Synthesis Weekly – March 23, 2015 by Synthesis

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VOLUME 21 ISSUE 30 March 23, 2015 For 20 years The Synthesis’ goal has remained to provide a forum for entertainment, music, humor, community awareness, opinions, and change. PUBLISHER/ EDITOR IN CHIEF Amy Sandoval amy@synthesis.net

THIS W E E K

RETROSPECTIVES

LEAD DESIGNER

Tanner Ulsh graphics@synthesis.net

ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Arielle Mullen arielle@synthesis.net SynthesisWeekly.com/submit-yourevent/

ASSOCIATE EDITOR

Daniel Taylor

PAGE 4

Eric Wendt

PAGE 6

Porn Fiasco/CSU AS

PAGE 8

Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff emilianogs@gmail.com

DESIGNERS

Liz Watters, Mike Valdez graphics@synthesis.net

DELIVERIES

Jennifer Foti

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

Zooey Mae, Bob Howard, Howl, Koz McKev, Tommy Diestel, Eli Schwartz, Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff, Jon Williams, Sean Galloway, Alex O’Brien

PHOTOGRAPHY

Jessica Sid Vincent Latham

NERD

Dain Sandoval dain@synthesis.net

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Ryan Prado

PAGE 16

NEW STUFF NO MIDDLE GROUND

by Sylvia Bowersox

PAGE 19

ACCOUNTING Ben Kirby

DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS

PRODUCTIVITY WASTED

OWNER

pwasted@synthesis.net

Karen Potter

Bill Fishkin bill@synthesis.net The Synthesis is both owned and published by Apartment 8 Productions. All things published in these pages are the property of Apartment 8 Productions and may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way, shape or form without the written consent of Apartment 8 Productions. One copy (maybe two) of the Synthesis is available free to residents in Butte, Tehama and Shasta counties. Anyone caught removing papers will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. All opinions expressed throughout the Synthesis are those of the author and are not necessarily the same opinions as Apartment 8 Productions and the Synthesis. The Synthesis welcomes, wants, and will even desperately beg for letters because we care what you think. We can be reached via snail mail at the Synthesis, 210 W. 6th St., Chico, California, 95928. Email letters@ synthesis.net. Please sign all of your letters with your real name, address and preferably a phone number. We may also edit your submission for content and space.

210 West 6th Street Chico Ca 95928 530.899.7708 editorial@synthesis.net

This Shit is Just Really Sad

by Eli Schwartz

PAGE 20 IMMACULATE INFECTION

by Bob Howard

Madbob@madbob.com

PAGE 20 LETTERS TO DESMOND

by Zooey Mae

zooeymae@synthesis.net

PAGE 21 SUPERTIME!

by Logan Kruidenier

logankruidenier.tumblr.com

PAGE 21 KOZMIK DEBRIS

by Koz McKev

kozmckev@sunset.net

PAGE 22

by Amy Sandoval

Here we go, our last two issues of Synthesis. It’s difficult to even begin writing today. Every word brings me closer to my last, and this time has meant so much to me. But I won’t get into that yet—if I do it’ll be one of those awkward goodbyes when you end up walking three more blocks with someone trying to decide whether you have to hug them again at the end.

adventure, start submitting writing to new places, start writing my dad’s memoirs... But I can’t rush through it; time will flow as it will, and I can only ride it out, keeping my head above water as much as possible.

Anyway, this week we bring you part one of our final retrospective, featuring farewell notes from three Ripping off the bandaid so slowly is an of our previous editors: Ryan Prado, awful sensation. While in some ways Eric Wendt, and Daniel Taylor, as well I’m glad for the deliberate nature of as some favorite and iconic columns our wrap-up and the chance to honor from Synthesis history. Remember our history and say proper farewells, when we got blacklisted by Chico it’s been giving me too much time to State for “promoting drinking,” and think about how painful this is. Bill got super pissed? That’s in here. Remember when they filmed that For the past few weeks I’ve been split porno at the frat house and we wrote between the past and the future: an article that was sort of like a sales Wading through a swamp of nostalgia promo? We’ve got that too. We also for the many years the paper has been have a hilarious dual review of Insane around; what it’s given to people in Clown Posse at the Senator, a classic the community and all of us who’ve Meter’s Running wherein dickish worked here; what a sad thing to see behavior is rewarded tenfold, and the an era like this one end. And then world’s greatest Welcome to Chico I want to get it over with, I want to article ever written. EVER. just feel the loss once and for all, let it hit me full force so I can get it out I hope you enjoy this walk down of my system and move on to the memory lane with us. I know it’s next phase. I want to go have a new bittersweet, but really, so were we.

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Hot Flashes: Welcome To Chico, The Best Place Ever Invented Ever BY DANIEL TAYLOR • ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED AUGUST 2008

Hey Everybody! OMG did you know that people in Chico are the happiest fucking people on earth? Like without even ever having to try any sort of drugs or alcohol or any other kind of illicit substance? Did you know that Chico is the best place on earth, ever? Did you know that graduating with a degree in anything from California State University, Chico will guarantee you a lifetime of awesomeness and totally relaxing good times, let alone riches beyond your wildest wet dream? I’ll bet you did! That’s why you chose to come here to beautiful Chico, California to spend the best years of your life with the best fucking people on this whole goddamned earth! Some Rad Things To Do With Your Awesome Friends: Did you know that your first day here you’re guaranteed by the President of the University, Paul Zingg, to meet at least OVER 9,000 totally awesome people your age that share the same interests as you? As soon as you become BEST FRIENDS FOR LIFE with these fucking awesome people, you guys will have so many totally fucking CASH things to do with each other that there won’t be enough hours in the day to possibly get them all done. Did you know that they invented a park here in Chico, called Bidwell Park, which takes it name from all the totally nice, down to earth people who hang out there that will Bid You Well anytime you come around? Did you know that when you go to this park there are OVER 9,000 types of animals that live there who are all so glad to be sharing their space with humanity th!lt they don’t even mind when

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you and your fucking AMAZING friends ride your expensive fixed gear bikes through their territory? Did you know that when you swim in One Mile pool in Bidwell Park that it’s always clean at any time of day or night? Did you know that there has never once ever been a crime committed in the city limits of Chico? You can leave your car unlocked when swimming in the FUCKING TOTALLY BADASSS swimming holes in Bidwell Park and never once have to worry about your worldly possessions being misappropriated. Same goes for your bike! Did you know that in Chico you can leave your bike unlocked at all times without ever having to fear for its safety? There has only been one bike stolen in the entire history of Chico, and that was by a man who had to get to the hospital to donate a kidney to a child he didn’t know who was in danger of becoming ill. Because no one has ever gotten ill in the entire history of Chico either, but it’s been close a few times, let me tell you what! Some Badical Ways To Spend Your Fucking Insane Amount of Free Time: When you’re not hanging out with your totally insanely close good friends that you just met, you will have a hard time choosing just one of the literally hundreds of ways in which you can spend your free time, which you will always have so much of, here in Chico. Did you know, that there are OVER 9,000 fucking awesome coffee shops in Chico, at which even the most zit faced, idiot high school goth can suddenly become the epitome of college intellectual and wreck a

fucking grip of gash? You can also smoke as many as OVER 9,000 cigarettes without ever once having to worry about possible health side effects. But if that doesn’t suit your fancy, you can try one of the many soda pop retailers in town, because lord knows that there’s nothing the people in Chico like more than drinking fucking soda pop! Did you know that in the ‘80s Chico was voted by Highlights Magazine as being the #1 soda drinking school in the entire fucking world? Gosh that was a huge honor. They had a parade in the middle of town called Pioneer Days and everyone got along great especially college kids and the police. Some Cool Ways To Spend Your Large Sums of Money: One of the best things about Chico is the inordinate amounts of money you will have to spend on anything you want. Lucky for you there are OVER 9,000 totally amazing mom and pop businesses downtown that will go out of their way to cater to exactly what you need. They all have the best stuff and the most badass employees who work there who are all totally happy to serve you. You never know! When you graduate from college in under 4 years maybe you can stick around and work here too and become part of the fucking happiest place on this whole fucking stupid earth!!!!!

