There are two things which cannot die: that which is already dead, and that which refuses to die. I guess I fall in the latter category as made evident by the recent attempt on my life. An attempt on my life, as executed by me. Death is a hard pill to swallow and suicide is no laughing matter. But neither are the events that go on in one’s life that bring them to a point where they say enough is enough. Maybe for some, losing a loved one might be that breaking point. Maybe for another it is a diagnosis of HIV or Cancer. Or maybe you’re just tired of not getting your way in life. Just tired of the rat race, feeling behind, alone and jaded. Whatever your breaking point, know that on the other side of your weakness lies strength. A strength to believe, a strength to hope, a strength to persevere, a strength to ACHIEVE the impossible. With all of those positives waiting on the other side of your misery, I ask, why is it misery that you continue to hold onto? Let go and have Godfidence in yourself that the only reason your heart longs for that which is good and perfect is because HE that is GOOD AND PERFECT longs to bring those things, those desires, to pass. Tell yourself everyday that you have a PURPOSE and DESTINY to fulfill. Refuse to die until it comes to pass. Read and be blessed, B.Da Oso www.bda-oso-starchild.com
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CONTENTS When Keeping It Real Can Be a Cop Out By 13Ways 6 Inferior Male By Deana Dean 9 The Greatest Con of All by B.da 11 InSane vs. InLove by Desiree Lawrence14 I’m Sorry Love by Poetiquette 17 19 Eargasms 22 Outro
FIGHT WIN LOVE Cover photo by: John E. Coleman II
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When Keeping it Real Can Be a Cop Out Its one thing to keep it real and it’s another thing not to aspire to be better people than our circumstances and situations have presented to us! Some people just don’t want good shit in their life and confuse keeping real with simply just giving in to lack-luster things! When I say this I’m not talking about money because people can be rich or wealthy financially, but can be poor morally and spiritually! People sell themselves short sometime in relationships and life simply because they feel they can’t do any better or even worst because they think they don’t deserve better!! Maybe it was the way you were raised, maybe it was the neighborhood you were raised in, or maybe, just maybe somebody told you that you had limits and put limits on you! People may say this sounds cliché or sounds like a line, but you can do whatever you aspire to do!! This world is bigger than the hoods we grew up in, bigger than the sh*t we see where we live! Every day we go out and help someone else achieve their dreams and it’s called having a job! It’s necessary for us to do most times, but it costs nothing to dream, but it costs you everything if you don’t dream! Doing negative things can come very easy, but whenever people decide to do something positive it’s a little harder and I truly believe that’s why some people give up some time on their dreams or why they don’t try to even aspire to do something good in their lives. Some people just don’t want to work that hard or even worst they don’t even try. People fail in life to go after what they deserve
because they don’t try! Some people decide to do negative things because the negative is easy and they know the positive requires some work. The messed up thing is the people doing the positive things are looked down upon at times because the people doing the negative things want to perceive what the positive people are doing as soft or fake when in reality the task to do something positive requires more effort!! In reality the positive people are the hard ones because their trying to achieve the harder tasks. The people looking down on your positive acts are haters!! I laugh at people like this and I feel sorry for them because I honestly thought hating went out of style like a VCR. Don’t allow anyone to steal your joy and shatter your dreams. If you have someone in your circle that is constantly telling you that you can’t have this or you can’t do this or you don’t deserve a good man or a good woman because they don’t exist or anything negative at all, I suggest you keep them at arm’s length or simply rid them out of your life! That’s something I practice and I got long enough arms to keep muthaf*cka’s like this away from me! Sometimes keeping it real can be a cop out for fear of failure or even worst, thinking you don’t deserve, when really you should be saying I want more, but I just don’t know how! That is keeping it real! Be honest with yourself first and go after what’s yours and if you don’t know how talk to someone that can help you, but don’t mistake keeping real for not trying hard enough or not trying at all. God Bless, “13 Ways” (The Movement)
