Our Voices ‘Keep in mind that it will be very hard to go back to studying if you take a break.’ When I started studying at university I became terrified of making mistakes, choosing the wrong direction or failing a course, as it would add another year to my studies and minimise the chance of me completing my education in time. Taking a break to create a family and returning to studies at a later point would not be an option. ‘Once you have kids, it will be impossible to focus on studies, as you will have your hands full and likely be sleep deprived.’ I realised it would not be possible to combine the studies with a family life, and that I would have to complete my studies without having any children to care for. I would be waking up at all times of night, and I would never be able to find the time and space to focus entirely on my research. ‘It will be hard to get employed right after your studies as people might assume you will want to start a family.’ Even after you have completed your degree, you should not be contemplating creating a family for a while. Every time I applied for a job or talked to a supervisor, I became hyper aware of the topic and made sure to drop into the conversation that I couldn’t imagine settling down for many years yet. As soon as I started university, I decided that I would have to finish my studies as soon as possible before time could run away from me and the opportunities would disappear. I would have to complete my degrees, get hired and work for a few years before having children. Then hopefully not be away from my job for too long raising those children, as that would make it more difficult for me to return to academia. Although the reality might be different, I truthfully believed that to succeed I would have to sign up for a sprint rather than a marathon. Fast forward a few years into my life as a PhD student, and I am starting to spot the flaws in the system. Through a fantastic online support network for female academics, I get a sneak peek
at my possible future – if I am lucky enough to both achieve an academic career and create a family. The women tell stories of being criticised by their families and friends for prioritising ‘work over their families’, and their husbands are praised for ‘helping out with the children’ when the women have work obligations they cannot miss. Fathers would also have to make the difficult decision to leave their children to attend a conference abroad, but it seems more socially accepted to assume the mother will stay behind with the children. I get the impression that they get criticised more harshly – both by men and woman – for leaving their children temporarily in the name of academia. Combining parenthood with an academic career seems like an immense challenge, but more so for women, as they are expected to be the primary carers in the home. This pressure adds to the already existing stress and pressure of completing a university degree – for all genders – in hopes of achieving an academic career. Women are writing conference abstracts and entire theses while their infants are napping. As a step on the road to equality, there needs to be space created for women to have academic careers without being judged by society for sharing the parental responsibilities in the home. It can at times seem as if society wants you to pick one or the other: a family or an academic career. If you want to combine the two as a woman, you need to find an understanding husband or wife who would be willing to ‘sacrifice’ progressing in their own careers as an act of kindness and selflessness for you to pursue your dream. Ever since I became a student, this worry about the future has been at the back of my mind from the very first day I started running. I am trying to do everything and be everything; I never turn down an opportunity, whether it’s teaching, attending training, or presenting at a conference. All to satisfy that tiny voice in my head that tells me I will have to have all my ducks in a row for the day an opportunity for settling down and creating a family might present itself. Whenever a door or a window opens, I will slide a foot or an arm in, to keep the opportunity from closing on me. I am running out of arms and legs as the prospective milestone is closing in on me.
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