12 minute read
From Colorful Boards to Global Hangouts
By Timóteo Neves
The board hung on the wall of my father’s office. It was colorful with flags and faces like a children’s encyclopedia. As soon as you opened the door of my house and stepped into the corridor, you would see the board beckoning you to turn right and enter that ventilated room. You would look at all those smiling families, some wearing traditional non-western clothes, some captioned by incognito names, and you would wonder, like I did, Who are they?
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On several occasions I have stood studying those faces, of which only a small portion were familiar to me, and wondering if one day I could meet them. My eyes would turn eagerly to the children, the smaller heads in the lower half of the picture frame. The names were added below the main captions like an afterthought. Who were they? What were their lives like? Could I ever meet them?
The answer to the questions came in the form of chiding in my head. It was not very different than imagining if I could open the door to my wardrobe and see snow and a lamppost welcoming me to Narnia. At some point you tell yourself you have assignments to complete.
This was only a couple of years ago.
Today the board is no longer on the wall of my father’s office (for safety reasons since we live in the Middle East). But the daydreams I used to have as I stared at it, came to fruition in a way. And more than that. It is a reality I’m trying to bring to others as well.
Fish Out of Water
I don’t think I ever chose to become an MK caretaker. The door simply opened to me and I gladly stepped in, no questions asked.
In spring of 2019 , I received a long voice note from Alicia Macedo . Directly from the Amazon with bird songs and what I imagined were jungle noises in the background, she invited me to participate in a TCK event in Thailand. We had not spoken since the Philhos MK camp I had attended in Brazil for the first time the year before. I didn’t think twice in accepting it.
What I got from participating in the 2019 Global TCK Summit at Chiang Mai was much more than a belly full of pad thai and mango sticky rice. I was lavished with a banquet of TCK stories and with a rich feeling of connectivity to other TCKs in my age group.
(MKs who attended the 2019 Global TCK Summit in Chiang Mai having lunch together at a mall. Credits to Caleb Robbins for taking the picture from his personal mobile phone.)
These were gifts that I did not take lightly.
The stories provided me with a lens towards the reality of kids who grow up making sense of life amid a cultural hodgepodge. The connectivity defied my understanding of sociology.
As the university professor of sociology asked Ruth E. Van Reken, so I asked myself: “Are you saying that no matter where TCKs come from or where they grow up, there is something that they share?” (Pollock, Pollock, and Van Reken, 2017, xiv
Well, there was. And there is. I tasted of and relished that secret sauce of belonging after having longed for it during several occasions in life.
As I returned to Lebanon, I knew I had experienced and learned things which only a handful of Brazilian MKs would ever get the chance of having. I was immensely grateful towards Alicia, for inviting a fish out of water from the Philhos camp who had a shoe size twice as big as the average participants. I was also immensely grateful to God. I was confident those privileges I had been given were not going to be put to idle use.
A couple of months later, they were already brought to the limelight.
When talking to Nat, who had also been at the Summit in Thailand, we started discussing online activities which many social groups were organizing to keep in touch with each other during the lockdown. So, we thought, why not do an online gathering with Philhos?
As I found out later, this suggestion had already been brought up by one of the Philhos members. And one informal Zoom conversation I had with a friend pushed me to the front of a project to connect Brazilian MKs and TCKs from all over the globe.
Nat brilliantly named it “Rolê Virtual” , a virtual way of hanging out with people spread all over the world. This was an event hosted on Zoom in which MKs who had not seen each other in a long time could catch up, recommend activities to better cope with the anxiety of lockdowns, and reflect on a devotional that was shared.
(Rolê Virtual Flyer created by Nat to advertise an MK gathering at Zoom. Credits to AMTB. Used with permission.)
The event kickstarted the formation of small groups divided according to gender and age where these MKs could meet and discuss some of their issues.
We used materials that addressed TCK content for discussions among these groups. Ulrika’s Third Culture Kids: A Gift to Care For 5 , came in particularly handy by describing key ideas such as belonging and identity in a simple way and through practical activities.
With a click of fingers, I was propelled to the roles of event-planner, group facilitator, and MK caretaker. But the “Rolê” still snowballed into something much bigger.
Some missionary agencies saw the effectiveness of the MK online activities and contacted Philhos to add MKs from their agencies to the project. We were suddenly given the task to include dozens of Brazilian TCKs and MKs, many of whom had never been connected to a similar group before. It was like adding passengers to a train without stopping at the station. We had no choice but to slow down the engine.
Thankfully, a group of Christian youth leaders, passionate for missions and thirsty to understand the world of TCKs, also joined our team. At that point I still felt like a fish out of water in this kind of ministry, but I was no longer the only one. They participated in trainings and meetings to familiarize themselves with the ABCs of the Philhos ministry, and I profited from these online knowhows.
In the beginning of September of 2020, after a lot of praying, I took yet another step towards MK care.
Fresh out of university, initiating as a teacher in an American school, I decided to add to my jam-packed schedule and join a training with Philhos, organized by Alicia Macedo and Jan Greenwood. What could be an additional source of fatigue and push me dangerously close to a mental breakdown (as my mother did fear), turned out to be one of the best decisions I made that year. I bonded with Godfearing people who share this love for MK care and enriched my understanding of my own identity as a global nomad.
God guided me through this door, and I have no intentions of turning back.
