The Story Matters
Calendar p.14 Party under the big top with crazy clowns and cool acrobats at Kooza, the newest show from Cirque du Soleil.
Vol. XXV No. 42
November 4, 2010
Visit us at sunpostweekly.com
PUFF, PUFF...PASS? Miami Beach Likely to be Next Battleground for Marijuana Pro-legalization Effort MAYHEM P.4
PROFILE P. 6
POLITICS P. 8
NEWS P. 8
FILM P. 18
GO! P. 22
SOCIETY P. 23
SEE PAGE 10 SEX P. 26
EXECUTIVE EDITOR Kim Stark firstname.lastname@example.org SOCIETY EDITOR Jeannette Stark email@example.com COPY EDITOR Mary Louise English
PRESIDENT & PUBLISHER Kim Stark firstname.lastname@example.org ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER Stuart Davidson email@example.com ACCOUNTING Sandie Friedman
CALENDAR EDITOR Jake Orsinni firstname.lastname@example.org
SALES DIRECTORS Jeannette Stark Manny Duran
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Jeffrey Bradley Charles Branham-Bailey Stuart Davidson Marguerite Gil Jennifer Fragoso John Hood Dr. Sonjia Kenya Joshua Malina Ruben Rosario Mary Jo Almeida-Shore Michael Sasser Kim Steiner
Gustavo Abdelnour FOUNDER Jeannette Stark PUBLISHER EMERITUS Felix Stark (1929-1995) WEB SITE sunpostweekly.com PRODUCTION Blue Studio
CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Stuart Davidson Jennifer Fragoso Marguerite Gil Ines Hegedus-Garcia Jipsy Mary Jo Almeida-Shore Mitchell Zachs
MAILING ADDRESS P.O. Box 191870 Miami Beach, FL 33119 MAIN LINE 305.482.1785
FOR ADVERTISING & RATE INFO: Please call 305.482.1785 or email email@example.com SUBSCRIPTIONS First class mailing subscriptions are available at $150 per year. Call 305.538.9797. Copyright: The entire contents of SunPost are copyright 2010 by SunPost Media Inc. No portion may be reproduced in whole or part by any means including electronic media without the express written consent of the publisher. Covering Miami Beach, North Bay Village, Surfside, Bay Harbor Islands, Bal Harbour, Sunny Isles Beach, North Miami, North Miami Beach and Aventura, Coconut Grove, Brickell Avenue, Downtown, Design District, Wynwood, Upper Eastside, and Miami Shores.
Page 2 • Thursday, November 4, 2010 • SunPost Weekly • www.sunpostweekly.com
www.sunpostweekly.com • SunPost Weekly • Thursday, November 4, 2010 • Page 3
Tropical Mayhem BITS AND PIECES OF MIAMI LIFE
O.D.M. Design Check out these amazing watches from O.D.M. Design. They put a modern twist on the classic wristwatch by creating fashionable yet unexpected styles. Established in Hong Kong in 1999, these pieces are made for the cool kids who love to look different. And, you will be wearing art. O.D.M. has received a multitude of international design awards for their funky and futuristic pieces. Buy yours locally at the Marimekko store, 3940 North Miami Ave in the Design District, or online at odmshop.com
Naked Pizza, Delish! Lets talk about Naked Pizza. New to the beach, it’s some of the best pie I have ever had. Thin crust, crispy, fresh, delicious and wholesome. Yes, I said wholesome. Naked Pizza (love the name) is on a mission to change the fast food industry by delivering a delicious, convenient and affordable pizza that’s part of a healthy lifestyle. Its an all-natural pizza, featuring an "ancestral blend" of 10 grains and prebiotic fiber. What does that all mean? Well, it’s actually good for you. It is not that dry, grainy, tasteless pizza that feels like you are chewing on a piece of board. We have all been the health food route, hoping to find a better alternative, and have ended up tossing it. Enter Naked Pizza. If I sound like I’m raving, then yes, I am raving about this za. It has half the calories of other pizza and their menu boasts unprocessed ingredients that are free of additives, trans fat or other “freaky” chemicals. So, jump on their Fast Food Revolution and head to Naked Pizza where you can buy a 10” pie for $4.99. Yum! Naked Pizza, 1260 Washington Ave; (on the corner of 13th Street) South Beach. You can also order online at nakedpizza.biz Page 4 • Thursday, November 4, 2010 • SunPost Weekly • www.sunpostweekly.com
Miami through my iphone
GOOD AND EVIL by Ines Hegedus-Garcia - miamism.com - firstname.lastname@example.org I can’t help but think that Jade Ocean and Jade Beach in Sunny Isles Beach, are high-rise evil twins. There’s something about their stark similarities and their black and white contrast that makes me smile. One thing is for sure, they are my favorite condos in the Sunny Isles area, from amenities, to finishes, scale, distribution....you name it! And in case you were wondering, I photograph them every time I’m in the area, not kidding - this shot is from Epicure’s rear parking lot, across the street.
OPENING DAY AT NAKED PIZZA WAS PACKED WITH PEOPLE CLAMORING TO TRY IT.
MIAMI, SPEAK YOUR MIND! We welcome submissions to Tropical Mayhem. To get your business or item considered for publication, email a hi-res photograph and a description to email@example.com.
www.sunpostweekly.com • SunPost Weekly • Thursday, November 4, 2010 • Page 5
PEOPLE IN THE COMMUNITY YOU SHOULD KNOW
Tara Rose Love Purveyor Compiled By Kim Steiner Who are you? Tara Rose, owner of Ring Finger Studio What do you do in real life? I sell Engagement Rings and Wedding Bands made only with conflict free diamonds and recycled precious metals out of our Midtown Miami Studio. This means that our diamonds haven’t funded any wars or human rights violations, and our metals (like white gold, yellow gold, and platinum) come from secondary refineries, assuring that they aren’t from any newly mined sources. What do you like most about what you do? Aside from being surrounded by diamonds all day (who wouldn’t love that?!) I get to meet with couple after couple who are in love. We create the most important pieces of jewelry they’ll ever own, jewelry that is a life-long symbol of their commitment to each other. I feel really fortunate to be a part of that. How do you get creative? I let YOU get creative. I’ve stocked the studio with over 150 customizable sample rings. Customizable means you can add decorative finishes, you can choose the type of metal, or even design a two-tone ring. Diamonds and colored stones can be added to almost any style you choose, and you can even combine design features from several different styles into a brand new look. What’s inspiring you design-wise now? A lot of our rings harken back to jewelry from the 1920’s and take some serious inspiration from the Deco movement that is still so integral to Miami’s identity. What are the trends for 2011 in jewelry? Pave set diamonds will remain popular in engagement rings because they create extra sparkle that can make even a modest center diamond appear nearly twice it’s original size. Who are your current style icons or muses? Audrey Hepburn, Alexander McQueen, Vivienne Westwood, and Chloe Sevigny. What about Miami has surprised you the most? I’ve been surprised to find how many people in Miami speak Spanish. Goal for the new year, learn Spanish! How would you describe your personal style? I like classic, sort of timeless pieces with an odd quirk. I also love statement shoes. What do you do now, that you did not do 5 years ago? I drive - a lot! I prefer the NYC subway. What dream have you had that you have accomplished? I’ve been in the jewelry industry basically my entire life (my Dad is a designer), but I’ve always wanted to develop an eco-friendly luxury brand, hence, Ring Finger Studio. If you had to move to a deserted island what 2 items would you take? My ipad and a solar powered charger, oh and my engagement ring…sorry I need three. Something new, that you have just discovered about yourself? I figured with Miami’s wonderful weather and my love of organic food, I would plant a small vegetable garden. Turns out I’m a terrible gardener! What are your guilty pleasures? Real Housewives…I love them all! One luxury that you cannot live without? Chanel perfume. Three Words to describe you? Passionate, Driven, Loving
Page 6 • Thursday, November 4, 2010 • SunPost Weekly • www.sunpostweekly.com
ADAMS VETERINARY CLINIC Full Service Clinic: Surgery • Boarding • Medical • Dental X-rays • Ultrasound • Diagnostics Small Mammals, Dogs, Cats, & Exotics
ADAMS VETERINARY CLINIC: 672 NE 79 ST, MIAMI • 305.757.7309
Pantoni Chair $265
KMP FURNITURE SHOWROOM: 6444 Biscayne Blvd., Miami • 305-438-1797 kmpfurniture.com
www.sunpostweekly.com • SunPost Weekly • Thursday, November 4, 2010 • Page 7
Can He Say That? COLUMN
“The King is a Fink! The King is a Fink!” By Charles Branham-Bailey firstname.lastname@example.org
When last I visited the matter five weeks ago, Norman the Auto Magnate was only threatening to summon up the punitive powers of a recall campaign against the hapless and increasingly-beleaguered Carlos the Arrogant. What a difference a month makes: Now the Braman Bull has, much quicker than expected, accrued almost twice the necessary petition signatures to mount a Norman-dy Invasion of County Hall. One of my fave cartoons, Parker & Hart’s The Wizard of Id, regularly features the foibles of a dwarfish monarch hated by his peasant subjects who frequently, churlishly protest, “The King is a fink!” One can almost detect the scent of fear permeating the Stephen Clark Center these days as Stormin’ Norman’s petition-and-pitchfork brigade draws up to the imposing castle to demand the fink inside let down the drawbridge, emerge, and abdicate already. Come and get your peasant revolt on, folks! County politics is about to get quite rip-roaringly loud, vicious, and animated... ( * denotes actual quotes culled from several recent news sources.) SENTRY: Halt! Who goes there? NORMAN BRAMAN: It’s the Braman Brigade! Send out the king! We have this fortress surrounded. There’s no escape from the wrath of the local citizenry! SENTRY: You cannot have the king! Now leave and return to your homes at once or you will be repelled by all the king’s horses and all the king’s men! BRAMAN: Ha! SEND OUT THE KING! SEND OUT CARLOS THE ARROGANT BEFORE WE TAKE A TORCH TO THIS PLACE, YOU KNUCKLE-HEADED KNAVE! SENTRY (turning to King Carlos): The mob is getting unruly, sire! Thousands of ‘em! They’re bearing PITCHFORKS! And TORCHES! And... VOTER REGISTRATION CARDS! KING CARLOS (observing from the safety of a castle parapet high above): Oh, it’s just the peasants and that stupid old rabble-rouser, Norman Braman. “Full of sound and fury, yet signifying nothing.” SENTRY: They’re all stirred up, sire! Like a hornet’s nest! Never seen ‘em so angry! CARLOS: Really? What else do you see? SENTRY: Looks like they’ve got a cart with them! COMMISSIONER BARBARA JORDAN (peering down from the parapet, through opera glasses): Heavens! That’s the one they pull the condemned in! To the public square in Bayfront Park to meet – COMM. SALLY HEYMAN: – “Madame Guillo-
tine!” COMM. DENNIS MOSS: What we have to do is not allow ourselves to be bullied! * JORDAN: There is a movement going on that anytime the commission takes action that certain people disagree with, they feel that by threatening the commission or threatening the mayor it will force the commission or the mayor to do what they want to do. By giving in to that, we’re giving in to tyranny! * [COLUMNIST’S INTERJECTION: No, Barbara, you’re seriously confused. That would be democracy.] COMM. JOSÉ “PEPE” DIAZ (shouting down to Braman): You’re a citizen. You have a right. But you’re opening Pandora’s Box! * BRAMAN: THEN LET IT BE OPENED! CARLOS: (touching his collar) I don’t want to lose my head! Uhhh – ask him if he’d like my two county SUVs instead. SENTRY: The king says you can have his county cars! BRAMAN: I don’t need cars, you fool! I sell ‘em! We want HIM! THE MOB (chanting): SEND OUT THE KING! SEND OUT THE KING! COMM. NATACHA SEIJAS: Let them eat funnel cake, the ungrateful little shits! MOSS: Listen, my colleagues. If they take our king off to the guillotine, they’ll come for us next! That is why we must band together to present a united defense! They will claim we are just as responsible for this county’s mess as he is and then they’ll demand my head, and yours Pepe, and yours Barb – ALL of us will be carted off to Chop-Chop Square! (Carlos and the commissioners stack their hands, one on top of the other.) JORDAN: All for one... MOSS: ...AND ONE FOR ALL! SENTRY: Sire, they’re starting to force the door! CARLOS: Katy, bar the door! COMM. KATY SORENSON: Nuh-uh. No way! You’re on your own. I’m outta here! I’m retiring, remember? It’s your head they want, not mine! Buhbye folks! THE MOB (becoming louder): OFF WITH HIS HEAD! OFF WITH HIS HEAD! SEIJAS: Haven’t we got a cauldron of hot oil ready that we can douse them with? COMM. BRUNO BARREIRO: Or perhaps some more property tax hikes?
