GAME ON!
Three-toed sloth is no joke by Bobby Hawthorne
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his column’s standing headline is “Game On,” which suggests, and typically delivers, a discourse on scholastic sports — but not always, and this is one of those times, because I have something to say. So, here goes: The biggest game in secondary education isn’t about bouncing balls or Day-Glo uniforms or pricey stadiums. It’s about teachers and their struggle to convince young people that knowledge is inherently good and that the acquisition of knowledge is a lifelong process that leads to civic engagement, economic stability and social order — among other positive attributes and outcomes. Teachers are finding this game harder to win because today’s “gotcha” culture reinforces an alternate narrative, which holds that (1) narcissism is merely healthy self-esteem; (2) image trumps substance; (3) opinion trumps fact; and (4) bad choices come with escape hatches. Most kids reject this narrative, but plenty don’t, as evidenced by a Facebook meme showing a three-toed sloth sitting at a classroom desk. The headline states, “I haven’t done anything all semester, but what can I do in the next five minutes to bring my grade up?” My teacher friends laughed it off and shared it widely, but it’s gallows humor because teachers fear — or should fear — the threetoed sloths, who can wreck their lives and their careers in ways you can’t begin to imagine. They can claim the teacher is incompetent. He or she didn’t explain an assignment clearly and used “nonsense” words like thesis and analyze and protagonist and MLA format. They can say the teacher is insensitive for failing to appreciate that they have better things to do than read 20 pages of a novel and then write an impossibly long five-paragraph essay about some guy who kills a mockingbird or whatever. They can call the teacher unrealistic in requiring multiple drafts, all of which must be
typed and double-spaced, spell-checked, and devoid of texting lingo, teen slang and “dotdot-dot etc.” They can hand in something along the lines of the following and expect a respectable grade, if not a pat on the head. “In today’s modern society, many people think its OK to kill innocent birds like mockingbirds, but I myself must take acceptance to this notion. Birds are people to and have writes and … so forth. KWIM? We must protect them as to not do this violates the constitution.” And when they don’t receive the grade they want, they’ll turn to Mom and Dad, who will hector the principal, the department chair, a school board member or two and even a state representative if that’s what it takes. “Our taxes pay this teacher’s salary,” Mom and Dad will spout. “And we expect teachers to teach what we think they should teach, not what some bureaucrat says.” In other words, they paid for an A — not a C or a D. Besides, their child — the three-toed sloth — requires special understanding and preternatural patience, and it’s the teacher’s duty to provide both. And if he or she doesn’t, Mom and Dad are willing to demean them, have them called in and written up, demoted or fired. That’s the game, and we’re losing. Acceding to the three-toed sloths is one of the reasons so many great teachers are walking away, or worse, being forced out of the classroom. Years ago, I was told this story: A parent complained about a column published in a student newspaper. Maybe it wasn’t chirpy enough. Maybe it dealt with a controversial topic. The principal respectfully listened to the complaint and then calmly replied, “No one is going to Hell because of something they read in our newspaper,” and that ended that. I miss those days. A lot of teachers I know do too.
BOBBY HAWTHORNE is the author of “Longhorn Football” and “Home Field,” published by UT Press. In 2005, he retired as director of academics for the University Interscholastic League.
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Texas School Business JULY/AUGUST 2016
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