16 minute read
Trust-Based Relational Intervention for TCKs
Bethanie Skipper
Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) is a program designed for parents, caregivers, and teachers to help build trusting relationships with children. By definition it “is an attachment-based, trauma-informed intervention that is designed to meet the complex needs of vulnerable children. ” When a baby cries in a normal, healthy environment the parent says, “I will comfort you. ” The parent continues to provide comfort for the child’s needs until the child learns for himself that he has a voice to express his needs and learns to trust the parent to meet those needs. This is one of the key lessons that children learn during their first year of life. But when this cycle of needs expressed and consistently met is interrupted by any form of neglect, abuse, illness, or trauma the healthy mental, emotional, and physical development of the child can be interrupted.
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TBRI can be used to address third-culture kid (TCK) issues from a developmental perspective. Most TCKs who struggle with transitions and emotional health have experienced some form of trauma early in their development due to their many life transitions. TBRI’s framework can be applied to support TCKs as they navigate different life seasons and can aid in their experiencing healthier, smoother transitions.
Overview of TBRI
Dr. Karyn Purvis, co-founder of the Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development at Texas Christian University (TCU) in Fort Worth, Texas, and co-creator of Trust-Based Relational Intervention, explains it in this way:
“Many children today come from difficult and painful backgrounds. As a result, their capacity to trust has been severely damaged. When children cry and nobody comes, it dramatically alters the brain chemistry of a child. The child who has experienced loss, abuse or trauma has no hope of healing without experiencing a nurturing relationship with parents or other significant adults. Whenever I make time and space for a child or give them touch or my words, I’m taking him/her back to the beginning and empowering them. I’m giving them what they should have received from loving parents who said to them, ‘When you cry, I will come. ’”
Continues Purvis, “The phenomenal thing about TrustBased Relational Intervention is that when we connect with the child, build a relationship and create a safe environment for him or her, we actually change the chemistry of their brain and how it is wired. This is the foundation of what we are and what we do. When the child talks, do I stop what I am doing and listen to them or talk with him/her? Do I make eye contact with him/her and connect? This is the essence of mindfulness. When the child is cold, hungry, or afraid, this is all balanced when the caregiver comes and gives warmth. All regulation occurs first with an outside, external regulator.
“So, in the beginning, I as the caregiver regulate all. If the child is cold, I bring warmth. If the child is crying, I bring myself. Through my regulation, the child’s brain develops its capacity for self-regulation. If a child doesn’t have this experience, they don’t feel safe. The chemistry of their brain can be altered by knowing that they are safe, by having healthy/nutritious food, by my environmental control of the child’s emotions and by appropriate exercise on a regular basis. So, we can balance the brain’s chemistry by creating a new, holistic environment. ”
Purvis adds, “You may be saying, ‘What about the child’s behavior?’ You ’re right. We do have to deal with their behavior. Correction means showing the child right behavior, praising him when he gets it and showing him until he gets it right without shame or fear. As a result, the child learns and knows success and not a greater sense of failure. ”
The message of hope Dr. Purvis offers families dealing with trauma challenges is that TBRI can help children achieve dramatic levels of healing. When considering TBRI for TCKs, we know the life of a TCK has many layers. But if we commit ourselves to aiding the whole child, investing time and energy, and providing resources such as TBRI, healthy transitions can be achieved. And TCKs can have the tools to navigate their seasons of life.
My Experience with TBRI
As a TCK (missionary kid) raised in Costa Rica, Argentina, and Mexico, I have seen firsthand how TCKs dealing with multiple traumatic experiences struggle in different transitions and life seasons. Our message of hope for TCKS struggling with trauma due to life transitions is Christ. In my current role as Executive Dean of TCK Education, I am grateful for the knowledge and experiences the Lord has given me. I now use these to help TCKs and their families.