Page 8 • Thursday, November 4, 2010 • SunPost Weekly • www.sunpostweekly.com
CARLOS (striking a defiant stance): I am committed to serving the people of Miami-Dade County to the best of my ability until my term ends. * [COLUMNIST’S INTERJECTION: Or perhaps until they lop off your head?] THE MOB (chanting even louder): LOP HIS HEAD OFF! LOP HIS HEAD OFF! CARLOS: I have always been preparing for an election, and campaigns are great opportunities to cut through misinformation and get to the truth. * SEIJAS: But your majesty, this isn’t your typical campaign! They mean to force you off the throne like they tried to force me off the commission, impudent mierda! CARLOS: Which is why I’ve paid my attorney, Mr. Rogow, $26,000 to mount a court challenge to this silly man and his silly recall. Also, I will have you know I’ve formed a “Citizens for Truth” PAC. The beauty of it is that it will allow me to raise unlimited sums of money to fend off this unseemly assault. COMMISSIONERS: Ahh, do tell! CARLOS: Already – can you believe it? – I have raised over $54,000! Nearly all of it from my police buddies in the Dade County Police Benevolent Association. I knew they wouldn’t let me down! A friend in need is a friend indeed! COMM. AUDREY EDMONSON: You are awfully fortunate to have some reliable friends in blue in your pocket. CARLOS: I knew they’d come through for me, Audrey! Of course, it helped that we passed that 13% pay hike for them a while back. Clever, huh? SENTRY: Sire, we can’t hold the door any longer! They’re BREAKING THROUGH! IT’S ABOUT TO GO! LOOK OUUUUUT!... (The great door comes off its massive irons and hinges, then slams to the ground, as the sentries behind it get trampled underfoot by the surging mob. Pandemonium reigns as the masses storm the castle in search of their quarry.) TO BE CONTINUED...
CORRECTION: I misidentified U.S. Senate candidate Sharron Angle’s state in last week’s column. It is Nevada. Apologies to the good citizens of Arizona; condolences to those of Nevada.
Protesting Miami To protest the latest budget from Miami Commissioners, thousands of police officers and firefighters took to the streets last Friday to put a voice to their issues. Underpaid and underappreciated was the mantra as they protested outside the American Airlines Arena. Thousands of Miami Heat fans were heading to the Season opener when they were greeted by the 2000 + protestors.
Strictly Existential All Too True, and All Too Late, Memes Like These Spread Quicker’n a Biological Agent By Jeffrey Bradley
PHOTOGRAPHY: MAGICALPHOTOS. COM / MITCHELL ZACHS
Whiteflies are little winged buggies that cover your plants with a sticky paste and cause yellowing, wilting and death (to the plants, we mean). When they do their most damage, in the crawler stage, they look like plump and pulpy mealybugs. (Vicious little beggars, they feed with “needle-like” mandibles.) Not to be confused with the hateful smaller whitefly causing that massive damage to your ficus-tree hedges, these pests seem to favor pepper trees and the oddly-named gumbo-limbo. But tell that to our potted palm sitting forlornly on the stoop. Crime Reports, um, are crime reports. And for the first half of this year, those numbers are up. Way up; almost 11 percent. According to The Florida Department of Law Enforcement’s Semi-Annual Uniform Crime Report, that is, which elucidates the nearly 5000 reported crimes as the highest January-June ratio since 2004. Miami Beach Police Chief Carlos Noriega said the first half of the year “was busy”—oddly enough! The report also shows the six recorded homicides as the most in 11 years; that break-ins and burglaries are the highest in six years; that violent crimes are at the highest since 2007; that the 31 rapes are the most since 2006; and that larcenies are at their highest since 2003. And here’s the kicker. The same report goes on to say that the 4,925 arrests in that six-month stretch are the fewest since 2006. And, tho’ crime has dropped since June, it still remains high, continuing a trend where it’s increased every year in the City since Noriega assumed the department helm in 2007. Not a good thing if you’re a man with political ambitions which, if reports from the 17th Street Irregulars can be trusted (they can), the Chief definitely has. Chief Noriega bemoaned the fact that larcenies—the department’s “Achilles Heel” he calls ‘em—are up. He considers them a bellwether, of sorts. At a recent Police Citizen’s Relations Committee meeting, he posited that their rising number is more indicative of the bad economy and an undermanned police force. Due to budget constraints he says that it’s harder to police the city with fewer resources. In fact, he has no doubt that more cops would have an impact, but he’s unsure it would be a major impact. The reduction in manpower represents the third consecutive police budget approved by the City that, however more expensive,
reduced the total amount of officers. The increased costs are associated with—drumroll, please— pensions and wages(!)... something the Chief readily admits. Looked at another way, of the $80+ million budget, nearly $65+ million went to paying employee costs. Let’s consult our political crystal ball. So, the Chief’s going in as mayor elected on a wave of union support and then say he’s going to reduce their pensions? Do you see the problem we’re having with this? In our regard, it doesn’t even merit the ‘opposable thumbs’ litmus test. In the event, we hardly think he’ll be able to overthrow the unions given the fact he’s their darling. We can even save the Chief the trouble as we’re happy to shoot down that misguided idea on the spot. Remember, this is the same department where a $160,000.00 salary is more the norm than the exception. It’s also the go-to place to find answers as to why the costs are going up but the crime isn’t coming down. There’s a growing sense of alarm of things spiraling out of control. One recent case notoriously had the Prime Minister of Belize fleeing his hotel after a drug-crazed murder-spree occurred (guess you can scratch off Belize ever becoming a Sister City); a perception helped not a wit by the bust of a rogue cop who got deeper in hot water with the discovery he kept a marijuana growhouse. His pricey attorney said he needed the dope because killing those civilians made him, you know, “traumatized”. Of course! He’s not responsible; they are. And all of this comes on the taxpayer dime, including the nice “severance” package he walked away with thanks to his union. Perhaps we shouldn’t, as the Chief urges, take things out of context. Referring to the questionable six-month stats as the result of a “perfect storm”, he reasoned “that’s why those numbers are high”. Which is about as convoluted as Obama asking us to imagine how high unemployment would be without that trillion-dollar stimulus. Excuses, excuses! Any logician will tell you you can’t prove a negative. Look here. If you want to be the police chief, then you’ve got to cowboy up and take the heat— or credit, if it’s deserved. But if you want to be the mayor, then you’re going to have to do a whole lot better than that. Or maybe we should just consider the advice of the whitefly as it lays in the slime all the time yet complains not: “This is the way things are.” For either one, it’s strictly existential.
www.sunpostweekly.com • SunPost Weekly • Thursday, November 4, 2010 • Page 9
A POSTER FOR THE STEVE BERKE YOU TUBE VIDEO
, F F U P PUFF...
Miami Beach Likely to be Next Battleground for Marijuana Pro-legalization Effort Written by Michael W. Sasser CONTRIBUTING WRITER
California voters might have rejected a statewide referendum vote this week that would have legalized rank and file recreational use of marijuana, but the battle is far from over across the United States. True to its vaunted progressive reputation, Miami Beach looks like it might be the next high-profile battleground. “There’s going to be a referendum in Miami Beach to amend the city charter to create a $100 civil fine for 20 grams or less of marijuana,” said Eric Stevens, Miami Beach campaign manager for the Committee for Sensible Marijuana Policy (CSMP). “We had 7,000 signatures before Election Day and we’re collecting more than what we actually need. We only need 4,200, or 10 percent of registered voters in the city.”