HOT FLASHES

An Unnecessary, Semi-Accurate History of ‘Hot Flashes’ by DANIEL TAYLOR An Unoriginal Origin: Hot flashes, as you may or may not know, are an unpleasant affliction suffered by women of a certain age. And though you could certainly say the same thing about me, my own misfortune with the fairer sex was not the reason I penned a column titled “Hot Flashes” for more than seven years in this here publication. In fact, I have no idea what the origin of the name “Hot Flashes” was because I didn’t come up with it. I was, as far as I know, at least the the third person to have gave a go at writing “Hot Flashes” when I took it over in 2002. But I imagine the name had something to do with the fact that my predecessors were women and the column space itself was intended to be filled with the latest music news— “flashes” if you will—back when people still had to read that kind of shit in real life and not just on the internet. And that’s what it continued to be with me at the controls. At least for a couple of weeks. If No News is Good News, Then All News is Bad News: As I started getting the hang of the whole writing thing, I began poking at the perimeter of my subject matter. After all, there’s only so much music news that most people really give a shit about, not to mention that you had to go look for it and actually think about it. Far easier, I found, was just talking about myself: how hungover I was, what I had for dinner, the crummy people I associated with. Initially, these personal anecdotes were just filler for when I was having a hard time coming up with enough fodder to fill the space. But unscientific surveys of my fellow bar patrons revealed that these trivial, almost laughably mundane personal tales

were somehow resonating with the citizenry. So—much to the chagrin of my girlfriends, parents, bosses, and anyone else who mattered—I started writing exclusively about my misadventures. Long before Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, et al allowed every minor tragedy or pyrrhic victory of an average Joe’s stupid life to be broadcast to the masses, my own tales of woe were dropped on the doorstep of businesses throughout Chico every week. I’d Strike the Sun If It Insulted Me: Over the ensuing years, I harnessed the power of the written word mostly for my own benefit. Free drinks, the adoration of moderately attractive women, the hushed reverence of my tight-panted peers at emo shows; the fringe benefits were numerous. Occasionally, however, I would use my column space for more nefarious purposes, namely as a public method of retribution against those who had wronged me. These scathing rebukes never failed to excite the sympathies of the masses. The targets of these missives were as varied as they were numerous: the dude who fucked my girlfriend (who added insult to injury by threatening to sue me for slander), the bouncer at Normal St. who explained in detail, exactly how far and how fast I could fuck off with my “funny little hat” (which was in fact a very tasteful Goorin Bros. headpiece) the up-and-coming pop punk band that had been rude to me during an interview (who were shamed into apologizing by their record label, but later did so far more sincerely of their own accord after a chance meeting at The Warped Tour). Perhaps the most infamous of these public campaigns came after I was ejected from the Downtown

Starbucks, which at the time served as both my second office and the nexus of my downtown information gathering. The manager of that store had grown weary of me, personally no doubt, but also professionally on account of an elaborate method of ordering by which I was able to save a couple of dollars a day in coffee overhead. The apparent last straw was a column in which I named that Starbucks the “Best Place to Take a Shit” in all of downtown (which it was, and still is). Soon after this, I was told in no uncertain terms that I was banished. But several severely worded columns later, the offending party was forced by the powers that be to welcome me back with open arms (or at least arm). This coffee dust-up soon attained almost mythological stature, further bolstering my already grotesque ego and emboldening me to new heights of narcissistic excess and vulgarity. The Walking Cred: But even Narcissus needs a haircut every once in awhile. For fear of wearing out the welcome I probably never really had, I decided to hang it up a few years back and move on to so-called “real life.” I’ve since become the miserable pile of human garbage everyone (including myself) always expected I’d be. But every once in awhile, some depraved lunatic on the street will accost me. “Weren’t you that guy, who used to write?” Indeed, I was. I was “that guy.” And I guess I’ll always be. And so the bird of heaven, with archangelic shrieks, and his imperial beak thrust upwards, and his whole captive form folded in the flag of Ahab, went down with his ship, which, like Satan, would not sink to hell till she had dragged a living part of heaven along with her, and helmeted herself with it.

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The Passion of the (Sleazus) Christ by ERIC WENDT (managing editor from 2010-2012)

I get to tell people I write for a living. That doesn’t hold anywhere near enough cultural cache to improve my chances of taking someone home at last call (fucking everyone has a blog, dude) and it means I earn roughly the same amount as a moderately successful pizza delivery boy on an annual basis, but I love it. I know the description is a meaningless vanity construct, and I realize the type of writing I do now is the exact kind of corporate shilling teenage me would’ve quoted Dead Kennedy’s lyrics at, but I love it. My job is to create stuff out of words. And I wouldn’t have it without my time at Synthesis.

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If you would have told 17-year-old me that I would someday live in Chicago and pay my way through the world as a professional writer, I probably would’ve asked you if I could have some change to buy heroin. And then I would’ve called you a fucking idiot quietly and behind your back because I was a coward and still am. But I was lucky enough to encounter amazing people at crucial points in my life (I realize now my collegiate life was like a low-rent, WASPy version of Stand and Deliver but with absolutely none of the racial or economic challenges). The most important was my community college journalism professor, Laura Paull, who opened my eyes to the fact that I had an iota of writing talent and potential when I wasn’t fucking up my life. After her came CSU, Chico journo wiz Dave Waddell, who basically recruited me from the shithole that is Modesto to write for The Orion. And, finally, the entire Synthesis crew, specifically Jake Sprecher, Karen Potter, and Bill Fishkin, who gave me opportunities that have quite literally changed the direction of my life forever (I know, I know; I’m making the jerking off hand motion right now, too). Calling my post-grad tenure as managing

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editor of the Synthesis a “job” in the traditional sense is laughable (I typically paid writers in bar bucks to Duffy’s that I myself was not shy about utilizing, usually resulting in me curled up on the office couch, hungover and trying not to die like Crash Holly). However, it was the first legitimate gig I ever had that wasn’t working in some service industry hellhole, and, more importantly, it was writing. I got paid to write. I got to tell people I was writing for a living. My early to mid-20s were basically a blur of substance abuse, toxic relationship melodrama, serious emotional, psychological and behavioral shortcomings and general malaise (my late-20s have been essentially identical but with slightly less substance abuse). That said, I always had a place at Synthesis. I made some of my best friends there. I learned more about writing and publishing and the real-world career aspects of writing there than I did anywhere else. Being forced to put out a sizeable collection of words each and every week while wrangling a mötley crüe of writers, designers, ad people, and sitcom-ready office drop-ins was a real education, and there’s no way in hell I would have had the experience, knowledge and chutzpah to jump into a bigger pond without my time at Synthesis. So, to everyone I worked with, I love you and I’m sorry if I was (I definitely was at some point) an asshole. I’m even sorrier to see Synthesis go, but the fact that it’s leaving once its hit legal drinking age is too perfect to pass up. Mmmmmwah. Hopefully I see you all at that big ol’ Duffy’s in the sky someday.

Undercover Juggalo Stream of consciousness at the ICP show BY E-DUB AND DALLAS VONKILLBOT (PUBLISHED SEPT. 2009)

Eric: Walking into the show left me with the kind of nervous energy I usually only get when my car breaks down in the wrong side of town. Or when I’m showing a woman my penis for the first time. Dallas: We entered with a set of assumptions that were quickly blown out of realistic proportions as mass herds of anemographic clowns soon consumed my entire field of vision. Eric: After scoping out the crowd that had overrun the Senator, my partner and I decided to duck into Duffy’s to fortify ourselves with cheap booze. This is when we realized that the juggalo nation had infested our only port in the storm. Dallas: They not only were running amok through our fair city, they had the gall to break into the holiest of the holy, our sanctuary. After a speechless yet over-spoken set of glances exchanged with the bouncer, we entered the bar like six year-olds diving into icy waters, figuring it would be best to get the pain out of the way early. They were there in all forms: the brogalos. the juggalettes, the methgalos. the obesegalos... the list is infinite. Eric: Sweaty. screaming bodies packed Duffy’s like it was their personal circus freak convention. Pabst was being poured down the gullets of fat clowns faster than it takes the average ICP fan to get sentenced for methamphetamine possession. Chants of “Whoop Whoop” could be heard throughout the bar as bouncers and bartenders alike stared in frightened fascination. Long story short: psychopathic clowns don’t tip. You know

the KISS Army would’ve ponied up a few bucks. After some much needed liquid courage, my partner and I returned to the venue right as ICP took the stage. I have to hand it to them: ICP knows how to put on a show. The stage looked like a circus from hell. A ringmaster introduced the duo as sideshow freaks writhed in cages. It was like a bad acid trip at a carnival in Bakersfield. Dallas: This wasn’t just a concert for these people: it was some form of religious ceremony in which there was to be some form of sacrifice. I’m sure there’s much to be said for whoever the hell the openers were, but that wasn’t our goal. We were there for the fans, and these people weren’t fucking around with the appetizers, they were there for the main course. In a moment’s notice, things went from bizarre to bat-shit crazy: the nearly maximum capacity theater exploded like a 12-gauge. There they were, in all their glory, the men that have managed to turn a horrorcore act into religion: Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope, aka Insane Clown Posse. The crowd surfers started immediately, with the fat clown launching a two-liter of Faygo up into the rafters seconds after. Throughout the first track alone, I’m guessing 40-50 bottles were sprayed over the juggalos. Aside from a particularly dark and melodic number, the soda wash didn’t stop the entire night, which leaves one to ponder about how many diabetic clowns accidentally slipped into a coma. Eric: Mere words cannot express the spectacle forever burned into my retinas

that night. The lights! The feathers! The confetti! The horrible puns and necrophilia-themed rhymes! Two-liters were soaring through the air like sugar propelled rocket ships. Syrupy liquid rained down upon the crowd like a cruel joke from a vengeful god. Sticky mutants danced in a lake of fluorescent pop as multi-colored lights flashed out the Morse code of the apocalypse. Dallas: At one point I managed to break my glare at the stage long enough to notice the world’s largest female clown standing next to me in some pure state of ecstasy. I thought for a minute about how pretentious it is that we were there on some high-horsed, socio-anthropological mission as these deviants were genuinely having an experience that they’re going to cherish, as if in someway I was hierarchically better than them. As I was just about to transcend clown nirvana, a two-liter of orange Faygo rocketed into the seat in front of me, dousing me with high fructose corn syrup and shame.. Eric: So what does it all mean? What have I learned? Fuck if I know, dude. My head hurts and I’m still sticky. What I do know is this: the people in that audience were utterly devoted to the group. They were an unquestioning congregation of crazy clowns ready to do the bidding of their high priests. They were an army with one mind, completely consumed by what their generals tried to pass off as music. Dallas: We sat in the back of Duffy’s, silent. Sorry ICP, we tried to hang… the war was over, the juggalos won.

