Aladdin (Bright) by Stagescripts Ltd

Written by Tom Bright for UK Productions Ltd

Aladdin by Tom Bright © 2002 UK Productions Ltd. All Rights Reserved This e-script may not be copied or transcribed by any means electronic, optical or mechanical without the prior permission of the copyright owner or his agent. Photocopying this script without a suitable license is strictly prohibited. This play is a work of fiction. Names and characters are the product of the author’s imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. ‘Aladdin’ by Tom Bright is fully protected under the international laws of copyright which are enacted in the UK as the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. The right of UK Productions Ltd to be identified as the owner of the work has been asserted by them in accordance with the above Act. While every precaution has been taken in the preparation of this play, the publisher assumes no responsibility for errors or omissions, or for damages resulting from the use of the material contained herein.

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SE-0170

(Rev A)

Introduction Aladdin is the story of a poor laundry boy who falls in love with the Emperor's daughter, but to win her hand he has to become rich. Unfortunately this brings Aladdin into contact with Abanazar, the evil Sorcerer. His journey takes him to a magic cave of jewels, where Abanazar talks to Aladdin through a hole in the top of the cave that never fails to stun an audience.

Characters (5m, 3f, 4m/f)) Principals (5m, 2f, 1 m/f) Aladdin – the principal boy (f) 165 lines Widow Twanky – (m) 116 lines Wishee Washee – (m) 79 lines Policeman – (m/f) 42 lines Slave Of The Ring – a slightly camp male dancer (m) 97 lines Emperor – (m) 56 lines Abanazar – (m) 164 lines Princess – (f) 69 lines Support (1f, 3m/f) Town Crier – (m/f) 1 line Girl – (f) 1 line Small Policeman – a small boy (or girl) dressed identically to the Policeman, non-speaking (m/f) Genie – (m/f) 9 lines Chorus Dancers Juveniles

Lighting, Sound & Pyrotechnic Effects      

The script is marked at the places where sound effects should be used, by using the abbreviation ‘SFX’. The BBC Sound Effects library of CD’s should provide all the necessary effects. Pyrotechnic effects are marked either FX:Flash, or FX:Smoke Certain lighting effects that are required are marked as ‘LX’ in the script. Any other lighting effects are left to the discretion of the Director. For basic guidance … o All comedy must be brightly lit o Songs have more moody states than dialogue (minimum is bright at the front, dim at the back) o Always end a song with either a blackout or full up.

Scenes Act 1 Scene 1 Scene 2 Scene 3 Scene 4 Scene 5 Scene 6 Scene 7 Scene 8 Scene 9

Act 2 The Cauldron (Cloth) The Market Place (Set) A Street (Cloth) Widow Twanky’s Launderette (Set) A Street (Cloth) A Street in Peking (Set) The Royal Garden (Cloth) On The Way To The Cave (Cloth) The Enchanted Cave (Set)

Scene 1 Scene 2 Scene 3 Scene 4 Scene 5 Scene 6 Scene 7 Scene 8

A Street in Peking (Set) On The Way To The Palace (Cloth) The Throne Room (Half Set) Inside Aladdin’s Palace (Half Stage) In The Forest (Cloth) Abanazar’s Hideaway (Three-quarter Stage) Songsheet (Cloth) Finale/Walkdown (Set)

Tom Bright Tom Bright has been a writer of pantomimes, music, and TV and radio shows for over thirty years. He has been working alongside UK Productions Ltd for the past six years as writer of their many pantomimes across Britain and is also their Executive Stage Director. Tom is an all-round entertainer, having enjoyed the crazy world of show business for many many years. His first national success came not on stage, but as a song writer … Tom wrote and performed the ‘Tiswas’ song and from there went on to write many television and film themes, but his real love is the stage. However, when asked to star in a sixteen-week television series with Mike Reid (Frank Butcher in Eastenders), he jumped at the chance. While still learning his trade in television, Tom received a phone call asking him to join Russ Abbot, and spent six very happy years at the BBC. When he left the BBC, he was to receive yet another telephone call, at this time not knowing that it was to be the most exciting part of his working life. Blackpool's own radio station ‘The Wave’ asked if he would like to present a Sunday peak time show of his own. As he had never worked in radio before he thought, “why not”. But the moment that was to change his life happened out of the blue when he was awarded the ‘Best Newcomer’ radio ‘Oscar’ at the 1993 Sony Awards, and this all happened in his first year of Radio broadcasting! He has performed all his life in Panto's playing roles such as Tommy Tucker, Smee from Peter Pan, Baron Hardup, Dame Trot, three times Fanny the Ugly sister, and Fanny the cook. "Panto time is just a perk of the job" says Tom. His latest adventure is ‘Legends’ (a Blackpool-based musical tribute show) where he has been the comedy compère since 2004. His stand-up act has spanned many years from the early club days to TV, Theatre, Corporate and Major Venues around the world.

Also by Tom Bright 

Cinderella



Dick Whittington



Jack And The Beanstalk



Mother Goose



Robin Hood & The Babes in the Wood



Sinbad The Sailor



Sleeping Beauty

MUSIC #1 – OVERTURE

ACT ONE Scene 1 - The Cauldron Blackout. The cauldron is set stage right with a red light inside in front of a suitable cloth. LX: pulsating green over cauldron.

Voice Off

(A woman’s voice speaking softly and slowly) Our story of Aladdin and his wonderful lamp is

more magical than a thousand Arabian nights … the tale begins long long ago in a far off land … LX/SFX: Thunder and lightning. Abanazar is discovered SL with his back to the audience and his arms raised.

Abanazar

Audience Abanazar Audience Abanazar

Voice Off Abanazar Voice Off Abanazar Voice Off

Abanazar Voice Off Abanazar

Scared you, did I? … Ha, ha, ha … Good … How about another thunderclap just for good measure …Ha, ha, ha … (LX/SFX: Thunder and lightning). It’s my favourite hobby you know, frightening little boys and girls … You are frightened, aren’t you? No … Oh, yes you are … Oh, no we’re not … You will be, you horrible (local area) lot … I am the great Abanazar … good looking … kind … and most of all, your very best friend … NOT! … I am the greatest magician in the world! (LX/SFX: Thunder and lightning). Good, aren’t I? Soon, I will be the master of all the world! (He moves to the cauldron). Eye of toad, tail of newt Myrtle leaf and hemlock root Slough of snake and claw of dog Maw of mole and spawn of frog All in the fire, one by one Abracadabra, the deed is done. (Ha, ha, ha … ) I’ve cast my spell Now speak, oh great one Your hidden knowledge tell. (male) Abanazar, listen well. Deep in the cave of the Great Buddha in China there lies a lamp … A lamp … what would I want with a lamp? The lamp has the magic powers you seek … find the lamp and you will rule the world. More, oh great one … I need to know more … The Slave Of The Ring will give you all the help you need … In the cauldron you will find a ring … rub it and your very own slave will appear … Whenever you call out “Slave Of The Ring” he will be there … What! … You want me to run around (local area) shouting “Slave Of The Ring” … You must be off your head. Trust me … Rub the ring … (Looking into the cauldron) Power, I need power … Where is that ring … (he finds it) …There it is, the magic ring! (He rubs it, but nothing happens). Come on you stupid ring … Slave! Where are you?

FX:Flash. The Slave appears doing a gentle dance warm-up exercise.

Slave Abanazar

Sorry love, can’t do a thing until I’ve warmed up … Is that it? 1

Slave Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave

Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave

What do you mean, “Is that it”? … Listen to Arnold Swarzeneggar … I’m looking for the slave of the ring. (Still warming up) You’ve found him love … Slave Of The Ring at your service … On call twenty-four hours a day, three hundred and sixty-four days a year … Christmas day off! But why do they call you ‘Slave Of The Ring’? (He smiles at the audience, then continues) What is it you want anyway? Wealth of course … limitless, boundless, priceless wealth. What you need is a lottery ticket. (Deep voice, pointing at Abanazar). It could be you! Bring me wealth! … Bring it to me now! Sorry dear, not my department …It’s the Genie Of The Lamp you need, chuck. What genie? … What lamp? … Why does everybody keep talking about a lamp? Because the Genie has the power to give all the riches in China to whoever releases him from that lamp. And where is this lamp? It’s in the Cave Of A Thousand Jewels. Then take me to this Cave Of A Thousand Jewels at once … I command you! Not so much as a “please” or “thank you” … Anyway, I can’t get the lamp for you because the person who tgakes the lamp from the cave must be pure in heart, mind and spirit … You’ve got no chance, Abernasty. Abanazar. I order you to find me a person who has those qualities … there must be someone … Oh, yes there is. He lives in Peking in China. And what is his name? It’s … it’s … Oh, what’s his name? … His name is … It starts with an ‘A’ … just a mo … (He looks up and whistles. A cloth flies in and out quickly with ‘Aladdin’ written on it. Alternatively, the audience might be prompted to prompt him). Aladdin … yes that’s his name!

Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave

I knew I’d seen/heard it somewhere … Bring him to me now. I can’t do it now … I’m going dancing. You? Dance? Don’t be ridiculous … Look at you! … You can’t dance … Oh really … Lights! … Camera! … Action!

The cloth flies out.

Scene 2 - The Market Place

MUSIC #2 – DANCE ROUTINE The set must feature a large litter bin, in which Aladdin is hidden. The dancers dressed as villagers enter. Abanazar and The Slave look on. At the end of the routine, Abanazar and The Slave begin to exit.

Slave Abanazar

Well, what did you think? It was alright, I suppose … Come on, we’ll have a look near the Palace for this Aladdin person.

Exit Abanazar and The Slave.

Girl

Has anybody seen Wishee Washee?

They all exit shouting “Wishee Washee” etc.

MUSIC #3 – PLAY ON FOR WISHEE Enter Wishee Washee with a black and white toy pet dog.

Wishee

Hi kids, my name is Wishee Washee … I work for Widow Twanky at the launderette … Everytime I shout “Hiya Kids”, you shout “Hiya Wishee”. (He and the audience practice this). This is my pet dog, his name’s Tiddles … I know that’s a cat’s name, but I call him Tiddles, because he keeps doing this … (the dog ‘wees’ on the audience) … Don’t worry, it’s only acid! … I want you to do me a favour … Keep your eye on Tiddles, and if you see anyone go near him, shout as loud as you can, “TIDDLES!” … Let’s have a practice … (He and the audience practice this).

[Optional Music # 3A – a very short clap along song and dance where the villagers join him, or …] Enter the villagers

Town Crier Hear ye, hear ye … People of Peking. Let it be known to ye all that this day her Serene Highness the Princess Harvest Moon makes her Royal Progress through the city. As she passes by, no-one … I repeat no-one shall gaze upon her beauty. If anyone is found to gaze upon the Princess they shall have their head chopped off. Thank you for your kind attention … This is me, signing off. Exit, the Town Crier. Enter the Policeman on a rickshaw with a blue flashing light and police markings.

MUSIC #4 – PLAY ON FOR POLICEMAN (‘THE BILL’, CHINESE STYLE) LX/SFX: Loud sirens, flashing lights.

Policeman

Wishee Policeman Wishee Policeman Wishee Policeman

Wishee Policeman Wishee Policeman Wishee Policeman Wishee

Policeman Wishee Policeman Wishee Policeman Wishee Policeman

Hello, hello, hello … what’s going on here then? Laughter and enjoyment? You can be arrested for that sort of thing around here. My name is Ping-pong-ying-yang-ting-tongue Foo-far-yong-yin … better known to my friends as Bert/Bertha … PC Bert/Bertha. I’m here to make sure that the streets are clean for when the Princess arrives. So, if you see any mess on the street, pick it up and put it in the bin. (Wishee and a dancer pick him up and put him in the litter bin). Not me, stupid! I’m going to book you for that … Now, anything you say will be taken down … (Interrupting) Knickers! What!? You said anything that you say will be taken down, and I said “knickers” … so take them down. Right, that’s it … Name? PC Bert/Bertha. (Writing) P-C-Ber… Not my name! Oh, forget it … I’m here because we are looking for a young rascal called Aladdin, who I believe has taken a fish. A salmon in fact, from the Palace lake. It belonged to the Prince. We also want him for parking his rickshaw on double yellow lines. Has anybody seen this boy called Aladdin? No, sir. If you see him, give me a call on flee, flee, flee. Yes, sir. And don’t forget that rubbish … Three bags full, sir. I’m off for my lunch. What are you having? Truncheon meat? (He laughs and the Policeman hits him over the head with a truncheon). You do that again and see what happens. (He is hit again). Ouch! (He starts crying). See, that’s what happens. How do you do so many stupid things in a day? I get up early. I hope you’ve got a licence for that dog … ‘Course I have … It’s a bit cheaper than normal though, ‘cos it’s only black and white. I’ll be back to see if the streets are clean in thirty minutes. Ohh … can’t you give us half an hour? No, thirty minutes. 3

The Policeman gets into the rickshaw and exits with LX/SFX: Loud sirens, flashing lights. Aladdin pops up out of the litter bin.

Aladdin Villagers Wishee Aladdin Wishee Aladdin Villagers Wishee Aladdin Wishee Aladdin Wishee Aladdin

Wow, that was a close shave! Aladdin … Hooray … (etc etc) The police are looking for you. Not again, Wishee … what for now? For stealing a salmon from the Prince. I never touched the Prince’s salmon … I went to the Palace to see the Princess! Oh no! … You didn’t! … (and other shocked phrases). Do you know the penalty for looking at the Princess? No, what? Off with your head … or even worse. And you know what will happen if they cut your head off? No, what? You’ll have nowhere to put your cap. I don’t care … I’d do anything to see the Princess.

MUSIC #5 – SONG FOR ALADDIN (WITH WISHEE AND VILLAGERS) Enter the Policeman making the noise of a siren. Aladdin jumps into the litter bin.

Policeman Wishee Policeman Wishee Policeman Wishee Policeman

(To Villagers) Caught you! … That’s it …I’m booking the lot of you.

What for? Aggravated choreography. Have you seen that Aladdin boy yet? Yes, he’s in that bin over there. Don’t be stupid, I’m serious. Go and have a look … Aladdin’s in the bin! I haven’t got time to play silly games … come on … get rid of it, all this rubbish.

Exit, the Poilceman.

Wishee

(To the audience) Works every time!

As the cast exit, Aladdin bobs up and waves at the audience.

MUSIC #6 – PLAY OFF Scene 3 – A Street MUSIC #7 – ENTRANCE FOR WIDOW TWANKY Enter Widow Twanky for her ‘ad-lib’ warm-up spot. Includes ‘give-aways’ and ‘birthdays’ routines. Finish on the same cue line each night.

Twanky

(pre-arranged cue line)

FX:Flash. Enter Abanazar.

Twanky Abanazar Twanky Abanazar Twanky Abanazar Twanky Abanazar Twanky Abanazar

Eh up, it’s David Beckham! Good day, young man. Young man! … Watch it, pancake-face … Who are you anyway? I am Abanazar; the Greatest Magician In The World. Really, how’s tricks? Where is my servant? No idea. I am looking for the Slave Of The Ring … someone who can give me anything I want, day or night. Try the 24hour Tesco at (locality). This is Peking, I take it? 4

Twanky Abanazar Twanky Abanazar Twanky Abanazar Twanky Abanazar Slave Twanky Slave Twanky Abanazar Twanky Slave Abanazar Slave

You won’t take it … it’s been here for years, has Peking … Tell me, are you Peking’s oldest person? You cheeky sausage! … I’ll have you know I was a model on page 3 … … page 3, page 4 and page 5 by the looks of it … You are going to get a kick up the bottom in a minute … or a punch in the face! If I had a face like yours, I’d put it on a wall and throw a brick at it. If I had a face like yours, I’d put it on a brick and throw a wall at it. (FX:Flash. Enter Slave). Eh up, it’s Tinky Winky! Where have you been? Trying to find somewhere to park the magic carpet … Who are you? Slave Of The Ring. Really … My late husband suffered with the same thing. Quiet, you stupid woman. Count to three, fish face, you’re in for a smack. Just a minute … What’s all this arguing? Life should be happy; lot’s of laughs and smiles and giggles … Laughs, smiles, giggles … what does that mean? If you watch happy people, you’ll notice that they all laugh differently …Some people laugh with a ‘Ho, ho, ho, ho’ … some laugh with a ‘Hee, hee, hee, hee’ … Let me explain.

MUSIC #8 – ‘LAUGHING SONG’ FROM MARY POPPINS The Slave and Widow Twanky sing the song and laugh, while Abanazar looks on. Eventually, they get him to join in with some silly laughs that he doesn’t want to do.