Once all of the signatures have been validated and submitted to the City, Stevens said, the information is transmitted to the Miami-Dade County Supervisor of Elections and the referendum process is set in motion. “We’re going to get a special election for it,” Stevens explained. “We couldn’t make the deadline in August for it to be on the Election Day ballot. The validation process just takes too long.” Florida’s CSMP Campaign Director Ford Banister said that Elections would then have 120 days to craft ballot language, most likely then promoting a vote on Miami Beach sometime in the spring on 2011. “About 80 percent of people asked in Miami Beach have signed the petition,” Banister said. “Once one state actually legalizes it, the dominoes will fall. Miami Beach would be the first to decriminalize it and I think that would be an east coast echo.” Comedian, YouTube sensation and National Spokesman for Reform of Marijuana Laws Steve Berke had hoped that Proposition 19 would have passed in California. However the Miami native said he sees the initiative in Miami Beach as a good start. “It has to start somewhere,” Berke said. Despite a host of national elections this week with weed as the theme, Miami Beach will be just that “somewhere” a few months from now. here is certainly an image many people have of weed legalization activists. That image more than likely is of basement dwelling slackers, unrepentant hippies or annoying wanna-be anarchists who prefer to toke up while setting fire to cities where those evil, evil capitalists get together. But if that perception isn’t changing, perhaps it should be – at least to Floridians. If Stevens, Banister and Berke are among the most visible activists in the region, they make a fine representative sample. And they don’t appear the part. “My interest began when I was studying the medical marijuana situation at Med School at the University of Miami and I actually got a scholarship to investigate it,” Stevens said. “I was never really involved with drugs or anything. But I met all these people who were users, including some of my tutors. And it wasn’t they way I always heard it was. You hear how it burns out your brain. But that wasn’t the case. These were very smart, very active people.” Stevens’s study also revealed the business sign of marijuana and the war on it. “There is high demand, it’s a huge cash crop and it’s not going away,” Steven said. “Look at how dangerous it is because it is illegal. People are forced to go to drug dealers and it
FORD BANNISTER OUTSIDE MIAMI BEACH CITY HALL
YOU TUBE CENSORING THE VIDEO
funds gangs and terrorists. The government continues to spend $70 billion a year on the most failed policy in U.S. history.” Stevens also unveiled – gasp – hypocrisy on the part of the federal government. “They assert that there is no medical value, but the U.S. government has the patent on T.H.C. (the active ingredient in marijuana)…hmmm,” Stevens said. His academic research led Stevens, a Massachusetts native, to begin a campaign for legalization and commit to seeing it through in Florida, he said. That connected him to Banister, who was already involved in similar campaigns in Tallahassee, Orlando, Jacksonville Beach and Atlantic Beach. Thanks to the ongoing financial support of Miami-based film studio Rakontur, the Beach campaign moved on. Banister also defies the stereotype of a legalization advocate. The law school graduate actually got involved while at Florida Coastal School of Law. He said that he and a group of friends were largely motivated by a spate of horror stories emerging from the government’s war on weed – true tales of utterly nonviolent users being beaten, prosecuted and even killed by zealous governmentistas unconcerned with the difference between a housewife who likes to spark up occasionally and a Tony Montana of toke. “Marijuana never killed anyone,” Banister said. “My dad had a funeral parlor in north Georgia. There were so many alcohol related deaths that just destroyed families.” The hypocrisy struck Banister and energized some of his core principles. “I want to see this through,” he said. “I’m sure people will say that I’m ahead of my time. I’m a starry eyed liberal.” Banister’s commitment comes despite his having passed the Bar Exam, opening the door to far more economically beneficial endeavors. The commitment of Stevens and
Banister warrants high praise – pun intended – from North Miami Beach high School graduate Steve Berke. Berke has burst onto the pro-legalization scene and become a national face for the movement, based on his wildly popular YouTube song parody videos (www.youtube.com/steveberkecomedy). Berke launched an online political campaign in support of Proposition 19 in California with the recent release of his latest music video, “Should Be Legalized,” a political commentary on Eminem’s music video “Love The Way You Lie.” The campaign, supported by NORML (National Organization for Reform of Marijuana Laws) was generating huge internet buzz, and had amassed 108,000 views within 2 days, when YouTube flagged it for being offensive, thus requiring users to login to view the video, killing the video’s chance at becoming viral. “There is no real recourse,” Berke said. “I don’t think YouTube did it on purpose because it is political commentary. It’s their system. I think they did it because opponents flagged it and that’s just how it works. The problem is that if YouTube can pick and choose based on being flagged by users then they can sway elections in the future. YouTube is more censored than television. YouTube is the largest video source on the
Page 12 • Thursday, November 4, 2010 • SunPost Weekly • www.sunpostweekly.com
NORML Executive Director Allen St. Pierre quickly released a statement asserting, “YouTube’s building a wall around Steve Berke’s video makes no sense in light of dozens of other videos that depict normal cannabis use. YouTube, whether it means to or not, is stifling legitimate political discourse…” Berke himself also defies the stereotype of the marijuana activist, despite his parody videos and his penchant for posing with bongs. Berke, a Yale graduate and two- time All-American tennis player, was never a smoker himself, but supports the health, social, and economic benefits of legalization/decriminalization. A former professional tennis player, Berke was consistently drug tested throughout his career. After a back injury ended his tennis career, Berke appeared on the entrepreneurial reality show, The Rebel Billionaire with Sir Richard Branson. The FOX show is where Berke founded the widely popular Moosh Pillow, and became the first ever reality contestant to launch a company on a television show. Berke traveled the world with Branson for two months competing in entrepreneurial adventure challenges and was undeniably the show’s most popular character, being featured in both People and Star magazines after the show aired. Berke’s activism was inspired by the host of entertainers he has met in his career who are recre-
“People owe all of their entertainment to marijuana!” – Steve Berke, comedian, YouTube Sensation and National Spokesman for Reform of Marijuana Laws Internet. Their policies are also inconsistent. If you are a YouTube partner like Ludacris, then you won’t get censored. There is a Ludacris video on YouTube now called Blueberry Yum-Yum in which all he does is smoke.” The YouTube censorship sparked response from significant figures in the legalization movement.
ational marijuana users. “It’s kind of an accident,” Berke said. “I’m a comedian; I don’t know if I even consider myself a political activist. In my circles, so many artists, so many entertainers or all sorts are smokers. Look at any great television show and behind the scenes, the people making it great are smoking weed. That’s just the way
it is. People owe all of their entertainment to marijuana!” In the sunny and upbeat parody of Eminem’s much-darker original video, Berke lists myriad entertainment figures and national political leaders who have admitted to toking up. “The point is that no one makes a judgment about them,” Berke said. “No one cares if they smoke. No one cares if Brad Pitt smokes weed. If no one is making a judgment or persecuting them, why are they incarcerating so many other people?” dvocates for the legalization of marijuana generally cite several reasons for their position. Marijuana is considerably less hazardous than alcohol, and even arguably less a public health risk than sugar and processed foods given the nation’s expensive epidemic of diabetes and heart disease. Marijuana is easily grown virtually anywhere and despite billions spent to stem its use, it is as easy to acquire today as it was before the war against it was launched. Marijuana is easier than cigarettes for children to acquire, specifically because it is peddled by drug dealers as opposed to licensed and monitored providers. The war on marijuana is costly, makes criminals out of otherwise lawabiding citizens, and costs resource better spent on other efforts. “More people are arrested for marijuana than all violent crime combined – but it’s taboo to talk about,” Banister said. He added that he is unapologetically in favor of all out legalization, despite the coming Miami Beach referendum being a stepping-stone. “The marketplace of ideas doesn’t work.” Advocated also cite the massive financial boon that legalization and taxation would provide. “Here we are in the worst financial crisis of our lifetime and government can’t see the advantage of legalizing and taxing it? The laws are puritanical and ridiculous,” Berke said. Stevens said that legalization would permit the government to re-assign “highly trained people to go combat more serious problems.” Some rank and file marijuana users have an even more libertarian position on getting high. “I don’t think the government has any right to dictate what I do alone in the privacy of my own house that has no impact on anyone else,” said Dwight Overhouse, a Miami resident and smoking enthusiast. “If I go out and am so impaired that I can’t drive and I cause trouble – then that should be punished. Just like alcohol. Up until the point I endanger someone else, it isn’t anyone’s business but my own. And for the government to cite health related issues is incredibly hypocrisy considering its own bogus food pyramid tells people to fill up on yummy, yummy starches. How’s that diabetes rate coming along for them?” Overhouse and others like to point out that even before the global warming controversy revealed that scientists tend to shade findings to support the government that funds them, the jury was very much out on just how dangerous marijuana was to user’s health. Studies vary; some claiming weed usage causes a number of potential health problems and others citing its potential benefits. Whether or not marijuana is more technically addictive than caffeine and sugar is also de-
batable. “The argument that smoking pot makes people violent is so hysterical it is parody,” said “Bill,” a South Florida municipal employee who privately enjoys smoking regularly. “That’s meant to scare people who have no experience with marijuana. Weed only makes you dangerous to Twinkies and Doritos.” The ambiguity of arguments in opposition to marijuana – as well as the nature of the political hot potato – is demonstrated in a statement released when news of California’s Proposition 19 reached Gil Kerlikowske, the White House’s drug policy director. “Today, Californians recognized that legalizing marijuana will not make our citizens healthier, solve California’s budget crisis, or reduce drug related violence in Mexico,” Kerlikowske asserted in the statement. “The Obama Administration has been clear in its opposition to marijuana legalization because research shows that marijuana use is associated with voluntary treatment admissions for addiction, fatal drugged driving accidents, mental illness, and emergency room admissions.” Of course, opposition to marijuana use has long been driven by dubious factors. Many historians have pointed out that it was the use of hemp – the plant from which marijuana is derived – that was really the target of anti-marijuana laws. Hemp threatened industries such as cotton and paper – and when William Randolph Hearst wanted something made illegal, he could easily get his way. It was only after the industrial threat of hemp and after opponents of marijuana noted its prevalence of use by Mexican-Americans and AfricanAmericans that it started to become taboo. Federal and state governments soon thereafter launched campaigns essentially asserting that marijuana would create darkskinned sex-crazed predators and along came acknowledged propaganda like Reefer Madness and its ilk. Today, though, support for legalization of marijuana is at 46 percent nationally and outright opposition at 50 percent, according to a Gallup poll released last week. Support for legalization has grown tremendously in just a few short years. Around the country, various laws are being looked at. Voters in Arizona, Oregon and South Dakota weighed in on medical marijuana ballot measures Tuesday, and more than 70 Massachusetts municipalities voted on resolutions calling for that state’s government to back medical marijuana or end prohibition altogether. “For things like this to happen, it always has to be voters to get it started,” Banister said. Miami Beach voters appear poised to have just that chance next year. Stevens, though, points out that a change in local law won’t supercede state and federal drug laws. “The police could still enforce the state law if they choose to,” Stevens said. “But if local people have spoken the police do not have to.” Count Dwight Overhouse as one regional resident who would consider moving to Miami Beach is they city were to adopt the decriminalization policy. “Hey, South Beach would be fun again,” he said. For more information on the Miami Beach campaign, visit sensibleflorida.com. www.sunpostweekly.com • SunPost Weekly • Thursday, November 4, 2010 • Page 13
Calendar WHAT TO DO IN MIAMI THIS WEEK
Page 14 • Thursday, November 4, 2010 • SunPost Weekly • www.sunpostweekly.com
COMEDY Lisa Lampanelli Comedy's Lovable Queen of Mean hits town this weekend. An American stand-up comedian and insult comic, she is noted for her racy and raunchy style of comedy, which includes taboo subjects such as race and homosexuality. 8pm. $43.75. Fillmore Miami Beach at the Jackie Gleason Theatre, 1700 Washington Ave; Miami Beach. For info: 305.673.7300 or livenation.com.
DELOU AFRICAN ENSEMBLE
KIDS Game of Life Bring your kids to a fun, afternoon of creative movement, yoga, arts and organic cooking. Playing the Game of Life, a program for teaching social skills through an arts-based curriculum, is organizing this event. Enjoy face painting by The Fantastic Party Factory, food from El Rancho Grande, music from the Manta Grooves band and singer Magda Noa.The kids will also get free books and flowers. 10am. Free. 7144 Byron Ave; Miami Beach. For info: PlayingTheGameOfLife.com
MUSIC Seraphic Fire
Kicking off this year's gospel program, Program II: His Eye is on the Sparrow, Seraphic Fire’s musicians take the audience on an intimate musical journey by weaving together hymns, folk tunes and popular songs. $35. 4pm. Miami Beach Community Church, 1620 Drexel Ave; Miami Beach. For info: seraphicfire.org
THEATRE Alice in Wonderland Lewis Carroll’s classic English fairy tale, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, adapted and directed by Stephanie Ansin and Fernando Calzadilla. This version of Alice comes to life with a tropical, South Florida twist where time, space, and cultures collide as the precocious heroine tackles the challenges of her ever-changing world. Through Dec. 19. $20. The PlayGround Theatre, 9806 NE 2nd Ave; Miami Shores. For info: theplaygroundtheatre.com.
