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D’VAR TORAH: PARASHAT YITRO
A better approach to service
BY RABBI JOSEF DAVIDSON
The United States’ economy is currently oriented toward service. Employment opportunities abound in the service industries such as food service, hospitality service, call center service, repair services and delivery service, to name a few. As consumers in a service economy, we have grown to expect excellent service, whether that is in booking vacations, ordering dinner, purchasing products online, or speaking to a customer service representative.
Nothing is more annoying than hearing the words, “Please stay on the line. All of our representatives are serving other customers. Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line.” This is usually followed by music that used to be played in elevators until the recording breaks in and reminds us how important our call is to the representatives currently serving other customers.
In a desperate hope that we can forgo speaking to a real representative, we often resort to using our computer, tablet, or mobile phone to navigate to the desired company’s website in order to obtain the service required. No instant gratification there! Rather most websites take us on a route that is so convoluted as to wear out even the most patient person. Too often in this service-oriented economy the pursuit of service can seem futile.
In this week’s Torah portion, Yitro, named for Moses’ father-in-law, it was just such a situation which Yitro, observed as people waited in line for hours, even days, to obtain an audience with Moses in order to learn what it is that was expected of them or to settle a dispute. There wasn’t even a recording or anything to let them know that their issue was important to Moses and to stay in the line until he was available. He was busy all day taking care of other people.
Yitro, as would any father-in-law, gave Moses some advice. He observed how tiring and frustrating this process was for both Moses and the people whom he served. He then suggested a better way to provide for them. He suggested that Moses train others to serve along with him, to adjudicate cases that lesser leaders could handle, and leave the most difficult ones for Moses. This would reduce greatly the time spent waiting in line and free Moses to take care of other personal and public responsibilities. What a great idea! Moses followed his father-in-law’s advice. The lines were shortened; the services provided sooner, and everyone was happier.
There are many of us who take on too much, whether that is at home or at work. For some reason we believe that we have to do it all and that we don’t require any assistance whatsoever. For some it is a matter of believing that no one else is as capable. For others, it is a matter of simply not being able to say “no.” For still others, it is a scheduling issue (Surely I can fit one more project into my calendar!).
Consequently, studies have demonstrated that Americans are not sleeping enough hours per night to adequately replenish their energy and their brains. This further decreases the quality of the service that can be rendered. Then, people are forced to hear, “Your call/visit is very important to us. Please stay on the line, as our sole representative is serving someone else.”
Yitro’s advice is still as important and as true now as it was then. Often we can be more productive by seeking the help of others than by doing everything ourselves. In so doing everyone, providers and consumers, is better served.
Shabbat Shalom!
Rabbi Josef Davidson serves Congregation B’nai Amoona and is a member of the St. Louis Rabbinical and Cantorial Association, which coordinates the d’var Torah for the Jewish Light.
Ink-loving editor bids farewell to beloved Clayton news shop
BY ROBERT A. COHN
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF EMERITUS
At 82, I’m dealing with the harsh reality of illness and death striking down relatives and friends. Add to this the relentless news of the spread of the Omicron variant of COVID-19, the cloud of sadness can envelop the soul.
In a time of hyper partisan division in all areas of life we take comfort in the “constants” — family, friends — and places, like restaurants, movies and other familiar haunts that reassuringly seem to keep on going, like the Energizer Bunny. For me, that includes places like World News in Clayton, which recently announced that it is closing for good in February due to declining sales.
“Say it isn’t so,” I lamented to Mike Flavin, the hardworking and accommodating manager of World News for 43 of its 55 years at the corner of Central and Forsyth avenues. The soft-spoken Flavin sadly confirmed the grim truth with the new sign on its door: “STORE CLOSING EVERYTHING MUST GO.”
For a print news junkie like me, World News is like the beloved restaurant and bar Ernest Hemingway describes in his affecting short story “A Clean and Well Lighted Place.”
In 1967, when World News opened, I was press secretary and speech writer of then St. Louis County Supervisor (Executive) Lawrence K. Roos. World News was my regular daily stop for me to get my “fix” of newspapers, magazines and paperbacks, topped off with a treat like a Snicker’s or Hershey bar. I have continued to be among the loyal regular
Editor-in-Chief Emeritus Robert A. Cohn writes that he has buying newspapers, magazines and comics from World News in Clayton since its opening in 1967. The store recently announced it will close in February.
customers since its inception.
