How to Help a Grieving Family

I get so many people asking what ideas I have for helping someone who just lost a loved one. We all care, we just don’t know what to do or how to help, and we really don’t want to make anyone feel worse. Several years into my own grieving process, I have a few ideas. Please feel free to share this page. We all will experience some form of loss or death - it’s just part of life.

Right after the death happens:

- Send a quick text or email showing love and concern - if you don’t send this message, the person will wonder why. I did. I really was hurt by some close people that didn’t even mention the GIANT elephant in the room. It’s so devastating to lose a loved one. Lots of LOVE is needed to sustain the family dealing with this burden and every text is welcome. What if everyone said, “oh I don’t want to bother them”. The family would feel pretty lonely and unloved. The family probably won’t answer you back and if they do consider yourself lucky, but keep checking in anyway.

- Do something, anything. Don’t ask the family how you can help. They won’t tell you and will say they are okay. No one likes to ask for help and most have a very hard time accepting it. Anything you do for the family will be very much appreciated and nothing is the wrong thing to do.

- Offer to take pictures at the funeral and at the cemetery. Every picture will be so precious and important...even the casket ones, if they want this. A professional would be best, but any photos will do. Lots of family and friends will be attending so pictures will be welcome.

- Deliver a care basket with finger foods such as rolls, cheese and meat, granola bars, muffins, apples, grapes, oranges, trail mix - things to eat quickly but allows them to still get energy to do what they need to do. The family coming into town might not have time to go shopping, so this will really help. Remember to include paper goods so there will be no cooking or dishes that will edd to be dealt with.

- Offer to watch their children or pets so they can make funeral arrangements. There are so many details to work out, it’s so exhausting and it all has to happen in a matter of a few days.

- Clean their house and put flowers all over while they are at the hospital so they will come home to a bunch of love.

- If you are a close friend or family member, ask to help pay bills and organize this area of their life.

The bills will keep piling up and it gets overwhelming, so a clear head might help the situation and relieve some stress.

- Start a fund account, especially if it was a young or unexpected death and unplanned for. Many funds take a portion, so I found the best way to send is directly to the family’s bank account.

- Offer the extended family to sleep at your house. They may have already paid a last minute expensive price for airfare, so if you can save them money on hotels this would greatly help out. Or offer your skymiles for the family to use. This will be greatly appreciated.

- If you have extra money, you can offer to pay to print the programs, or pay for headstone, the burial site, or the casket. You can pay for the flowers, a funeral dress for the mom, or the dinner afterward for the family. You could pay for the plane tickets, the hotels, or the medical bills. It’s so unfortunate after a loved one dies, the pain is so heavy and you feel as though you have lost everything, and then you are slapped with all these never-ending bills that you never wanted. So monetary gifts are always appreciated.

Some more ideas

-Mow their lawn -Make sure their garbage gets out to the curb -Bring over a home cooked meal -Put up luminaries in their yard to honor their loved one -Bring over cookies or brownies -Offer to answer phone calls and the doorbell -Send a fuel card -Pray for the family or put their names on a prayer roll -If you don’t know what to do, just offer a giant HUG!

A few weeks or months after the death:

-Take them out to lunch -Keep checking in and showing love -Offer to babysit so they can have a moment to grieve -Bring over flowers to brighten their day -Sit and listen while they cry or talk -Say their loved ones name often -Remember birthdays and special events -Ask how they are really doing -Don’t expect them to keep commitments -Don’t be offended if they don’t call you back -Acknowledge that they are sad and having a hard time -Ask about their loved one that died, favorite things, personality, favorite memories, etc. -Just be a constant friend

**Remember, everyone grieves differently and it is a life-long journey. Let the person grieve how they need to and don’t push them to “get over it already”. Some people don’t accept service well, so don’t be offended if they don’t seem to appreciate it. They really will welcome all the love shown and the effort made.

Tiffany Hebb - IG: Holisticgrievingmom