MUSIC Nicole Henry Enjoy a romantic evening under the stars and musical performances by Jazz Musician Nicole Henry, Jessie Jones Jr. & friends at the Moonlight & Music Jazz Concert. 8pm. $20. The Deering Estate, 16701 SW 72 Ave; Miami. For info: 305-2351668 or deeringestate.org.
November 5 MUSIC Robyn
Swedish Pop singer Robyn will be performing live this weekend for a one-night-only performance. Expect songs from her new album Body Talk Pt. 1-3. Robyn became known in the late nineties for her dance-pop hits Show Me Love and Do You Know (What It Takes) from her debut album Robyn Is Here. 8pm. $33.25-$47.20. Fillmore Miami Beach at the Jackie Gleason Theatre, 1700 Washington Ave; Miami Beach. For info: 305.673.7300 or ticketmaster.com
KIDS Family Fest
An afternoon of rock for kids with the band Milkshake kicks off Family Fest at the Arsht Center. This first fest will feature a spotlight on Miami artists performing on the plaza stage including, Delou African Dance Ensemble, The Spanglish Wrangler and Live! Modern School of Music featuring elementary school-aged kids on drums, guitar, and bass. 11:30am. Free. Parker and Vann Thomson Plaza, 1300 Biscayne Blvd; Miami. For info: arshtcenter.org
FESTIVAL Cauley Square The 9th Annual Arts & Crafts Show at Cauley Square Historic Railroad Village. Open to the public, no entry fee, free parking. Hand-made crafts, art and artifact as well as music, foods, carriage and pony rides. 10am. Free. Cauley Square Historic Railroad Village, 22400 Old Dixie Hwy., Goulds. For info: 305-258-3543 or cauleysquare.com.
COMEDY Jerry Seinfeld Due to popular demand, America’s premier comedian, Jerry Seinfeld is hitting the road in a return to his first love – standup comedy. He will be in town for two performances at the Arsht Center. Seinfeld has an uncanny ability to joke about the little things in life that relate to audiences everywhere. 7pm & 9:30pm. $49 to $79. Ziff Ballet Opera House, 1300 Biscayne Blvd; Miami. For info: arshtcenter.org.
November 6 BOOKS Ricky Martin
Singer Ricky Martin will sign his new book Yo at Books and Books in the Gables. Martin, has sold more than 60 million albums worldwide and in his new memoir Yo, he opens up about his early childhood, his experiences in Menudo and the challenges of increased fame that came with the Livin’ La Vida Loca phenomenon. Vouchers required and can be obtained by purchasing a book at any Booka and Books location. Books & Books, 265 Aragon Ave. Coral Gables. For info: books and books.com.
SAVE THE DATE: FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 12, 2010
KOOZA CIRQUE DU SOLEIL MADE ITS FIRST VISIT TO MIAMI MORE THAN 20 YEARS AGO. THIS YEAR, CIRQUE DU SOLEIL IS PROUD TO BRING ITS CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED NEW BIG TOP PRODUCTION KOOZA TO MIAMI – THE LAST STOP OF ITS NORTH AMERICAN TOUR. KOOZA IS A RETURN TO THE ORIGINS OF CIRQUE DU SOLEIL THAT COMBINES TWO CIRCUS TRADITIONS - ACROBATIC PERFORMANCE AND THE ART OF CLOWNING. THE SHOW HIGHLIGHTS THE PHYSICAL DEMANDS OF HUMAN PERFORMANCE IN ALL ITS SPLENDOR AND FRAGILITY, PRESENTED IN A COLORFUL MÉLANGE THAT EMPHASIZES BOLD SLAPSTICK HUMOR. KOOZA WILL RUN FOR A LIMITED ENGAGEMENT UNDER THE TRADEMARK BLUE-AND-YELLOW GRAND CHAPITEAU (BIG TOP) AT BICENTENNIAL PARK, 1075 BISCAYNE BLVD; MIMI. FOR INFO: CIRQUEDUSOLEIL.COM www.sunpostweekly.com • SunPost Weekly • Thursday, November 4, 2010 • Page 15
Calendar WHAT TO DO IN MIAMI THIS WEEK
An old, faded photograph inspired the author, Ann Helen Wainer to rescue the memories of her family’s plight during and after the Holocaust. She will share stories from her book, Family Portrait: A Memoir of A Jewish Family During the Holocaust, of her journey of discovery that led her to learn more about the people in the photograph, and ultimately, about herself. 2pm. Jewish Museum of Florida, 301 Washington Ave; Miami Beach. For info: 305.672.5044 or jewishmuseum.com
Don Worth, Co-founder of Friends of the Marine Stadium, will speak on the historic preservation efforts of this Miami treasure. Free. 9pm. Art Deco Welcome Center, 1001 Ocean Drive, Miami Beach. For info: 305.672.2014 or mdpl.org
BOOKS Ann Helen Wainer
LECTURE Miami Marine Stadium
November 11 PARADE Veterans Day
COMEDY Dana Carvey Emmy-award winning comedian Dana Carvey will hit Lauderdale for one night only this Sunday. Carvey is one of the most popular stars to come out of Saturday Night Live with classic characters such as Wayne's World's Garth, The Church Lady, Hans of Hans and Franz and Weekend Update's Grumpy Old Man. His dead on impressions of Ex-President George Bush and Johnny Carson kept audiences rolling in front of their televisions with laughter and now he brings those same characters plus his observations on life to the stage. $40.50 to $60.50. 7pm. Parker Playhouse, 707 NE 8th St; Fort Lauderdale. For info: parkerplayhouse.com
This veterans day, Miami Beach will experience something new. Organized by Commissioner Jerry Libbin, Washington Avenue will be afloat with revelers paying homage to our veterans. The parade starts at 9am on Convention Center Drive and winds its way through Washington Ave before entering Flamingo Park where a wreath laying ceremony and picnic will be held. Parade participants include Miami Beach Police Department and Fire Departments, Cuban Classical Ballet, Dolphins Cheerleaders, MB Senior HS Band, Happy Kids and South Pointe Elementary.
CHARITY See Fit Fun Day The first annual SeeFit Family & Fun Day offers something sporty for the whole family to participate. CrossFit competition sponsored by CrossFit 305. Ten friendly field and track competitions, Carnival games, prizes, food, and rides. All proceeds benefit The Vision For Tomorrow Foundation. 8am. Flamingo Park, 12th and Michigan Ave; Miami Beach. For info: seefit.org or 305-753-3190.
BOOKS Soledad O’Brien From top CNN anchor and special correspondent Soledad O'Brien comes The Next Big Story, a personal look at her biggest reporting moments from Hurricane Katrina, the tsunami in Southeast Asia, the devastating Haiti earthquake to the historic elections and high profile interviews with everyday Americans. She will talk about her experiences and sign books. 4pm. Books & Books, 265 Aragon Ave. Coral Gables. For info: books and books.com.
ABOVE: RICKY MARTIN. MIDDLE: ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. BELOW: NICOLE HENRY.
Page 16 • Thursday, November 4, 2010 • SunPost Weekly • www.sunpostweekly.com
FOR KIDS Saturday, November 6 Giggle, Giggle Quack DOREEN CRONIN’S BESTSELLING BARNYARD BOOKS ARE FEATURED IN THE FAMILY FUN PRODUCTION OF GIGGLE, GIGGLE, QUACK THIS SATURDAY IN AVENTURA. MAYHEM ENSUES WHEN FARMER BROWN LEAVES TOWN AND PUTS HIS CITY-SLICKER BROTHER IN CHARGE. THE FARM ANIMALS ENJOY ALL SORTS OF TREATS SUCH AS PIZZA FOR THE HEN, BUBBLE BATHS FOR THE PIG AND MOVIE NIGHT FOR THE COW. CHILDREN WILL ENJOY PRE-SHOW ARTS AND CRAFTS PRESENTED BY YOUNG AT ART MUSEUM, FACE PAINTING AND A POST-SHOW SNACK PROVIDED BY WHOLE FOODS MARKET AND BLUE BELL ICE CREAM. 11AM AND 1PM SHOWS. TICKETS ARE $15 WITH $3 LAP TICKETS AVAILABLE FOR INFANTS 12 MONTHS AND UNDER. AVENTURA ARTS & CULTURAL CENTER, 3385 N.E. 188 ST; AVENTURA. FOR INFO: 954-462-0222
$3.00 OFF HAND CAR WASH Not combined with other offer
$15.00 OFF HAND CAR WAX Not combined with other offer
$15.00 OFF A FULL CAR WINDOW TINTING Not combined with other offer
$25.00 OFF FULL DETAIL Not combined with other offer
www.sunpostweekly.com • SunPost Weekly • Thursday, November 4, 2010 • Page 17
The Butcher, His Boy Toy, and Other Nonconformists By Ruben Rosario (email@example.com) “Edith Wharton gone Orthodox.” That’s what I jotted down as all that sexual tension burned off the screen in Israeli director Haim Tabakman’s solid debut feature Eyes Wide Open, and that’s as accurate a catchphrase I can think of to describe it. The film, one of four new movies I’m reviewing during this very crowded movie weekend, shows there are some stories that are very hard to screw up. My friend and colleague Scott Tobias, a film critic for The Onion’s A.V. Club, likes to cite The Postman Always Rings Twice as a reliable blueprint for authors wanting to create an arresting love triangle. In his clear-eyed, ruthlessly incisive depiction of Jerusalem’s hermetic Orthodox community, Tabakman loosely takes his narrative cues from Wharton’s devastating 1920 novel The Age of Innocence, which was itself adapted (brilliantly, in my view) by Martin Scorsese in 1993. Our protagonist, dutiful family man Aaron Fleischman (Zohar Strauss, last seen in the war drama Lebanon), is re-opening his recently deceased father’s butcher shop as the movie opens. In walks a yeshiva boy lugging a duffel bag, his locks hardly curling yet, asking to use the phone. Aaron sneaks a peek at the handsome stranger as he dials a number, but it‘s hardly love at first sight for either of them. Upon realizing the young man has nowhere to sleep, Aaron reluctantly allows him to stay at the shop. You can see the expiration date on this affair before it begins, but Tabakman, who lets the relationship build gradually, throws a few curveballs our way. “Restrain yourself,” Aaron tells Ezri (pop star Ran Danker, Michelle Pfeiffer to Strauss’ Daniel Day-Lewis), when the comely
twenty-two-year-old makes the first move. “A man must overcome his own challenges,” he sermonizes. Aaron changes his tune eventually, but what’s interesting about how the seduction plays out is that Tabakman establishes the fact that the community is already whispering about the mismatched couple long before anything has taken place. A key to the film’s success is Tinkerbell (née Ravit Rozen), who refuses to play the character of Aaron’s wife Rivka as a passive homemaker. “It must be hard, being all alone,” she purrs to Ezri when she pays an unannounced visit to the shop. The prolific actress walks a fine line between scorn and compassion, and prevents Aaron’s domestic life from fading away into abstraction. The director, definitely one to keep an eye on, hardly moves the camera, the better to register the subtle changes in his actors’ faces. He peels back the layers of Aaron’s desire (I mean this literally; we see the character undressing in one scene; it takes a while to finally see some skin). “I’m alive,” he declares to his rabbi when confronted about this dangerous liaison. Eyes Wide Open‘s slow-burn approach makes for an unusually touching portrait of forbidden love, one that takes familiar elements and effortlessly breathes new life into them. The same, unfortunately, cannot be said about Megamind, Tom McGrath’s latest animated romp. The director of Madagascar intends to poke some fun at caped crusaders and their nefarious foes, but what begins as an irreverent deconstruction of the superhero genre turns into a stale affirmation about how some villains are really just misguided heroes, attempts at world domination be damned. The bulbous-headed, grayish blue titular charEYES WIDE OPEN