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Inferior Male By: Deana Dean Tried to limit me minimize my power with your negative energy you were into me wanted to enter me infect me with your loser seed had thoughts of using me as a trash receptacle so I’d be susceptible to what you think I should be what you thought I should do somehow my outgoing personality was personally attacking you started attacking my views belittling my craft with a laugh you’d ask about my little show a passive aggressive attempt to harness my ego like you aint know everything I do is big treat every gig as if my name is appearing on a marquee so don’t mark me with your limited brain power trying to gain power by zapping mine throwing shade on my shine like my grind aint legitimate “poetry is cool but you just aint feelin’ it” I got a feeling its more about how the masses are feeling it like maybe I’m too popular loved by too many people got you feeling you’ll never be equal making life the sequel to junior high when you were that guy who didn’t get to sit at the cool kid’s table the nerd none of the girls are checking for you want nothing more than to pay the universe back redirect that project that feeling of inadequacy to the entire world but mainly me try to cut me off at the knees so I won’t stand so tall
amazed that no matter how hard the push I don’t seem to fall in awe of how the let downs don’t get me down stole all the diamonds out of it but I still wear the crown clown this is rejections sounds I’m sure it’s something you’re used to the thing about me is, I refuse to cower so cowards can see me too many of these chicks with dicks wanna be me it’d be way too easy to do the old bait and switch but who wants a guy who acts so bitch? a lame wearing a maxi pad acting mad moody and menstrual all out his body cuz I know my potential never learned the essentials like real men never envy women catty behavior should be exclusively feminine I remember when a man wouldn’t dare compete with a female he knew the backlash from the brothers would be hell well we need to get back to the old days so I can quit sharing my Always ™ with wings with a simp whose supposed to be my king this will only sting the soft cats real men know they aint on that in fact they aint got time to be petty, they’re above it they know the lives of women is nothing to covet sistahs love it when a man acts real grown infused with the right amount of testosterone aint worried about his girl cuz he knows she’s coming home if I can’t have him, I’d rather be alone since its impossible to stifle my true self I’d be in constant battle because the man who says he loves me thinks I think too much of myself
What you don’t know on DAY ONE, you will on DAY SEVEN.
B.da
SC 4.0
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The Greatest Con of All By: B.da Oso StarChild He wasn’t a thief, so much as a confidence man. He didn’t have to break into my realm, I opened all doors for him and said, “make yourself at home”. And he did. Although he didn’t like the home I had built. And didn’t have enough of his own currency to build me a new and improved house. The easiest way to change for him was to make me hate my home, too. He picked apart layers I had built with confidence. Suggested that my foundation wasn’t soundly built. Markings on walls, stains on carpet, which to me were fond memories and part of natural wear and tear, he saw as a mess. “But that was leftover crayon from when Lemuel wrote me a poem on his wall. And the stains on the carpet are from the jello shots I made for a great party I threw. Ahh…such good times.” I reminisced. “FILTH!” he would say, and walk around displeased. To and fro he would come and go, picking apart the inner workings of who I was and what I had. Nothing was good enough, nothing was perfect enough. He shattered my view of everything, in an effort to make him look like he was all I was supposed to have. Eventually I was worn down. I removed my rosy glasses and put aside my optimism and positivity so I could bond
with him and see things from his perspective. I HATED what I saw, but at the same time he had a point. My house was not all it was cracked up to be. I needed to do some cleaning, some restructuring, some evaluation of the premises. Piece by piece, I began to trim the fat. I got rid of what was unnecessary, ugly until my house was devoid of anything at all. Except him. Together we would dance in this now empty home. We would sit on the bare floors, in nakedness and silence. As long as I could touch him, I felt alive, connected. When he would leave, I left too. For there was nothing to do, nothing to see, nothing to look at in my home. Joyless. In 9 months this is what my realm had become. My singing and laughter had been replaced by tears and screams. The changes were so gradual that I hadn’t even noticed. My eyes were firmly affixed on him, but now he was starting to appear different. My vision, it seemed, became 20/20 overnight. And one morning I simply looked at him, and nothing was the same after that glance.
