How Much Do You Matter?

How Much Do You

By Rabbi Elaine Zecher

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” - Maya Angelou

We have all felt it and know it when it happens: that sense that your presence, your ideas, your very being have worth. It might be the way you are greeted, responded to, or engaged. You feel seen, known, and that you matter. Allison Fine calls this “matter-ness.” In her book with the same title, she relates the power of what we are intended to be: connected, caring, curious, and capable. How we use our networks, whether they are social media, the communities with which we associate, or a group of friends help us to feel all of that. But, we are not passive bystanders to matter-ness either. Our willingness to assert ourselves as active players in our various networks strengthens the ties we have. We foster something that reaches deeper into who and what we are individually and together. Matter-ness is crucial for our synagogue. When it becomes manifest in our behavior and attitude, it becomes the thread that weaves our lives together in magnificent ways and makes us stronger. Martin Buber, the philosopher and theologian, summarized part of the essence of matter-ness by how we relate to each other. When we focus on what might be gained from the interaction, when we remain on the outer arena of inquiry, or when we seek or offer information, we most certainly are relating to another person but it does not transcend to a deeper level of knowing. When we are curious about another person, willing to be vulnerable, and open hearted in our response we grow closer to the idea of an I-Thou relationship. That is the message of matter-ness. My immediate family often asks me how I find the strength to “go alone” or travel alone with Temple Israel. I’m quick to respond that I never feel alone when I walk in the building or meet up with my TI “family” and friends. I know my contribution of time and effort matters and I feel valued in this community. For me, Temple Israel is a place I “belong” in the many varied ”meanings of the word. —Marc Maxwell

Matter?

Others hold us with respect, honor, and integrity and we do so in return.

David Brooks beautifully described Buber’s teaching when he wrote how important it is not to think of ourselves in isolation. (The New York Times, November 1, 2016). He wrote, “You can’t intentionally command I-Thou moments into being. You can only be open to them and provide fertile soil.” I would amend this idea for congregational life in that our very purpose of existence is to seek the opportunities to till the soil so that every environment is fertile for matter-ness to grow and to blossom. This is why I have challenged our Board of Trustees, Committee Chairs, Past Presidents, Honorary Trustees, Elected members of the Leadership Council, and entire staff to invite another person from our community to sit together for no other reason than to learn about each other’s lives and story. This is why I welcome your reflection and response after each “Shabbat Awakenings”. What you have to say matters very much to me. This is why I invite everyone to put away the phone at meetings, services, and onegs so that we can focus our attention on the human interaction made available to us in these encounters.

This is why we have The Awesome Exhibit in the Wyner Museum space beautifully curated by Ann Abrams that shares the stories of our members.

We have many examples within our community and are fostering many more. To answer the question in the title: How much do you matter? Very much. If you have a story, a reflection, a concern, or other thoughts, I’d love to hear from you. The interplay of being connected to others, caring about whom they are, curious about their lives and actively capable of stepping forward to engage another creates a stronger and more vibrant human and humane community. We are all fortunate to be part of Temple Israel to live Judaism together and to discover the power and impact of matter-ness in our lives every day.

Being new to a community can be daunting. Finding a place that you are connected to in a way that you had been for a lifetime is almost too much to expect. From the moment we walked in we sensed TI was a special place. Rabbi Jacobson’s enthusiasm was infectious. Rabbi Zecher’s warm hello in the midst of her preparations for her installation a welcome kindness. In the few short months we have been part of the TI community these kinds of wonderfully overlapping connections continue as we meet more people. We feel blessed to have found a place that feels familiar even though we are new. —Robin and Scott Weisman