Page 18 • Thursday, November 4, 2010 • SunPost Weekly • www.sunpostweekly.com
acter (Will Ferrell) escapes as a baby from his home planet just before it’s sucked into a black hole. At around the same time, another tyke, an adorable bundle of spoiled entitlement (resemblance to Krypton’s finest purely intentional) cruises to Earth on his state-of-the-art escape pod. At a school for the supernaturally gifted, Megamind becomes the unwanted kid, while Metro Man (Brad Pitt) becomes the star pupil. Problem is, I began siding with the alpha dog (the animators have a field day rendering his nimble aerial acrobatics), mostly because he’s an infinitely richer character, but McGrath is determined to draw our attention to his misunderstood villain, even though, in his defense, he comes up with an unexpected way to get rid of a major character, Psycho-style, at the end of the first act. There are, indeed, clever moments in Megamind, mostly courtesy of Tina Fey, who plays intrepid reporter Roxanne Ritchi, Metro Man’s main squeeze and the object of Megamind’s affection. McGrath even borrows the mistaken-identity plot of the Rock Hudson-Doris Day vehicle Pillow Talk to chronicle Roxanne and Megamind’s unusual courtship. The rest of the movie is just plain irritating, its arch, self-satisfied tone often exacerbated by obvious, uninspired song selections (Bad to the Bone, anyone?). Memo to McGrath: clichés sent up are still clichés. The antidote to Megamind‘s pop-culture overkill comes in the form of two documentaries. In Inside Job, Oscar-nominated filmmaker Charles Ferguson examines the global economic crisis of 2008 and how it affected the U.S. Economy. The film’s critics have been quick to point out the film lacks the urgency of Ferguson’s riveting, Iraq War-themed predecessor No End in Sight, and they’re not completely off the mark. What’s striking about his new effort is its glossy, pristine visual style. Ferguson intends to make Wall Street’s skyscrapers and boardrooms coolly seductive, and there’s a pictorial robustness in his images that he has not displayed before. Beginning with a survey of Iceland’s own financial meltdown, Ferguson proceeds to show how a similar phenomenon, albeit on a much grander scale, occurred on the other side of the Atlantic. There are lots of facts and figures that make Inside Job a pretty demanding task for viewers who are not well versed in finance, but the director’s gift for making complex issues easy to understand without simplifying them serves him well here. Terms like derivatives, predatory lending, and collateralized debt obligation become, in Ferguson’s hands, accessible pieces
of the puzzle. He turns the stuff of dry business reportage into an absorbing indictment of corporate malfeasance. As in No End in Sight, he’s able to secure interviews with the very people responsible for the debacle in question, and it’s thoroughly gratifying to see them squirm in front of the camera. “You have three more minutes,” an incensed Glenn Hubbard, Dean of Columbia University’s School of Business, informs Ferguson to signal he’s just about out of time. “Give it your best shot,” he adds, contempt oozing from his tongue. It’s to our benefit that in Inside Job, Ferguson does just that. My favorite documentaries are more intimate affairs, portraits of unique individuals that yield the kind of insight no fiction feature could accomplish. When you add a sense of humor to the equation, it’s possible, but very rare, to come up with a film as hilarious and big-hearted as Winnebago Man. I popped this gem into my DVD player last Saturday expecting a precious character study and instead got the best nonfiction film I’ve seen this year to date. Director Ben Steinbauer is obsessed with Jack Rebney, the potty-mouthed malcontent who became a wordof-mouth sensation in the nineties when outtakes from the 1989 industrial film he produced for an RV company made their way into thousands of American VCRs. When YouTube became popular, he became an internet sensation. You have to understand that Rebney doesn’t just curse. He flails his arms around in exasperation, and inserts a perfectly timed expletive in the middle of a take. One would think that routine would get tired after a while, but as Steinbauer tracks the unlikely internet star down and interviews other people who have been touched by Rebney’s cranky theatrics, the four-letter-word eruptions lose none of their sting. Steinbauer finally finds Rebney, living like a hermit on a Northern California mountaintop, but I will leave you to discover the testy relationship between filmmaker and subject that develops. I can guarantee you won’t find a funnier film out there. Winnebago Man comes out on DVD this week. For more information, check out the film’s website: winnebagoman.com. Eyes Wide Open begins its exclusive one-week engagement at the Coral Gables Art Cinema this weekend. Go to coralgablescinemateque.org for showtimes. Inside Job is now showing at the Regal South Beach Cinemas; go to fandango.com for more details. Let’s hear it for worthy films currently flying under the radar. (Oh yeah, Megamind opens everywhere this weekend.)
Ingrid Betancourt The Author Talks About Her Capture By Charles Branham-Bailey She had hopes of ultimately donning the ceremonial presidential sash in 2002. Little did she know after disembarking her campaign plane that day in February that she was about to begin six horrendous, hellish years in the remote jungles of Colombia as the high-profile hostage of the militant, cutthroat FARC rebels. And for four of those years – what would have been equal to a presidential term in office – instead of the sash, she wore a steel chain around her neck. Like a dog, tethered by her merciless captors to a tree. Ingrid Betancourt’s revelation to moderator Jorge Ramos (Univision TV) and a packed audience of about 500 last Saturday night at Miami Dada College drew a few gasps and stunned silence. The memoir of her unrelenting nightmare, Even Silence Has an End: My Six Years of Captivity in the Colombian Jungle, is now out in print, but the synopsis of that nightmare was recounted orally, in person, by the book’s author. Caged. Tortured. Inhumanely treated. Weeks passing (Any moment now, this all will end.). Then months (How much longer can this go on?). Eventually years (Will this go on forever?). Boredom. Anxiety. Friction with fellow hostages. Several failed escape attempts. Fear at every turn that she might be killed. The French-Colombian, currently touring the U.S. promoting her book and soon to turn 49 on
Christmas Day, was momentarily moved to tears at one point in the discussion. She is two years removed from her torment yet it still has the power to anguish her. Her 2,322 days-long agony, and that of the others held captive with her, finally ended in July 2008 following a meticulously-planned and daring rescue attempt pulled off by the Colombian military, who managed to infiltrate the rebels and dupe them into handing over their hostages without so much as a shot being fired. The world saw her subsequent joyous reunion with her son and daughter. Emancipated, she vowed to re-order her life’s priorities. She decided to wear perfume everyday and never to deny herself simple joys like cake and ice cream. “I realize that the relief that comes from recovering my freedom cannot in any way be compared to the intensity of the suffering I have known,” she writes. But a Biblical passage from Psalms with which she became familiar during captivity describes the harshness of crossing a desert: The compensation for the effort, tenacity, and endurance is neither happiness nor glory, only rest. At the end of what has been an excruciatingly long and terribly brutal trek, she has reached the oasis and found hers.
Doggie Parade By Marguerite Gil
And the Doggies (reluctantly) walked the Belle Meade Runway What kind of a diabolical mind came up with dog costumes for Halloween? This was the question that was asked by this (yours truly) investigative reporter recently, to the strapped in, embarrassed, intimidated dogs, during the last Belle Meade “Halloween Dog Parade” at the doggie park. While guests sipped adult beverages and sampled low carb finger food, numerous canines, big and small, were subjected to wearing outrageous outfits, attached to ribbons and bows, etc. And to add insult to injury, many four-legged friends were compelled to wear, low fitting, pinkish tutus and bizarre hats. Photographed by a ton of amused neighborhood gentry, you can expect to see a multitude of ill-gotten images, (not approved by the innocent victims), in forever-cyberspace. OK, maybe it was all in good Halloween fun, but I witnessed some angry puppies, planning repercussions against their owners. I overheard militant doggies, planning… not to use the designated poop places in protest, refusing to bark at burglars and relieving themselves on expensive oriental rugs. This is a breaking story that needs to be exploited by this unbiased reporter. Oh, what? Free goodies for my Doberman? This unbiased reporter ( who was given numerous doggy treats for my ravenous 70 pound, 6 month old puppy), wants to inform you that this was an adorable event for humans…in spite of all of the contestant’s protests.
www.sunpostweekly.com • SunPost Weekly • Thursday, November 4, 2010 • Page 19
Adrienne Arsht & Senator Bill Nelson
Edward & Linda Villela and Marvin Ross Friedman & Adrienne bon Haes
Jessica & Nate Lieberman
What a Scream! By Mary Jo Almeida-Shore firstname.lastname@example.org
Sanford and Dolores Ziff
Halloween weekend brought revelers out of the woodwork in just about every inch of the city. The parties ranged from a 56, 000+ square foot tent in Midtown, where Swedish House Mafia performed, to a hangar at the airport, to more than a few house parties on the islands to themed parties on South Beach. And that barely scrapes the surface. Unfortunately, most of these parties took place on the same night, so we bring you highlights from a few of the great ones and promise to continue funding cloning research.
house Foundation. Over 500 guests attended the Grey Goose vodka sponsored benefit in the parking garage at 1111 Lincoln Road, which included dozens of smoke machines, fortune tellers and food sampling from various South Beach restaurants. (talk about a versatile parking garage!) Advisory Board members and event hosts included Commissioner, Michael Gongora, Brian Elias, Aaron Resnick, Erin Newberg, Jeff Berk, Charlie Venturi, Matt Heien, Jennifer Sybers and Rob Sena, to name a few. The Little Lighthouse Foundation provides support to children and families with health, educational, and financial challenges.
