FOURTEEN STORIES
LIMITED EDITION [n.
of 100]
First published 2005 by susak press Kuca br. 600, 51561 Susak www.susak.co.uk book n. 1 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 text Š 2005 John Hughes www.mrkrapp.com Designed in Nunhead by Daniel Devlin daniel@f-art.com www.danieldevlin.co.uk www.f-art.com Printed in Plymouth by Latimer Trend & Company Ltd. All rights reseved
FOURTEEN STORIES JOHN HUGHES
sus
ak p
ress
1 TO MY LEFT IS SOMEONE SAD
To my left is someone sad. To my right is a kind face that buys me a drink. To my left is paranoia. To my right is a nice arse and a lovely laugh. To my left is someone talking about death. To my right is sleeping together in front of the T.V. To my left are cokeheads and nazis. To my right are sexy legs and stories. To my left are anoraks and fear. To my right is something not quite right. To my left are broken dreams. To my right is regret. To my left is drink. To my right is drink.
2 YOU CAN’T LOOK AT ME
You can’t look at me. You have to look away. Maybe you should walk away. You cover your ears with your hands. You make trips to the supermarket. You pretend to watch Eastenders. You pretend a lot. You can’t talk to me can you. You can only talk about me. You say things like ‘I will always listen’. Well listen. I have something to say.
3 DADDY IS COMING AT EIGHT
Daddy is coming at eight. Daddy is coming at eight and we are going to have gin and tonic. Maybe Daddy will say how nice I am looking. Maybe Daddy will have brought me chocolate. Daddy likes to do that. Maybe Daddy will have brought me a present. Daddy likes to do that as well. I will pour myself a gin and tonic. My Daddy won’t mind. My Daddy is late. Daddy likes my body. Daddy told me. Lie in the bath and think of Daddy. Daddy told me not to drink gin and tonic. Sssh Daddy sssh.
4 ARE PEOPLE FOLLOWING YOU DEAR
Are people following you dear. Are you looking over your shoulder. Are you. I need to know. Shall we move. Shall we go elsewhere. Is that what you want. Is it. It’s all for the best dear. Who are the flowers for. Are the flowers for him. Forget the past dear. Forget the past. People are noticing things. People want to know. Did you like him. Did he say nice things. Did he fuck you dear. Did he. Did you think he was me.
Listen. We must be proper dear. Yes. Proper.
5 I BELIEVE YOU ARE TRYING TO CHANGE MY MEMORY
I believe you are trying to change my memory. I believe you are not my family. I believe you have abducted me. I believe you are a clone. I believe you have taken my money. I believe you are a nazi. I believe that this is not England. I believe you are lying to me. I believe there are no police. I believe you are not who you say you are. I believe you are pretending to be you. I believe that it’s not you on the telephone. I believe it suits you for me to be ill. I believe you have taken my lover from me. I believe you have taken my children. I believe it is you who are sick. I believe you have taken away my memory. I believe you arrange for people to follow me. I believe the doctors are not doctors. I believe the police are not police.
I believe you are trying to kill me. I believe you are all clones. I believe you want me to kill myself. I believe you are not who you say you are. I believe you want to kill me. I believe I love you. I believe you have changed my memory.
6 FATHER HATES PIZZA
Father hates pizza. Father just wants to drink. Father is sick of weddings, christenings and funerals. Father likes it when I call him father. Father hates old ladies. Father wants someone to sleep next to him at night time. Father wants me to have a hair cut. Father wants me to cut my hair like a little boy. Father drinks brandy. Father makes me sleep on the stairs Father is sick. Father believes his life has been a mistake. Father is standing with his arms out wide. Father makes me scared. Father makes me so scared I can’t open the door. Father doesn’t know who anyone is. Father is confused. Father won’t get out of bed. Father has been sent away.
Father is in the shower. Father is telling jokes. Father goodbye.
