Ka-Pow! Pop! Poetry! Name Pain I enter the pizza store. “Swartzentruber, please.” The woman at the register does a double take at my name. I brace myself for the usual comments or questions: “That is a long last name! How many letters are in it? You ever get tired of signing it? Is it German? Is it Amish? Are your parents Amish? Are you related to the Amish family with the same name? You don’t look Amish. I bet that took you a long time to learn how to spell that name! How do you pronounce that again? Let me try to pronounce it. Swat-en-trooper? No, its got a z hmm… Swat-zen-rooper? No, it’s got a t Swart-zen-trooper? Did I say that correctly? Do people ever call you trooper like the storm trooper from Star Wars? You related to Arnold?” I usually smile and reply, “It has fourteen letters. I just sign my name. Yes, it’s German. I am not Amish. I learned how to spell it before entering preschool. It’s actually pronounced exactly how it looks, Swart-zen-truber. Yes, people call me trooper. I am not related to Arnold, his last name is Schwarzenegger. And I would never shorten it.” Instead of the usual questions, she says, “I love your name. It reminds me of mine.” I then ask, “What’s your last name?” The woman replies, smiling, “Wolfeschlegelstein.” I can’t help myself, so I ask, “How many letters is that?” “Eighteen,” she says. “You know my pain!” I say as I walk out the door, smiling. Madison Swartzentruber 7th Grade, Lake Center Christian School
Stark County District Library ~ 2014 Youth Poetry Contest ~ Page 79
Grades 6 & 7