thing I want to do But I don't have' the heart to love you Not the way that you want me to Inside dying' To see you crying How can I make you understand I care about y'ou So much about you, baby I'm trying to say this as gently as I can You're so trusting and open Hoping that love will start But I don't have the love, 0 no Although I don't have the heart Written by A. Rich, J. Friedman, sung by James Ingram,(c) 1990 by Warner Brothers Records, Inc. for the United States and WEA International for the world outside the United States ' SEVERAL READERS have his girlfriend, but he knows that requested that I review James "I don't have the heart to love you, not the way that you want Ingram's hit oflast fall, "I Don't Have the Heart." . me to." But how can he tell her this? . This song is the story of a man who cares about his curThe "last thing" he wants to do rent romantic partner, but is hurt her. His desire is to be gentle, yet truthful. realizes that he cannot me~t her . expectations for commitment. It is easy for us to feel for The song, doesn't name what both people. The caring between them is genuine, but their life blocks him from responding to
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goals a_nd ~eeds do not m~tch up. The song reminds me that love asks us to live honestly with no deceptions. For this couple to do so means facing a difficult decision and possible grief and loss. Individuals considering such choices need to explore their sense of what must be present for love to endure. This sense -what I call olle's "bottomline needs" - is usually nonnegotiable. Yet, it is important to remember that it can be helpful to reexamine these basic needs from time to time. For example, a person may believe that no matter how many good qualities another has, both must share the same religious convictions. For another person with the same felt need, reexamination of this "bottom line" might reveal that there·are ways to live with this absence and still build a fulfilling partnership. Most times such issues are not a matter of right or wrong, but are based on'a knowledge of oneself. Each of us needs to know what must occur in a relationship if we are to be happy. The song conveys the feeling that this knowledge has been reached. In this case, the most loving act would be to set the other person free. By facing the truth, with its accompanying hurt, both individuals can start their healing process. God will help them, and any of us who must deal with painful loss, to find inner strength and eventually rediscover life's happiness. . Your comments are welcomed by Charlie Martin, RR 3, Box 182, Rockport, Ind. 47635.
Computer game is success story for St. Stan student By Marcie Hickey Like many young people fascinated with video games and computer learning, Douglas Fingliss envisions a career in computer programming. But for him it's more then just a dream; at age 12, he's already on his way to success. The seventhgrader at St. Stanislaus School, Fall River, recently learned that a cOIl1puter game he created three years ago will be published in the next issue of Rainbow Magazine, a computer monthly sold around the world. Douglas said he got the idea for the program from a dice game played at St. Stanislaus .parish's annual festival. After learning the rules, he programmed his computer to roll dice randomly,. so that the computer version is "just like, the regular game-only you don't use real money!" . It's not the first \ime the young computer whiz has.received r.ecognition fiomRainbow. In 1988 he "wo.n a disk of adventure games for· his submission to a graphics contest.' . At St. Stanislaus, Douglas and. 'a friend hav~ earned the job of setting up the school's computers. 'for the weekly workshops for grades 4 through 8. St. Stanislaus principal Denita Tremblay remarked that she is impressed by the way in which students like Douglas pick up computer skills. "I.find I'mlearn-,
DOUGLAS FINGLISS interfaces with the school com(Hickey photo)
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ing from them sometim'es," she said. Douglas's teacher, Jean Willis, said he·is one of the top students in his class and that his computer knowledge far surpasses the average for his grade level. "He always takes things further than he has to," said' Ms. Willis. "He loves that challenge. He does it aU on his own at home." , And he's been doing it on his own since age 7, when his older brother Chris got a computer and Douglas decided' he' wanted one too. He,began to learn about computers from his brother and a cousin, then continued to teach himself using books and .magazines. He has now created nearly 50 programs, which do everything from playing music to storing, information about his comic book collection. He devised a file to
catalogue information about his father's stamp collection and currently has on hand a number of games that "need more work." His latest project is a database for storing phone numbers. Now awaiting a check for selling his dice game, he plans to save what he earns-or most or it, at least-said Douglas, admitting that he may soon have few additions to his video game collection.