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Black Eyes and Blue Balls: The world watches as Chico State’s Greek system takes another shot to the gonads BY MAURICE SPENCER TEILMANN • ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED APRIL 2005

With a measurable amount of glee, news outlets from Chicago to Calcutta have been sharpening their cutting knives and carving into the recent extracurricular events at Chico State. Perhaps more shocking than a hardcore pornographic video being shot in a local fraternity house, though, is how quickly the news has spread from Chico’s city limits. While pornographic videos featuring college students are not a new development in the adult film industry, international news outlets have zeroed their sights on Chico’s Greek system, the local chapter of Phi Kappa Tau and the events captured in Shane’s World’s College Invasion 6, which was released in February. There are many surprising factors to this story, the least of which being a fraternity’s predilection toward, and engagement in, pornography. The more curious aspect is this story’s prominence in world news. Titillating tales of debauched college exploits are great for filling pages and engaging a readership’s sexually voyeuristic tendencies (see Synthesis’ “On The Town” section), but to be considered internationally newsworthy takes a little more than a mere Greek orgy. While certainly of interest locally, the Chico Frat Porn Scandal of 2005 would not have caused much of a stir south of Sacramento had this not already been a headline news year for Chico State. Beginning

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2005 with several near-fatal alcohol poisonings, and the crown jewel of fraternal negligence, the hazing death of Matthew Carrington, Chico’s Greek system has been taking it from all sides. The porno flick scandal, unleashed in the wake of these Greek tragedies, has kept the world’s attention focused squarely on this town. And even though the film was taped last fall before the other sensational disasters, the release and subsequent publicity of College Invasion 6 has just added fuel to the fire, which bodes poorly for Chico’s fraternity and sorority members. “It’s a black mark for the fraternity and to some extent, the university,” says Joe Wills, director of public affairs and publications for CSU, Chico. “We’re involved right now in a review of the Greek system on campus and I think that it’s very likely the members feel the same way; what a terrible time for this kind of thing to come to light.” It’s too early to determine what will become of the Greeks, but as Wills reports, all aspects of the Chico Greek system are “on the table.’’ When Pi Kappa Phi pledge Adrian Heideman died from alcohol poisoning in 2000, it opened the floodgates for increased scrutiny into Chico’s Greek system. But within the last decade, alcohol poisoning has become a very serious issue for the community at large, says Wills.

“Up until 10 years ago, the same kind of stuff went on, but nobody was dying. What changed? Maybe just bad luck and various things, but one of the questions is what changed around the mid-’90s to where students would party and some would die as a result of it?” One could point to the curtailing of social outlets such as Pioneer Days as contributing to these scandalous outbreaks. Pioneer Days was Chicoan tradition, a holiday in which all members of the community—students and full-time residents alike— would gather to watch the slowly rolling quad projects and imbibe, collectively releasing tension. While several factors contributed to this holiday’s dissolution, one has to wonder if its social benefits—however loud, rowdy and repugnant to the conservative segment of the population—outweigh the possible repercussions. Historically, many cultures have hosted similar social holidays (Beltane, Purim, Sakura, etc.) that served, amongst other things, to vent steam. In the last decade, the city of Chico and the university have established a strict anti-revelry policy, dismantling Pioneer Days, then Halloween and St. Patrick’s Day. When pressure mounts along the cultural fault line, it occasionally manifests tragic consequences. The argument that collective releases in the form of established drinking

holidays may help to combat these devastating singular incidences, at the very least, deserves investigation. In the meantime another investigation is under way, and the 25-member Phi Kappa Tau chapter has been suspended by both their parent organization and the university. “The national organization of the fraternity, in suspending the group, felt that this was not in keeping with their charter or their mission or purpose of the group,” explains Wills. ‘They have some standards that fraternities are meant to follow. And there are some things in the educational code about student behavior that may run contrary to [the students’ involvement in the film].’’ Nicole Henderson, head of public relations for Shane’s World, says she is unaware of other college fraternities being in such hot water for participating in any of Shane’s World adult videos. “I feel bad for them,” she says. “I feel bad that their [national] organization is taking it to that level because these are adults. They’re all able to make their own decisions regarding what they’re going to do off campus. They threw a private party and invited us to come and bring porn stars. Which we did. They were very excited to have stars such as Brittney Skye there.’’ Henderson goes on to say that before taping, the crew and fraternity carefully covered up any

fraternity logos or Greek letters that would directly implicate their order, and the company blurred logos during the editing of the film. Shane’s World, as standard promotional practice, sends out mass emails regarding their products and services. When an interested party responds to one of their emails and wants to host an event, only then will Shane’s World pursue the relationship. Nick Hollingsworth, president of the Inter Fraternity Council, says he received similar emails while serving as president of his Sigma Pi chapter.

Though at last tally, Playboy ranked Chico State as the #2 Party School in the nation, these sordid exploits may help CSUC overtake rivals Arizona State at Tempe. You simply can’t buy this kind of publicity. However, there’s no way of getting rid of it, either. College Invasion 6 is available at shanesworld.com, collegeinvasion. com, and fine adult stores near you.

“I know myself and a couple other people received emails to do the same thing at our houses,” he says. “We all deleted the emails.’’ Shane’s World has been producing the College Invasion series since 2000. Henderson says she’s surprised at the amount of publicity being generated so quickly around this title. This being the sixth film in the franchise, some controversy had been stirred in the past, but not to the extent of that of College Invasion 6. For instance, Nick Hollingsworth recalls hearing about an Arizona filming that received some publicity. However, due to recent events in Chico’s Greek system, all eyes are riveted to our culturally isolated town.

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Bill Says: OPEN SEASON BY BILL FISHKIN • ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED DECEMBER 2005

The AS meeting last week was pretty interesting. Synthesis Weekly managing editor Mr. Ryan Prado and I promptly went last Wednesday at 2pm to BMU 205 to state our case for them to remove the resolution that no longer allowed student funded programs to advertise in Synthesis. I basically reiterated my column from last week in an attempt to have them understand that Synthesis is more than just a drink calendar (although we’ve been told that people like our drink calendar), we’re more than just a Normal St. Bar ad (although that place remains packed nightly) and we’re more than just a few pages of photos of people drinking at the bars (although not all of the photos are of people at the bars drinking, some of them are of people just hanging out, some of them are of people at coffee shops and yes, occasionally some of them are of people drinking). Did it work? Not really. I tried to explain to them that summing up Synthesis as “a drink calendar and a Normal St. Bar ad” is like “summing up the News & Review as porno ads and dildo stories,” since it seems our competitor is having similar issues with people not really getting it lately. They didn’t see it that way and I’d imagine that was probably the first time someone said the word “dildo” at an AS Government meeting too, especially judging from the look on the face of the guy with the bad mustache who clearly didn’t really like me very much and spent the majority of the meeting maddogging me. At first I thought he was just dozing off, so I reasoned to myself, “maybe he’s just sleepy.” It was made extremely clear that the mustached elder gentlemen was not at all sleepy and this was just his “I don’t like you or the things that you do” face. The majority of them are so completely rooted in their thinking that the very concept of any other opinion is completely alien and

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

MAR 23 2015

somewhat offensive to them. They told me that they have noticed some of the positive Chico State articles that we’ve written but it just wasn’t enough. I informed them that we’ve always written positive things when there was something positive to write about, that we love to write about positive things, but we also write about bad things and sad things, funny things, yummy things, tragic things and magic things. After quickly realizing that I was beginning to sound like Dr. Seuss, I stopped and I continued to attempt to inform them that they were making a mistake by upholding this resolution, using very clear words like “you are making a mistake” or “this resolution is shortsighted, foolish and offensive,” and other assorted things along those same lines. There were a few people who I do think saw the logic in my statements, but unfortunately, they didn’t speak out at all or speak out enough to sway any opinion. In a sense I don’t blame them— why should they voice their opinion and go against the pack? The rest remained completely closed-minded, and then things started becoming a little clearer to me. It was like—oh we know you do a lot for the community but those bar ads are baaaaad... but please keep writing about the good things that we do... One thing to clarify from last week’s column before I continue my tirade. According to AS President elect (by 7.76 percent of the overall student population), Thomas Whitcher, the News & Review misquoted him as saying that he gave us a list of things they wanted to see changed in Synthesis. Hey, if that’s actually true then it’s not the first time that the News & Review misquoted someone—then again, we make our share of accidental and occasional misquotes as well. Unfortunately, it happens.

A little further into the discussion I was also informed that Chico State is now a “values based institution” and that “values” is what Chico State was all about now. Values, values and more values. Huh? When did that get here? I couldn’t believe they went there—I was wondering if movement was afoot to take the school private, teach creationism, invoke curfews, enforce a uniform policy and control the minuteby-minute lives of the students. Aren’t values somewhat subjective? I guess the AS doesn’t value you as a constituent if you drink alcohol or go to a bar—your opinion counts 20 percent less. Don’t stray from the party line here, people— AS Government Uber Alles. They want propaganda. Positive propaganda, of course. The message was crystal clear: they want a media that ignores the bad and only writes about the good. They really want only nice stories about Chico State. We don’t fit that agenda. They only want good press—my interpretation went like this: Just write about our achievements, Bill. Just write about the nice things—puppies and awards we’ve received and kittens and babies. Why would you want to write about anything bad? Really? Why? Criticism? Well that’s just un-American! That’s just unpatriotic. Salute the flag of the freely elected minority of the overall student population government! Don’t criticize an institution. Why would you want to write about the porn that was filmed at the frat house or the professor that was smoking meth or the hazing or the growing violence or anything negative? It makes us look bad and stuff and it just makes our job harder. I mean enrollment is down a little and we had to lower the admissions standards to meet our high enrollment projections. “We’re not trying to censor you,” we just want you to write nice things about Chico State.

