Member Spotlight on Shirley Montner

BY DIANA SUSSMAN

At services, Rabbi Wiederhorn would always look for her. If she was nervous about going up to the bimah for an Aliyah because she had issues walking, the Rabbi would take her arm and escort her to the bimah and back to her seat safely. After services, the Rabbi would walk her to the door and wait with her until her ride came. Shirley once told him that he didn’t need to wait with her since she wasn’t a child. He laughed and said, “You know the concept of L’dor V’dor? We provide from door-to-door service.”

Have you met TCS’s oldest member Shirley Montner? Mark Zikara, her neighbor’s son, described her best when he simply said “Shirley’s really something.” Inside this less than 5’2” tall body lies a real powerhouse.

At 105 years old, Shirley works out two and a half hours a day, is well-versed and opinionated about current events, and critical of herself if she makes a minor error. When she forgets the name of someone that she knew 80 years ago, she worries that she is starting to forget things. Then, she proceeds to quote rabbis with accuracy, sing prayers in tune, remind her daughter Deb Montner about a past event, and stand up and do a little dance. The philosophy she credits for her long, full life is being kind and looking out for others. “Kindness can conquer everything,” Shirley quips. “People don’t care about each other enough.” She herself has spent her life helping others, and through her kindness has helped ensure that people got the attention they deserved, which at times helped speed their recovery.

Judaism and her family have always been the two most important things in Shirley’s life. Consequently, she is extremely thankful for the kindness the TCS community and Rabbi Wiederhorn showed her when she relocated to Connecticut from Florida to be near her daughter and son-in-law Michael Smith after her husband had passed.

One way TCS has welcomed her was to ensure that she always had transportation to and from Shabbat services. Shirley has never even had to ask for a ride. A member of the TCS community would routinely reach out to offer one.

Shirley had also given back to her community by substituting as a TCS Hebrew teacher at times. Having taught Hebrew School for 23 years when she lived in Roslyn Heights, Long Island (she also taught French and Spanish but speaks six languages), she was certainly qualified. She loves Hebrew and is still fluent. She also enjoys being around children, relates very well to them, and is particularly close with her six great-grandchildren, who visit often.

One of her favorite memories at TCS involved an event to support the Israeli Defense Forces. After an IDF soldier had finished speaking, Israeli music played. Shirley put aside the cane she was then using to walk, grabbed the hand of the IDF soldier and led the hora. She noted that while some people choose to start a conga line, she chose to start a hora line.

Born in Lomza, Poland in 1918 to her parents Rabbi Pesach (Paul) and Libby Flatow, Shirley is a product of her upbringing. Through her father, and the rare opportunity for a girl to study Torah, she developed her deep love for Judaism. When they came by boat to Ellis Island and moved to Brooklyn, New York in 1922, there were already too many rabbis. So, her father became a cantor. She loved the music of prayer and later enjoyed watching her own daughter Deb, also a longstanding member of TCS, sing in the TCS chorale.

Her mother engrained the importance of helping others. Shirley, whose Yiddish name is Charna, still remembers watching her mother wash her grandmother’s hair. Despite having six siblings, when her father passed in his 40s, Shirley, as the eldest daughter, became her mother’s helper and continued helping others through teaching and volunteering. She received national honors as a past president of Hadassah and the Women’s American Organization for Rehabilitation and Training in Nassau County and spent three summers volunteering for an organization that helped nearly one million Soviet Jews immigrate to Israel. Despite her busy schedule, Shirley drove to Connecticut from Long Island to help care for her growing grandson Erik when Deb went back to work. She has always loved to make things grow and still gardens with her granddaughter Leah. Shirley is an avid Zionist, having lived through Theodore Herzl conceiving the idea of a Jewish state, the Holocaust, the establishment of the State of Israel, and the Jews eventually being allowed to return to their rightful homeland. She feels people learned from the atrocities committed by the Germans what could happen if the Jews didn’t have their own state. Thus, she sees Israel’s continued success as existentially important. “I have lived to witness Israel become the most revered and feared country in the world . . . even ISIS never attacked Israel.”

Over the last century, she has seen antisemitism decline sharply. She recalls when Jews were not allowed in certain places or positions. At 16 years old, she changed her name from Flatow to Flato so she might be taken for being Italian instead of Jewish when applying for a job. When she first left Brooklyn, she never considered moving to Connecticut. Jews weren’t allowed there. Instead, she went to Long Island. She later found it ironic that her daughter had settled in Connecticut and that she relocated here.

Shirley finds it tremendous that her children didn’t have to worry about antisemitism as she did. Nonetheless, she cautions that Jews cannot let down their guard. “No matter how well Jews have done in this country, no matter how safe we may feel, or how much we have fought for this country, antisemitism still festers here like a sore and is once again rearing its ugly head.” She feels Jews need to be vigilant about stopping the antisemitic patches whenever they act up. But she is optimistic about the future.

At 105 years old, Shirley still has many simchas to look forward to, including her granddaughter’s wedding and the birth of her seventh great-grandchild. Her hair may now be white instead of black, but her love for family, Judaism and her sense of being helpful to her community still burns strong. With a lifetime membership to TCS, Shirley is a valued member of our community and has a fascinating life experience to share.

FEATURE :: TCS MEMBER SPOTLIGHT