Mental Health Matters

Bullying Behaviours

By Derran Heney Mental Health Professional

Bullying, harassment and horizontal violence: Can we engage in these behaviours without awareness?

Bullying behaviours are on the increase and, despite what people believe, are not only reserved for the school playground with conflict over lunch money. However, this can undoubtedly be where bullying behaviours are first identified.

In the larger world, it plays out on television, radio, social media platforms, sometimes role modelled by those we often look up to. Examples are everywhere you turn these days. Usually, this is subtly obscured by the notion that not only are we entitled to our opinions, which is true, but that we are entitled to put others down or shame them for their opinion, belief and values, especially when different to our own. There seems to be less healthy debate and more personal attack and defensive stances taken. People nowadays seem to have less awareness of their words and choices especially on social media platforms, where there appears to be a false surety that writing bullying type messages are less damaging. This is incorrect as written words often have more impact. This is shameful as many others read them and it is written forever. These posts are also open to being misinterpreted and can allow others to get on board and engage in the same behaviours.

“Bullying behaviours are on the increase…”

There’s an awkward trend playing out on social media especially, where expressing an opinion in a public forum sees one shot down in flames by those of a different opinion. In severe cases, long-lasting friendships are severed by the toxicity. This is where you see good people essentially feel entitled to express themselves, without appropriate thoughtfulness and kindness.

Horizontal violence is referring to workplace toxicity and verbal attacks are referring to other situations that are specifically occupational.

Harassing type behaviours are usually required to be repetitive to be termed harassment, yet any of these repetitive behaviours can be classified as bullying and harassing.

Harassing type behaviours are usually required to be repetitive to be termed harassment, but “Can anyone feel safe to have an opinion different from

any of these repetitive behaviours can be classified as bullying and harassing.

• Passive threats and insinuations of harm • Talking in a toxic way to others about someone – to conquer and divide • Arguing, put-downs, abusive language • Singling out others, naming, labelling, shaming

It leads me to ask where and how did we get so off course? When there is an option to walk away, remain silent or scroll on past, why are we so defensive? Can anyone feel safe to have an opinion different from our own anymore? How can we modify and check our behaviour, so that we are not engaging in bullying behaviours?

What to do? Do the self-check!

Be aware of your words; spoken or written. Words can hurt; they can stick like glue, meaning they can be remembered for

“Look in the mirror.

Would you like your behaviour if you were on the receiving end?”

a long time after and not necessarily be forgiven easily. They are often too, the most common aspect of any interaction that people most regret; after all is said and done you cannot take it back.

Be more open-minded and curious about who people are and more importantly, why they may do things differently. Should we really think and act all the same? Should it really threaten us if others think differently?

Every opportunity that challenges us is also an opportunity to resolve the conflict within and heal.

Do your self-work; why does something that differs from your belief hurt you? Why do we lack acceptance of others? Do we lack acceptance of ourselves?

More questions to ask ourselves: Is it worth it? Remain aware of yourself and your actions. What is the ripple effect of your words and actions? Are they kind, necessary, truthful, understanding? Remember that we are all accountable for our actions and also the broader ripple effect of our actions. We may inadvertently hurt people beyond measure and not even realise it unless we get real about what we put out in the world and work hard to address it. Look in the mirror. Would you like your behaviour if you were on the receiving end? Mirror work is so important; what do you see of yourself in the mirror, what of your behaviour is reflected back at you? How would you prefer a person to behave when holding a different opinion? Being respectful and thoughtful is often preferred, so we have a choice of how we respond.

Share your feelings with someone you trust. Working through feelings about these issues can help shed light on issues and see through other’s perspectives.

As humans, we have an amazing ability to heal ourselves and others. Let’s always choose kindness, gentleness, compassion and consideration towards others and ensure we are role modelling the kindest behaviour for our next generations to come.

If you need further assistance or are worried about someone, Make a call!

Lifeline 13 11 14 Kids Helpline 1800 551 800

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