The Third Goodbye “It’s a huge, huge burden on my wife to be the mother and father when I’m gone,” Oliver says
Jill and Oliver Spencer ’85 with their children Clayton, Beatrice, and Ollie, at Oliver’s promotion last summer
“As hard as it is on us, it’s harder for him to be doing what he’s doing over there,” Jill says.
Clay usually grows quiet and broods. Beatrice “wears her heart on her sleeve,” her mother says. She cries often, missing the man who snuggles with her at night and calls her “my princess.” Ollie usually manages to keep his spirits up. “He’s still young enough to not let it affect him too much,” Jill says. The Spencers have learned to lean on others—their neighbors, their friends, their church. When Oliver leaves, the family will stay in New Hampshire with Jill’s parents. But even with the extra help, Jill must carry a heavy load. “It’s a huge, huge burden on my wife to be the mother and father when I’m gone,” Oliver says. In addition to his absence, she must help their children cope with another round of new schools and new surroundings. Just part of the job, Jill says. “As hard as it is on us, it’s harder for him to be doing what he’s doing over there,” she says. She knows that over there, with war all around him, Oliver must fight another battle—the one inside his head. “The Marine in me feels I need to do this; I have to do this for our nation. It makes perfect sense to go,” Oliver says. “For the father and the husband [in me], I really question what I’m doing.” www It would be easy to dwell on all he will miss in the coming year. For his 40th birthday on July 26, he had planned to celebrate by running 40 miles, from his parents’ house in Litchfield to Taft and back.
He will miss Ollie’s birthday in August, Clay’s in September. He will miss his wedding anniversary in October. He’ll miss the kids’ costumes on Halloween, the gatherings at Thanksgiving and the excitement of Christmas morning. He’ll miss coaching soccer in the fall. But for now, it’s enough to savor the time he has left—to take his children for a walk on the beach and watch them play in the surf, to teach one son to ride a bike, to toss the football with another, to snuggle with his princess, to give them noogies and kiss each of them good night, every night. “It’s so important to take the time to share those moments,” he says. On a recent Saturday, as Oliver’s deployment drew near, he could have spent time packing up the house or getting ready for Iraq. Instead, he and Jill threw a 6th birthday party for Ollie, even though his birthday was two months away. They ordered a cake, hung balloons, bought presents, lit candles. Kids played dodgeball in the front yard. A clown performed. Ollie smiled his way through another sunny spring afternoon. When it came time to sing “Happy Birthday,” a 39-yearold man in the room stood with a video camera, recording the moment. Sometimes, wars just have to wait. Brady Dennis is a reporter for the St. Petersburg Times in Florida.
Taft Bulletin Summer 2006
45