The “values” buzzword flew around some more, we discussed alcohol, and when I tried to remind them that alcohol was legal, I received more dirty looks from the dude with the mustache. I think that they want prohibition. No alcohol at all—booze is bad. Bad I tell ya. Alcohol is bad if you abuse it, but I expect you to know that, dear reader—see, unlike them, I know that you’re smart. What’s the saying, the inmates are running the asylum? No... If you give a mouse a cookie? No... that’s not it either. Don’t mess with people who buy ink by the barrel? No... but it applies. Oh yeah, here it is: people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Yeah. Or was it “... shouldn’t throw rocks,” something like that? You get the idea. We know that the majority of Chico State students work hard—we’ve always known this. We realize this more than anyone else in town because most of us are former Chico State students. This is a great community and a great place to live. It’s not my job to make the jobs or the lives of AS officers or employees easier, it’s my job to produce media that’s informative, entertaining and ideally interesting, at least to people who have independent thought and don’t suffer from the hive mind mentality that’s infected a chunk of the second floor of the BMU . Is it on? Hell yes it’s on. Does this piss you off? It should. Want to help us resolve this offensive and insulting situation? Let us know. Email me or just add our Synthesis Weekly MySpace page (myspace.com/synthesisweekly) as a friend. We’re setting up a few, well... we’ll just call them “upcoming agenda items” that we’ll be sharing with you, faithful reader. Stay tuned.

CASH! CASH! CASH! We pay cash for your recyclables!! CRV ALUMINUM CANS $2.00/Pound E-WAStE! We pay 5¢ per pound for TV’s , Computers, Monitors and Laptops!! And, as a courtesy to our customers, we’ll accept all other consumer electronics, such as fax machines, printers, VHS players, etc. as a drop-off, with no payments* * Some restrictions may apply Call for more information on getting cash for other recyclable materials.

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march madness

FOOD + DRINK

march 26 - 29 april 4 & 6

MONDAY TUESDAY

drink & food specials every day!

watch the games here! 344 west 8th st | chico, ca | 530-343-2790

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY FRIDAY

EAT. DRINK. PLAY Find out how you can play pool for only $1/day

LESSONS, LEAGUES AND TOURNAMENTS!

GREAT FOOD! LIVE MUSIC!

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

SUNDAY

Closed

Come see our beautiful Patio! Happy Hour 4-6: Menu cocktails $1 off. Sierra Nevada Draft $3

Come see our beautiful Patio! Happy Hour 4-6: Menu cocktails $1 off. Sierra Nevada Draft $3 Live music 8-10

Closed

Mon-Fri Happy Hour 12-4pm $3 Sierra & Domestic Pints 6pm - close $1 Off Pitchers $5 Sailor Jerry DBLs All Day Every Day

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm PBR $2.25 Everyday!

$2.50 TUESDAY: Tacos, Corn Dogs, Fries or Tots, Chips & Salsa and Motzerells sticks only $2.50 ALL Day! $3 Sierra and Dom Pints $ 3.50 Kamis ALL DAY!

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm PBR $2.25 Everyday!

WING WEDNESDAY! $2 for 3 Wings w/ drink purchase 8pm-Close $4.50 Shooter of the Day $5.50 DBL Bacardi Cocktails $5 Sailor Jerry DBLs All Day Every Day

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm

Mon-Fri Happy Hour 12-4pm $3 Sierra & Domestic Pints $3.50 Soccer moms $6 Dbl Roaring Vodka $5 Sailor Jerry DBLs All Day Every Day

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm PBR $2.25 Everyday!

MAR 23 2015

Full Bar in Back Room Weds, Fri & Sat Nights! PBR $2.25 Everyday!

Open Mic Comedy Night Every Other Week! Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR & Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!

$6.99 Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich MONSTER MONDAY SPECIALS 6PM-CLOSE BEER $3.50/4.50/5.50/6.50

Two Dollar Tuesdays! $2 PBRs $2 Tacos! Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Cans Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!

Fried Chicken Sandwich w/fries or salad $6.99

8 ball Tourney 6pm sign-up Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!

Reuben Sand w/ fries or salad $6.99

Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!

1/2 Rack Slow Cooked Pork Ribs w/ fries, salad and garlic bread $11.99

Rock Out at The DL! Enjoy Live Music, Great Grub, and 10 9' foot tables Open @11am All ages untill 10pm

10 oz. Tri-Tip Steak w/ Fries or Salad & Garlic Bread $8.99 8pm-Close $4 J채ger Shots $5 DBL 3 Olive Red Bull $5 Imports

FREE Pool EVERY DAY after 10pm w/ Purchase

6-close $3 Sierra Nevada Pints FREE Pool EVERY DAY after 10pm w/ Purchase

6pm-Close Pitcher Specials $7/$10/$14 FREE Pool EVERY DAY after 10pm w/ Purchase

Come see our beautiful Patio! Happy Hour 4-6: Wander Food Truck on the Patio 6pm

Closed

Join us for Beers on our Patio Bar! Happy Hour from 4-6.

Open 9pm Bartender Specials $15 Bottomless Slushies w/ Souvenir Glass 9-11pm Jim Beam Promo 10pm - Close Samples, Specials & Giveaways

Mon-Fri Happy Hour 12-4pm $3 Sierra & Dom Pints Weekend Blast Off!! 8-close $6 Dom Draft & Jack or Jack Honey Shot

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm

We open at 12:00pm.

Open 9pm Bartender Specials $15 Bottomless Slushies w/ Souvenir Glass 9-11pm

Open at 11am $4.50 Bloody Mary $5.50 Absolut Peppar Bloody Marys Noon - 6pm $1 OFF SN & Dom Pitcher $5.50 DBL Bacardi Cocktails

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm Full Bar in Back Room Weds, Fri & Sat Nights! PBR $2.25 Everyday!

Rock Out at The DL! Enjoy Live Music, Great Grub, and 10 9' foot tables Open @11am All ages untill 10pm

1/2 Rack Slow Cooked Pork Ribs w/ fries, salad and garlic bread $11.99 8pm-Close $4 or $6 DBL Jack or Captain & Coke or 3 Olives Any Flavor

10am -2pm $5 Bottles of Champagne with entree $4.50 Bloody Mary $5.50 Absolut Peppar Bloody Marys

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm PBR $2.25 Everyday!

Free Pool with Purchase! $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Cans

$5.49 Grad/Garden/ Turkey Burger w/fries or salad Bloodies $3 Well, $4 Call, $5 Top, $6 Goose Mimosas $2/flute, $5/pint $7 CHEAP Beer Pitchers

Tacotruck.biz and Beers on the Patio!

Hornitos 10pm - Close Samples, Specials & Giveaways WE OPEN AT 12:00PM MIMOSAS WITH FRESH SQUEEZED OJ FOR $5 UNTIL 5PM.

CLOSED

HAPPY HOUR 4-7PM Beer Week Guinness cocktail specials Beer coozie giveaway at back bar

6pm-Close $3.50 All beer pints 3 Olive Red Bull$4/$5 DBL 9pm Red Bull Movie Night

Saturday 9:30pm $5

F R I D AY 9 : 3 0 p m

SURROGATE & SOLAR ESTATES

QUAZIMOFOS

319 MAIN STREET (530) 892-2473 12

SATURDAY

Closed. We need to drink, too!

337 Main St.

530-343-1745

Fire Grill &

Closed

Go DownLo

BEAR-E-OKE BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49. 11am-10pm.

Bar

Happy Hour 11-6pm select bottles & drafts $3

CLOSED

Closed for Repairs

2 FOR 1 BURGERS ALL DAY !! MINORS WELCOME!

CLOSED

$2.50 Select Sierra Nevada or Dom Drafts $2 Kamis -any flavor All Day

$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm

Under New Management!

Happy Hour 4 - 7pm

NEW Food Menu

$1.50 sliders and other cheap eats!

Progressive Night: 8 - 10pm—$1 Dom, Wells & Sierra Nevada Pale Ale 10pm - Close—Up $0.25 per hour til closing $3 Sky Cocktails

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1am Closed

Go DownLo

BEAR WEAR! 1/2 off while wearing Bear Wear. MUG CLUB 4-10pm

Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-7 9-10pm Fire Hour $3.50 Fireball Shots

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1am WACKY WEDNESDAYS (8pm - close ) DJ Party 4 different DJ’s $1 wells $2 calls $2 domestic bottles $6 pitchers of well drinks

Go DownLo

Happy Hour 4-8pm Ladies Night! 8pm - CLOSE $5 Pabst pitchers $2 shot board $4 Moscow Mules $3 Jamo and Ginger Buck Hour 10:30 - 11:30

Early Bird Special 9-10pm 1/2 off wells

Happy Hour 4 - 8pm

Early Bird Special 9-10pm 1/2 off wells

FIREBALL FRIDAYS!!! 8pm - Close $3 Fireball Shots $4 Big Teas $3 Coronas

TRIKE RACES! Post time @ 10pm. Win T-shirts and Bear Bucks. MUG CLUB 4-10pm

All 16 oz Teas or AMF $3 All Day

$3.50 Skyy Vodka Cocktails $3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1am

1/2 OFF COVER before 10pm

BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49. 11am-10pm. MUG CLUB from 4-10pm

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1am

Early Bird Special 9-10pm 1/2 off wells

Happy Hour 11-6pm $3 select bottles & drafts $2.50 16oz Wells All Day

Select Pints $3

KARAOKE "INDUSTRY NIGHT" 8PM - CLOSE HALF OFF ALMOST EVERYTHING!(Except Red Bull and Premium Liquors) Specials All Day!