GATSBY GONE GOTH
Jennifer Massolo and Dr. Laurie Balch at Soyka
One notable gathering took place at the Raleigh Hotel, where SuperMarket Creative and Heineken teamed up Saturday night to recreate a darker side of Jay Gatsby’s Roaring 20s for the “Gatsby Gone Goth” Halloween costume party. Guests posed for pictures inside an experiential vignette (created by Stian Roenning) that shone a brooding light on the fictional character’s opulent mansion. Downstairs in the ballroom partygoers were treated to live performances by Toronto-based pop group, the Parallels, who made their Miami debut and Panic Bomber. DJs Tommy Gunn and Smeejay also spun signature beats in the ballroom. Upstairs in the exclusive VIP penthouse, fab femme duo, Ess & Emm (Sasha Louzon and Michelle Leshem), Troy Kurtz and Mister Drake provided the music as guests enjoyed video art curated by Spinello Projects. Seen partying in the penthouse were Ocean Drive magazine’s Jose Ortiz; TARA, Ink. co-principal Nick D’Annunzio; Vogue Italia fashion stylist Danny Santiago; Sweat Records owner Lolo Reskin; Spinello Gallery owner Anthony Spinello and hundreds of other “gothified” Gatsby types. According to SuperMarket Creative’s Michelle Leshem, one of the event’s organizers (and the “Emm” in Ess & Emm), “This year’s event was produced by an awesome team comprised of the best of South Beach and Wynwood. Every year we kick it up a notch from the venue SuperMarket chooses to the theme! I’m running out of eras, but I’m sure a great one will come to me by next year.”
NIGHTMARE ON LINCOLN ROAD Just on the other side of Lincoln Road, another exciting gathering took place- “Nightmare on Lincoln Road,” which brought together socialites, VIPs and philanthropists for a benefit party for the Little LightGilberto Chirinos and Lisa Sanders at Soyka
Page 20 • Thursday, November 4, 2010 • SunPost Weekly • www.sunpostweekly.com
NIGHTMARE ON 23RD STREET Another fun-filled nightmare took place on Saturday night at Cafeina, where International Socialite and Diva, Miss Elaine Lancaster host the first annual “Nightmare on 23rd Street” costume contest and spun hours of dance-worthy tunes. Over 500 attendees filled the lounge with sinful, scary and humorous looks, and paraded before the judging eyes of our favorite Diva, Ms. Lancaster, who selected 10 finalists. With the help of the crowd, Lancaster named the lucky winner, who was dressed as Zach Galifianakis’ baby-toting character from cult-flick The Hangover, to receive the grand prize: airfare for two to New Orleans for Mardi gras 2011, compliments of Southern Comfort. So Co also served up free shots throughout the night, every time Freddy Krueger’s theme song 1, 2, Freddy’s Coming for You was played.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY ADRIENNE ARSHT CENTER In non-Halloween news, last week the Adrienne Arsht Center celebrated its 5th Anniversary with a fabulous black and white gala in the Sanford and Dolores Ziff Ballet Opera House. The evening was divided into five “acts,” one for every year the gala has been open, starting with a posh cocktail and the unveiling of the grand donor wall, honoring the Center’s greatest supporters and visionaries (Acts I and II). A fabulous Barton G. dinner experience on the stage (Act III) was followed by a show-stopping performance by Miami’s own, four-time Tony Award nominee Raúl Esparza (Act IV) at the end of which the secret setting for Act V was revealed: an elaborate Latin dance club at the rear of the stage.
In keeping with the 5th Anniversary Season theme, “Every great performance begins with you,” the gala celebrated the dedication of several “grand honorees” including: Adrienne Arsht, Lin Arison/Arison Arts Foundation, Alberto and Susana Ibargüen/Knight Foundation, Parker and Vann Thomson, Woody and Judy Weiser, and Sanford and Dolores Ziff. Other notable guests included gala chairs Mike and Margaret Eidson, Marvin Ross Friedman, Adrienne bon Haes, Adrienne Arsht Center President and CEO John Richard and cochairs: Ana and Rob Barlick, Trish and Dan Bell, Nancy Davis, Mr. and Mrs. Jeffrey H. Loria, and Penny and Roe Stamps.
CELEBRITY SIGHTINGS: Miami celebrated the Heat win alongside Lebron James and 2000 of his closest friends and fans partied at Mansion on Friday night. The Heat’s own DJ Irie spun the sound track as James was toasted with a life-sized basketball cake. James’ fiancé, Savannah Brinson joined in on the excitement. Gabrielle Union celebrated her birthday at The Florida Room at the Delano this weekend with her beau Dwyane Wade and close friends Tracee Ellis Ross, Cedric the Entertainer, Chris Bosh and Adrienne Williams. Al B. Sure performed for the birthday girl’s celebration alongside the platinum recording artists Silk. Hip Hop star Ciara also celebrated her birthday this Halloween weekend at LIV at the Fontainebleau with an “Alice in Wonderland” inspired celebration. On Monday, Nicki Minaj, Cash Money Record’s first lady, hosted an “All Pink Everything” party at Mansion complete with dancers donning pink Barbie wigs and Harajuku attire. Minaj partied well into the night, hanging out with Opium Group honcho Roman Jones. Basketball wife, Evelyn Lozada joined upcoming Miami reality-show housewives, Marysol Patton and Cristy Rice at Mercadito on Tuesday for a benefit for the Trevor Project. The Forge Restaurant | Wine Bar made its debut at the venerable James Beard House in New York City on Saturday night. The highly anticipated “Fall in the North and South” dinner for 80, hosted by Shareef Malnik and Executive Chef Dewey LoSasso attracted quite a bit of fanfare. Attendees included: Burn Notice star Gabrielle Anwar; fashion designer Nicole Miller and husband Kim Taipale; Chairman of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, Charles Koppelman accompanied by fiancé Gerri Kyhill; film director Brett Ratner; Starwood Hotels global PR director, Gigi Ganatra; CEO of Haute Living magazine, Kamal Hotchandani; actor Gianni Russo, TARA, Ink. coprincipal, Tara Solomon, and Russell Simmons, for whom LoSasso prepared a special vegan menu. To cap off the evening, Malnik, Anwar and Hotchandani joined friends and Forge fans, Market America’s JR and Loren Ridinger and Eva Longoria Parker at the Ridinger’s New York apartment to celebrate the Forge’s landmark success.
Photos David Ramos
Photos Mary Jo Shore
Above: Fabulous costumes and lots of fun at Nightmare at Lincoln Road.
Marysol Patton and Phillipe Pautesta
Tito Gaudenzi, Lauren Gnazzo on South Beach.
Michael and Mary Jo Shore at Gatsby Gone Goth at Raleigh
Raleigh Halloween Photo: Spencer Strayer WorldRedEye
Photo: Justin Namon
Jose Ortiz & Nick D Annunzio
www.sunpostweekly.com • SunPost Weekly • Thursday, November 4, 2010 • Page 21
UPCOMING SOCIAL EVENTS
It’s All About Halloween By Mary Jo Almeida Shore email@example.com
MAKE-A-WISH- LET YOUR IMAGINATION RUN WILD The most highly anticipated event of the social season, the Annual InterContinental Miami Make-A-Wish Ball takes place on Saturday, November 6, at the InterContinental Miami. Expect over-the-top décor at this Asian-inspired, Zenthemed ball, where past years have included a fantasy land reminiscent of the Beatles’ hit songs-complete with an “Octopus’ Garden,” enchanted forests with talking trees and tables; a model pouring champagne from a chandelier; an entrance through the 50 foot skirt of an opera singer and at least a few gorgeous people dangling from the ceiling. And that’s just the beginning. This ball’s got major star power. This year’s live auction emcee, Paula Abdul, is up against a long line of previous bombshells including Sharon Stone, Kim Kardashian and Pamela Anderson. The party starts with a lavish cocktail, and by “lavish” we’re talking stone crabs featuring an auction of premier items before moving onto dinner, with background music by DJ Irie and live-auction bidding on items such as exotic wheels, (think Ferraris and Aston Martins); glittering jewels; and international travel to the some of the world’s premier destinations. After the auction, guests will be entertained by a live performance. For the third year in a row, the InterContinental Miami Make-A-Wish Nightclub “Enter the Dragon” will celebrate and support the Ball’s endeavors as well as introduce the Make-A-Wish Foundation of Southern Florida to the next generation of contributors. “The InterContinental Miami Make-A-Wish Nightclub has been instrumental in raising awareness of the Ball and its mission to an entirely new group — a generation we hope will one day be our new lifetime benefactors and ultimately continue the power of the wish,” said Gala Chairman Malnik. You need to mention the fashion show by Nicole Miller - Michael Capponi, The Capponi Group and Antonio Misuraca – reservations for the After Party can be made at 305-695-4410 or RSVP@Capponigroup.com Individual tickets cost $500 each and tables range from $5,000-$20,000. Tables, wishes and other sponsorship opportunities can be purchased by calling 954.967.9474.
A Memorial Service in honor of
Soyka's General Manager Patricia Ferraro with Daniel Truszkovsky and Irit Aviv at A Walk on the Wine Side – A Journey through Soyka’s Wine-by-the-Bottle List” event held earlier this week. General Manager Patricia Ferraro hosted the food and wine pairing event in the restaurant’s Garden Room. Wine connoisseurs tasted Soyka’s select wines, sold only by the bottle, paired with dishes created by Executive Chef Paul Suriel and Pastry Chef William Newcomb. For more on the event go to our website sunpostweekly.com
CELEBRITY WAITER EVENT AT MORTON’S Morton’s The Steakhouse Miami Beach and Miami Dolphins players, Karlos Dansby, Vontae Davis and Ronnie Brown, along with additional celebrity friends, as they trade in their helmets and uniforms for plates and aprons and serve a lavish dinner to their guests on Monday, November 8th beginning at 6:00 p.m. Enjoy four courses of Morton’s signature cuisine and fine wines from a choice of favorites such as Tuna Tartare Canapes; Miniature Crab Cakes; Double Cut Filet Mignon accompanied with Mashed Potatoes and Steamed Fresh Jumbo Asparagus; and of course, irresistible desserts including New York Cheesecake, Double Chocolate Mousse and Fresh Seasonal Berries with Sabayon Sauce. The evening will include both a live and silent auction with proceeds benefiting the Pros for Africa Foundation. Tickets are available at $250 per guest. Complimentary valet parking will be provided. Morton’s The Steakhouse Miami Beach 4041 Collins Avenue, Miami Beach. For more information or to purchase tickets, contact Michelle Guerrin 786-4544022 or Michelle_Guerrin@mortons.com.
JW MARRIOTT MARQUIS’ GROUNDBREAKING The JW Marriott Marquis Miami, the latest and most luxurious hotel in Downtown Miami opens its doors with a private party on Thursday, November 4th. New York Yankee, Alex Rodriguez (A-Rod) along with A-list celebrities, Brooke Shields, Angie Harmon and Anna Kournikova will celebrate the grand opening of the world’s first JW Marriott Marquis The evening’s festivities will kick-off with an exclusive cocktail reception in Daniel Boulud’s db Bistro Moderne with cocktails courtesy of Grey Goose vodka and will continue onto the hotel’s 19th floor entertainment/lifestyle complex. Guests will be treated to a celebrity basketball exhibition refereed by Miami HEAT player hall-of-famer, Tim Hardaway and LEBO Live, a multimedia live painting performance by renowned local artist, David LeBatard, and music by DJ Irie. Thursday’s party is private, but be sure to check out all of the hotel’s offerings over the weekend.
