submissive – The sub (or bottom) gives themselves to the Dom and has to follow set rules. If the sub fails to follow the rules, they are likely to be punished by their Dom. Switch – someone who participates in BDSM activities sometimes as a top and sometimes as a bottom. Domme – Female Dominant Vanilla – refers to a normative or non-kinky relationship. The word vanilla means mainstream and outside of the BDSM culture. Subspace – refers to a psychological state that can sometimes be entered by the person bottoming in the BDSM scene. It can cause a sub to mentally separate themselves from their environment as they process the experience. Side Bar Do you want your man to be more Dominant but donʼt know how? Communication is the key; here are a few ways to get you started. • • •
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Before you jump straight into BDSM make sure you have a set of boundaries. A list of your likes and dislikes. Code words are imperative: laying down rules will help you both feel safe and enable you to let go. Read about it before you get started. Nine and a Half Weeks Later by Elizabeth McNeill and Rewriting the Rules by Meg Barker will help you understand the scene and better prepare you for whatʼs to come. Be honest with him and explain exactly what you want. If you find it difficult to communicate in the bedroom, seek a Sex and Relationship Therapist to help you explain what you want.
*Some names have been changed to hide the idenity of individuals For Cosmopolitan Online
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