My first exposure to Trust-Based Relational Intervention came when I received the program training while a school counselor for Fort Worth Independent School District in Texas. Since our school district was in “TCU’s backyard, ” all of the district counselors were trained in TBRI. Then each counselor trained the teachers at his or her school, with the hope they would empower, connect, and correct students’ behaviors for their long-term success.
In TBRI, the key to success is relationship. Having trustbased relationships is where TBRI principles can provide tools for TCKs struggling through traumas as well as support for them through their varied life experiences. I’ ve often used pieces of TBRI with families in our organization to support their TCKs. Different program components can help in multiple areas. This includes helping families who struggle with homeschooling/behavioral issues at home, giving tools to caregivers who staff our programs for those returning to the U.S. after living overseas or newly appointed personnel preparing to go overseas, and faculty in an international school setting. Whether you are a parent, caregiver, or teacher, TBRI can be a helpful resource for your interactions with TCKs.
Using TBRI in TCK Support Systems
TBRI at its core provides self-regulation strategies and trauma support that can be applied to TCKs. They can be implemented by parents, caregivers, and teachers. Because TCKs are sometimes vulnerable due to the many transitions in their lives, whether planned or an evacuation, they meet the criteria for TBRI strategies.
TBRI focuses first on empowering children to meet their physical needs; second, on connecting to meet attachment needs, and third, on correcting which addresses fearbased behaviors. TBRI was originally designed for children from “hard places” —those who have experienced some type of abuse, neglect, and/or trauma. But it has been proven to be effective with all children and youth. It is effective because it is based on research, theory, and experience. By applying TBRI basic principles, we can help TCKs return to a normal developmental trajectory.
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network states, “Complex trauma describes both the children’s exposure to multiple traumatic events, often of an invasive, interpersonal nature, and the wide-ranging, long-term impact of this exposure. ” We know TCKs face many different and difficult situations they would not necessarily face in their parents’ home passport culture. They can also experience complex trauma overseas or during transitions.
Here are some situations that can be traumatic for children: domestic violence, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, neglect, chronic hunger, homelessness, a personal chronic medical condition or ongoing illness, incarceration of parent/caregiver, drug or alcohol addiction of parent/caregiver, parent is a prostitute or prostitutes the child, community violence, death of a loved one (mother, father, sibling, aunt, uncle, etc.), or natural disaster. While these situations are general traumatic experiences, those highlighted in bold can be common ones for TCKs.
Complex trauma can inhibit academic and social success. Research indicates that complex trauma can reduce a child’s ability to engage in the classroom, follow basic directions, regulate their emotions, and/or complete ageappropriate tasks. When children are in a state of alarm caused by trauma, or a fight/flight/freeze scenario, learning is simply not possible.
Dr. Karyn Purvis says, “When you connect to the heart of a child, everything is possible. ” Connecting is an underlying theme in many publications and trainings about TBRI. Looking at this biblically, it connects back to God and our need for him and for understanding he created us to have a relationship with him. This need to connect applies to TCKs in their relationships with parents, caregivers, and teachers.
Applying the TBRI Principles and Strategies to TCKs
The three strategic principles of TBRI are empowering in the environment by meeting physical needs, connecting in mindfulness by engaging with the TCK, and correcting proactively by being responsive. Here are some practical ways these strategies can be used in a variety of settings, including school, home, and individual interactions with TCKs:
1.
Empower children by creating a safe place and providing traditions, rituals, and reminders. This can be especially important at home but can be applied in any setting. In addressing physical needs, empower children by providing hydration, healthy snacks, and movement to motivate the brain and body for health and growth. Dehydration alone can affect concentration, memory, mood, and anxiety levels.
2.
Connecting children by being mindful and self-aware, having a calm presence, being flexible when responding, and being able to compromise on some of the choices you give them. Being engaged in connecting means placing value on and practicing eye contact, playful interactions, and even hugs or high fives.
3.