Slave Twanky Abanazar Twanky Abanazar Twanky

I feel better for that. Me too … I don’t … All that laughing and giggling nearly made me happy. I don’t have time to be happy … I need to find this Aladdin boy. Did you say “Aladdin”? What do you want with my son? Your son? … You must be … Widow Twanky at your service … one parent family and full time owner of the finest launderette in China. Come on, I’ll show you my launderette … it’s a fifty-pence ride on a rickshaw.

They start to exit.

Just a minute! You don’t need to travel in that old-fashioned way … Leave this to me!

Slave

The Slave waves his hands. LX: Flashing lights

MUSIC #9 – SHORT SCENE CHANGE MUSIC The cloth flies out to reveal the Launderette set.

Scene 4 – Widow Twanky’s Launderette Twanky Slave Twanky Abanazar Twanky Abanazar Twanky Abanazar Twanky

That was clever … who taught you that? A fairy. Oh, you know Dale Winton then. I have travelled for days to meet you, Widow Twanky. The trams/trains/buses are a bit slow this time of year. I need to speak to your son Aladdin … where is he? Why should I tell you where he is? I’ve never met you in my life before today. Surely you recognise me? No, I don’t recognise you. 5

Abanazar clicks his fingers. The Slave runs off and returns with a bag of money that Abanazar gives to Widow Twanky.

Abanazar Twanky Abanazar Twanky

Gold! Funny how your memory starts coming back, isn’t it? Now, do you remember me? Well, the pointed nose is familiar … (Abanazar clicks his fingers again. The Slave runs off and returns with a bag of money that Abanazar gives to Widow Twanky). And the big fat belly … (Abanazar clicks his fingers once more. The Slave runs off and returns with a bag of money that Abanazar gives to Widow Twanky). But, on the other hand … (Abanazar clicks his fingers yet again. The Slave runs off and returns with a bag of money that Abanazar gives to Widow Twanky). There again … (Abanazar exits and returns with a massive bag of money. It’s bigger than the slave, so he really struggles with it, eventually giving it to Widow Twanky). Oh, it is really you!

Abanazar Twanky Slave Twanky Slave Twanky Slave Twanky Slave

… You’ve changed you clothes Eberneezup. Abanazar! You’ve changed you name as well … I was telling Abernasty that Aladdin is a good and virtuous boy. You must be joking … he’s a right pain in the armpit … but I do love him. Is Aladdin in? Aladdin … my next of kin? Of course he’s in … He’s having his din-din. We may have a little job for him. We’ll call back when his din-din’s done. “When his din-din’s done” … that’ll be fun. Anyway, must run.

They start to exit.

Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave

Come Slave, follow me. We do a lot of walking in this Pantomine … why don’t we go that way. Why? It’s nearer the dressing rooms. Good idea … (Seeing Tiddles) What’s this lovely doggy doing here? (Audience Reaction & “Tiddles” business). I only asked!

Exit Abanazar and the Slave. Widow Twanky who has busied herself, now hears the shouting.

Twanky

Wishee Twanky

Who’s shouting? (Banging is heard). Where’s that noise coming from? (She traces the noise to a washing machine. Wishee’s face appears inside the machine. She opens the door). What are you doing in there? Trying to get out … I decided to wash my socks, but I forgot to take them off first. Get out of there and come with me you cheeky monkey.

Widow Twanky leads him off, holding his ear. The Slave and Juvenile chorus enter slowly, sneaking on.

They’ve gone …

Slave

They all look around and find scrubbing boards, tin bowls etc which they use as percussion instruments in a tap dance routine with ‘Stomp’effects .

MUSIC #10 – TAP DANCE ROUTINE Widow Twanky shouts offstage. The Slave and the dancers exit, running. Enter Widow Twanky with Wishee.

Twanky

When I gave you a job working for me in the launderette, you said you would work hard … Now come on and give me a hand with all this washing. The labels have come off and I don’t know who what belongs to. (They have a basket of washing each. Wishee stands side on to the audience with Widow Twanky standing behind him (ie to SL or SR). Wishee throws pieces of washing one by one over his shoulder straight into Widow Twanky’s face). Watch what you’re

doing! Wishee

(Getting out a very large bra) Look at this … Dolly Parton!

Twanky

(Taking out large knickers) Pavarotti’s.

Wishee takes out (local area or well-known) football shirts, and he and Widow Twanky tell a couple of football gags. Enter Aladdin.

Aladdin Twanky Wishee Twanky Wishee Twanky Wishee Twanky Aladdin

Thanks for making my dinner mum … but that egg tasted horrible! Don’t blame me, I only laid the table. That daft policeman’s looking for you, Aladdin. There’s someone else looking for you as well … He said he’ll be back later or he’ll give you a call. He can’t give him a call … Why not? Telephone’s haven’t been invented yet. Stop being awkward. (To Aladdin). He said he might have a job for you. I’ve already got a job, mum … here, in the laundrette!

LX/SFX: Flashing lights & Siren.

Wishee

It’s the Police …Quick …hide, Aladdin.

Aladdin jumps into a large basket of washing. Enter the Policeman with a few Villagers.

Policeman Wishee Policeman Twanky Wishee Policeman Twanky Wishee Policeman Wishee Policeman Wishee Policeman Twanky Policeman Twanky Aladdin Wishee

Hello, hello, hello. ‘Ow do, ‘ow do, ‘ow do. I have good reason to believe that your son Aladdin has been nicking from the palace … where is he? No idea, bucket-face. He’s not in that basket over there. Don’t try that silly joke on me again, young man, this is serious business. Where is Aladdin, Widow Twanky? I haven’t seen him for … two days at least. He’s not in that basket … honest. Someone said they’d seen him coming this way only a few minutes ago. He’s not in the basket. They said he came into your shop. He’s not in the basket, honest! Will you be quiet! This is police business … I’m offering money for information. You think I’d shop my own son for money? Don’t insult me, you … you … you ninja turtle look-alike! What kind of mother would shop her son for money? (Getting out a wad of notes) One hundred pounds. He’s in the basket. (Jumping up) Mother! Quick, run for it, Aladdin!

MUSIC #11 – CHASE MUSIC Everyone is chased by the Policeman, in and out of the washing machines. Finish the routine with the Policeman charging towards a washing machine. As he nears it, the door is opened, he trips, and dives inside. The door is closed and it starts to ‘wash’. The door is opened and a small boy climbs out as a shrunken policeman. Exit the small policeman. They all laugh. Blackout. Wishee, Widow Twanky and Aladdin move DS to allow the cloth to fly in behind them.

Scene 5 – A Street Wishee Twanky Aladdin

I’ll make sure he keeps running to the Police Station. (He exits). That was a close one, son. It was, mum … Mum? 7

Twanky Aladdin Twanky Aladdin Twanky Aladdin Twanky

Aladdin Twanky Aladdin Twanky Aladdin Twanky

Yes, son. I’ve got something to tell you. Don’t tell me you blew a raspberry at your teacher again. No, mum; this is serious … I’m in love. In what? In love … with the Princess … I want to marry her. Oh, is that all … the Princess!? … What are you talking about? … the Princess!! … You can’t marry the Princess … She’s Royal Doulton and you’re old china … What has she said about all this? She doesn’t know yet. Well, that’s handy … planning a wedding without the Bride knowing about it. She’s not …? No, mother! … I’ve been watching her from near the Palace pond. You haven’t been stealing the Prince’s salmon, have you? No, mum. I know her father wants her to marry a rich person, and so one way or another I will find a way of becoming wealthy. I don’t know how yet, but I will. I know you mean well, but please don’t take any risks, son. You’re all I’ve got … You’re poor old mother wouldn’t know what to do without you … Come on, sit down.

MUSIC #12 – SONG FOR WIDOW TWANKY AND ALADDIN Widow Twanky and Aladdin exit SL. Abanazar and the Slave Of The Ring enter SR.

Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave Abanazar

Come on, come on … I’m coming, I’m coming … Slow down a bit … We have no time … This Aladdin boy must be found, now! I was just thinking … If Suddam Hussein had married Miss Muffet, would he have let the curds have their way? What’s the matter with you? Are you stupid or something? No I’m not! I was educated at the (Local Area) Universtity of Very Clever Brainboxes. If you were educated, then tell me this … Who painted the Laughing Cavalier? Vauxhall. Who was the first woman on Earth? Give me a clue. Think of apples … Granny Smith. If you had a thousand pounds in that pocket, and a thousand pounds in that pocket, what would you have? Somebody else’s trousers on. Come on, Slave … I don’t have time for this, we have work to do. Alright then, I’ll keep the honey for myself. Honey? What honey?