Since I joined the Jewish Light in 1969, I have continued my love affair with World News. Call me a dinosaur or an old, old -school devotee, but I love the tactile, ink-smearing print media, which feels “more real” than online sources. (My wife Barbara does not share my love of printer’s ink.) I feel like a literal “kid in a candy shop” at World News.
Each day my wife or I goes to World News, where I pick up the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, the Riverfront Times, the St. Louis American and the Catholic Review — plus a wide variety of publications ranging from Superhero Marvel and DC comic books to Time, Newsweek, The
Week, The New Yorker, New York, The Atlantic, Harper’s, The Nation, The New Republic, National Review, Commentary, Tikkun, Moment and Lilith. These publications cover the full spectrum of political perspectives. I make it my business to read the best among the vast array of print offerings at the media mecca of World News. In a post last week, World News owner John Cowley said, “All good things must come to Robert A. Cohn is Editor-in-Chief Emeritus of the Jewish Light. an end.” But like Marcel Proust’s beloved Madeleine tea cakes in “Remembrance of Things Past,” World News will be an endearing and enduring memory to lift our spirits through nostalgia. I hope that in the world to come, there will be an exact duplicate of World News that remains open forever.
JCRC, J Street, divisiveness and tolerance
BY RABBI SETH D. GORDON
I attended the recent Jewish Community Relations Council Zoom meeting, but as I had not attended for years I chose not to speak. The issue that drove increased attendance was whether or not to admit J Street St. Louis (see related story on page 4). The few who did speak either supported J Street in the name of tolerance and diversity or opposed them because their words and positions were viewed as divisive and harmful.
Divisiveness is a tricky issue. Sincerely held positions often result in conflict among free-thinking people. Our Mishnah and Midrash is replete with differing views. The rabbis distinguished between a machloket l’shem shamayim and a machloket she-lo l’shem shamayim — conflict for the sake of Heaven and conflict which is not. The former is lauded, the latter discouraged. So I am not overly concerned about J Street injecting views that are divisive; indeed, some of their concerns and the best of their Rabbi Seth D. Gordon serves Traditional Congregation. motives align with Torah and our Sages.
The underlying issue, from my point of view, is language and its effects — how we express ourselves. We are a people with long and deep traditions that speak about the words we use — l-shon ha-ra, harmful language even when true. Words matter.
The word tolerance — as far as I know — does not appear in the Torah or in rabbinic teaching (Mishnah, Midrash, and Gemara), but the concept is evident in Torah law and narrative. The TaNaCH (full Bible) records numerous narratives of non-Israelites living amidst the Israelite population. In law, the Torah repeats the obligation to treat the ger (stranger, alien, non-Israelite) living within Israelitesociety with love. The rabbis counted 36 (some say 46) admonitions. (BT Baba Metzi’a 59b) God loves the ger (Psalm146). The meaning of love in these contexts is respect, dignity, and kindness.
We are further commanded not to oppress the ger financially and to treat the ger equally in our courts. (The rabbis often interpreted ger to mean “convert,” but as they often teach — Torah’s words do not surrender their contextual meaning.)
The word “diversity” similarly does not appear in sacred Jewish writings. However, Torah teaching regards all people as God’s creation, created in His image. God extends love to all creatures. (Psalm 145) A midrash (Mishnah Sanhedrin 4:5) channels human diversity to illustrate God’s greatness — whereas coins are minted and each is the same, from a single stamp, i.e., from Adam and Eve, God creates a unique human each time.
Perhaps (I am speculating) the absence of the words tolerance and diversity is because they are too abstract, too prone to misapplication without limitation. In
BY MIMI DAVID
“Mommy, Yoni made me look like a boy!”
It was 7 a.m. and I had been up all night with the kids. Finally about 5:30 a.m., things settled and I fell into a deep and much needed sleep. When my daughter came to share this exciting development with me, I was almost delirious.
Through my half-closed eyes and in my exhausted state, it looked like she had smeared Vaseline all over her hair (again), causing her long bottle curls to stick to her head so that she looked “like a boy.” I was too tired to deal with it right then, and I just grunted and went back to sleep. (In case you’re wondering, Dawn dishwashing soap gets Vaseline out of hair.)
