IT’S ALL ABOUT YOU Many times when we wonder how we can care for someone who’s hurting, our focus naturally turns towards the person whose situation has touched our heart and spurred us into action. However, in reality, being an effective caregiver is really all about you. I realize that may sound bizarre, but please don’t stop reading. There is a foundational principle of caregiving which cannot be broken—you must nourish and replenish the caregiver! Think about the speech you hear every time you’re on an airplane: “If the oxygen masks fall, put on your mask before assisting the person near you.” I recently had a conversation with someone who had been on a flight where the masks fell. He said it was a very scary experience. He was sitting near an elderly lady, and his first instinct was to help her because she was frightened and confused. But within seconds—much more quickly than he expected—he started feeling lightheaded. He actually began to panic. Then he heard the words, “Get oxygen for yourself first!” When a need is great or a crisis deep, it’s easy to get so caught up in reaching out that you forget you’ll have nothing to give if you don’t carefully replenish yourself. Caregiving can be spiritually, emotionally and physically draining. So we must regularly connect to the eternal, unchanging, everlasting Replenisher—the very Breath of Life—to stay on target. Many times after ministering to a person or family in crisis, I come home, sit down at my piano and just soak up the life-giving presence of the Master Caregiver. Being with Him not only replenishes me, it also gives me the guidance I desperately need—a special word of encouragement I can share, insight into complex relationships among those to whom I’m ministering or strategy for spiritual warfare. We are called to minister God’s life and care, so we better stay intimately connected to the Giver of all life and care. IT’S NEVER ABOUT YOU As caregivers we have to continually remind ourselves, “It’s not about me.” I know … I’m contradicting myself! But it’s not all about the way you think you would walk through a similar situation. It’s not about sharing your own experiences (unless that’s what God instructs you to do). It’s not about your call to care. It’s not about
your skill or lack of skill. It’s not about your caregiving role or any visibility it brings. It’s not about your pain, your sacrifice, your challenges or your anything! Being called to care for others—which is a universal call to all within the body of Christ—is about listening intently to God’s direction, then walking out His instructions with love and compassion. When God puts someone in your path who needs encouragement, perspective, prayer or emotional support, I encourage you to stay away from stereotypical responses. I encourage you not to ask, “What would I want in this situation?” Instead, become an astute observer—prayerfully asking the Lord for the Holy Spirit’s anointing. He is faithful to give you creative ways of ministering with exactly the right touch which will uniquely bring His hope. It’s also important to remember—particularly in situations involving illness and grief—people are not always themselves due to emotional stress, medications or other factors. When relational discord comes—and it often will in family situations—don’t take things personally. Encourage everyone around the situation not to take offense. Lay any hurts which do come up at Jesus’ feet, staying on track with the mission. KEEP IT SIMPLE AND PRACTICAL I am always amazed at how seemingly small expressions of love and care mean so much during difficult days. Our tendency can be to become so moved by someone’s crisis that we promise things we cannot deliver. Instead, start small and let your relationship and friendship build the response naturally. It doesn’t have to be complicated—keep it simple and practical. Ask if there are any errands you can run or groceries you can get. Mail small expressions of love like cards, scriptures on index cards, bookmarks, handmade cards from children, paperback books and magazines or restaurant gift cards. If you’re reaching out to someone as a group—especially someone battling illness— assign one or two point people so the person you’re reaching out to doesn’t become overwhelmed with too many calls or visits. Carefully observe the person’s level of engagement with you, and let your response match their level. God is faithful to guide us when we stop, observe and listen.
Caregiving can be easy and extremely rewarding when you realize it’s simply extending God’s heart with willing hands.
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