Roses and Thorns
My experience as an MK who wants to care for other MKs has been like a sea of roses so far. Roses, however, have their thorns.
A great challenge I faced was that of language differences.
I’m more fluent in English than in Portuguese because my education switched entirely to English at the beginning of high school. Speaking to the new team of MK leaders was trying for me as sometimes I had to explain important information on decisions and events entirely in Portuguese. It would be disrespectful to code mix on such occasions, since not all of them spoke English. My fluency in my mother tongue had become a gravel road with some unpleasant holes and bumps, and I constantly needed to overcome them to express myself clearly.
Time also got in the way.
When the “Rolê Virtual” kicked off, I was wading through my last semester at university and working on a senior thesis. Finding time to meet with leaders and to lead a group of MKs was not easy. As months passed and the “Rolê” project gathered steam, I started teaching full-time at a school, and my responsibilities only grew.
Time zones also made gatherings harder. Setting up a time for events that would work for all participants required planning and making compromises since they lived on different continents. In the Online Philhos Gathering that replaced the in person camp, I stayed up until 2AM to encourage MKs .
These were moments in which I realized I am really passionate about these MK groups. I was deadbeat tired, but still had motivation in gallons.
This doesn’t mean there were no disappointments or letdowns.
In the MK group I facilitated, there was often an inconsistency of participation. Some members were quite faithful to our weekly meetings. Others, however, I needed to chase around as if they were students with incomplete assignments or who frequently ditched classes. I even considered ending my group at times. This was an issue many group leaders faced. I believe that as much as these MKs needed the connectivity, many were tired of staring at screens or joining Zoom meetings, since these were the same platforms used for online learning.
As part of the team of coordinators, I also had an unhealthy dosage of screen time.
The “Rolê” project was initially centralized on a few individuals who did most of the work. We separated the phone numbers of MKs, organized groups, designed scripts, planned online gatherings, created attractive flyers to promote these events, prepared and encouraged leaders, led some of the groups, and bent our knees constantly in prayer. Hats off to Nat in particular, who quite often sacrificed big chunks of her sleep completing these tasks.
(Print screen of an MK gathering on Zoom.)
It was only natural that towards the end of the year we were all burned out. Today, the project has matured, and the responsibilities have been divided among other leaders. But even if it hadn’t, even if I could foresee another burnout in the horizon, I think I would continue. This is how deeply the positive effects impacted me.
In moving from thorns to roses, I can’t ignore the support and friendship I cultivated with the team coordinators and leaders. My respect and admiration towards the Philhos team has been carved in stone. I have also developed bonds with some MKs which I’m confident will be carried out for life.
I also benefited from the connectivity aimed towards these Brazilian MKs. It was like cooking a dish which you know you will enjoy eating the most.
With the global pandemic, I lost touch with many social circles and friends that I used to see on a frequent basis. The MK groups filled that social gap. The material discussed was also key to help me cope with the stress of being in an endless series of lockdowns in Lebanon. Both the TCK-driven content and the theme of resilience used later were enriching to me. They added more nutrients to the fertile soil which was the whole experience.
Yes, I have grown.
As a team leader. As a TCK. And as a servant of the Lord.
It was priceless to see the impact and transformation in the lives of MKs who were opening the door of 8connection to others like them for the first time.
The “Rolê Virtual” project started in April of 2020 with 56 MKs and around 15 leaders. It carried on for three “seasons” of approximately six weeks with breaks in between. In February of 2021, the fourth 9 season began with 14 leaders and nearly 140 MKs.
The mother of an MK who participated in the groups shared: “He was very excited and very motivated after he met the group. It helped [him] a lot to make new friends. He tells me that they often have a good laugh.” This MK, like many others, had returned to Brazil from the mission field and secluded himself from the world, making his parents very concerned. God used the “Rolê” to act on his life.
I empathize deeply with these transformations and imagine the joy of these MKs. Many of them probably had colorful boards of their own and looked at those faces wondering who the others were and what their lives were like, until they saw them for real.
Binoculars On!
I hope that I can set an example which other MKs, and especially male MKs, will follow in caring for others. The number of male leaders is dwarfed by that of female leaders in the Philhos MK care. This does not mean that there are less male Brazilian MKs around the globe. It strikes me that “care” is a word which is sooner connected to women than men. But I believe that this attitude can be changed within MK ministry.
I hope to see the bonds formed through online platforms bear fruit to face-to-face interactions. The global pandemic has revolutionized Brazilian MK ministry. I can’t wait to see what the next in person camp will look like.
I also hope to see more Brazilian MK stories being told. There is very little written on it. Very little shared. I am willing to be a catalyst to that if God guides me in this path.
These aspirations still seem surreal, like daydreams.
But I am done chiding myself.
Timóteo Pereira Neves is a third culture kid, an inspired learner, and a passionate writer. He was born in Brazil and moved to South Africa and then to Lebanon in his early teenage years as his family joined a Brazilian missionary agency. He has lived in Lebanon for more than 8 years, completing high school and earning a B.A. in English Linguistics at Haigazian University. He currently teaches High School English at American Community School in Beirut.
Referenced Works:
Ernvik, U. (2019). Third Culture Kids: A Gift to Care For. Familjegladje.
Pollock, D., Pollock, M.V., & Van Reken, R.E. (2017). Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds 3rd ed. Nicholas Brealey Publishing.
