Self worth - why it's so vitally important

International Men's Health Week always begins on the Monday before Father's Day (Monday 13th June 2022) and ends on Father's Day itself (Sunday 19th June 2022) to promote information and support for all boys and men to live healthier, longer, and more fulfilling lives. At the time you’re reading this article, Men’s Health Week will have passed so you may be questioning why I mentioned it in the first place. Well… I believe men’s health week is every week so here I am banging the drum about why it’s so important that we understand the concept of self-worth and how it impacts our mental wellbeing.

What is self-worth? Why is self-worth important? And what does it have to do withme? These may be questions you’re asking yourself as you approach this article. Letme take you on a brief journey to answer these questions one step at a time.

WHAT IS SELF-WORTH?

Self-worth is the opinion you have about yourself and the value you place on yourself. An example of self-worth is your belief that you are a good person who deserves good things or your belief that you are a bad person who deserves bad things.

You may be thinking “Great, you’ve just regurgitated a definition, but I still don’t understand why self-worth is important to me?”

Here’s the point.

Many people tie their self-worth to external factors in their life, such as:

• Our job

• Our income

• Our relationship status (and the biggest lie we’re told is “be with someone that makes you happy.” The truth is happiness is something you create on your own. Be with someone who adds to it).

• The size of our house

• Exam results

If we tie our self-worth to external factors, our self-worth (the value we place on ourselves) will constantly fluctuate. This is because external events are always changing and some of these external events are temporary (such as a job, relationship etc.). Basing self-worth on external events is not good for our mental wellbeing! It can result in a rollercoaster ride, and to be honest… I hate rollercoasters!!

The next bit is where I want you to really focus… hold tight!

Picture yourself walking into a job interview that you’ve worked incredibly hard to get. You’ve been preparing for weeks and everything about the job sounds perfect. Two days after the job interview you receive a phone call to say that you didn’t get the job. Of course, you really wanted that job and to be honest, you’re gutted. That’s completely normal and everyone would feel the same - I’d be gutted too! It’s the job of your dreams after all. Now… here’s why self-worth is so important to us. I have presented two scenarios highlighting someone who ties their self-worth to the outcome of the job interview, and a scenario highlighting someone who doesn’t tie their self-worth to the outcome of the interview.

Scenario 1: If we tie our self-worth to this external event (the result of the job interview), this will leave us feeling worthless as we didn’t get the job. Our confidence can drop, and we may be discouraged from applying for more interviews. A vicious cycle, right?

Now let’s look at how we’d respond if we didn’t tie our self-worth to the result of the job interview.

Scenario 2: We just heard we didn’t get the job. We’re still gutted as we worked so hard for it and that’s completely normal. However, in this scenario, we know that the outcome of this interview doesn’t affect who we are as a person. We know our worth as a human is not dependent on our ability to land that job. We know that we are still the same great person as before and we know we will have another interview round the corner soon. We remain upbeat and get preparing for the next one. This is someone with high sense of self-worth and is confident in their abilities!

The best thing about this is that the situation didn’t change. The situation didn’t change at all. You still didn’t get the job. But what changed was how you viewed yourself and your sense of selfworth. This takes a lot of practise and something that I’m still learning myself. But we can all get to this stage!

I could go on and provide hundreds of different examples, but before the article comes to an end, I want to briefly introduce how to start increasing our self-worth. First, start talking positively to yourself. It may sound like a very small change… but it makes a huge difference. We all have an inner critic voice that can bring us down, nit-picking at the most minute thing. Don’t let the inner critic take over as we will start to believe the voice and it can start to affect our worth.

Challenge the inner critic and use positive affirmations like “I am good enough” or “I’m a valuable human being”. Never underestimate the power of positive self-talk! Then, once you start to develop a high sense of self-worth, make sure it stays completely unconnected from any external event!

I am also completely aware that there may be people reading this article that are probably feeling broken, hopeless, and feel like their sense of self-worth is so low that they can never imagine building it up. Well, I’m here to tell you that despite all the things that you’ve been through, you are still here fighting and that says a lot about who you are – so I say you’re pretty awesome and I value you!!

Your homework is now to put all this into practise. So, start talking positively to yourself (even if it’s just one positive thing a day; small things make big changes), don’t let external events pull your selfworth down, and remember that your self-worth is something that comes from within. It should be something that over time is built up, and you continue to build for the rest of your life.

Understanding and learning about selfworth can teach you how to be more fulfilled and happier in your own self. Love and value yourself for who you are as a person. We are all brilliant human beings!

If you feel affected by anything raised in this article, I personally invite you to join one of our Andy’s Man Club sessions along with blokes in similar situations, every Monday at 7pm.

The two locations in Rochdale are:

• Mayfield Sports Centre, OL11 3BY.

• Spotland Stadium, off Willbutts Lane, OL11 3DS (‘our spot community hub’ near the 5-a-side pitch.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” - Buddha

Brad Gartland

Mental Health Editor

Royal Voluntary Service Platinum Champion

Andy’s Man Club Facilitator

Stephen Gartland Foundation Trustee

Some great avenues of support are also provided below. Please never feel like you’re alone:

ANDY’S MAN CLUB www.andysmanclub.co.uk This is a safe, confidential, and non-judgmental place where men can come and talk about their problems, every Monday (excluding bank holidays) at 7pm. Venue 1: Mayfield Sports Centre, OL11 3BY. Venue 2: Spotland Stadium, off Willbutts Lane, OL11 3DS ‘our spot community hub’ near the 5-a-side pitch.

SAMARITANS (116 123) www.samaritans.org A 24-hour service available every day of the year. If you prefer to write down how you’re feeling, or if you’re worried about being overheard on the phone, you can email Samaritans at: jo@samaritans.org.

WOMEN’S WELLBEING CLUB womenswellbeingclub.co.uk This is a peer-to-peer community support group run for women by volunteers. Our meetings start at between 6pm and 7pm at various venues across the country. Find out if there is a club near you.

SHOUT 85258 This is a free, confidential, 24/7 text messaging support service for anyone who is struggling to cope. To start a conversation, text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258 - their trained Shout Volunteers are here for you, day or night.

ROCHDALE AND DISTRICT MIND 01706 752338 Mind provide help and support directly to those who need it most. There's a network of around 125 local Minds across England and Wales that offer specialised support and care based on the needs of the communities they support.

• Spotland Stadium, off Willbutts Lane, OL11 3DS (‘our spot community hub’ near the 5-a-side pitch.