Busy Bee routine between Slave, Abanazar and the Policeman. Blackout. All exit. The cloth flies out to reveal the Street In Peking set and the Villagers.

Scene 6 – A Street In Peking MUSIC #13 – DANCE ROUTINE Enter the Policeman.

Policeman

Come on you lot, never mind enjoying yourselves … get these streets cleared … The Princess is on her way.

Exeunt, the Policeman last of all. Aladdin and Wishee enter from the other side to the Policeman.

Wishee Aladdin Wishee Aladdin Wishee Aladdin Wishee Aladdin Wishee Aladdin Wishee Aladdin Wishee Aladdin

The street’s deserted, there’s no-one about. Of course there’s no-one about, any minute now the Princess will pass by, and no-one must look at her. I forgot about that. Come on, quick! Let’s move before someone sees us. (He goes to exit). I can’t go … I can’t move … I’ve just been run over by a dustcart. (Looking around) A dustcart? (Putting his hand on Aladdin’s forehead). Are you feeling alright? Fine … apart from being run over by a dustcart. You know, for a moment, I thought you said that you’d been run over by a dustcart. I did. (To audience) I’ll pop and get a doctor … He’s gone poppydoodle! Just a minute, Wishee. When I said I’d been run over by a dustcart … what I meant was, that I will get run over by a dustcart any minute. This is getting worse … So who’s going to run you over with a dustcart? You! Me!? … I haven’t got a licence to push a dustcart. There’s a dustcart over there by the wall … Go and get it and run me over …

Wishee goes to the back of the set and gets the dustcart.

Wishee Aladdin Wishee Aladdin Wishee Aladdin Wishee

If it makes you happy being run over by a dustcart, then that’s OK by me … Push the dustcart on top of me … Why don’t you take up skydiving, it’s safer! because aeroplanes haven’t been invented yet. That’s a good point … Now, just before I run you over with this dustcart, tell me seriously …Is that what you want me to do? Yes, Wishee. Fair enough.

Wishee runs Aladdin over with the cart. SFX: Gong. Enter the Princess and her entourage.

Princess Wishee Princess Wishee Princess Wishee Princess Wishee Princess Wishee Princess Wishee Princess Wishee Princess Wishee Princess

STOP! It’s a bit late for that, love … You should have shouted before I ran him over. Is he hurt? No. How do you know he’s not hurt? ‘Cos he’s dead. Are you sure? I’m dead sure … Let me see if I can help him. Who are you, anyway? I am the Princess. Really … well don’t start kissing him, he might turn into a frog! That’s a prince who does that … You’re joking, don’t let the Prince kiss him … he’ll turn into something else! Please … everyone leave. Alright chuck … (To entourage). Come on … (To Princess). We’ll be down at the Pig’s Bottom and Kneecap pub if you want to join us later for a jar. Fair enough … get me one in … bitter.

All exit except the Princess and Aladdin. The Princess touches Aladdin.

Aladdin Princess Aladdin

Oooohhh, my leg … please … not again … What do you mean, “not again”. I broke my leg in three places once … 9

Princess Aladdin Princess Aladdin Princess Aladdin Princess Aladdin Princess Aladdin

Really, what did you do? I never went to those three places again … ooooohhh, my leg. Just a minute … I recognise you … You’re the boy I saw stealing the Prince’s salmon … I don’t think you’re hurt at all … I think you’re pretending. Well, I had to find a way of talking to you, didn’t I. But I’m sure you know that my father doesn’t allow me to speak to anyone. Quite right too. You’re a Princess, and he doesn’t want his Princess talking to a nobody like me. A nobody? Haven’t you got a name? Of course I’ve got a name … don’t you recognise me? No. Haven’t you seen ‘Top Of The Pops’? (This, and the following TV programmes can be updated if required).

Princess Aladdin Princess Aladdin Princess Aladdin Princess Aladdin

Princess Aladdin

Yes. Haven’t you seen ‘The Generation Game’ Yes. The National Lottery … Coronation Street … Eastenders … Yes … yes … yes … (Jumping to his feet) So have I … Aladdin, at your service. So, you’re not injured then … No, I pretended to be run over … It was the only way to meet you and tell you how beautiful you are … And to say that you are the most beautiful Princess in the whole wide world. Nice speech … (Aside) And what a handsome boy … But, you must go quickly … if you are discovered, you will have your head chopped off. If you let them chop off my head, I’ll never speak to you again … Anyway, I don’t care … no danger is so great that I would not risk all just to see your eyes shine with love for me … (Aside) I think I went a bit too far with that one … Did you say, “love”? … You are very presumptious … (Aside) But very sweet! You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen … That’s why I sit on the banks of the lake hoping to catch a glimpse of you … or a salmon.

He takes her hand and leads her US. Enter the Emperor and entourage.

Emperor

There’s a boy speaking to my daughter … And holding her hand … Arrest him at once!

Enter the Policeman on a rickshaw. LX:Strobe. Crazy police chase routine until eventually Aladdin is captured and is led off shouting …

Aladdin Princess Emperor

I’ll see you soon, Princess … I promise … Father, please … Silence … You know the rules … Come.

Exeunt to SL. Enter Abanazar from SR.

Abanazar

So, the boy has been captured … a thousand curses. I must get him released, but I need more money!

He rubs the ring. Enter the Slave.

Slave Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave

What now …? I was right in the middle of ‘Eastenders’ … what do you want? I want more money … It’s too late for that, luv … you’ve signed the contract! No, you fool … … don’t you call me a fool! … I’ve been with the Royal Ballet … The Bolshoi Ballet … I’ve sung with Frank Sinatra … 10

Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave Abanazar Slave Abanazar

Alright, don’t make a song and dance of it … Now, the Emperor will be coming back this way soon and I’m going to trick him, with your help. What do you mean, “trick him”? I’m going to bet the Emperor one thousand pounds that there is an echo on this very spot. But there isn’t an echo … you’ll lose your bet. You are going to be the echo. Am I …? Yes, my little Slavey of the Ringy person. Oh, come on, this is ridiculous … I’ve been a test pilot for Airfix and a bouncer at Mothercare, but never an echo … All you have to do is hide over there and repeat everything I say. Everything you say. Everything you say. Anything for a quiet life. (He hides behind a rock). Are you there? (Re-appearing) ‘Course I’m here. No, no … You are now an echo. When I say, “Are you there”, I want you to say “Are you there” back. Are you there … Are you there back … Got it! (He hides again). Are you there? Are you there back. You idiot … try again … Are you there? Are you there. How’s your father. (Re-appearing) He’s got a bad leg at the moment … It started down his right side, and then spread to … … alright, alright. Just concentrate, and repeat everything I say … Quick, over there … here comes the Emperor now.

The Slave hides as the Emperor enters.

Abanazar Emperor Abanazar Emperor Abanazar Emperor Abanazar Emperor Slave Emperor Slave

Sire … Allow me to introduce myself. I am the one and only Abanazar, Master Magician. I have heard Your Highness id partial to the odd bet or two … That is correct. Would Your Highness like to wager one thousand pounds? Bet a thousand pounds … on what? On whether there is an echo on the very spot you are standing. An echo … Oh, alright, why not. Just shout whatever you want to shout and you will hear you own echo. For a thousand pounds? That seems rather easy! (He clears his throat). Hello! Hello! That’s incredible … but it didn’t sound like me … it made me sound rather camp! (Quickly re-appearing) Oy!

The Emperor doesn’t see the Slave. Abanazar waves for the Slave to hide again, which he does).

Abanazar Emperor Slave Emperor Abanazar Emperor Slave

Try again … (He clears his throat again) Hello!

Hello! That really is rather clever … You win, that’s a thousand pounds to you. Can I have another bet of a thousand pounds? But of course, sire. Ahhhchooo! Bless you. 11

Emperor Slave

Trebor mints are a minty bit stronger … Stick ‘em up your nose and they last a lot longer …

Abanazar reacts to the Slave.

Emperor Slave Emperor Slave Abanazar Slave Emperor Abanazar Emperor Slave Emperor Slave Emperor Slave Emperor Abanazar

Umpah! Umpah! Stick it up your jumper. That’s indubitably phenomenal. (Running to Abanazar for clarification) What did he say?