Correcting children involves using positive redirection tools such as “Use your words, ” and “Be gentle and kind. ” There are ways to talk to children without raising your voice or showing disrespect, while still correcting undesirable behavior. Be responsive versus reactive by making the conversation and directions personal—being direct, engaging through eye contact, and using fewer words, especially with young children.
Effective Tools
The Engine Plate: The Alert Program provides a tool called the Engine Plate which works well with younger TCKs. It helps them answer the question “How does your engine run?” Assist the child in making his or her own Engine Plate. Cut a paper plate in half or cut a semi-circle out of construction paper. Use a marker or crayon to divide the half plate into three pie shapes. Starting on the left third, write “Too Low ” ; in the center, write “Just Right” ; and in the right third, write “High. ” Cut out an arrow and attach to the bottom of the plate with a brad. The child can use it to indicate how he or she feels by moving it to the appropriate third of the Engine Plate.
Too Low means I feel tired and am having trouble paying attention. I need a boost of energy.
Just Right means I feel calm and am working well with others.
High means I feel heated and can’t pay attention. I need to calm my body and mind.
Children can use this tool each day to show their parents, caregivers, or teachers how they are doing and feeling (how their engine is running). This tool requires them to know their own body, how their brain works, what they need to be able to perform, and where they can learn and grow. Tools like the Engine Plate can be used to help the children gauge their feelings and then express them to the parents, caregivers, or teachers. It provides children with a quick way to assess and express internal emotional and physical functioning. It helps to improve self-regulation by pairing emotion with helpful behavior and with practice. Children will begin to identify their feelings and emotions so that they can proactively address their own needs.
The Stoplight can be used instead of, or in conjunction with, the Engine Plate. The Stoplight tool also helps TCKs describe how they are feeling. A stoplight’s red light = too high, a green light = just right, and a yellow light = too low. Children must be taught the descriptive phrases listed above early on in the implementation process. Discuss with them how their body works and explain what they need to do or how to respond, based on what level they are experiencing. Talk about what stimuli can trigger a feeling of being too high, what actions or activities help them to feel just right, and what influences them when they feel too low.
Feeling too high might mean a child feels mad, hyper, or even worried or scared. Some ways to combat feeling too high include deep breathing or physically striking a chair or wall to release pent-up energy. When a child feels just right, it should mean he is on task, happy, and focused. When he feels just right, it will help him make good choices, learn, and make friends. When a child feels too low, she may be sad, tired, or just doesn’t care. Some ways to combat the feeling of too low is to stand up and stretch, drink water, and do some general movements like walking, jumping jacks, or playing.
In his book, The Whole-Brain Child, Dr. Dan Siegel states, “You have to Name it to Tame it. ” Meaning, you have to name what you ’re feeling, which is an important part of self-regulation. When TCKs first read the book Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds, by Dave C. Pollock and Ruth E. Van Reken, they often realize they have experienced common TCK transitions and trauma. However, they never knew there was a name for their feelings or that others have had similar experiences. Being able to identify their feelings can help TCKs through transitions and start the healing process.
In trust-based relationships, connecting before you redirect is not just being mindful and self-aware, but it is also bringing your complete attention to the present moment. Parents, caregivers, and teachers must stay calm and regulate themselves in order to help children regulate their own emotions. Becoming attuned to a child’s verbal and physical cues can help parents, caregivers, and teachers meet a TCK’s needs quickly and sensitively, furthering a secure connection.
Being engaged/bonding with a child can happen by building a connection through appropriate touch, validating eye contact, playful nicknames, friendly greetings, and giving voice to them. Typically, when a baby cries, the caregiver goes to the baby, works to figure out what is wrong and tries to comfort accordingly. The same approach can be applied to children and youth. When a TCK uses his voice to express what he’s feeling, caregivers should determine what is causing the trauma, understand, and provide appropriate comfort.