Go DownLo

LIVE MUSIC 1/2 OFF COVER before 10pm BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49. 11am-10pm. LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1am

4-6pm $1 Dom Drafts $2 SN Drafts & Wells $5 DBL Captain Buck Night 8pm-Close $1 wells, SN Pale Ale, Rolling Rock, Dom Draft $3 Black Butte $4 Vodka Redbull

9pm-Close $2 12oz Teas $3 20oz Teas $2 Well, Dom Bottles & bartender Specials $5 Vodka Red Bull SoCo Promo 9pm - Close Samples, Specials & Giveaways

Under New Management!

Happy Hour 4 -7pm

NEW Food Menu Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-7 9-10pm Fire Hour $3.50 Fireball Shots

$1.50 sliders and other cheap eats!!

$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm

Monday - Friday HAPPY HOUR 4-7PM $1 OFF ALL DRINKS (excludes energy drinks)

Happy Hour- 4-7pm $5 Fridays 4-8pm Most food items and pitchers of beer are $5

Power Hour 8-9pm 1/2 Off Liquor & Drafts (excludes pitchers) 9pm-Close $4 Jim Beam $3 Domestic Drafts $9.75 Pitchers $5 Dbl Sugar Island Rum NO COVER

Hot "Dawgs" ALL DAY!

Mon. - Sat. 4pm - 6pm $1 Dom. draft, $2 SN Draft and Wells Power Hour 8 - 9pm $3 Domestic Drafts $9.75 Pitchers $5 Dbl Sugar Island Rum NO COVER $4 Jim Beam

Jim Beam Promo 10pm - Close Samples, Specials & Giveaways LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1am

1/2 OFF EVERYTHING!!!

9-10pm Fire Hour $3.50 Fireball Shots

LIVE MUSIC 1/2 OFF COVER before 10pm

Opening at 8pm for ‘80s NIGHT!! 8pm - CLOSE $4 Sauza Margaritas $3 Kamis $3 Shocktop & VIP pint

Monday - Friday HAPPY HOUR 4-7PM $1 OFF ALL DRINKS (excludes energy drinks) Bartender Specials

$4 Sex On The Beach $4 Sierra Nevada Knightro ON TAP $1 Jello Shots 7-10pm $3 Fireball

$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm

$4 World Famous Bloody Joe $5 Premium bloodys your choice of vodka

Champagne Brunch 11am - 2pm $4 Champagne with entree

Hornitos Promo 11pm - Close Samples, Specials & Giveaways

$6 DBL Sugar Island 8 - close $5 DBL SoCo Saturday & Sunday HAPPY HOUR 3-6PM $1 OFF ALL DRINKS (excludes energy drinks) $6 DBL Sugar Island 8 - close $5 DBL SoCo Saturday & Sunday HAPPY HOUR 3-6PM $1 OFF ALL DRINKS (excludes energy drinks)

Champagne Brunch and SPORTS!

4-6pm $1 Dom Drafts $2 SN Drafts & Wells $5 DBL Captain 8pm - Close $4 151 Party punch 22oz. 8 - 9pm $1 Pale Ale & Dom.Draft Up $0.25/ hr until close

CLOSED

ncaa

MARCH MADNESS watch the games here!

happy hour

monday - friday 12 - 4 pm $3 sierra & domestic pints

$5 sailor jerry dbls all day every day

ncaa games

march 26 - 29, april 4 & 6 134 Broadway St, Chico, CA | 530.893.5253

191 E . 2ND ST • 898-0630

TUESDAY $1 WELLS, DRAFTS, DOM. & SIERRA NEVADA 8-10PM PROGRESSIVE 10-2AM UP 25¢ PER HR. UNTIL CLOSE

WEDNESDAY BUCK NIGHT 8PM - CLOSE $1 WELLS/ROLLING ROCK, PALE ALE & DOM. $3 BUTTE PORTER $4 VODKA REDBULL

THURSDAY $1 PALE ALE & DOM. UP 25¢ PER HR. 8PM-CLOSE $4 151 PARTY PUNCH $5 DBL CAPTAIN

no cover friday & sat 9-c lose sugar island rum $5 d bl.

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THIS W E E K O N LY — B E ST B E TS I N E N T E RTA I N M E N T

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Fine Dining in the Tradition of Southern Italy

SICILIAN CAFÉ WEDNESDAY, MARCH 25TH

FRIDAY, MARCH 27TH

PUNK ROCK KARAOKE

Celebrating 30 years !

Farm. Fresh. Italian.

MALTESE

W 3RD ST AT BROADWAY

Are you anti-establishment? Me too! Especially that corner store-establishment where they kicked me out when I was trying to buy my dad-beers, because they’re fascist dictators... also I wasn’t wearing pants, and I was rolling balls on Molly. But still! Total dickheads. Come scream “London Calling” with me, because if there’s one thing establishment hates, it’s screaming. 21+, 9pm.

Every week I head to Winco and purchase a 28-pack of Miller Genuine Draft. (A 28-pack is when I drink two beers while walking around the store checking out the single moms, then demand a discounted price upon checkout). On Friday Imma bring my dad-beers downtown and bird-dog the dancin’ honeys. All the single ladies, all the single ladies... 7-9pm, free.

SATURDAY, MARCH 28TH

HILLSTOMP, BROKEN RODEO

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

SURROGATE, SOLAR ESTATES

MALTESE

DUFFYS

Last Sunday after I drank my dad-beers (22 MGD, thank you very much), I fell asleep amidst the pile of empty bottles. At some point I awoke because my vigorous nose breathing was aligned with some of the bottles and it was making the magical train whistle-esque noises. After attending the Hillstomp/Broken Rodeo show, I hope to attempt to recreate this nasal magic. 9pm, 21+

Saturday is my one day a week (besides Sunday, Thursday, Wednesday and Friday), where I can escape the kids and get out on my own. It’s Dad Time. Dad-O’Clock. Imma head down to the only watering hole in this GD town worth spendin’ my Happy Cabbage on. (Duffys, obviously). I hear a beautiful bevy of bearded men are singin’ that night. 9:30pm, 21+.

1020 Main Street Chico 530.345.2233 14

BROADWAY BOOGIE: COMMUNITY DANCE JAM

MAR 23 2015

This Week...

Main

PIMPS OF JOYTIME W/ LAFA TAYLOR

STAY POSITIVE SOUND PRESENTS:

BROTHERS COMATOSE

GUERILLA TAKEOVER

MAR

JELLY BREAD

MAR

319 MAIN ST | DOORS OPEN AT 9PM | HALF OFF DRINKS BEFORE 10PM

MAR

F EATURED EV EN TS

O N G O I N G E V E N TS

23 MONDAY

23 MONDAY Literally nothing.

24 TUESDAY

Argus: Big Mable & The Portholes. 9pm, 21+ City Plaza: Picnic in the Plaza. 11:30am-1pm, all ages, free Kinetics Academy of Dance: Tribal Fusion Bellydance Classes. (Six week series), $48 Pageant Theater: Dance in Film: All That Jazz. 6pm, 8:30pm, all ages

25 WEDNESDAY

Lost on Main: Pimps of Joytime, Lafa Taylor. 9pm, 21+ Maltese: Punk Rock Karaoke. 9pm, 21+ Monstros Pizza: Badger, Radio Bikini, Dirty Protest, Strange Ones. 8pm, all ages, $5

26 THURSDAY

Blue Room Theater: Who’s Afraid of Virgina Woolf. 7:30pm LaSalles: Happy Hour with live music by Tyler Devoll. 4-8pm, 21+ Laxson Auditorium: Dance Chico! Spotlight Performances. 7:30pm, $10-$20

27 FRIDAY

3rd St at Broadway: Broadway Boogie: Community Dance Jam. 7-9pm, free Blue Room Theater: Who’s Afraid of Virgina Woolf. 7:30pm CARD Center: Environmental Community Gathering. 5:30-8pm Duffys: The QuasiMofos. 9pm, 21+, $5 El Rey Theater: Christopher Titus, Rachel Bradley. 7pm doors, show at 8pm LaSalles: Downtown Rocks. 9pm,

21+ Lost on Main: Brothers Comatose, Low Flying Birds. 9pm, 21+ Maltese: John Holmes, Guerilla Gorilla, Los New Huevos. 9pm, 21+, $5 Tackle Box: Dylan’s Dharma. 9pm, 21+

28 SATURDAY

Blue Room Theater: Who’s Afraid of Virgina Woolf. 7:30pm BMU Auditorium: Second Annual Trans* Conference. 12:30-5pm, free Chico Library: Chico Vegan Potluck. Bring a vegan dish to share, 6-8pm, all ages Chico Women’s Club: AIDS/ Lifecycle Fundraiser Dance. 6pm, $10, 21+ Duffys: Surrogate, Solar Estates. 9:30pm, 21+ Habitat Lab: Musical Chairs 2015. 7pm, $20 Kings Tavern: Sofa King, Get Foxy, 9pm, 21+, free LaSalles: Happy Hour with live music by Hugh Hammond. 4-8pm, 21+ Laxson Auditorium: Joe Goode Performance Group. 7:30pm, $10-$28 Lost On Main: Jelly Bread. 9pm, 21+ Maltese: Hillstomp, Broken Rodeo. 9pm, 21+ Monstros Pizza: Rum Rebellion, Michelin Embers, Big Tree Fall Down, The Miscreants. 8pm, all ages, $5 Sierra Nevada: Burly Beers & Barleywines. 12-4pm, 21+ Tackle Box: High Noon. 9pm, 21+

29 SUNDAY

Go to your room and think about what you’ve done.