My oblivion lasted only a few more minutes when my husband came home from morning services. I jumped up with a start when I heard him say, “Why is there hair all over the place?”
And in a more panicky voice he called out, “Who got the scissors?!”
Suddenly, I knew what she meant when she said, “Yoni made me look like a boy.” And it was not funny. It turned out that Yoni had cut off all her hair. Every. Last. Strand. Her long bottle curls were gone, cut off to the scalp. She even had some bald spots in places where he cut really close.
I was not happy, to put it mildly. My delicious 3-year-old daughter looked horrific. I was scared to bring her out in public, worrying what people would think.
Crying, I called my mother who, of course, thought the whole thing was hilarious. When I finally calmed down, I called a friend who cut hair professionally to come help. In the end, my daughter wore hats for a few weeks until the bald spots filled in, and then it took about a year for her hair to grow back fully.
You are probably wondering what consequence we gave Yoni. What do you do to a 5-year-old who does something like this?
The answer may surprise you, but I promise I will explain. We did nothing. Nothing! OK, not totally nothing. We did explain to him that scissors are only for cutting paper and that they can only be used when an adult is watching. We let him know that haircutting is a job only for professionals, and we hid the scissors. But that was it. No punishment, no consequence, nothing.
When it comes to raising kids, Judaism says that punishments are not cool. Consequences are, as long they fit the crime that was committed. There’s a caveat, though. If a child does something wrong that is completely age appropriate and it is something he or she will not ever do as an adult, then no consequence is necessary.
Our sages tell us that educating our kids means not making a big deal over something they will most definitely grow out of and not do when they grow up.
When a child does something wrong, parents can and should have the child correct the mistake if possible. But if it is something he or she will not do as an adult, Judaism says that is enough. No need to lecture, no need to punish. I’ll give you an example:
Your 3-year-old colors all over the wall with markers. My favorite is when they write their name on the wall and then deny it was them. Yes, she should wash it off. Hand her a magic eraser and show her how to clean it up. That’s it. No yelling, no lecturing, no time out, nothing else is necessary. Adults do not color on the walls, and kids who do it do not need any more discipline than simply being told to clean up their mess.
As parents we take our job of raising our kids very seriously. Sometimes, maybe a little too seriously. A child who is acting like a child needs our guidance, but save the real discipline for things like character development, sharing and caring — those things that are important for them to be and do when they grow up.
As for Yoni, he is now a married adult and has not cut off anyone’s hair since that episode. We did warn his wife about his haircutting abilities when they were engaged, just in case. We are fairly confident, though, that he grew up and out of this stage and won’t ever do it again.
Mimi David is Director of Women’s Education at Aish St. Louis and she has been a longtime teacher at Esther Miller Bais Yaakov of St. Louis. She is also a certified Mikvah Mentor and a professional dating coach.
REACTIONS TO HOSTAGE ` AT TEXAS SYNAGOGUE
Will devotion to dialogue stop us from understanding another synagogue attack?
BY JONATHAN TOBIN
JNS.ORG
The first and most important reaction to the latest attack upon an American synagogue must be prayers of thanksgiving for the fact that neither Rabbi Charlie Cytron-Walker nor any members of Congregation Beth Israel in Colleyville, Texas, was harmed after being taken hostage. The 11-hour ordeal ended when Malik Faisal Akram, a 44-year-old British national, was shot dead by an FBI SWAT team that entered the synagogue in a suburb of Fort Worth.
But once we express our gratitude at this outcome, is it permissible to discuss what or who might have helped inspire the terrorist assault on a house of worship?
Perhaps not.
Since the attacker was a Muslim seeking to free a notorious Islamist terrorist who is widely considered either a heroine or victim of Islamophobic persecution by some in the Muslim community, the instincts of many Americans, including Jews, is to downplay the specifics. Instead, there will be a great deal of talk about the need for greater security at synagogues and other Jewish institutions, which is both constructive and to the point. More than that, there will be a desire on the part of many Jews to emphasize above all the need to avoid any finger-pointing, dot-connecting or comments about the incident that might impinge on our desire for good relations and continued dialogue with American Muslims or the groups that purport to represent them. And if that means simply moving on from the incident as quickly as possible, then all the better.
