4 • ISSUE June 2012
in the geek THEY ONLY COME OUT AT NIGHT; WELL I SEE YOU’VE all managed to pull yourselves away from your phones and computers and look what you’ve done. You’ve actually picked up a living breathing publication. The printed word in all it’s glory. And now, for your efforts, I will share with you the secrets of making this an entertaining summer, at least as far as movies, music and books go. If I have to explain to you the merits of grilling outdoors, going to the beach or watching a baseball game I think you’d be better off figuring out exactly what dimension you came here from and then devising a way to get back there as soon as possible. For now, onto the movies!
Commentary by Jeff Dixon (Jeff Dixon loves movies and comic books in a way that often terrifies him. You can follow his insane ramblings on Twitter @RoiVampire if he lets you)
SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED — Let’s start off with one you probably haven’t heard of shall we? In 1997, a classified ad appeared in the back of Backwoods Home Magazine, a sort of Southern Living for farmers and ranchers. The ad appeared as follows: “Wanted: Somebody to go back in time with me. This is not a joke. You’ll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once before.” The film follows two reporters investigating the man who placed the ad and possibly getting in over their heads. Apparently, hilarity will ensue. But honestly, I’m just going because Aubrey Plaza (“Parks and Recreation”) is adorable and I love time travel movies.
THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN — I don’t care what you say, they never made a third Spider-Man movie. They stopped at the sequel for unknown reasons. Who know’s why? Maybe Tobey Maguire had problems with the mob. Maybe Kirsten Dunst is really a secret agent working the art house beat. The point is we finally have a new Spider-Man franchise. Directed by Mark Webb (“500 Days of Summer”) and starring Andrew Garfield (“The Social Network”) and Emma Stone (“Easy A”), this is the one superhero movie no one is talking about yet. I’m excited about this, for realsies. From all the footage I’ve seen this might actually be a faithful, wisecracking, web-shooter-inventing, neverstops-talking Spider-Man. And all I can say is it’s about time. THE DARK KNIGHT RISES — Oh c’mon! Like I even have to say anything. You could at least act like you’re making an effort! If I have to sell the sequel to the second greatest comic book movie ever to you (the first is Marvel’s “The Avengers.” Deal with it DC fanboys), then I’m frankly amazed you‘re able to read this publication.
Volume 18, No. 9