100th Monkey: Fusion Belly Dance mixed-level class, with BellySutra. $8/class or $32/month. 6-7pm Chico Womens Club: Prenatal Yoga. 5:306:30pm DownLo: Open Mic Comedy Night. Free. Pool League. 7pm. All ages until 10pm Madison Bear Garden: Bear-E-oke! 9pm Maltese: Open Mic Music, Signups at 8pm, starts at 9pm. Mug Night 7-11:30pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Yoga Center Of Chico: Sound Healing w. Emiliano (no relation). Breathwork, Meditation, Healing.

24 TUESDAY

Chico Women’s Club: Yoga. 9-10am. Afro Caribbean Dance. $10/class or $35/mo. 5:50-7pm. DownLo: Game night. All ages until 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: Classes and Dancing, 7-11pm, 21+ LaSalles: ’90s night. 21+ Madison Bear Garden: Open Jam Night, featuring a different live band opening each week. Bring instruments, 9pm-1:30am Panama Bar: Tropical Tuesdays ft. Mack Morris & DJ2K. 10pm Studio Inn Lounge: Karaoke. 8:30pm-1am University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Woodstocks: Trivia Challenge. Call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts 6:30pm

25 WEDNESDAY

Chico Women’s Club: Afro Brazilian Dance. 5:30-7pm DownLo: Wednesday night jazz. 8 Ball Tournament, signups 6pm, starts 7pm Duffys: Dance Night! DJ Spenny, Lois, and Jeff Howse. $1, 9pm Farm Star Pizza: Live Jazz with Carey Robinson and Friends. 6pm-8pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Madison Bear Garden: Trike Races. Post time 10pm The Maltese: Friends With Vinyl! Bring your vinyl and share up to 3 songs/12 minutes on the turntable. 9pm-1am The Tackle Box: Open Mic, 9:30pm-12am University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Woodstocks: Trivia Night plus Happy Hour. call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts at 8pm

26 THURSDAY

The Beach: Live DJ, no cover, 9pm DownLo: Live Jazz. 8-11pm. All ages until 10pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm

Has Beans Downtown: Open Mic Night. 7-10pm. Signups start at 6pm Holiday Inn Bar: Karaoke. 8pm-midnight LaSalles: Free live music on the patio. 6-9pm Maltese: Karaoke. 9pm-close Panama Bar: Buck night and DJ Eclectic & guests on the patio. 9pm Pleasant Valley Rec Center: CARD World Dance Classes. 6-7pm/youth 10-17, 7-8:30pm/adults. $20/4classes Quackers: Karaoke night with Andy. 9pm1am Tackle Box: Karaoke with DJ Andy. 9pm1am, 21+ University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Woodstocks: Open Mic Night Yoga Center Of Chico: Ecstatic Dance with Clay Olson. 7:30-9:30pm

27 FRIDAY

The Beach: Live DJ, 9pm Cafe Coda: Friday Morning Jazz with Bogg, happy hour. 10am-2pm Chico Creek Dance Center: Chico international folk dance club. 7:30pm, $2 DownLo: ½ off pool. All ages until 10pm. Live Music, 8pm Duffys: Pub Scouts - Happy Hour. 4-7pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: DJ Dance Party. 8pm-midnight LaSalles: Open Mic night on the patio. 6-9pm Maltese: Happy hour with live jazz by Bogg. 5-7pm. LGBTQ+ Dance Party. 9pm

Panama Bar: Jigga Julee, DJ Mah on the patio. 9pm Peeking: BassMint. Weekly electronic dance party. $1-$5. 9:30pm Quackers: Live DJ. 9pm Sultan’s Bistro: Bellydance Performance. 6:30-7:30pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm

28 SATURDAY

The Beach: Live DJ Battle, 9pm Crazy Horse Saloon: Ladies Night. Line dance lessons, 9-10pm, DJ & dancing, 10pmclose. DownLo: 9 Ball tournament. Signups at noon, starts at 1pm. All ages until 10pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: DJ Dancing. The Molly Gunn’s Revival! 8pm-midnight LaSalles: 80’s Night. 8pm-close Panama Bar: DJ Eclectic on the patio. 9pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Yoga Center of Chico: Open Heart Dances, Poetry, Changing. 7-9pm, 18+, $5-$10 suggested donation

29 SUNDAY

Dorothy Johnson Center: Soul Shake Dance Church. $8-$15. 10am-12:30pm DownLo: Free Pool, 1 hour with every $8 purchase. All ages until 10pm LaSalles: Karaoke. 9pm Maltese: Live Jazz 4-7pm. Tackle Box: Karaoke, 8pm

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Sayonara, Synthesis by RYAN J PRADO (managing editor from 2005-2008)

My first week at Synthesis as a bona fide associate editor was terribly exciting. It was April 2005, I was 24 years old. The Makai were going to be on the cover that week. I’d been writing under Max Sidman, then Maurice Spencer, for about three years at that point, and had been tenderly guided in my efforts to the point where it seemed someone trusted me enough to give me a real shot at doing the thing full-time. I’ll always be grateful for that. That first week, though, there were deadlines to meet, there was copy to edit, there were Frankensteined PC towers jittering with blips and bloops at the strain of high-res photos, and I was trying to balance it all with a smile. Like I belonged there. Like my arrival at exactly the job I wanted to be in was somehow no mere fluke. It was a Thursday and copy was due from all writers Tuesdays by 5pm. The late Matt Hogan wrote the legendary front-of-book column Spew-O-Matic, and no one had heard a peep from him regarding the ETA of his piece that week. Sensing a prime moment to throw me in the deep end headfirst, Spencer asked me if I could call Hogan at home to inquire where his column was. “Just ask him when he expects it to be in?” I asked. “Yeah, it’s two days overdue. We need it in ASAP. Here’s his number.” Got it. So I was to cold-call this staple of the music community, artist community, arbiter of cool things everywhere, scribe of a beloved local column, and ask him why his latest article was two days late. There was a 100 percent guarantee that he had no idea who I was, and had probably never read a word of anything I’d written. The thing was, back then most of the writers and editors for Synthesis, to a certain faction of the cultured populace, were very much like rock stars. Daniel Taylor (once dubbed a “Mall Rats Lester Bangs” by someone I don’t remember), James Barone, Spencer, Max—these dudes were Chico royalty to ex-pat Reddingites like me. Matt Hogan was bigger than even that. He answered the phone after one ring with a gruffy hello. “Hi, Matt?” “....”

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MAR 23 2015

“So I’m Ryan, I work at Synthesis? I was just calling to see when you expected you’d have your column in this week.” “[indiscernible grunt]...” “Sorry? I couldn’t hear you…” I managed. “You cocky little shit. Tell them I’ll have it in when it’s done. [CLICK]” Trembling somewhat, I relayed the succinct information to Spencer, who looked perturbed, but as if this sort of response may have been par for the course. Thusly unfolded my inaugural production week—a ritual that I took part in again around 200 more times over a three-year stint as managing editor. I met Hogan one time in person, later on at some party or another, and he was the sweetest guy. I’d understood why he was given some slack. It’s a strange moment in my admittedly limited trajectory as a journalist/editor/writer, and I’m pretty sure no one else remembers it. In retrospect, the red-hot blush I must have showed prepared me early for what might lie ahead. Not just at Synthesis, but beyond into every fissure of whatever I found myself doing afterward. The world I wanted to run around in was gonna be scary sometimes. But I recognized quickly that I didn’t want it any other way. There are lots of other memories I’ll cherish from my time at Synthesis. Being able to witness some of the creative processes behind two of my favorite columnists ever— Daniel Taylor and Bob Howard—is one of them. Getting the opportunity to have bands play live in my apartment for a Youtube series (the aptly titled “Live at Ryan’s”) is another. But mostly I feel incredibly fortunate to have met people there who 10 years later I still count as some of my best and most talented friends. Bill, Max, James, Daniel, Spencer, Karen, Bibbo, Mandy, Corey, Alan, Robin, Dubs, Becca, Jake, Dain, and lots and lots more I’m sure I’m forgetting (so I’ll just say everyone I encountered there instead… even Light Lion, the groovy hand-trumpet hobo from the Plaza)—thanks for everything. One column I always thought was the creepiest shit was the Meter’s Running column. Schuyler never got the attention he should have for that column. It was really great.