Indubitably phenomenal. An inflatable rubber what …? (Seeing the Slave) Abanazar, my dear friend … may we play one final time? For three thousand pounds? Certainly, Sire. (He clears his throat yet again) I know a place … I know a place … Where I can get … Where I can get … Two thousand jelly babies for twenty-five pence. (Running to them) Where, where? Ha, ha! I win! (To the Slave) You’ve just lost me a fortune … Go to wherever you go until I call you.

The Slave goes to exit, but sees ‘Tiddles’ and approaches it. Audience reaction & “Tiddles” business.

Emperor Abanazar Emperor Abanazar Emperor Abanazar Emperor

You owe me three thousand pounds, I do believe. Yes, Sire … I will pay you when … when … When what? When I find someone that I have been trying to find for days … It’s the boy you are holdiong captive, called Aladdin. Really. With his help I can repay you your three thousand pounds … But I need to see him first, Sire. Very well … (shouting off) … Bring the boy Aladdin.

Enter Aladdin with two guards. Exit the guards.

Abanazar Emperor Abanazar Emperor Abanazar Emperor

Now then, Sire. What price would you put on this boy’s head if he were to escape? Er … Let me see … Three thousand pounds, I suppose. Really … (He whispers in Aladdin’s ear). Run, Aladdin, run. (Aladdin goes to run off, but Abanazar captures him). Did you see that, Sire? He tried to run off, but I captured him. Yes, he did! … Thank you for that. Here is your three thousand pounds reward. And here is the three thousand pounds that I owe you. Splendid … now we’re all straight.

MUSIC #14 – EMPEROR’S EXIT STING Exit the Emperor.

Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin

Dear, dear Aladdin; what a nice young man you are … So full of trust and innocence. Spit it out … what is it you’re after, whatever your name is. Abanazar the Magician. In my country it means ‘riches and power’. In my country it means you’ve got a daft name! … Anyway, you don’t look very rich to me. But I will be, and so will you. I know a place called ‘The Cave OF A Thousand Jewels’ … it contains jewels and wealth beyond your wildest dreams … don’t you want wealth? What’s the catch? 12

Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar

Catch? There’s no catch. All you have to do is as I ask. (Making to leave) I’ll have a think. Call me tomorrow. Wait! … Jewels … to buy everything you’ve ever wanted … A Nintendo (or whatever hi-tech gizmo is in fashion). A Nintendo. A mountain bike and crash helmet? A mountain bike and crash helmet. Man United? Even Man United. Alright, what have I got to lose. Good! Now, tomorrow, leave the city by the Great Gate and follow the path to the ravine in the mountains … Bur, remember, you must be up before dawn. What time does Dawn get up? Early in the morning.

Enter Widow Twanky and Wishee.

Twanky Aladdin Twanky Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar Wishee Aladdin

What’s going on here then , you two? Mum, I’m going to be rich! Rich? Rich in life, madam Abanazar said! Uncle Abanazar … Uncle? … He’s as much your uncle as (well-known local or national person) is. Oh come on you two … listen up …

MUSIC #15 – “UNCLE ABANAZAR’S SONG” (ANYTHING SUITABLE FOR ABANAZAR) Twanky

(To Wishee) Come on you, we’ve got work to do.

Exit Widow Twanky and Wishee.

Aladdin Abanazar

I’ve just been thinking. What if I turn up at dawn and stand there freezing my knee caps off, and then you don’t turn up? (At a loss to know what to do, then, unthinkingly) Take this ring as a token of good will … You can return it to me later.

Exit Abanazar.

Aladdin

Magician! … Who does he think he is? … Just a minute. If he’s a real magician, then this ring will be magic! … Perhaps if I make a wish, it will come true! I wish, I wish, I wish I was with the Princess …

MUSIC#16 – SCENE CHANGE (SLOW AND DREAMLIKE) Scene 7 – The Royal Garden FX: Smoke. Enter the Princess.

Princess Aladdin Princess Aladdin Princess Aladdin Princess Aladdin Princess Aladdin

Aladdin! What are you thinking of, coming here like this? It happened … my wish came true! “Wish” … what are you talking about? I wished that I could see you again, and here I am! You do realise what will happen if my Father finds you here? I don’t care … I just want to see you … I’ll take my punishment. You’ll be no use with your head cut off! Does that mean you care for me? Of course I do … I suppose it’s all arranged by your Father who you’ll marry. 13

Princess Aladdin Princess Aladdin Princess Aladdin Princess Aladdin Princess

My Father would like me to marry a rich Prince. Just suppose somebody very ordinary became rich enough to look after you … Someone like you …? Well, yes … Someone very like you …? Yes … very, very like me! If it was someone very like you, then he would be my first choice. Would you excuse me for a moment? Of course.

Aladdin runs off, shouts “Yes!” in the wings, and then runs back on.

Aladdin

Princess Aladdin Princess Aladdin Wishee Aladdin Wishee Aladdin Wishee Aladdin

That’s it then. Tomorrow morning, Abanazar wants me to go with him to a cave in the mountains. He says there is treasure there … enough to make me richer than even rich people are. Oh, Aladdin, please be careful. Don’t worry, Abanazar gave me a ring …it’s magic! Magic … don’t be silly. It really is … That’s how I got here … I rubbed it and made a wish, and here I am! Look, let me show you … I wish, I wish, I wish Wishee Washee was here … (Entering) Hello, Aladdin. See, it works! What works? The ring … I made a wish, and you appeared. What are you talking about? I just walked in to bring the Emperor’s clean washing back … his Playtex underpants and cross-your-groin Y-fronts … He said no later than dawn … … Dawn! Did you say dawn! Walk the Princess back to the Palace and make sure no harm comes to her … I have to meet Abanazar, and I’m late …

Blackout.

MUSIC #17 – SCENE CHANGE (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Scene 8 – On The Way To The Cave Abanazar

Aladdin Abanazar Audience Aladdin Audience Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar

Oh, fateful dawn! … At last the time has come to crown with triumph all my well-laid schemes … Here is the cave … Down shall Aladdin go, and from it’s deep dank darkness bring to light and yield into these hands the wondrous lamp … When I see the tip of yonder hill emblazoned with the rim of the morning sun, thenI shall slide away the stone from where it has stood firm for these thousand years. And thus at last, complete my grand design, making the lamp and all it’s magic, mine. (He laughs). Time flies, yet not Aladdin do I see. Curses on the boy … where can he be? (Entering) Morning! Had a lie-in did you? How dare you … I’ve been here for nearly an hour! Haven’t I boys and girls? No! How long has he been here, boys and girls … ten seconds? Yes! Right, let’s get started … I can’t wait to be rich. You see that mighty rock? It seals the entrance to a cave as old as time itself … mysterious … wonderful … What’s so wonderful about a cave? You shall see when you climb inside. Climb inside! I don’t like caves, I’ve got anoraknophobia! You mean claustrophobia. 14

Aladdin

No, anoraknophobia … it’s a fear of cagoules! (Lightweight hooded waterproof top coats that often fold up and can be carried easily).

Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin

Nonsense boy … There is something in that cave that I want. Go and get it then, I’ll hold your coat. I can’t … Only an innocent boy can enter the cave … besides your young eyes are more able to see in the dark. Dark! The cave is filled with wealth untold. All you have to do is enter it. Hand me a worthless bauble, and everything else is yours. Everything? Everything. But how are we going to get into the cave with that dirty great rock in front of it? I shall remove the rock. Don’t tell me, you’ve got a JCB stuck up you jumper! The removal of this pebble is simple to a great magician such as Abanazar. Go on then, smarty-pants … Zabunda … zabundash! (They both stare at the boulder; nothing happens). What’s the word? … Open? … Open? Your brain’s gone. You’ll never remember the word. Oh, no? No. Says who? Says me. That’s it … the magic word … ‘sesame’. You mean we have to say “Open Sesame”.

LX/SFX: Thunder and Lightning. The boulder opens just enough to let someone of Aladdin’s size squeeze in.

Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar

I wanted to say that … Come on … In you go … “In I go”? … I should cocoa! Scared, are we? Scared … ‘course I’m scared … Get inside, quickly … (Aladdin enter the cave). He’s in, he’s in!

SFX: Thunder.

Aladdin Abanazar

(Re-appearing) He’s out, he’s out! Get back in … (He pushes him back in). He’s in, he’s in again!

SFX: Thunder.

Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin Audience Aladdin Audience Abanazar Audience Abanazar Audience Abanazar Aladdin

I’m out, I’m out again! Think what you could do with all that money … think about the Princess … The Princess! (He starts to go in again). Hang on … How do I know that I can trust you? (To audience). Should I trust him? No! Should I go into the cave? No! Oh yes he should! Oh no he shouldn’t! Oh yes he should! Oh no he shouldn’t! Don’t listen to them, Aladdin … what do they know? All that money? … That beautiful Princess? I’ll do it! … I’ll do it for the Princess. 15

Abanazar gives an evil grin as Aladdin enters the cave. Fade to black.

Scene 9 – The Enchanted Cave The scene now reverses. Abanazar is on the outside looking in, and Aladdin is inside the cave. There are piles of chests overflowing with jewels and golden ornaments etc and, of course, the lamp.

Abanazar

(Could be recorded to cover the scene change)

At last, he’s in the cave … Oh, sphinx be kind, The wondrous lamp let him straightway find, For once that precious lamp is in my hands I’ll issue forth my full commands. When I have the power the world shall see, The ruler of the universe, I’ll be. My secret though forever must remain, Locked up in Aladdin’s stupid brain. He’s played his part, His life I shall not spare. Aladdin, are you there boy? Are you there? Lights up. Aladdin is discovered US. Abanazar appears at the cave entrance and peers in.

Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin Audience Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin

What a spooky place, I bet it’s full of spiders and creepy-crawlies. What can you see, Aladdin? It’s fantastic down here. You’ve never seen anything like it! Emeralds, diamonds, rubies … Yes, but can you see anything else? Like what? Like … an old lamp, for example … Don’t be a plonker, what do you want an old lamp for when you can have all this … (Angry) Look for the lamp, you stupid boy! Alright, keep your turban on … (He looks around and picks up the lamp). As a matter of fact there is a lamp … Then give it to me … give it to me at once. (To audience) There’s something funny going on here … Shall I give him the lamp? No! Sorry Abenosebleed, they say “no”. For the last time, give me that lamp! If you want it that much, come in and get it. I’ll give you one last chance … Now, fetch me the lamp. (Enjoying himself) No, no … a thousand times no!

Pause.

MUSIC #18 – SINISTER MUSIC Abanazar

Then heed my curse Aladdin … heed it well, I swear this tale, you’ll never tell. You’ve wrecked my plans, for this you’ll pay, You never more shall see, the light of day. Abandon hope, you’re now accursed, To feel the pain of hunger and thirst. And when the cave is echoing your moans You shall be left, just dust and bones. Abracadabra, abracadee, I bid you close, oh sesame! (He laughs maniacally). 16

The boulder closes.

Aladdin

Slave Aladdin Slave Aladdin Slave Aladdin Slave Aladdin Slave Aladdin Slave Aladdin Slave

He’s locked me in. (Shouting to Abanazar). Abanazar, Abanazar … are you there? I didn’t mean to be cheeky, honest! I quite like you in a rotten sort of way … Abernasty, please … move the rock … you can have the lamp … I promise … Abanazar! … He’s gone. He’s left me here to die. What shall I do? I’ll never see the Princess again. (He puts the lamp down as, suddenly, inspiration hits him). The ring! … Of course … (He rubs the ring). (Entering) I wondered when you’d remember the ring, Muffin-head. Wow! Who … what … It’s alright … don’t get your knickers in a twist. Who are you? I am the Slave Of The Ring … your every wish is my command. Every wish? Well, within reason! Then move that rock, and get me out of here. Sorry luv, not my department, rock moving …you need a genie for that sort of thing. Come on, just move the rock … It would be more than my job’s worth … If the Union of Genies and Slaves ever found out, I could have my ring removed … and that’s not pleasant, I can assure you. So, where do I find a genie? You’ve got one close at hand … there’s a genie in that lamp!

Aladdin turns his back to pick up the lamp. Exit the Slave.

Aladdin

(Picking up the lamp) But how do I get the genie out of the lamp? Hello … hello, Slave Of

Audience Aladdin Audience Aladdin Audience Aladdin

The Ring! … Oh, what shall I do now? How can I get the genie out of the lamp? Do you know, boys and girls? Rub the lamp! Snub the tramp? Rub the lamp! Rub my cramp? Rub the lamp! Oh … rub the lamp! Alright, I will.

He rubs the lamp. FX: Flash & Smoke. The Genie appears.

Genie Aladdin Genie Aladdin Genie

Aladdin Genie Aladdin Genie Aladdin Genie Aladdin

You summoned me, master? Master? Whoever rubs the lamp is my master. Wow! Can you get me out of here into the sunlight? Easy-peasy … I can transport you to anywhere in the universe … For a thousand years I have waited for a master to serve, and now that I have found you, all these priceless gems become your inheritance. I wish I could take some of it with me. You can take it all … Really! … Wow, fantastic … But first, a word of warning … Once in the mortal world again, you must keep the secret of the magic lamp. You must tell no-one of its magic powers. Do you understand? I do. Then let me show you the treasures that shall be yours … Just a minute … I’d like to show my friend, the Slave Of The Ring

He rubs the ring. Enter the Slave in a bathrobe.

Slave Aladdin

What now, I was just about to get in the bath! Look … all this is mine! 17

That’s nothing, Aladdin … there’s more.

Slave

The Slave, the Genie and Aladdin exit.

MUSIC #19 – BALLET OF THE JEWELS Enter the Genie and Aladdin who is now dressed in fine clothes and jewels.

Aladdin Genie Aladdin

Voices Off

Thank you … thank you so much. You’re very kind, but now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to get into the open air. Master, say no more …I’ll take you there … Back home, to wealth and happiness, To see again the face of my Princess. No more will I be a poor urchin scamp, The world is mine, I have the magic lamp. All hail, Aladdin, greatest in the land, All hail, Aladdin, your wish is our command.

END OF ACT ONE INTERVAL

ACT TWO Scene 1 – A Street In Peking The set depicts a festival of cherry blossoms and Chinese lanterns.

MUSIC #20 – OPENING DANCE ROUTINE (POSSIBLY ‘KUNG FU FIGHTING’) SFX: Gong. Enter Widow Twanky.

Twanky

What a lovely place … reminds me of (rough area shopping centre/mall).

Enter Emperor.

Emperor Twanky Emperor Twanky Emperor Twanky Emperor Twanky Emperor Twanky Emperor Twanky Emperor Twanky Emperor Twanky

And pray, what are you doing here, fair maiden? The opticians is down the road, chuck. I do apologise … I didn’t realise it was you, Widow Twanky. Oh, your Imperial Mint … I have been delivering clean kimonos to the Palace. You don’t know who has been stealing the prince’s salmon do you? No, I don’t … but I’ll tell you one thing … it smells fishy to me. I have a couple of smalls that need washing … Really … May I suggest a bubble bath. My Teletubbies T-shirt and a pair of boxer shorts. Boxer shorts? … You knw, my father was a boxer … Really? Yes, my mother was an alsatian … If you’d like them to be cleaned, I’ll send Wishee round. What’s your phone number? Oh one, flee flee flee, flee flee flee flee … I fink … Don’t worry, I’ll find you in yellow pages … Please excuse me, I’m off to a party … It’s the Prince’s birthday today and I’ve bought him a set of clubs. Which ones? 18

Emperor Twanky Abanazar Twanky Abanazar Twanky Abanazar Twanky Abanazar Twanky Abanazar Twanky Abanazar Twanky Abanazar Twanky Abanazar Twanky Abanazar Twanky Abanazar Twanky Abanazar Twanky Abanazar Aladdin Twanky Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar Aladdin Abanazar Twanky Aladdin Twanky Aladdin Twanky Aladdin Twanky

