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My artist’s journey becomes more and more about stumbling forward in the dark. I create something from a simple intuition or idea. Then I react to that something. Following this, I react to what comes up. At times, I have a ‘Zen’ moment when it all feels right. Though this is a wonderful feeling and sign, when it happens, I should stop. And sometimes I do. But often I carry on, emboldened by the feeling of satisfaction. But perhaps it would have been best to stop while I was winning, because what happens next is another round of battles on the field of my canvas. And I am in the fight again, searching for survivors and something that is worth agonizing over. Around and around I go, coming up for air only to plunge back down again in the caldron of my swirling creative process. It is a mess. It is anything but defined and it is riddled with doubts. It holds nothing but all my attachments and insecurities. But it is the only way I know that will possibly lead me to something magical, something new and very exciting; something that speaks of the music in my soul. 1
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It is Friday and an end to a positive and productive week of painting. Monday sucked, I guess like everybody’s Mondays. But fortunately I kept motoring along and have surfaced for air and not drowned altogether. Leaving the studio tonight I realized that I must stop second-guessing myself. I would like to trust myself more and not do something only to then undo it moments later when it doesn’t seem exactly correct, right at that moment. I should allow my intuition more credit and concreteness if I am ever going to get anywhere interesting and new. I do think that is what my painting is all about; discovering brave new worlds, new life and new civilizations: To boldly go where no man has gone before… !
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