Meter’s Running The Wet Brunette BY HARRY CANYON • ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED FEBRUARY 2007

She stood in the rain under a streetlamp. She just stood there staring blankly down the street. She wore a trench coat and heels. Her hair was long dark and wet. I had a fare in the car, a bunch of drunk guys. They mocked the girl under the streetlamp calling her a sorry ass bitch and shit like that.

cab drivers. She cried out with various curses and I calmed her with sympathetic words. Eventually I coaxed her to the cab and gave her a dry towel that I happened to have with me. While patting herself with the towel she told me her version of the soaking, and expressed how the guilty taxi was the same color as mine.

She certainly looked depressed standing out there in the rain. A large puddle had collected in the street under the lamp. The girl stood there on the curb and looked like she might just allow herself to fall into the puddle like a guy in front of a firing squad. The drunks in the cab laughed and talked more shit as the rain came down even harder. She looked down and away as I closed from down the street.

“That fucking new guy!” I said. “It must have been that asshole new guy.” I acted really angry and said that I would kick his ass when I found him. She started coming around and told me where home was. I backed out of the driveway and lit up the meter. We were only down the street about a block or two when I saw another taxi painted the same color as mine. “There’s that son of a bitch!” I yelled, growling deeply out the back of my throat. I couldn’t even tell who was driving the other taxi but it didn’t really matter, the car was the right color.

At the last second I stepped on the gas and swerved toward the puddle. I couldn’t have hit it better. The wave I sent up onto the sidewalk was like a tsunami at Waikiki Beach. Her ass was soaked and the guys in the cab were howling. Well, I got the drunk guys home and they gave me a fat tip for soaking down Sad Sally back there under the streetlamp. I swung back down there. The girl was still there, sitting on the sidewalk at the base of the lamp. She had her knees in her chest and her face in her palms. A narrow little driveway was just down the sidewalk from where she was sitting. Slowly, without splashing, I waded my taxi through the gigantic puddle and up onto the sidewalk. I put the window down and called out to the wet brunette. She ignored me at first then suddenly lashed out expressing her hatred toward

invited me up to smoke a bowl I locked up the cab and went on up. We didn’t even smoke the bowl. She was on the rebound and just wanted some attention. So I bounced on the rebounding brunette, soaked her down with another tsunami and then bounced out of there. Later at the gas station I ran into the cowardly cabbie. He apologized for a bunch of shit and even gave me some money for swooping one of my fares. I don’t think he really swooped my fare and I don’t know what the hell he was talking about, but I kept the ten bucks anyway.

Quickly I pitched my cab sideways in front of the other taxi. I jumped out screaming mean and ran right up to the other cabby’s window. “You little bitch,” I said. “You splashed that poor girl! And, and you swooped my fare at the Bear,” I spat at his window and kicked the side of his cab. Luckily for me it was one of the lame ass new guys and he didn’t know what was going on or what to do. He just locked the doors and trembled like a coward in the driver seat. I gave him a hard, “See ya later,” and went back to my cab. The wet brunette saw the whole thing. She liked the fact that I defended her. I drove her home. The bars were closed and I knew that she would be the last of the lonely, wandering fares. So when she

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NO MIDDLE GROUN D

ON T H E TOWN — V INC E L AT H A M FACEBOOK.COM /VAN G UARDPHOTOG RAPHY

Service Dogs A couple of nights ago my husband and I went to a local restaurant. I was feeling rather delicate that night and had my service dog Timothy with me. Timothy is a black British Labrador. He is extremely well trained. His training course, led by Katie Gonzales the owner and head trainer of Little Angels Service Dogs lasted seven months. Timothy does a great job of taking care of me and doesn’t pay much attention to anyone unless they force the issue. The hostess invited us to sit on the patio. My husband spoke up. “No, he’s a service dog. It’s okay.” “He’s a service dog? I need to see his papers,” insisted the hostess. “Ah... According to the Americans with Disabilities Act; you can ask me two questions,” I countered. I was already starting to shake and could feel the eyes of the restaurant on me. Unable to deal with the pressure, I left. My darling husband stayed and explained everything. As a student at Chico State, I have interacted with other people with service dogs. I have come across at least three other veterans at school who have well-trained service dogs. In my travels around the country, I have interacted with fantastic, well trained servicedogs and their veterans handlers. After much coaxing, my husband got me to come back inside. The nice hostess led us to our seat and Timothy curled up under my feet and went to sleep snoring loudly. The hostess and the manager were very apologetic. It seems that people with untrained service dogs come into their establishment on a regular basis. Then the poor dog makes a ruckus and disrupts the other customers. The manager assured me that they don’t discriminate against people with disabilities, but they have to take care of their business and protect their

patrons. I’ve heard that before, and I understand. According to the Americans with Disabilities Act, “When it is not obvious what service an animal provides, only limited inquiries are allowed. Staff may ask two questions: (1) is the dog a service animal required because of a disability, and (2) what work or task has the dog been trained to perform. Staff cannot ask about the person’s disability, require medical documentation, require a special identification card or training documentation for the dog, or ask that the dog demonstrate its ability to perform the work or task” (ADA 2010). The ADA gives disabled Americans the protection they need to interact with society with their help of their service animals. However, we in the disabled community have the responsibility to ensure that our dogs are well trained and well mannered. If you are a member of our community and have an untrained service dog, please reach out and get your dog trained. You aren’t doing yourself or the members of your community any favors by insisting upon your rights and then not living up to your end of the deal. Your service dog performs important services for you, and your helper must be given the tools to handle being your constant companion in a world that sees him just as another dog. If you are a veteran, please contact your local VA. If you are not, please talk to your doctor. Having a trained, well behaved service dog is the right thing to do. You will benefit, your dog will benefit and your community will benefit.

by SYLVIA BOWERSOX FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

P R O DUC TIV ITY WAST E D

I M M AC U LAT E I N F E C T I O N

Insomnia and Revolution Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number A SECOND HELPING OF BLOOD AND NEON I know my days as a columnist are numbered, but I’ve got two articles left, so barring an unexpectedly tremendous release in the next week, this will be my last real review. Although I’ve been thinking of subtitles for a Witcher 3 review for a few months, I’m not too displeased that it’s going to be something as substantial as Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number (even if the review is a bit late). The sequel to 2012’s shockingly violent, schizophrenic top-down killer, Wrong Number carries us back into an adrenaline soaked ‘80s nightmare that is at once familiar and different. Developer Dennation Games (a pair of Swedes who may have watched too much Miami Vice while tripping) understands the terrible burden of making a sequel to a smash hit; particularly an indie one that came mostly out of nowhere. On its surface, Wrong Number looks identical to the first Hotline, but playing will reveal that the devs wanted something a little different. The first Hotline was more about brute force, adrenal reflexes, and remembering how you died last time. Clearing a whole level using only melee weapons and jamming to the music was possible, even encouraged. 2 forces the player to be even more tactical, judging the positioning of everyone on the map and quickly killing them in precise order. The stages are more open, most walls have windows, and damn near everyone has a gun. Trying to clear stages using only melee is essentially suicide. Running in and relying on your reflexes is definitely suicide.

in and out of the mechanics, is no longer present, as only a few characters have them. Instead, most of the people you jump around to in this extremely nonlinear story have mandatory gimmicks that you can’t change: a dirty detective aims faster, a pacifistic writer tosses away guns and tries not to kill with his hits, a Russian gangster with a father complex can change fighting styles on the fly, etc. Not only is the mask mechanic demoted, it is even mocked with a series of mask-wearing characters who attempt to emulate the previous game’s protagonist (known only by his clothes as Jacket) and find themselves (like all the other unfortunate characters) woefully out of their depth. Yet at the same time, Wrong Number is still an ‘80s themed top-down action game with onehit-kills and nausea inducing pace, soaked in viscera and synth. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. It is different enough that I remind those who want more Hotline Miami that this will be something new, and similar enough that those who couldn’t stand the pounding bass and gushing blood may want to continue looking elsewhere. Although more cerebral and precise than the first, and a little slow in the beginning, Hotline Miami 2 proves itself a worthy sequel, providing a more tactical challenge, while still occasionally bringing in the pulse-pounding dashing and slashing. And despite such a great predecessor, the soundtrack is just as good.