. Family is theme WASHINGTON (CNS) - A national consulta'tion of black Catholic leaders meeting i!1 Washington has set "the AfricanAmerican family" as the theme of the next National Black Catholic Congress, to be held in New Orleans July 9-12.1992.
By ~aul Henderson As, a parish youth minister, remember teens pleading that I not ask their mom or dad to chaperone a trip or go on a retreat. Until her senior year. one teen-age girl refused to allow her mom to staff a high school retreat. Then , two years later the girl went on a retreat, as staff, beca!lse it was goingto be her mom's last retreat. - At first glance it appears teens and parents are like two magnets pushed away from each other by unseen forces. But this is not necessarily the case. If we look at their actions, rather than listen to their words, we seea tremendous pull of teens to their family and parents. Listento Wis.£onsin teens. . When asked if family wereim~ portant, all said yes. For James. a senior from Milwaukee, the family is "what keeps me going.... They are there for me both e!TIotionally .and financially." Koray and Joe both live in families experiencing divorct;': J oe says that "family communication is very important to us kids. we nt,:ed family." Koray says. "Since my parents are divorced. my brother is like a father figure. I need him." Joe says. "My mom and I are very close. She is very supportive of me and understands me." When asked what young people want from their families and parents. responses center around love, openness, listening and understanding. A common phrase is "be there for me." Young people need their parents and the rest of their families to provide stability in their lives - a , place of belonging. Wendy says she wants to spend time with her parents and for them to "make. time for me" in their schedules.
Listening to thes-e young people, I hear that parents and family' matter most in significant things: giving teens roots and values, providing a nurturing place to grow and belong. Amy says this best. "My values come primarily from my family." Several youths said that as they grew a wonderful friendship deve:' loped between them and their parents. Joe sees his mom as a friend, Mary Ann says her momis a best friend and Wendy says she and her parents are good friends. I have witne:ssed many frustrating and joyous moments in parentteen·relatignships. Young people do get angry .and frustrated with their parents, often they don't want parents around, conflicts. happen and there are misunderstandings. Youth also feel pulled at times' between loyalty to family and loyalty to friends. but in the end, they need and want positive experiences with family. Those who lack them tell you of their pain and hurt. Reporting on research he has done for the Girl Scouts, psychiatrist Robert Coles of Harvard University says his findings point to parents as the primary source of growth and moral development for teens. Yet the home can also be the place where teens feel most let down. Teens at a Milwaukee youth congress echoed this disappointment in identifying several areas of pain: lack of trust, child abuse, poor or nonexistent communication, death in the family. divorce and parental absence. The message is that teens need adults, both parents and friends. From them teens need love, support. guidanc,~ and challenge. In other words. they need these adults to be their for them.
By Hilda Young understanding. "Slap some papierI refuse to believe my children mache on that baby and you've got are impervious to education. Grant- "one nice pinata," he nodded wisely. ed, there is concern for this when They used, the microscope to viewing some of my spouse's side burn a hole in the porch. They of the family. turned the countertop purple with Yet, I,have never given up hope the chemistry set. They dumped - not even when my firstborn out the 2,000-piece jigsaw puzzle slept through Sesame Street, or of the atomic table so they could my secondborn needed a tutor for use the box to store baseball cards. p.re~school, or my youngest's prinThey made a par4ue{ floor for cipal told us: the hamster cage with the Scrabble "Because of your son, you will set. . 'never again hear me say, 'Show me OK, OK, the encyclopedia has a perfect attendance record and I'll been used regularly. Marie used it show you a scholar.''' for a. report on 'peanut butter. My friend Suzanne would buy John used it for an impromptu sex her Emily flash cards for her birthday. We gave Marie ring toss education class for his younger brothers. . and a jump rope. We used it on Thanksgiving to Actually, we once gave the children a world globe for . boost my nieci~ at the dinn~r table. , "It's a competitive w~i-Id out Christmas. John complained that it was too there, kids," my husband says reglarge to slam dunk. Joey was dis- ularly. "You a.re going to ~ave to appointed when he found out it know more than the prime-time wasn't rubber, rendering it utterly TV schedule to get a job." "But we are in school during the useless at the beach. . Michael, however, immediately morning and afternoon programs," saw its potential for international pointed out Marie.