5 minute read
Mental Health First Aid for Children
By Olivia Sinco
When my first child was born, the Maternal Child Health Nurse taught me a very useful mirroring technique. She advised that, as soon as those first beautiful cooing noises appear, mimic the exact sound and intensity back to the baby. This is our first opportunity to give our children a voice and confirm that they’re being heard.
I’ve been using a variation of this technique increasingly in the classroom recently. The first necessity for a child experiencing intense emotion is to create a safe space for them to talk and feel heard and simply repeat their words back. Here’s how it played out: The 6-year-old, “After this I want to go to the gym to play.” Me: “I’m in charge of your schedule, ask that as a question and say please.” Mr 6 repeats request as a question. Me: “I understand you need to have a break in the gym and a little play, but we have five minutes of writing to do.” Mr 6 makes a snarling face and stamps foot. Me: “I can see you’re really mad.” My 6: “YES! AND IT’S YOU MAKING ME MAD!” Me: “I can see your face and stamping foot; you must be really, really mad right now?” Mr 6: “YES, I JUST WANT TO GO TO THE GYM.” Me: “I understand, you need a break, yet we haven’t done writing yet.” I point to my watch. “I can see that it’s lunchtime in a few minutes, then we’ll be out with all the children on the playground. Please sit down, I will help you do a couple of minutes of writing, then we’re done. Would you like to write about being mad? How about bring your lunchbox over so it’s all ready.”
It is important not to be bossed by your child, as there’s a fine line between meeting their needs and giving in to their demands. I could clearly see this little guy needed a movement break, however my job is to help him control his anger and actions, to expand his capacity and fit in socially. I must hear him, encourage him to use self-control and meet his need without being manipulated. Eating time is a huge morale boost for kids, so I used distraction by reminding him that playtime closely follows eating. Appointments schedules for Psychology, Occupational Therapy and Speech Pathology are bursting at the seams and the intense behaviour we are experiencing at home from our children may seem daunting. We may feel powerless to make a positive impact on our children’s mental health.
However, are we powerless? Absolutely not! Parents, I believe hold immense power in affecting child mental health and it can be as basic as the baby mirroring technique I described. We simply need to adapt it, to allow for our crafty little creatures and their incessant attempts to get what they want. Here’s an example of how you can respond at home to their issues. “Oh no, you fought with (best friend) and the others took his/ her side?” “That must have felt terrible, how did it start?” “You told the teacher yet he didn’t think it was important? I certainly don’t agree with that…you must have felt very disappointed?” “You had to eat and play by yourself? That must have felt very lonely.” At this point, there might be a sympathy demand, that only iPad or PlayStation time will fix the feelings. Be alert! Because he/she will be looking to numb his/her feelings whilst taking advantage of your attention and compassion! Screen time is not the need - being heard and validated is. Stand your ground, you are still in charge despite showing your softer side. It could sound like this: “No, we’re not doing that right now, how about you help me with dinner? You could choose whether we have meatballs or schnitzel, or whether we make rice or potatoes. You may also choose whether we eat on the deck or inside. It’s tricky to stay neutral when they try to take advantage of us, but that’s kids! Just because they attempt to manipulate, doesn’t mean that their emotion wasn’t real. Our job is to keep that strong backbone as in, I care about you and what happens to you, but it
doesn’t mean I’m going to give in to your demands. It is important to teach them that working through a problem involves discussion, thought and connection, not reaching for the quick fix. Making connection is so simple through a task without having to set up anything special. The conversation could even take place while unpacking groceries, as including them in our daily routine is win-win; they’re gaining life skills while getting their need to be heard met.
Giving kids’ space to be heard is an amazing emotional first aid technique to diffuse times of intense emotion. We can also build overall wellbeing daily, by practising hearing our kids in many incidental ways around the home. We may even hear their feelings that are not being voiced!
Olivia Sinco is an Education Support Worker, Facilitator of the 21st Century Parenting Program and artist. Check out here blog HERE
Image Credit: Pixabay
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