Vendor Writing

Are We Housing for Success?

BY VICKY B.

Seven years living homeless, and you finally get into housing…. now what? How do we build the skills and learn to think ahead more than just for the day? Or do we just stay in that mode? It’s become comfortable and it’s what we know.

This new life of being housed, how do we navigate through it? One thing that would have helped me so very much would have been “new housing counseling.” Another example: a dishwasher. Forgot how to use it. Forgot the sounds it would make and something I learned quickly, do not run it at night or the sounds would promote nightmares.

Something that hasn’t changed this year is my habit of getting into bed at sundown, a habit that was from being homeless. Common sense told me not to go out at night unless it’s very well lit. How do I enter into a whole new community? A new community for my dog Faith as well. Getting the residents of my building to understand that Faith won’t bite was a hard task, but people are coming around.

How do I become part of a community where some residents let me know I was too white for them and that I wasn’t welcome there? When I first moved into housing, I felt like I didn’t deserve heat because I feared I’d be thrown out once again and have to readjust to the cold. This last winter I finally turned the heat up enough to feel warm and comfortable. Why did it take so long? So many new experiences in housing.

Faith jumping down off my bed in the middle of the night and laying by the front door or laying in the bathroom during storms. Neighbors walking above me. Showering during the day was a no go because I felt someone would be walking in the door. No one told me it was OK to get dressed up with new clothes and makeup, which felt so good, but also felt useless without anywhere to go.

People would ask, “What do you need?” I’d tell them I didn’t know because I didn’t. It had been years since I had last set up an apartment. I had no clue where to start, but with a sleeper sofa we were okay for the time being. I felt guilty asking for help after being in housing. I thought that part was over. I felt ashamed asking for help when there were those still sleeping outside, homeless. Ashamed that I’ve made it this far and still needed help. That’s not how I thought it worked.

Zoom meetings helped keep my mind moving in the right direction. All my guilt about not being able to help my friends was now being put to good use by sharing my lived experiences. I’m also finding that I’m not the only one who’s gone through this adjustment period, there are others out there. I don’t feel so alone anymore, but it’s still a long road to go.

Solitaire

BY JEN A.

Before the planets formed, our section of the Universe was a confused mass of formless matter and infinite space. Out of that chaos came our Earth, dinosaurs, and eventually humans. We humans prefer to think of the Universe as a benevolent, ordered place where we are looked after by a loving god. But when the transmission of COVID-19 accelerated at a swift and mind-numbing pace around our well-ordered world, killing millions, we humans retreated to our rooms to give our brilliant scientists and pathetic leaders the chance to mitigate the chaos created by the pandemic. It’s what we humans do. We are stardust.

We are of the Universe. We’re designed to turn chaos into order. I live alone in a small room without the benefit of post-modern technology.

So when I start to feel the anxiety and desperation of my isolation creep over me and burrow into my skin, I play Solitaire. There’s something soothing about the act of shuffling the cards, counting out the seven stacks, then trying to bring order out of their random chaos. And it really doesn’t matter if I win or lose. As a matter of fact, I prefer to lose. It comforts me to know that when I’m defeated by the chaos of the cards, I can begin anew. After the year of abuse I’ve put my deck through though, the cards are in pretty rough shape. They all, at some point, split in the middle because of the repeated shuffling and needed to be put back together with transparent tape (numerous times!) The edges are frayed and bowed from the pressure applied by my thumbs. But they’ve held up. They have been faithful companions when I’ve needed to begin anew.

We will all, at some point in the future, have to begin anew. We will have the opportunity to rebuild lives based on love and kindness; not lives built on ignorance and hate. I’m looking forward to that day! But I know one thing for sure; I’m going need a new deck of cards!

My Lady Mouse

BY JUNE P.

Of course my mouse is a lady. A great lady at that. Here’s a little of her beautiful life. Her mother died at the wood falling.

Daddy was got by a hairy four legged guy. My lady friend has been out here for a while alone. Running, running scared. As are a lot of us.

Then she got in the wrong crowd and stayed in danger. But she brought happiness and smiles in a lot of faces, if it was feeding her friends, just listening, OR just being there to listen.

A lot of times, she learned that if you just listen, it means a lot to a friend. Then we met. Friends forever. No matter what. Have a blessed day, everyone.