CHAPTER FIFTEEN OBSTACLES TO A BETTER MARRIAGE Calling marriage an institution might suggest that it is a static, completed sort of reality; but a particular marriage involves ideals toward which a couple need to work throughout a lifetime. A reflection on several obstacles to a good marriage may add a practical addition to this book. It has been necessary in what follows to distinguish and treat separately a number of factors that interact closely with each other. I.
FACTORS OF PERSONALITY AND CHARACTER
To be a good spouse and parent you must be a morally good person, patient, courageous, temperate, generous, compassionate, fair, sensitive, prudent, responsible, good humoured, loyal, forgiving. An excellent preparation for a successful marriage is to cultivate the moral virtues and find a partner who has done the same. For Christians the virtue of agape is the special basis of the marriage relationship, and there is evidence that taking one’s religious faith seriously contributes to marital stability. Long term preparation for success in marriage is not very different from long term preparation for life generally; and of more value to couples than a marriage manual are those works that compile and distil the moral wisdom of the human race. Along with the qualities of personality and character that would find a place in a standard list of moral vices, and besides the mental disorders and pathologies whose detrimental effects on married life are obvious, there are some other traits that make it especially difficult for people to develop a solid marriage. 1.
narcissism
Any form of selfishness obviously contradicts the sharing and self-giving love that should characterise Christian matrimony. Of particular interest in this regard are observations in recent decades by therapists and counsellors about a form of selfishness called
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