MEET THE PLINERS
(Sept. 11, 1915 - May 4, 2010)
On Saturday, November 6th, renowned designers and leaders in the footwear and accessories industry, Donald J Pliner and wife Lisa Pliner will present their fall footwear collection at a reception to benefit the Children’s Home Society of Florida. At the reception, hors d’oeuvres will be provided by Prime Italian. 10% of all proceeds will benefit the Children’s Home Society of Florida, a charity that empowers families to safely care and provide for children. The event will take place at Village of Merrick Park, from 12 to 5 p.m. For more information contact Marisa Zelnick at firstname.lastname@example.org.
RALLY FOR THE CURE
will be held on
November 12 at 2 p.m. AT BAY OAKS A Historic Retirement Residence 435 NE 34th Street, Miami 305-573-4337 Page 22 • Thursday, November 4, 2010 • SunPost Weekly • www.sunpostweekly.com
A slew of celebs, along with J.R. and Loren Ridinger present the second annual Rally for Kids with Cancer Scavenger Cup in Miami to benefit the Jackson Memorial Foundation, International Kids Fund (IKF) and Holtz Children’s Hospital on November 12-13. Here’s how it works. Each participating team must raise a minimum of $25,000 online to enter a personal car in the rally. Next, each team gets to draft a “Celebrity Navigator” from a star-studded pool, such as: Eva Longoria Parker; Giles Marini, Lennox Lewis. you get the idea. Each team’s fundraising total determines its draft position. The Rally kicks off with an exclusive cocktail party, where each driver will have the opportunity to draft their Celebrity Navigator. There’s also a brunch the day of the Scavenger Cup Rally, and an awards dinner afterwards. For more information visit: rallyforkids.com/mia.
By Jeannette Stark, Society Editor
MCH Foundation Vice President Ann Lyons, 2011 Queen of Hearts Anna May Conese, Eugene Conese and MCH Foundation President Lucy Morillo-Agnetti
A Donation of $10,000 Gets You A VIP Invite to Vernissage at Art Basel, Plus...
Former Queen of Hearts and 2011 Luncheon Chair Nicole Lozano and Maria Goodno
Former Queen of Hearts Brenda N. Castellano and Bobby Castellano
A spectacular charity event of the season will take place on Friday November, 19th 2010, when World Renowned Fashion Designer and Icon Robert Cavalli with Seven Time Grammy award winning artist Gloria Estefan team up for an evening of Fashion and Song at Villa Vecchia the Miami Beach Estate of Luis and Norma Quintero. Expect a superb sit down gourmet dinner with celebrities, notables, philanthropists and socialites. Proceeds from the evening will benefit The Gloria Estefan Foundation and St. Judes Children's Research Hospital. Tickets: Platinum Level $10,000.00 inc includes, VIP Table, 10 Guests, 10 VIP invites to Vernissage during Art Basel, Miami Beach. Name to be included in all e-mail invitations and all press releases. Gold Level: $5,000.00 Table with 10 guests. Individual Tickets are $500.00. Call 305 695 7015 for reservations.
The place to been seen is Truluck's Seafood Restaurant, Brickell Avenue, Miami. The Opening night was an experience that attendees will not easily forget. Amazing food to delight the palate accompanied by superb wines. Seen at the event are - Left: Elizabeth Dougherty, Lucia Dougherty with Javier and Loudes Avino.
Laura Perez-Velazco, Lani Valido, Hernan Levy, Paula Rivera and Daniel Lopez
2011 Queen of Hearts Kicks-Off at Michael Kors This year’s Miami Children’s Hospital Foundation Queen of Hearts celebration kicked-off at Michael Kors boutique at the Bal Harbour Shops. Guests enjoyed music, hors d’oeuvres and spectacular fashions. A percentage of all proceeds from the exclusive shopping event benefitted Miami Children’s Hospital Foundation. The event marked the start of the celebration in anticipation of the 44th Annual Queen of Hearts Luncheon sponsored by Miami Children’s Hospital Auxiliary to be held on Thursday, November 18 from 11 a.m. – 2 p.m. at Indian Creek Country Club in Indian Creek Village (55 Indian Creek Island Road), benefitting Miami Children’s Hospital Foundation. Seasonal fashions will be featured by Saks Fifth Avenue of Dadeland. Chaired by previously crowned Queens of Hearts Paula Brockway and Nicole Lozano, the event will celebrate 2011 Queen of Hearts honoree Anna May Conese, who is being recognized for her work on behalf of the community. Since moving to Miami with her husband Gene 23 years ago, Conese has been extremely active in local and national philanthropy. In addition to her support of Miami Children’s Hospital Foundation, she is an honorary board member of the American Red Cross Greater Miami & Keys Chapter, served as philanthropic chair of the Fairchild Tropical Botanic Garden Gala in 2007 and 2008 and was chair of the 2008 Miami Humane Society’s Pawpurrazzi event. Anna May and Gene have been married for 54 years and have four married children and 10 grandchildren. Miami Children’s Hospital Auxiliary has been an active part of the Hospital since both were founded 60 years ago and continues to support the Hospital and Foundation through contributions and the annual crowning of the Queen of Hearts, a social event that is eagerly awaited by more than 250 prominent members of the community. To purchase seats, tables and for sponsorship information, please contact Monica Alfonso at 786-6242832 or email@example.com. To inquire about Miami Children’s Hospital Auxiliary, please contact Ann Lyons, VP of Programs & Gift Planning, at 786-268-1830 or firstname.lastname@example.org. www.sunpostweekly.com • SunPost Weekly • Thursday, November 4, 2010 • Page 23
(Semi) Precious By Jennifer Fragoso
Luis Morais has been designing jewelry since 2000. Masterfully mixing natural elements like ebony, sandalwood and fossilized mammoth ivory with precious metals and diamonds to create irreverent pieces of jewelry for men and women. Gaining fans like Madonna and Keith Richards along the way. These designs are hauntingly beautiful treasures that can be layered or stand on there own. From the Two Skull ring to his Cross Cuff bracelet Luis Morais provides the rocker in all of us with the appropriate embellishments. From clean to bling Luis creates jewelry with soul that resonates on a primal level with clients. Judge for yourself the next time you’re on Lincoln Road and run into Alchemist. The boutique always has a great selection of Luis Morais jewelry to select from. Or add this dynamic duo to your Art Basel itinerary and visit their Pop-n-Shop, which will showcase an edited assortment of Luis Morais most recent work along with extensive selection of Luis Morais designs offered in different combinations of metals and gemstones. The Luis Morais Pop-N-Shop, Wednesday December 1, 2010 – Monday December 6, 2010. 438 Lincoln Road Miami Beach. Alchemist , 438 Lincoln Rd; Miami Beach. 305-5314653. shopalchemist.com
Page 24 • Thursday, November 4, 2010 • SunPost Weekly • www.sunpostweekly.com
EXPERT ALTERATIONS PARKING IN THE REAR
Shoe Repairs & Shoe Shine
9835 NE 2nd Avenue, Miami Shores 305.757.8386 Mon-Fri: 8am - 6pm Sat: 8am - 4pm
www.sunpostweekly.com • SunPost Weekly • Thursday, November 4, 2010 • Page 25
Sexonomy By Dr. Sonjia Kenya
Sonjia@drsonjia.com Has the recession changed your love life? “Yes. It’s improved it,” said the handsome man in his early 40s. “I have more time to dedicate now. Fewer distractions.” As my toenails were polished and his feet were massaged (does unemployment cover pedicures?) he told me he was laid off more than a year ago and now has much more time to satisfy his primal urges. And reader, he’s not the only one enjoying more sex during this economic downturn. Consumer Reports found that 5% of sexually active adults are having sex more often since the recession. Similarly, one in five people surveyed by areyouromantic.com said their sex life has improved since the cash crash. Fortunately, recession sex seems to be safe sex, as condom sales in the U.S. rose 5% in late 2008 and continued to grow in 2009 according to the Nielson Company. But just because it’s safe, doesn’t mean it’s boring. As savings dwindle, sex toys are flying off the shelf. Sex accessory stores like Babeland in New York City report 18% more web traffic in 2009 and 13% more sales. Amazon increased their sexual wellness products from 338 items in 2003 to almost 60,000 items in 2009, most of which are adult toys and games. Charmain Diploa, spokeswoman for Amazon said, “We’ve seen this category grow pretty significantly over the last couple of years. They love the fact they can purchase a vibrator, a watch and a Kindle all in one place.” The economic climate has even loosened up boring Brits. A recent poll conducted by the charity group Terrence Higgins Trust found that staying in for intercourse was indeed the best way to pinch pounds. A whopping 43% of Scottish people and 35% of Londoners said sex was their favorite free activity. This new and economical European attitude almost makes you forget when our favorite Englishman, Hugh Grant, was caught paying for that prostitute. While many sources cite superior sex as one of the few causes for celebration during the recession, Fox News is staying true to character by attempting to annoy everyone. On Foxnews.com, Dr. Ian Kerner stated that he firmly believed one of the side-effects of the recession was a lack of libido. “In general, people are having less sex,” said Kerner, who added, “Fifty million people are stuck in a sex rut.” It doesn’t surprise me that a Fox news expert is a total downer about doing the deed. After all, Fox News also supports Sarah Palin’s protégé’ Christine O’Donnell, who publicly opposed masturbation on MTV by saying, “If he can please himself, then why am I in the picture?” We can’t expect an organization to support sensational sex if they’re opposed to masturbation, the most convenient, economical, and safest path to orgasm. However, for those cash-strapped cuties who are tired of tantalizing themselves, there’s still hope for hot dates with other humans. We all know dating can be expensive but being broke is no reason to be alone. Creativity is free and in many cases, way more fun. Most of us have been on expensive dates at fine establishments but few have been on special adventures planned ahead with love. Doing an activity together can be a lot more fun than dinner and there’s no better way to create lasting memories. I once learned to dive for conch on a date. When we caught the conch, I was surprised with a bag of fresh peppers, onions, and lemon which were quickly chopped and mixed into conch salad in the middle of the ocean. To be honest, I don’t even like conch, but it was mighty tasty that day, and completely free. I felt very special even though he didn’t spend a dime. The key to an unforgettable, inexpensive date is to think about the object of your affection and consider their taste as you get creative. Although anyone can do it, I realize that limited income sometimes limits the imagination. So here are a few economical date ideas to get you going: Take a drive to Homestead to visit Schnebly winery. For about $7 per
person, you can taste all of their wines, tour the facilities, and keep a souvenir glass. The winery is beautiful with lush gardens, waterfalls, and a live band that often plays for free. Bring a picnic lunch to enjoy in the gardens and your date will fall head over heels for less than fifteen bucks. Want to get physical? Head over to Everglades National Park where you can go biking, boating, canoeing, fishing, hiking, or kayaking together. This is another great opportunity to bring an awesome picnic lunch and savor the moment if things go well. For just ten bucks, your car can stay in the park for up to 7 days and you can catch your dinner in the wild. What could be more romantic than that? The shooting range is an exciting option for the serious thrill seekers with twenty bucks to spend. That’s what it costs to rent a firearm at Ace’s Indoor Range in Doral. While this date obviously isn’t for everyone, I’d highly recommend it if you’re dating Sarah Palin or Christine O’Donnell. For those into culture, Artwalk in Midtown/Wynwood offers a winning date every time. On the second Saturday of each month, more than 40 galleries open their doors and serve complimentary wine and hor dourves while various bands play live in the street. Miamians stroll from gallery to gallery socializing and enjoying the art. Be sure to get there early because the free fun ends promptly at 10pm and I can tell you from experience, it’s quite irritating to see all the happy drunk people going home as you’re just arriving. Want to go one step beyond seeing art? Try making it together at a ceramics studio. Miami has several shops that offer open sessions where you and your date pick out some pottery and spend a few hours designing it together for about $25.00. This date almost guarantees a follow-up date because the pottery needs to be fired to seal your creation forever and one of you has to return to the studio to pick it up a few days later. Of course you have to show the final masterpiece to your co-artist on the next date. If you are making art with someone, a visit to the World Erotic Art Museum together is a must. Hosting the largest collection of erotic art in the U.S., the museum is located in South Beach and open until 11 pm during the week and until midnight on weekends. Fifteen bucks gets you in the door and you’re allowed to take photographs, so you and your date can get into some creative poses for that cell phone camera. Social events highlighting specific erotic art take place each month and are sure to draw an interesting crowd. Quite a bang for your buck! Speaking of banging, how about swinging at some balls together at the batting cages. Just $15.00 buys you a safe place to release some aggression while playing with your partner. This can be fun and flirty even if you’re date has never picked up a bat. The more experienced player can simply stand behind the novice and wrap their arms around to guide into the proper swinging motion. A little testosterone from hitting combined with a little touching from training makes the date a fun, teasing time. What about introducing animals on your next date? Get over to the Miami Zoo and spend a whole day of quality time together for about $15.00. Few experiences compare to lions, tigers, giraffes, and monkeys and most haven’t seen a zoo since childhood. If you splurge an extra $5, you can add a guided tour of Asia and Africa, and another hour of closeness in the wild. Wine tasting at Happy Wine is another easy and fun date. For just $10.00, you get to taste the wine and feast on free appetizers in this eclectic little shop where patrons sit on wine crates while a live Cuban jazz band gets busy. Be sure to designate a driver because the shop also allows customers to buy bottles straight off the shelves and their economical prices are easily digested. Before you know it, you may find yourself singing with the band as you pop open another great vintage. Want to see how flexible your special someone is? Try one of Miami’s many free outdoor yoga classes. North Beach has free oceanfront yoga classes every Friday morning and Bayfront Park hosts free classes on Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday. If it’s a morning class, you can make it special by bringing your date a cup of coffee or pastries to enjoy together after the class. If it’s evening, a bottle of wine overlooking the Bay may be a more romantic option You may have noticed that I didn’t mention the beach. My rationale for that is: If you live in Miami and haven’t had a special date on the beach, you should slap yourself silly. People fly from all over the world to lie on our white sand and play in our turquoise waters and you’re absolutely insane if you’re not taking advantage of the natural romance offered by our beautiful beaches. Pack a picnic, grab some drinks, and get frisky in the sea without paying any fees. Just because the economy stinks doesn’t mean your love life has to suffer. If you’re strapped for cash but still want sex, stop focusing on money and start finding your creativity. Times are tough. Make love, not dinner reservations.