Wentworth and St Andrews. (He laughs and exits). If that’s funny, I’ll show my pancake rolls in Woollies … I wonder where Aladdin’s got to … I’m really worried about him. (Entering) Psssssssssst! Has somebody left the gas on? Widow Twanky … Oh, it’s you, Aberkneesup. I have some bad news. Oh, don’t tell me … La La’s seen Po’s Tinky Winky! Worse than that. Dipsy’s going out with Noddy. It concerns your son … He and I climbed a small mountain this morning to find a cave. What do you mean, ‘a small mountain’? Hillock. That’s no way to speak to a lady … I only asked. When I got to the top of the mountain, I saw a man eating lion … Cor blimey … that man must have been hungry to eat a lion. No … a man-eating lion … suddenly Aladdin spotted the lion. The lion was spotted. Yes. Well, it can’t have been a lion then … it must have been a leopard. What are you talking about? Lions don’t have spots … it must have been a leopard. Aladdin fought bravely, but the lion was too strong for him … Aladdin perished. You mean … Aladdin is … ‘you-know-what’ …no more … caput … D-E-D …? I’m afraid so. In his last breath, he said, “Uncle, you really are …” (Entering and interrupting) … an evil toe-rag! Aladdin, you’re not dead at all! No thanks to uncle Abanazar … he locked me in a cave and left me there to rot. How did you get out, you lump of pig droppings? How do you think? (He brandishes the lamp). The lamp … of course. Give it to me … now! (He lunges for the lamp). You’ve got as much chance of taking the lamp as Vinny Jones marrying Elton John. Curse the boy … I’ll be back for the lamp … It will be mine, and then I will rule the world! (He exits). Something’s upset him, don’t you think? … Where did you get those clothes from … you look fantastic! Mum, all our dreams have come true … I found my wealth in that dirty old cave … gold, diamonds, jewels … we’re rich, mum … rich! Have you been drinking blackcurrant and soda? Apart from it giving you the wind, it always makes you go funny … I really mean it mum, it’s true … we’re rich! Rich! Rich! … At last, everything we’ve ever wanted … Nike trainers, a (local football team) football shirt … Oh, son, thank you, thank you … It’s a pleasure, mum. I tell you one thing … it’s not going to change me …

Enter Wishee.

Wishee Twanky Aladdin Wishee

Hello. What do you want, scumbag? Mother! Wow! … where did you get those clothes from, Aladdin? 19

Twanky Wishee Twanky Wishee Twanky Wishee Twanky Wishee Twanky Aladdin

He bought them, because we … are … rich … and I’m full of it. I can see that. Anyway … if you’re so rich, then I suppose I’ll be getting a raise in my wages will I? Raise? What do you mean, a raise? You never do any work. I do so. You don’t. I do. Don’t. Do. Don’t I feel a row coming on … I’ll see you later.

Exit Aladdin.

Twanky

If you think you work, then tell me this. (The Blackboard Routine. Twanky brings on a blackboard and chalk. She writes ‘365’ at the top of the board. Each time she introduces a new number, she writes the calculation down on the board). Now, there are 365 days in a year,

Wishee Twanky Wishee Twanky Wishee Twanky Wishee Twanky

right? Right. You get Saturdays and Sundays off, so that’s 104 days you don’t work. That makes 261 remaining … What time do you go to bed and get up? I go to bed at nine, and get up at eight. So, that’s 11 hours times 365, equals 4015 hours … turned into days, that equals 167 days … take 167 from 261 equals 94 days … How may weeks holiday do you have? Two. Two weeks is 14 days … 94 take away 14 leaves 80 days. How many bank holidays in a year? Twenty. 80 minus 20 leaves 60. Then there’s Christmas … 4 days off for that, plus 4 days for New Year … that’s 8 … Take that away from 60 leaves 52 … on Wednesdays the Launderette is closed, that’s 52 days a year … which leaves nothing … plus the one day a year you go to church, leaves minus one. And that’s how many days a year you work … minus one!

Blackout.

MUSIC #21 - PLAYOUT Scene 2 - On The Way To The Palace Enter the Princess.

Princess

It’s been so long since I’ve seen Aladdin, why hasn’t he sent word … I hope he hasn’t forgotten me. No, surely not. My father keeps finding different people for me to marry, but how can I marry someone I don’t love? … There’s only one person in my life and that’s Aladdin … If only he’d come back to see me. Oh, Aladdin, Aladdin … I know you’re out there …

The Princess starts to cry. Enter the Slave.

Slave Princess Slave Princess Slave Princess Slave Princess

What’s up, luv? (Frightened) Who are you? The Slave Of The Ring, just out for a breath of fresh air. “Slave Of The Ring”? What does that mean? It’s a long story … Why are you crying? I’m in love … Oh dear …love is a very strange thing. Sometimes it feels beautiful … but sometimes it hurts. Who are you in love with? Someone very special, but he’s gone away, and I miss him so much … 20

You must always remember, true love lasts forever … It doesn’t matter if you’re apart from time to time, that true love will always be waiting for you both … It never fades. As long as you’re true and faithful to each other, then you will be happy forever.

Slave

MUSIC #22 - DUET Blackout. Note : Two half-sets are used next – SL is the Throne Room for Scene 3, and SR is Aladdin’s Palace for Scene 4. Two suitably painted reversible book flats could be positioned downstage to mask the half-set not in use. Alternatively, two small individual sets could be set and struck accordingly.

Scene 3 – The Throne Room The Emperor is sitting on the throne. Enter the Policman.

Policeman Emperor Policeman Emperor Policeman Emperor Policeman Emperor Policeman

Excuse me, your imperial highness. What is it? There’s a caravan in the courtyard. Well, clamp it! Not that kind of caravan … dancers, jugglers, acrobats … all for your Majesty’s pleasure. Who sent these entertainers? A wealthy merchant. Then let the entertainment begin! Very well. (Announcing). Her Disgrace and Old Dutch; the Lady Of Twangy Knee … Widow Twanky.

MUSIC #23 – PLAY ON Chorus juveniles parade in with jewels. Widow Twanky follows.

Twanky

So … this is (local ‘posh’ area of town)!

The Policeman goes to exit and sees ‘Tiddles’.

Policeman

What’s this? (Audience Reaction : ‘Tiddles’ etc). I only asked.

Exit the Policeman.

Twanky Emperor Twanky Emperor Twanky Emperor Twanky Emperor Twanky Emperor Twanky Emperor Twanky Emperor Twanky Emperor Twanky Emperor

Hello, Empie darling. Are you one of the Royal party? Oh yes … I’m into Royal cricket … Royal cricket? Yes, Prince Charles bats … and Camilla Parker-Bowles! Let me inspect the jewellery on your arm, ma’am. My pleasure, treasure. All these jewels, you must be worth a million. A million! … I paid eight million for a footballer only this morning … So, you’re into football? No, I bought him for (local/national football team) … I’ve heard on the tomato vine that your/their bank balance could do with a bit of replenishing. Confidentially Widow Twanky … I’m skint. Your problems are solved, Empie. How? You have a daughter … I have a son … Are you saying that your son would like my daughter’s hand? Hand! … No, he wants all of her! (Shouting off) PC Bert/Bertha!

Enter the Policeman.

Policeman

Yes, your Royal Windsor knot … would you like her arrested? 21

Emperor Policeman Twanky Policeman Twanky Emperor Policeman

No, I wouldn’t … I want you to summon my daughter. Is that all? … How about throwing Widow Twanky into the cells for the night ‘til she sobers up. “Sobers up”. I’ll have you know I don’t drink. Surely you can’t look like that and be sober? Cheek! Just summon my daughter would you! Right away, sir. (Shouting off). Princess, your dad wants you!

Exit the Policeman.

Twanky Emperor Twanky Emperor Twanky

Don’t you think that we should discuss this with Mrs Emperor? There is no Mrs Emperor … I’m a widower. Well, fancy that. (Playing up to him). I hope you don’t start any hanky panky else you’ll get a spanky from Twanky … Whatever do you mean? You know exactly what I mean, you kinky chinky!

Enter the Policeman.

Policeman

(Announcing) Her Serene Highness, the Princess Harvest Moon.

Exit the Policeman. Enter the Princess.

Princess Emperor Princess Twanky Princess

Hello, father. Hello, my sweetness. I have some wonderful news … I have found a husband for you … I’ve told you before, father … I don’t wish you to find me a husband … I have already given my heart to someone. No … listen here, luv. My son is very good looking … he takes after me in that department … and with his money, he could marry anyone! Anyone but me.

Enter the Policeman.

Policeman Emperor

(Announcing) Your Majesty …Prince Al-ar-deen.

Bid him enter … your future husband has arrived.

Exit the Policeman.

Princess Emperor Princess

I shall leave. I command you to stay. Then I shall turn my back.

The Princess turns her back as Aladdin enters.

