Russell’s Way

Russell Harrower has grown up with deformity and disability, in foster care and with bullying a part of daily life. So much so, at times he wished his mum had let him die at birth!

What were you bullied for?

“As a child, I was bulled for a deformity in my left hand, having no neck and for not fitting in with the rest of the children.”

How did that make you feel?

“Honestly, when you are brought up in a Foster Care System with abuse at home and abuse/bullying at school, it’s very upsetting, but the bullying at home was the worst of the two evils.”

What was your first experience of bullying?

“I can’t recall the first, but I was called ‘4 finger freak’ all through school. I was called names like ‘no-neck’ and ‘ET’. At 18-19, I started doing drag shows; the other queens bullied me because I couldn’t move my hand like they did.”

Did that impact your life?

“Yes. I prefer to be by myself, I don’t like going out and would rather stay at home in front of my computer or lying with the dogs. With one arm longer than the other, and my deformed hand, which for a long time I chose to hide, it was embarrassing and difficult and messed me up mentally.”

“However, at some time in our lives, we all have to build a bridge and move on, and it’s taken a while to realise this but ‘life can be crap’ - it’s what you take away from it that matters.”

Was there a resolution to the bullying?

“Nope, I just kept moving schools and foster homes. I left school early in year 11 due to abuse happening in my last foster home (not by the foster parents), and as for the drag queens that bullied me, let’s say I worked my magic on stage and people loved it. Don’t let anyone ever tell you you’re not good enough!”

On the bullying issues you raised in question 1, how did they impact your life?

“I have always had health issues; I was born with a hole in my heart, no bone in my left thumb and many more disabilities. I didn’t look like the rest of the kids!

“I think having disabilities affects everyone differently. I often feel like an outcast. I feel like I don’t belong and wish that at birth, mum would have told the docs not to fix my heart and let me die. Yeah, that’s how I felt. But I do believe that we’re on this earth for a reason.

“As a gay teenager, I expected major bullying, but the bullies didn’t care about my sexual orientation, not with my physical issues so obvious. It’s funny because the one experience that turned my world upside down, for a moment was

when I was singing in high school and forgot the words. I froze - out of nowhere the bullies started chanting my name! It was surreal hearing the same people that taunted me start supporting me, albeit just briefly.

“After high school, I bumped into one of my old bullies at a Pride event with his partner, we ended up chatting and he apologised for the things he said back then!”

Have these experiences shaped your life?

“I’m more caring of others, I try to be positive where possible and I don’t judge people on their past or disabilities. After all, we all have things we can and can’t do. Being less

fortunate and having the upbringing I did, often make me question why. Why me? Why did I have to suffer? But I’ve realised it was only me allowing myself to be hurt, and allowing myself to suffer. You learn quickly when you have a disability, either use it to your advantage or hide it. I did both, when kids would call me ET; I started doing ET impersonations.

“After having my hand operation, moving my index finger to make a thumb, got called ‘Captain Hook’ because of the inserted metal hook hanging out of this thumb/index finger. Surprisingly, it helped some of the kids understand what was happening and that was cool!”

How have these experiences helped you grow as a person?

“I’m still trying to work that one out; because we are always growing, and always learning. The biggest thing I believe now is - don’t judge a book by its cover.”

What suggestions would you offer people being bullied?

“Tell someone! Maybe not the popular answer, but if you don’t talk to someone and let it build up, you just risk creating more issues later in life. “Sometimes bullies bully because they too are going through a hard time, be it at home, or because they’re also trying to fit in. You have to love yourself, as Rupaul says, “If you don’t love

yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?””

If you could leave our readers with one heartfelt message, what would that be?

“Be kind and love yourself and others and, if a teen is reading this, remember it does get better.”

Samantha Duly CSNU Spiritual Medium & Tutor

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