The Greatest Con of All Cont’d His words sounded empty. Like an echo. His actions, once stealthy, were now sluggish and idiotic. The same way he viewed my realm was now the same way I was viewing him. Imperfect. Needing work. Needing change. Needing to be better. Bile rose in my throat when he touched me. He came in me, I vomited on him. My gaze was not worthy of meeting his eyes. He complained of me having no eye contact with him. My eyes are reflections of what lie in my soul and I did not want him to see what was truly there. Deeply embedded. I was numb to his presence. Fully detached from him. He was gentle at first in trying to draw me in, but I spat on him. He then tried force, but I played possum and went limp. When all else failed, he used rape as his tool of choice. He forced himself in me, sure of his presence. “How you like this?” he said. I laughed. “The other guy who raped me was bigger and better.” He punched me. When I came to, he was still in me. Pounding away, or so he thought. I looked him square in the eyes, “you are dead to me”. He came and got off of me. He got dressed, grabbed my car keys and left.
In a daze, I began to pack his meager and smelly belongings. They all fit into 2 garbage bags, quite nicely. I placed them in what used to be my beautiful living room and doused them with his dollar store colognes. I gave what used to be my home a quick once over, and then struck 4 matches and threw them on his heap of belongings. They didn’t set fire as dramatically as I intended. It took 2 more books of matches, some bleach and some wine for the fire to firmly set. I watched the hateful bonfire for a few minutes, and tears ran down my face as I realized I was destroying what was rightfully mine in getting rid of him and his presence. But I guess that’s what happens when you open your realm to a confidence man. You lose a lot of tangibles, but gain an enormous amount of insight. I ask myself, am I bitter? Is it him I despise? No. I am not bitter. Now, I am wise. -B.da
Insane vs. Inlove I once heard in my travels that being in love is the same as being insane. Apparently the endorphins that are released during a period of love is the same as when one loses the ability of rational thought. I shrugged it off, sounds a bit silly don't you think? However, I come to see that without a word, you speak and I swear I can almost feel your hand riding up my thigh from 20 feet away. Am I insane? I laugh it off, but then, without provocation, there you are, this pulsing in my blood the quickening of my heartbeat, what is wrong with me, am I in love? The questions in my mind playing ping pong back and forth, back and forth, and there it is again, you, behind me, breathing softly, and I ask, am I insane? You see, when faced with you my senses are on edge, it is primal, base, flesh.... purely chemical. Your voice ignites synapses in my mind that send neural messages directly through my body. I want to touch you, taste you, smell you, hear you, Ingest you. I need to be engulfed by you in all of my senses to understand you. what are you? I am in love. I do not believe I have ever been faced with such and interesting creature before. On edge is where I remain, no longer able to speak loquaciously, I babble, Proud of my ability to be quick on my feet, near you, I stumble, coherent thoughts no longer, simply fragments I beg to come together. Lucidity long forgotten, I embrace floating to the next dimension, I have never felt this before or maybe I have, I am insane. I stand side by side and know I have found the one I am meant to complete, he makes me weak and I make him strong. The question goes back and forth, Insane vs Inlove, and I realize I am insane to be inlove with you. (c) Desiree B Lawrence 2009 http://dareisay.wordpress.com
www.aoifeodonnell.com
I'm sorry, Love. I didn't mean to curse you, take you for granted. Yeah, I put in work, but I didn't mean to exhaust you. I just wanted you so badly. Listened to those songs that made it seem like finding and keeping you was easy. Didn't realize you aren't made to be captured, but sought instead. A life's quest to attain you being more important than actually capturing you and holding you prisoner. I was foolish and naive to believe that my tears served you; my humble heart, honored you. When all you asked was to be seen, to be acknowledged. To be appreciated. The audacity of the human condition advised me to place limits on what I would and wouldn't do for you. But you taught me, didn't you? And now, with pieces of my broken heart trailing behind me, I hope you'll follow the path and return to me. I'll be waiting in the Gingerbread house...Know that I will be content to serve you forever, learning at your knees the ways to please you. I love you, Love..... Poetiquette
DDHG is simple. It's a social networking site where women can share information with each other. The site is a top-ranked Internet portal for women with information on everything from how to find a great guy, create a sound financial plan and to finding innovative ways to boost your self-esteem. It’s also THE website to go to when you want to put a slimy snake on blast. This site allows you to upload a picture of the bad guy, and then give a description of why others should not date him. Some posts are rather vague (“Don’t believe the hype!”) and then some cut straight to the point (“he refuses to wear a condom while having sex with you, and is HIV positive. BEWARE!”). So if you have an ex, or even a current mate that you think other women need to be forewarned about, check them out at www.dontdatehimgirl.com.