To the extent that this indicates that no one should blame innocent Muslims who have nothing to do with this, then that is entirely correct. However, as we have
seen over the past two decades since 9/11, every time an Islamist is behind an act of terrorism, the desire to avoid fueling a backlash against Muslims is often so great that it helps create a counter-narrative in which the main takeaway is always to speak of the main danger being condoning more Islamophobia, rather than Islamist terrorism or those who support or rationalize it. That, of course, was very different from the reaction to past synagogue attacks, where those responsible were identified as right-wing extremists. Under those circumstances, many in the Jewish community were quick to jump to conclusions about what might have somehow inspired the incidents, no matter how tenuous the connection. The antisemitic murderer who attacked a Pittsburgh synagogue in 2018 condemned former President Donald Trump in his online ravings for being a friend of Jonathan S. Tobin Israel and the Jews. Yet many is editor in chief of in the organized Jewish world JNS (Jewish News were ready to connect Trump Syndicate). Follow to the atrocity because they him on Twitter at: @ considered the tone of his rhetjonathans_tobin. oric or his attacks on political foes or opposition to illegal immigration to be responsible for motivating the killer, who, among other reasons, hated liberal Jews for supporting immigrants. Many even protested Trump’s entirely appropriate decision to visit the synagogue and show solidarity with a Jewish community to which he has ties of both blood and shared love of the Jewish state. Indeed, it is an article of faith among many political liberals that Trump is an antisemite or an enabler of antisemites, and they see incidents like the deadly attacks in Pittsburgh and Poway, Calif., as providing, among other things, proof of the justification for their accusation. Eboo Patel (left) is founder and president of the Interfaith Youth Core and author of the forthcoming book, “We Need to Build.” Joshua Stanton is rabbi of East End Temple in Manhattan, Senior Fellow of CLAL – The National Jewish Center for Learning and Leadership, and coauthor of the forthcoming book, “Awakenings.”
See TOBIN on page 22
Jews and Muslims can walk a common path. Dr. King showed us how.
BY EBOO PATEL & RABBI JOSHUA STANTON
In 1957, at Dexter Avenue Baptist Church, the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. delivered words whose wisdom continue to resound today: “For the person who hates, the true becomes false and the false becomes true. That’s what hate does. You can’t see right. The symbol of objectivity is lost. Hate destroys the very structure of the personality of the hater.”
When a weekend meant to commemorate Dr. King was shattered by the hostage-taking at Congregation Beth Israel in Colleyville, Texas, we called upon each other as longtime friends and colleagues to find a better path forward for our respective communities. We feared that hate could disrupt the relationship that we had long shared and held dear.
Because the hostage-taker was a Muslim man apparently intent on freeing a Muslim women convicted on terrorism charges, opportunists are already hard at work exploiting our trauma in order to pit Muslims and Jews against each other. In the spirit of Dr. King, equally embodied in the tireless bridge-building of Rabbi Charles Cytron-Walker of Congregation Beth Israel, we feel called to explore a new blueprint for how we can resist the temptation to allow hate to beget hate. This is but an initial sketch, no doubt with much input needed from lay leaders and clergy from across the Muslim and Jewish communities.
First, we need to change the story. Extremists are of no faith tradition but their own: extremism. We need to stop framing the conversation as community against community, so much as Muslims and Jews together against a common enemy. We need to call out and sideline extremists, leaving them isolated in their own camp. To that end, we suggest reflecting on the hostage-taker at Beth Israel as an extremist from the United Kingdom with heinous goals unbefitting any faith.
Second, we need to tirelessly build bridges among the rest of us. We are all feeling isolated after two years of pandemic. We need to go out of our way to call friends, neighbors and relatives across lines of faith just to reaffirm the significance of relationship. Today, in the wake of Saturday’s trauma, Muslims should call their Jewish friends. Tomorrow, unfortunately, in a world brimming with hate, it may need to be the other way around. The rest of the time, both should call — and call upon — each other.
Third, we need to develop a knowledge and appreciation of each other’s traditions. It is easy to fear an “other” that you do not understand. We need to visit each other’s houses of worship, read each other’s sacred texts, learn how people live out the tenets of their faith and culture, understand how each tradition inspires Jews and Muslims to serve others, and how we all struggle with challenging concepts and ideas in our respective faiths.
Fourth, we need to expand our existing infrastructure of collaboration. The American Jewish Committee’s MuslimJewish Advisory Council holds the potential to expand its regional reach and engage hundreds more leaders across the country. Local collaborations, such as
