Marilou Coombes Home-schooling - Un-schooling!

Home-schooling -Un-schooling!

by Marilou Coombe

My name is Marilou. I am a mumma of two energetic boys aged 9 and 11 who are currently home-schooling/un-schooling! We started our journey in the schooling system because I thought that would be best for our eldest, who liked structure and the certainty it offered.

As time went on, we noticed a decline in his behaviour. He would emotionally explode daily after school, as he held all his emotions in for the day. In grade 1, the principal complimented his bravery and strength for not crying after he hurt himself quite badly in the playground. That should have been the red flag to his emotional outbursts.

“Our eldest was becoming a people pleaser and defiant at home; his safe place to express himself, even if negatively.”

The pandemic has been the biggest blessing for us. We really got a glimpse of how rigid the schooling system is. Our eldest was becoming a people pleaser and defiant at home; his safe place to express himself, even if negatively. We also got a glimpse of the learning material which was questionable. With lockdowns, mandated mask wearing and so much uncertainty around going to school, it was an easy decision to leave the system.

Is it easy? No definitely not! Is it harder? No

There are pros and cons whatever you decide because it all comes down to perspective and what home-schooling means to each family. The benefits of home-schooling won for us though, so despite the challenges we have faced, I personally prefer these challenges over what we faced sending them to school.

Right now, I would say we are un-schooling and unlearning more than home-schooling! We don’t follow a particular curriculum or have set lessons. We occasionally download maths sheets the boys ask for. We looked into a variety of online school type of programs, none which the boys showed interest in. We’ve also attended a variety of pods/co-ops that has been beneficial.

We’re still finding our feet, and I have peacefully concluded that we will be forever finding our feet as needs change and we naturally progress. I also concluded that it’s no different to the progression if they were at different stages at school. Just take it one day at a time and focus on our internal happiness and daily needs.

Since our decision to home-school, many have approached me for advice. Here are some things I share with them that will hopefully be helpful to others on a similar journey.

“Even when we think our children are not learning, they are absorbing so much as their brains develop.”

1 – Work out what it means for your family. Your children are unique, and have their own needs as do you! What works for other families, may not work for yours. I find this all depends on each family’s values. Comparison and expectation create stress! This is why I feel like one needs to un-school first. We are so programmed to think that learning happens in a specific way, when in fact we are learning ALL OF THE TIME. Even when we think our children are not learning, they are absorbing so much as their brains develop.

2 - Socialisation is the biggest concern I get questioned about as parents, concern about not having their children at school with friends. My take on this is - children don’t actually socialise at school. Most are learning how to fit in, people please, avoid being bullied and regulate their emotions as best as possible. Even when my boys were at school, real socialisation happened outside of school, in their after-school activities. As they got older, they had to navigate the playground avoiding bullies and working out where, and how to fit in.

The difficult part with home-schooling I have found is the consistency in which they caught up with friends made thru different programs we have attended. What I’ve observed is their ability to get along quickly with a variety of children and have an open mind to who they converse with.

“I do know that children excel when they follow a passion or dream naturally.”

3 - Worries about high school and university capability are very common. My answer for this – it’s in the future and we’ll worry about it when it comes around. If a child is mentally and emotionally mature, then what they need to learn to attend high school and/or uni will just happen. They may or may not want to go. I do know that children excel when they follow a passion or dream naturally. I won’t spend today worrying about what they may or may not do in the future.

We don’t have set routines although we aim to start the day slowly, spend time in nature, incorporate reading, writing and art, and watch movies, bake and cook, and have LOTS of connection. I love the questions their expanding minds always come up with.

If you are thinking about getting on this journey, drop into your intuition and always follow your child’s lead. You and they will always know what is right for your family.

Marilou Coombe is a youth and family mentor, trainer and facilitator. FB: www.facebook.com/ orchestratewithmarilou Email: marilou@orchestrate.cc

Image Credit: Marilou Coombe