7 SO, YOU’RE TELLING THE JOKE ABOUT THE ORANGE
So, you’re telling the joke about the orange And no one is finding it funny. The orange joke. I’m telling the orange joke and no one is laughing. Ok funny guy, that’s enough. Enough funny guy. No more funnies funny guy. Gets a laugh for that one. He gets a laugh. I get the clap. The slow fucking clap. Maybe I’m no funny anymore. You know. Maybe I was never funny.
8 YOU HAVE LAID A TRAP FOR ME
You have laid a trap for me. Yes. I feel like my leg is trapped in a snare. I feel like my leg is trapped in a snare like a deer. I can’t turn. I can’t turn in any direction. You have taken it away from me. You have taken everything from me. You are laying traps for me. You are trying to trick me. You are hunting me. You have run me over. You want to hunt me. You want to hunt me like a deer. I feel like my leg is trapped. I feel like I am in a cage. You have laid a trap for me. You have trapped me like a deer. I feel like a deer.
9 YOU MUST GO
You must go. I want to stay. I want you to go before it’s too late. You want me to go because it suits you. You must leave before they take you. It would suit you if I left. I want you to go so this can stop. I will not leave you. I want you to leave. You want me dead.
10 YOU ARE MY BURGER KING
You are my burger king. Daddy is my burger king. You are my burger king and my fuck and my fags. Daddy is my burger king. My fuck and my fags. Your Daddy is dead. My Daddy is alive. You are my burger king and your Daddy is dead. My Daddy is my burger King. My Daddy is alive. We are in Gatwick and your Daddy is dead. You are in Gatwick and I am dead. I am your burger king, your fuck and fags. You are my burger king, my fuck and fags. We are in Gatwick and your Daddy is dead. We are in Gatwick and my Daddy is dead. We are in Gatwick and Daddy is dead. We are in Gatwick and Daddy is dead.
11 I WISH I WAS MARLON BRANDO
I wish I was Marlon Brando. I wish I could fuck like Marlon Brando. Be fat like Marlon Brando. Spread butter like Marlon Brando. Put oranges in my mouth like Marlon Brando. Be Marlon Brando. I wish I could be Marlon Brando.
12 OF COURSE, EVERYONE WARNED ME ABOUT YOU
Of course, everyone warned me about you. Everyone warned me about mother. Don’t fall for mother they said. It won’t last they said. You’ll be in a mess they said. We showed them eh mother. I’m gone. Mother I’m gone. A drink mother. Sorry, stupid question. Two whiskeys please. Mother takes water. The fairground. Do you. Of course you do. Another stupid question. Must be the whiskey eh mother. Oh how we laughed mother. How we laughed.
Just you and me back then mother. Soft sand on the feet. Water cool as you like. Yes. Cool as you like. Just you and me tonight mother. Just mother and me. Take a walk mother. Mother take a walk. Careful mother careful. Lie on the bed mother. The TV. Don’t forget the T.V On the covers. The ďŹ rst night. Do you remember. Both nervous eh mother. Tell me if I hurt you mother. So mother. Tell me if I hurt you.
Under the covers. Like the sea mother. Yes. Just like the sea.
Mother doesn’t understand. Makes no sense to mother.
The pier my love. We still have the pier. You should see it. All the way to the sea my love. We could walk it. You and me mother.
You know nothing’s changed much. Everything’s just got older.
13 I STAND BY THE WINDOW
I stand by the window. I press my face to the window. I press my face to the window and make circles with my mouth. I was Nina Simone. I was Billy Holiday. I was Betty Davis. I was Lauren Bacall. I am a singer. I am a silent movie star. I am from the silent movie era. I took a picture. I took a picture of the life we had. I hid this picture. I hid this secret high above. I stand by the window. I watch the cars. I watch the cars and make circles with my mouth.
14 TO MY LEFT IS CHEAP PLASTIC WINE
To my left is cheap plastic wine. To my right is don’t go, don’t go and guilt. To my left are moustaches and stella. To my right is popular psychology and self dating. To my left are silences on the telephone. To my right is I think you’re crazy maybe. To my left is don’t mix your drinks. To my right is trying to be Phil Mitchell. To my left is I am a celebrity. To my right is get me the fuck out of here. To my left is you. To my right is me.