Many TCKs haven’t been given the opportunity to voice their feelings and experiences. Families who adopt a child from overseas have to navigate what he or she may have been exposed to before the adoption and reteach healthy behaviors. Purposeful engagement with children is meaningful and effective when done in small chunks throughout the day. Be intentional about meeting with TCKs individually or in small groups to encourage deeper engagement, depending on the setting.
Strategies and TCKs
Proactive strategies balance structure and nurture with the child. Caregivers should be respectful, nurturing, and interactive with them. Sharing power, when appropriate, while also setting limits, helps caregivers make it clear they are a safe adult who is in charge. Teach TCKs about choices, compromises, and self-regulation in a playful way and when they are in a calm, alert state.
Responsive strategies require an immediate response, within three seconds, to a TCK who is starting to exhibit negative behavior or responses. Be direct, get on the child’s level, and make eye contact. Be efficient by using a response appropriate for the child’s behavior and offer choices and compromises, using playful engagement. Sometimes a positive response to a negative action is allowing a “Re-do” or taking time to explain a teachable moment to the child instead of giving an immediate consequence. Level the response at the behavior, not the child. Remind new caregivers who haven’t had training that leveling the response at the behavior and not the child can be key in correcting an unwanted behavior.
TBRI can be flexible in its approach. Be creative in implementing the main components of empowering, connecting, and correcting. Remember to connect before you redirect. Connect by using friendly greetings, nicknames, appropriate physical interaction, and eye contact. Empower by encouraging TCKs to drink water, giving them something to fidget with, letting them get up and move around, and having them practice breathing exercises. Correct them by offering choices, making compromises, offering Re-do’s, and asking the TCK, “What do you need?” Research other techniques TCKs can use to practice self-regulation. The goal is always to create opportunities for positive, appropriate touch and connection that are comfortable for the TCKs. Provide them with a “Time In” calming space where they can process their thoughts and emotions.
When redirecting TCKs, use as few words as possible. Just as in correcting, find out what different needs they each have. Ask them, “What do you need?” Because they grew up overseas, some TCKs have different needs and have learned different ways to express their needs. It depends on the cultural influences of the countries in which they ’ ve lived. Make time for the TCK to recharge and start fresh each day. Use the common TBRI language with everyone, including phrases such as, “Use your words, ” “Have fun, ” “Listen to your body, ” “Be gentle and kind, ” and “Re-do. ”
I believe that by implementing TBRI strategies and principles, parents, caregivers, or teachers can better support your TCKs through all their transitions. Here are some ways to use TBRI with TCKs:
- Train staff as TCK program caregivers
- Provide professional development training for teachers working in a TCK or International school
- Guide parents with tips they can use at home as they support TCKs through transitions
Encourage adult TCKs to acknowledge and move forward in dealing with their childhood transitions and trauma.
Bethanie Skipper
Bethanie Skipper—has served (since 2017) as the Executive Dean of TCK Education for the International Society of Missionary Kids (ISMK) with the Assemblies of God. She was born in Texas, moved to Costa Rica to minister with her family and spent her childhood in Argentina and Mexico using many different schooling options. She has a BA in Elementary Education, a M.Ed in School Counseling and is a certified classroom and Bilingual/ESL teacher. She taught as a classroom teacher in traditional and homeschool settings and worked with special needs kids as well as provided school counseling support at all school levels. She was the ISMK office coordinator for five years and volunteered as an education consultant for eight years.
References Used and Additional Resources:
This article highlights components of strategies and principles taught within the program. For a more in-depth implementation, it is recommended to obtain official TBRI training and/or review additional resources provided by the Dr. Karyn Purvis and TCU’s Institute of Child Development (https://child.tcu.edu/aboutus/tbri/). Other helpful resources include:
Siegel, Daniel J. and Bryson, Tina Payne. (2012) The WholeBrain Child. Bantam Books.
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network: https://www.nctsn.org/
The Alert Program: https://www.alertprogram.com/
Pollock, David and Van Reken, Ruth. (2009). Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds.
