1 minute read
Bathroom Bracket
from Wordle Wisdom
by Statesman
Sloth’s annual rankings of students’ places of refuge
By Bogger and Brasco
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Bathroom of the Year
Location: Next to the cardio room
This bathroom is arguably the antithesis to the real estate phrase “location, location, location.” Nooked next to the cardio room and pool, this hidden gem of a restroom may as well be a palatial estate, complete with dividing walls for urinals and stalls the size of cubicles. Just be sure to stamp the floor every few minutes to keep the lights shining upon this oasis.
Most Improved
Location: Next to the ILC
Forget the plant wall, forget the fieldhouse; this is Stevenson's prime renovation in recent years. Pre-pandemic, the bathroom next to the ILC featured a shallow "pool" in one corner and an array of modern art—most notably the wrangled stall door that became prey to a wayward student’s head. While we appreciated the artistic decor, we can't pass up on the luxuries of the flushable toilets and working hand dryers featured in the bathroom's upgraded form. Ah, the marvels of modern engineering.
Most Vile Potty
Location: Sports Center boys’ locker room
Even though Stevenson claims to be oh-so environmentally friendly with their greenhouse, solar panels and plant wall, the Environmental Protection Agency would be on DEFCON 1 at first whiff of the boys’ locker room bathroom by the Sports Center. With the bathroom's air classified as a radioactive carcinogen, we warn that visiting unprepared can prove fatal. In fact, the bathroom has caused dozens of native species in the Stevenson building to go extinct during first semester alone. The only bright side, however, is that the lockers serve as perfect storage units for the necessary gas masks and hazmat suits.
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