Page 26 • Thursday, November 4, 2010 • SunPost Weekly • www.sunpostweekly.com
Eat More, Get Lean By Jeffrey Bradley (email@example.com) Listen, if you’re like most people—EVERYTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT DIET IS WRONG! That’s right. How many people do you know that go to a gym… actually get in shape? Or how many “dieters” do you know… actually shed pounds and keep them off? Not many, I’ll warrant. Surprisingly, most folks who exercise think it’s the weights or aerobics that gets ‘em in shape; they’re pretty blasé about diet. (Oddly enough, lifting weights is the last thing you should be concerned with in theweight-room, but more on that another time.) Paradoxically, eating more is the best way to lose fat the fastest! While we’re at it, let’s use correct terminology when tossing around words like “weight” and “pounds” and “diet.” What we’re really talking about here is bodyfat, and more specifically, losing it. Now, most ‘dieters’ (talk about one of your more futile endeavors!) think that “losing weight” means caloric deprivation, starvation, willpower, sacrifice—adjectives I don’t even like, let alone incorporate into my eating habits. Whence comes their naiveté? Truth is, the cornerstone of any muscle-building or weight loss program is a diet that includes a lot of eating. But what do we even mean by diet? Note the lowercase d. This denotes eating as a purposeful lifestyle and differentiates it from capital D whatever-the-latest-fad-is Diets. Newsflash: You actually have a better chance of winning the lottery than of succeeding with any Diet. NO diet can succeed for more than a couple of weeks because your body adapts and defies any attempt at losing anything more. Here’s why: Your body doesn’t know from hunger or death. To it, if you’re starving, you’re dying. See, we’re all still on caveman time, biologically-speaking. Back then the only thing between you and an early grave was a nice layer of fat. So bodyfat, to the body, is good; in fact, it’s the last line of defense before going ka-put! (It’s a fact that you can go over a month without eating.) Your body’s quite happy—programmed even— to pack on the fat and keep you alive. I didn’t invent this stuff; it’s hardwired in. So don’t shoot the messenger. Even if you’re just hungry your body goes into protective mode. It’s true. But hold on—there’s a way to make all of this work for you. It’s about tricking the body into believing that everything is OK, that there’s no threat of starvation. How? Simple, and repeat after me—Never hungry, never full. That’s all there is to it. And “never hungry, never full” means exactly what it says: Don’t let yourself get hungry, or full. Why? Let’s recap. If you’re hungry your body goes into survival mode, which drops your metabolism, or set point (you can’t escape it; it’s Darwinian)…which means that whatever you eat gets turned immediately into survival-enhancing bodyfat... which means making even more fat cells to stuff that bounty into... which means, well, you get the picture. There’s more. If you’re full—putting aside the fact that you shouldn’t eat more than 500 calories anyway at any one sitting because your body stores the excess calories as, guess what?—if you’re full, I say, then your body will use metabolic energy for digesting, instead of what we want it to use it for, burning fat. Remember: never hungry, never full. If your body is humming along oblivious to threat of starvation (never hungry) and has nothing to do by way of digestion (never full), it’ll happily give up the bodyfat (an excellent source of fuel) to keep your metabolism burning at a nice high steady set point... which is just what we wanted— metabolism burning up bodyfat for fuel! So, never hungry, never full! And the way you stay never hungry or full is by eating equal-size portions constantly over the course of the day, spacing 5 to 7 small meals every 3 hours. That’s every 3 hours, as in you-can-set-your-watch-by-it every 3 hours. It’s got to be. Here’s how important diet is. I don’t care how calorically hideous your diet is right now. If you do nothing else but take and divide it into 6 same-sized meals spaced every 3 hours, you’ll go down a dress size or cinch your belt up tighter by a loop inside of two weeks. Guaranteed. Sure, it takes a little effort. You’ll probably spend Sunday afternoons cooking a lot of food for the week and putting it up in little blue-cover Tupperware squares, the perfect meal size. (This way, you can pop ‘em in the freezer and pull one out every three hours.) That serving size is critical. Make your protein portion the size of your palm, your starchy carb the size of your fist, and your leafy greens the same. Fact is, I was thinking of calling this the Tupperware Diet—I know, I know, Capital D—but the name is already patented.
PICK UP YOUR COPY OF THE SUNPOST AT ONE OF OUR MANY DISTRIBUTION LOCATIONS:
MIAMI BEACH Miami Beach City Hall Miss Yip Davids Cafe Books & Books Score Panfiore SB Finest Carwash Uncle Sam’s Music Manolo Normandy Gym Majestic Properties Georges 11th Street Diner
MIAMI Andiamo Balans Magnum Bagels & Co Ascot Outoor Furniture A&A Village Treasures Design District Post Office Miami Shores Library North Miami Post Office Stembridge Furniture Majestic Properties
IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO CARRY THE SUNPOST IN YOUR BUSINESS PLEASE EMAIL firstname.lastname@example.org
Classifieds HELP WANTED
HELP WANTED WE ARE SEEKING PRIVATE
INVESTIGATORS TO SHOP AND GET PAID.
The SunPost is looking for advertising sales representatives with at least 2 years experience selling in Miami Beach, Miami or surrounding areas.
You will be paid for what you love doing at [should be during] your leisure hours. MYSTERY SHOPPING is a well established industry used by thousands of top retail and food service companies. Virtually every top retailer in the nation uses shoppers like YOU to help them test out. Interested applicant should contact the hiring manager via email: email@example.com
We're looking for a team oriented self starter to develop new customers for our print and online edition. This is not an entry level job, were looking for someone wanting to earn big commissions selling an enormous number of leads and servicing customers that have been with our publication for years. You will be responsible to visit clients and work with our in-house art department to create ads for your clients.
EVICTIONS FROM $200 305.861.3606
PRIVATE SUMMER TUTORING in Spanish Language Babies to Teens
ADVERTISE IN THE CLASSIFIED SECTION CALL: 305.482.1785 SEASON SPECIALS!
Daily + Weekends in Your Home
786-768-3125 PAULA QUINCENO REFERENCES AVAILABLE privatespanishlessonforkids@ hotmail.com
REAL ESTATE FOR SALE SOUTH BEACH
You must be able to meet deadlines and be able to work full time.
Just reduced again for quick sale! 2bd/1.5 ba great unit with upgraded kitchen, view, pool, rent ok, pet ok and parking. 1345 West Ave near Lincoln Road. $218.500. Must see at this price!
Please email resume to firstname.lastname@example.org
JEANNE MOCKRIDGE MAJESTIC PROPERTIES 305 606-1855
FOR RENT ADVERTISE YOUR RENTALS HERE. CALL: 305.482.1785 SEASON SPECIALS!
FOR SALE BUGABOO CHAMELEON Used for one child. Blue & orange colorway. Can be changed. Have all accessories for newborn through toddler. Great condition. $400 obo Call 786-955-8074
HIRING PERSONAL TRAINERS AquaFit is seeking Personal Trainers to work in the South Florida market for both one-on-one and group training. Be a part of the most innovative water-based system to hit the fitness industry. We are looking for motivated, positive trainers who enjoy working with people. Full and Part time positions available. Certification is preferred but not required since we provide Aquatic Training & Certification
email resume to email@example.com AquaFitMiami.com
www.sunpostweekly.com • SunPost Weekly • Thursday, November 4, 2010 • Page 27
Push Yourself without Punishing Yourself cardio • strength • endurance • speed • flexibility
AEROBIC AND ANAEROBIC CONDITIONING PYLOMETRICS • YOGA • WATER PILATES • BOXING • POST RE-HAB • MARTIAL ARTS AND CROSS TRAINING
THE EVOLUTION OF FITNESS
NOW OFFERING GROUP SESSIONS Signup Online for Our Group Class aquafitmiami.com
PERSONAL FITNESS IN YOUR POOL * We do not use any foam buoyancy equipment
Vol. XXV No. 44 November 4th, 2010 "PUFF, PUFF...PASS?"