The first game’s obsession with masks, both

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MAR 23 2015

by ELI SCHWARTZ

LONG -TIME CHICO ICONS GOING OFF - LINE AND EARLY MORNING RUMINATIONS LEAD TO A LONG, HOT BATH It’s 3:30am on the early morning of Saint Patrick’s Day, a.k.a. my 44th birthday. I’ve been tossing and turning in bed, occasionally regurgitating bile into my nose, and ultimately failing to get any sleep. So here I find myself sitting down in front of a computer to write this penultimate Synthesis column. Twenty one years this weekly rag has been leaving its mark on our growing Northern California city. For twenty one years this paper has been humped along on a shoestring budget and the shoestring finally took all it could take and snapped in half. It was a good run. The farewell column is next week, but thanks to everyone who has made this paper run—from the writers to the editors to the salespeople to you the readers. It couldn’t have been done without you all. Speaking of good runs, David Guzzetti just wrapped his long-running radio program Woody and Friends on KZFR, coincidentally also after a twenty one plus year jaunt. The final program was a gem—Guzzetti invited local musicians to fill out most of the program. The audience was treated to songs from Kyle Williams, MaMuse, Gordy “the banjologist” Ohlinger, Jim Brobeck, Scott Itamura, Bill Carter, Mackenzie Zevely Howlett, Aubrey Debauchery, Tom Haithcock, and even a couple of numbers from yours truly. Then David dedicated a short and sweet section at the end of the program to his wife Kim and son Woody. To wrap it all up the remaining musicians entered the studio en masse to sing a lovely version of “So Long.” It was an emotional scene but the emotions were primarily joy and love, tinged with just a hint of sadness. Thanks for twenty one great years David, and thanks for the occasional frittata

and in-season asparagus. Marvin and I will see you soon. Then again, maybe this isn’t a coincidence, these long-time Chico icons going offline—revolution seems to be in the air. Aforementioned long-time music scenester Aubrey Pope a.k.a. Aubrey Debauchery is also leaving our fair burg to migrate north to Portland, Oregon. I’m not totally clear on the timeline, but I do believe Aubrey began performing back when I first came to town in the early 2000s. She could have been a high-school student then, I’m not sure. It’s been a treat to watch her progress musically and stylistically over the years: solo, with the Puke Boots, the Broken Bones, and even a brief stint playing bass in a touring metal band The Abominable Iron Sloth, if memory serves. She has also chosen to act as a mentor for aspiring contemporary high-school musicians. Full circle, revolution, giving back to the community. Well, change can be bittersweet, but change is something we all have to get used to because it’s going to happen, whether we like it or not. Now it’s a little after four. Everyone is asleep but my mind is racing. I think I’ll take a bath and read until it calms down, if it ever does.

by BOB HOWARD Madbob@madbob.com

L ETTERS TO DESMON D

The End Is Nigh. (Part One) Well nerds, the time has come. I’ve been struggling with this for weeks. How do you write a column that will bookend something you’ve been writing every week for eight years? I was hired here at 21, which is the age most people would agree you really flourish as your most terrible and insufferable self. I was no exception to this rule. Looking back at older columns that were fueled mostly by whiskey and vitriol-laced opinions, it occurs to me that this freedom to fail (and occasionally flail) is part of what made Synthesis so great. Over the last eight years, I’ve seen the paper evolve and fluctuate, but Bill has always given us room to use Synthesis as a creative outlet; writing what we wanted, covering the events and stories that mattered to us. I’m not sure yet how I’ll cope with the sudden loss of this resource, suffice to say you will probably see 500-word status updates on Facebook in the near future. I was a Synthesis reader long before I worked here. When I was in high school I’d skulk (I skulked a lot in my teenage years), down to Naked Lounge, read the Synthesis and pretend to do homework. When I was hired as a staff columnist, I felt incredulous that someone (who wasn’t obligated by blood relation) validated me as a writer. That elation was followed by crushing panic and feelings of inadequacy at the thought that I’d be joining the ranks of the prolific Daniel Taylor and whoever wrote the Meter’s Running column, writers who had achieved a near-mythic status in my mind. I feel lucky that I was able to work as the Entertainment Editor for the last six months, and I’m proud of the issues Amy, Emiliano and I curated in our time together. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention some folks that I’d like to give a tip of my hat to.

To Amy and Emiliano: Some might not understand us feeling gratified in spite of the Synthesis’ demise. But they’re idiots who don’t understand what it was like to work here. We wrote and curated stories that were interesting to us. As is the case with anything that runs on a schedule, sometimes stories fell through, or couldn’t happen the way we wanted. But I’m proud of the issues we produced. I’d rather us go out at the top of our game, having written the features we wanted to, the way we wanted to write them, than quietly slipping off the map after a long streak of ambivalent leadership. To my parents: Thank you for still somehow being proud of me after I’ve shared the ins and outs of my fart schedule with all of Chico. To Bill: Thank you for creating this weird, anomalous thing that evolved through a lot of different stages, but never stopped being about celebrating the creativity and agency of our writers, more than how profitable we could be. To the groundhog costume: You smelly, fat fuck. You’ve had more people inside you than a rented-out bouncy house. You smell like mildew and sour milk, and the mesh over your eyeholes is torn and warped so as to nearly stab the wearer’s eye every time there’s the slightest bit of movement. I’ll see you in hell, you furry fucker.

by ZOOEY MAE zooeymae@synthesis.net FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

MARCH 23, 2015 by KOZ MCKEV ARIES

TAURUS

GEMINI

CANCER

LEO

VIRGO

You are re-born. There is nothing to keep you from achieving all you desire. Mars in the first house continues to give you backbone and strength. You are more driven than usual. Work on the little things that will make your personal life thrive. You are more keyed into sensual pleasures than usual. Major family issues could come up Thursday afternoon through Saturday. By Sunday you’ll feel a sense of joy and creativity moving in your life. Trust your instincts. Eliminate the losers that might hold you back from your real potential.

You begin Monday on a strong note with the moon in Taurus. Projects that you initiate are likely to get more attention. Venus in your first house is bringing more love your way. You can relax enough to be receptive to things. Be cautious not to be a part of your own undoing. Economic opportunities are best mid-week. The weekend looks good for short trips, visits with old friends, and catching up with communiques. Your imagination is strong and so are the people that you have karma with. Stay in bed as much as you can.

Your social life continues to make you meet new people. What may have started as a casual affair could soon lead to serious drama. The moon will be in Gemini from early Tuesday morning through Thursday morning. Positive things will be happening for you. Mercury in your career house can help display your brilliance to the public. You are poised to execute your own agenda. The weekend looks good for economic increase, singing songs and self expression. Be aware of your need for personal time to recover.

With the weight of the world heavier on your shoulders now, you are in a place where leadership opportunities continue. Keep honing in on your talents and skills. Social meetings are best dealt with early in the week. Mid week it’s best to pay bills and take care of debt. The moon will be in Cancer Thursday afternoon through most of Saturday night. You can show the world what you’re really made of. If you plan on starting your own business, now would be a good time to try. You have a way with money.

This is a fortunate time for you. You are open to a wide assortment of exotic experiences. This is the best time for travel and pursuing higher education. If you wanted to publish a book, now would be the time. Take whatever risk is necessary. You’re basically preparing yourself for your next act. Do most of your socializing early in the week. Plan on laying low Friday and Saturday. The moon will be in Leo late Saturday night through early next week. Sunday is your power day with positive vibrations enough to go around.

You’re getting a sensory overload. Transformation is a word I throw around too often. This time around, old self-sufficient Virgo needs to depend on others. Sometimes there is getting into debt. Sometimes (and let’s hope it’s this time) you are involved in sexual escapades. Other times people, jobs, pets, and even vehicles are lost for good, dead. You’ve never been one for shallow small talk. Monday goes fairly well, Tuesday through Thursday attend to career challenges. Friday and Saturday are good for socializing. Sunday attend to your spiritual life.

LIBRA

SCORPIO

SAGITTARIUS

CAPRICORN

AQUARIUS

PISCES

Desire meets its potential suitor. This could be more intense than what you bargained for. Venus is in the eighth house pumping up desire, passion and creative resources. A perfect time to engage in creating underground art. Partnerships can be pointed and full of accusations and confrontations. Life without challenges would be boring. Don’t give in to fear, but rise up to the challenge. Tuesday through Thursday morning explore new and unusual areas. Know that good fortune is with you. You are in public demand most of this weekend.

Get off your ass and hit the gym. It’s time to get in shape. Just say no to cookies, candy, cakes, and pie. Eat too much starch, you can’t march. Eat more salads and green veggies. Indulge in protein and omega 3 fats. Start doing stairs, riding your bike, or go dancing regularly. Venus transits your seventh house allowing you more opportunities for romance. You also can do much to help those less fortunate than you during this cycle. Thursday afternoon through Saturday looks good for travel. Die to your ego and do some grunt work.

Play time has arrived in full force for you. You rediscover your inner child. Try skipping instead of walking. If you have children they will be a bigger part of your life. You like fun, thus you are in for good times. Tuesday through Thursday are good for romance. The weekend has things intensifying and it won’t be easy or appropriate to call the shots. You know who your real friends are, ask them for help when needed. Sunday looks perfect for exploring nature or taking a small road trip. It’s also a good day to learn something new.

In order to move forward during the year ahead you must begin with a firm foundation. Think in terms of the good things that your parents did for you. Monday is a power day for you, with the moon in your fifth house giving you confidence in expressing yourself. Tuesday morning through Thursday morning make an effort to be more of a team player at work. Friday and Saturday will be your best days for romance. Keep in mind everyone that you consider to be family in your life. Note how the past can influence the future.

You can’t settle for ordinary knowledge. You are curious about your environment and are ready to work in your element. More of the focus will be on communication, neighborhood, siblings and peers. You should get more joy from working with your hands. On Monday take care of all work related responsibilities. Tuesday through Thursday morning you’ll be feeling playful and be ready to take on creative projects and artistic productions. Use Friday and Saturday to recuperate rather than to rage. Sunday is good for romance and peace making.

Exploring your values in practical ways is what this time of year is about for you. The focus is on diet, voice, money and dental work. Will you help a starving child or get a new tattoo for your neck? Much hinges upon where your deepest values lie. Family and domestic needs are strong Tuesday morning through Thursday morning. Thursday afternoon through Saturday you feel playful or need to deal with children. Sunday lay low and take care of yourself as well as others. Find ways to share what you have to make the world a better place.

Koz McKev is on YouTube, on cable 11 BCTV and is heard on 90.1FM KZFR Chico. Also available by appointment for personal horoscopes call (530)891-5147 or e-mail kozmickev@sunset.net 22

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