HOBOSCOPES

ARIES

Power went out again, Aries. There was a bright flash of lightning and I’m sure you heard the thunder and then it all just went black. It’ll probably come back on in just a bit, but would you mind lighting a couple of candles while we wait? It’s good to have a sense of the space around you. Even if you can’t see it entirely. If you feel like you’re operating in the dark lately, Aries, think about the voices and ideas that have lit your path in the past. Maybe return to those for today and see if they have anything left to tell you.

TAURUS

There’s no time like the present, Taurus! Usually when people say that they mean that now is a good time to get started on what needs to be done. But this time what I mean is that “now” is a time that doesn’t actually exist at all. When you read this sentence, light has to pass between the words and your eyes and then neurons have to send signals from your eyes to your brain and then your brain has to process what it sees. It seems instantaneous to us, but it actually takes a very small amount of time.That means that you aren’t seeing these words as they are “now.” You’re seeing slightly into the past. There’s actually no time like the present. But whenever this is, it’s still a good time to get started on what needs to be done.

GEMINI

When I was a kid and I would lie in bed at night waiting for sleep, I would stare up at the wooden beam along the edge of the ceiling. I would stare at the knots in the wood and I would imagine I saw faces looking back at me. Big eyes, wide mouths. Sometimes silly, sometimes scary, sometimes strange. I think that’s still how we encounter other people, Gemini. We see their faces and we imagine that we know what’s behind them. We make up stories about what they must be thinking or how they feel about us. We can imagine so many things, that it’s hard to remember how much we don’t know. Ask more questions. Tell your stories. That’s how we’ll get to know each other.

CANCER

They say we were all part of a star once. It’s strange because I don’t remember any of it. I don’t remember being a star. I don’t remember exploding and flying across a universe. I don’t remember being water and salt and metal and gas. I just remember looking up one night and seeing the sky blanketed in tiny lights. And I think you were there, Cancer, and I think you said you were really hoping to apply for that job and get in shape and get more sleep. And I hope you got to do all that, Cancer, but even if you didn’t I want you to remember that you’re still a star and you always will be.

LEO

So the power has been out for longer than I expected, Leo. I was really assuming that I’d be able to take a hot shower this morning and that I could microwave myself a burrito for lunch and then maybe relax with some TV before bed. But instead I’m just sitting in the dark wondering how long it takes cheese to go bad in a warm fridge. Sometimes, Leo, we have to sit with things longer than we’d like. Sometimes it takes a while in the dark before we understand the patterns that got us there. I can’t make it go any faster, but I’d be glad to sit with you while you’re here.

VIRGO

I’m always trying to take better pictures of my cat. She’s got a great look and she really ought to be seen by more people. But I always get the shadow of the camera in the picture and while I’m trying to adjust the angle she gets irritated at the whole process and runs off. That’s just how it is sometimes, Virgo. It’s the perfect moment but as soon as you try to stop and notice it, it runs away. Let it pass and don’t linger too long on it’s passing. That’s the only way to let the next perfect moment come your way.

LIBRA

My neighbor says he doesn’t mind if I borrow his lawnmower. And, if you think about it, it’s strange that we would both need to have one. I mean, I mow my lawn every couple of weeks. He mows his lawn every couple of weeks. The mower doesn’t do much in between. What else do you think we could all be sharing, Libra? What’s the extra that you’ve got that somebody else might need?

SCORPIO

I used to always hear about how tragedies come in threes. Something terrible would happen and you just wait for the next thing and the next and then you can breathe a sigh of relief. I feel like there’ve been more than three lately, Scorpio. In fact, I feel like they just keep coming. It’s hard to get a break to breathe and grieve. I guess if you’re not waiting to wrap up a set of three, it makes it easier to reach out. Call somebody. Send a text. Get to breathing and grieving. There might be more coming, but we can at least face it together.

SAGITTARIUS

You know that feeling when your Zoom meeting is wrapping up and people start signing off one at a time and disappearing from view but you’re holding a bagel in one hand and trying to text your mom back with the other and you suddenly realize you’re the only head left on the screen. The last one in the virtual room. Humans are constantly inventing new flavors of loneliness, Sagittarius, but it’s really all the same thing. When you feel the lonely this week, spend a little time with it. Stay on that screen just a few seconds longer. You might find there’s still somebody in the room worth knowing.

CAPRICORN

You may remember the story of King Rantideva. When a famine came into his land, the king swore he would not eat or drink until he was sure that his people could be fed as well. For eight days King Rantideva fasted and worked to secure food and water for his people. When he was sure the work was done, the weakened king asked for a glass of water. Just as Rantideva was about to take a sip, he saw a thirsty man and he offered the water to him instead. As the man drank, Rantideva’s strength returned. Stay hydrated, Capricorn, but also remember that sometimes you can nourish yourself by nourishing others.

AQUARIUS

Ah, the outdoors! Research has shown that spending time outside in nature can help reduce stress, lower blood pressure and increase feelings of general wellbeing. Of course, Aquarius, spending time outdoors in nature can also increase your risk of being struck by a falling possum, getting your foot stepped on by a deer or tripping over a woodchuck. So, you could spend a whole afternoon staying inside just weighing the potential risks against the benefits. Or, you could go outside while taking sensible precautions to avoid potential mishaps. I’d go with the second option.

PISCES

How long do you think my power will be out, Pisces? I mean, it seems like they should at least give me an estimated timeframe, right? Do I need to get one of those camping stoves so I can make dinner? Should I try to find another place to stay for a while? Are we talking about hours or weeks? It’s hard to make any plans when you don’t know what’s next. But here’s the thing, Pisces, we never really know what’s next. Make your plans anyway. Do the next thing that makes sense. Oh, look! The power’s back.

Mr. Mysterio is not a licensed astrologer, a trained electrician, or a registered lawnmower. Mr. Mysterio is, however, a budding intermediate podcaster! Check out The Mr. Mysterio Podcast. Season 2 is now playing at mrmysterio.com. Got a question, just give Mr. M a call at 707-VHS-TAN1