www.redline99.com
by: amberlicious
Rated R is the 4th studio album for Robyn Rihanna Fenty AKA Rihanna. This album explores the dark side of the pop princess, and it is a totally different sound than the previous albums. There is no “when the sun shines we’ll shine together” being sung on this album. If you were looking for the usual bubble pop she delivers, then exit stage left. If you were looking for improved vocals, I will gladly show you where the exits are in true flight attendant fashion. If you can get past her Barbadian yodel on some songs, you should be ok. This was a therapeutic effort in lieu of the events that occurred earlier this year. I am not a big fan/stan of Rihanna, but this is the first album I have of hers in full and I can say I like it overall because she took a different direction. This album makes you want to put on all black everything and tell ‘em why you mad son (hence the Parental Advisory)! On to the good and not so good tracks: THE GOOD Russian Roulette: the first single off of Rated R is the darkest track on the album. It touches on the topic of going back to (or ending) an abusive relationship, essentially playing russian roulette with your life (As my life flashes before my eyes, I’m wondering will I ever see another sunrise? So many won’t get the chance to say goodbye, But it’s too late to pick up the value of my life”). To stay or not to stay is the question in this song. (4 stars) Rockstar 101 (ft. Slash): This song right here…right here this song?!? This song’s swag is on a hundred thousand trillion! One of the best songs on this album, hands down. This is one of those getting ready to go out/riding in the car
and singing loud and off key type of songs. (5 stars)personal fave! G4L: They say revenge is sweet…especially when you have a group of friends that have your back when stuff hits the fan. Everybody has those couple friends that when you hurt, they are ready to ride out and bust windows, scratch cars, and ask questions later. This song is for them (“I’m ready to roll, Girl, I’m with you, If they get you they get me”)! (4 stars) THE NOT SO GOOD Wait Your Turn: When this track first leaked, they only played the first 20 seconds and all we heard was her repeating “The wait is ova, the wait is ova” creating lots of hype for the track and the album. The track is kind of disappointing as a whole considering how it starts. (2 stars) Te Amo: Princess Ri Ri gets Latin on us on this track. This song can be interpreted 2 ways. Either she is singing to her female friend who loves her (romantically), but she doesn’t share that same love. She loves her in a friend/family kind of way. Or this is sung by her from a male point of view with the same concept, she loves him, but he does not love her back. Whichever interpretation you are more comfortable with, go for it! Either way it’s about unrequited love, and makes you want to get your salsa on! (2 stars) The Last Song: Le Sigh…..This is terrible! She could have done without this. Not even sure what to make of this track.. (1 star) Overall I give this a C+
It’s Not Him, It’s YOU
"It's sexy. It's classy. Full of humor & quick wit for today's modern woman... A MUST Read! M. Kelley Ivey (MLIS), Ivey League Book Review.
O U T R O PSALMO 23: Jehová es mi pastor; nada me faltará. En lugares de delicados pastos me hará descansar; Junto a aguas de reposo me pastoreará. Confortará mi alma; Me guiará por sendas de justicia por amor de su nombre. Aunque ande en valle de sombra de muerte, no temeré mal alguno, porque tú estarás conmigo; Tu vara y tu cayado me infundirán aliento. Aderezas mesa delante de mí en presencia de mis angustiadores; unges mi cabeza con aceite; mi copa está rebosando. Ciertamente el bien y la misericordia me seguirán todos los días de mi vida, y en la casa de Jehová moraré por largos días.