Aladdin Emperor Aladdin Princess Aladdin Princess Aladdin Emperor Twanky Aladdin Princess

Hello, dad! Dad! … How dare you! You might as well get used to the idea … I’m going to marry your daughter. I can assure you that you are not going to marry his daughter, even if you were the last person on Earth. Not even if I was the boy who used to sit beside the pond waiting to see you? Aladdin! Yes, it’s me, Princess! Was it you who took the Prince’s salmon? Oh, shurrup! … What’s a fish among friends … look … they’re going all gooey on each other … don’t they make a lovely couple? Would you like to take a stroll, and I’ll show you my very own Palace. Of course.

The lights dim on the Throne Room as they walk forward. The cloth for A2S2 (‘On The Way To The Palace’) should be brought in here to mask the movement of the reversible book flats.

MUSIC #24 – DUET (ALADDIN AND THE PRINCESS) At the end of the song, they exit, hand in hand. Enter Abanazar from the opposite side.

Abanazar

Now no power on earth my wrath assuage, I seethe with fury, jealousy and rage. To see Aladdin winning the Princess, Living in luxury and happiness, Short-live I promise shall his triumph be, He’s still to reckon, wretched youth, with me. I’ve just thought up a very cunning scheme, Whereby at last, I’ll realise my dream. (He pulls a cloak over his shoulders and picks up some lamps).

A peddler now am I … I’ll tell my tale, And reap a rich reward … it cannot fail … (He limps across the stage).

New lamps for old … new lamps for old … new lamps for old … etc etc Fade to black. Cloth out.

Scene 5 – Inside Aladdin’s Palace Enter Aladdin and the Princess.

Aladdin Princess Aladdin Princess Aladdin Princess Aladdin Princess Aladdin Princess Aladdin Princess Aladdin Princess Aladdin Princess Aladdin

Well, here we are, my palace. It’s wonderful … Tell me, how did you manage to become rich so quickly? I sold my house for five hundred thousand … That’s fantastic! I hope the Council don’t find out! (Laughing) Don’t be silly … I’ll tell you one day how I became so rich … but it must remain a secret. And the dirty old lamp you wear? That’s another secret. I think that lamp means more to you than I do … Does it eckerslike … Then please take it off, I don’t like it. Or, alright (He gives her the lamp). But, I beg you, keep it safe … very safe. I swear. I must go now … there are arrangements to be made for the wedding. Don’t be long … I get so lonely when you’re away … I’ll be back before you can say “Willie Wonka’s Chocolate Factory”.

Exit Aladdin.

Princess Abanazar Princess Abanazar Princess Abanazar Princess

What a horrible old lamp … I should throw it out, but Aladdin seems so fond of it … (Offstage) New lamps for old … New lamps for old … What was that peddler calling? (Offstage) New lamps for old … New lamps for old … It sounds like, “new lamps for old”. But that’s ridiculous … Just a minute, (looking at the old lamp), maybe not! Enter! (Entering) A blessing on this house and all who dwell within it’s walls. I can’t believe I heard it right … did you say, “New lamps for old”? 23

Abanazar

Princess

Abanazar Princess Abanazar Princess Abanazar

That indeed was my cry, pretty lady. See how they shine like burnished gold, Have you got a lamp that is dirty and old? Copper or brass, any old lamp will do, I’ll give in exchange one that’s shiny and new. Alright, I’ll put you to the test. (She looks at his new lamps). These lamps are beautiful … I don’t really know which one to choose. You see, my future husband told me to take care of this old one, and I would like to surprise him with one of these. Oh, don’t worry fair maiden … he’ll be surprised alright. I’ll have this one. And in exchange? Of course. (She hands him the old lamp). You gullible gormless fool! Why did I give new lamps for old? I’ll show you why …

He rubs the lamp. FX: Flash. Enter Genie.

Genie Abanazar Genie Abanazar

Yor called, Master? Command and I shall obey. Transport me, this palace and this fair damsel to the remotest hidden desert this side of Hell. Why do you want to go to (area that no-one likes)? This side of Hell …

FX: Flash. Blackout. Exeunt. UV Scenery flies in. FX: Smoke. Enter Aladdin, the Policeman and the Slave Of The Ring.

Aladdin Slave Aladdin Slave

What happened … where’s the Palace? Sorry … the Genie had his orders. Abanazar told him to transport the palace together with him and the Princess to the other side of Hell … so that’s what he did. Abanazar? Don’t worry, I’ll sort this out.

Exit the Slave. Enter Widow Twanky, wearing a shower cap and towel, carrying a loofah and a rubber duck.

Twanky Wishee Aladdin Policeman Aladdin Policeman Wishee

What’s going on? (Enter Wishee with a loo seat round his neck). Where were you when the palace took off? Don’t ask. Abanazar has got the lamp … Leave this to the strong arm of the law. In my calculations, he’s headed North for ten miles, South for five miles, East for twenty miles and West for two miles. So, where is he? No idea. I know a place this side of Hell … Clacket Lane services on the M25! (Or nearest services on congested motorway).

Aladdin

Come on, everyone … we must find him before it’s too late.

MUSIC #25 - PLAYOFF Exeunt. The Slave Of The Ring enters slowly.

Slave

Hello … Hello-o … Where’ve they gone now? I’ll never catch them up … What I need is a magic carpet … I know magic carpets exist, but I’ve never seen one. Maybe if I made a wish then I’d be able to fly on my very own magic carpet and rescue the Princess for Aladdin. There must be something I can do … (He starts to yawn, feeling sleepy) … There must be something I can do … (He yawns again). All this running around has made me feel so tired … I need to sleep for a while.

The Slave exits, yawning to change into his UV costume. Enter Wishee from the opposite side.

MUSIC #26 – PLAY ON (SOFT MYSTERIOUS STRINGS) Wishee Audience Wishee Audience Wishee

Audience Wishee

I heard what the Slave Of The Ring said. He said that dreams really do come true. Do you think that dreams really do come true, boys and girls? Yes! And do you believe that there are things that fly in space and that there are flying carpets as well, don’t you … Yes! Good … I’ll tell you what … While the Slave Of The Ring is asleep, let’s see if dreams come true. All put your hands together, like this. (As if in prayer). Press as hard as you can, and repeat after me … “We want to see a flying carpet”. We want to see a flying carpet. Now, wave your right arm in the air, like this. (He makes a dramatic, magic wave. And the children do the same. Nothing happens. SFX: Discordant sound). You’re not concentrating … If you pretend that this is the biggest wish you’ve ever made, and then wave you arm … That is your magic secret … Wave your arm like this, and you’ll all become magicians. So, let’s try again. After me “We want to see a flying carpet”. (The children repeat this and wave their arms. SFX: Swishing/swirling effect gradually increasing in volume) … Just a minute … what’s that noise? Hold onto your seats … I think they’re sending a spacecraft to check us out … Look! Something’s coming now …

LX: UV Blackout. Note : Magic carpet routines are very varied, depending heavily on the design of the carpet - some fly on cables, others are suspended on poles worked by dancers in full body black (non-UV) costumes. The same words though generally apply. LX/SFX: Sound of thunder and a flash of lightning (to show that the stage is empty). The carpet (with strong UV patterns on it) emerges slowly from USR at stage level and proceeds diagonally to DSL.

MUSIC #27 – EERIE MUSIC WITH SOFT DRUMS The carpet begins to fly around the stage, then lands USC. Enter the Slave Of The Ring DSR, and takes a position DS, left of centre. His costume is UV patterned and he wears a head-dress with battery lights that shine very tightly onto his face, preferably from below.

Slave

I don’t see a flying carpet, do you?

The carpet rises and flies DS to stop behind the Slave, to his right.

Audience Slave

It’s behind you! (Looking to his left) Where? (The carpet is now in constant ‘flowing’ motion and responds when required as though it knows what is being said. It now moves back again to his right side). I don’t see it … (Now he sees it). Aah, there you are! … What kept you? You’re just like the one

we had from Allied Carpets … when we didn’t keep the payments up, it vanished! … Can you help me find the Princess for Aladdin? She’s been sent to a strange mysterious place far away … (SFX: Loud discordant chord. The carpet jerks upwards and stops flowing, in disapproval). What’s the matter? Don’t you want to take me? (The carpet shakes from side to side as if to say “No”, then drops to the floor with a crash). Have I offended you? (The Slave pokes at the carpet). Hey, you! Are you alright? … Now what am I going to do? … Help! … Help! … Is there anybody there to help? (The carpet gives a single wriggle, then stops). It could be fan-belt trouble … Let’s see if I can start the carpet anyway. Stand by … (SFX: ‘Twang, Twang’. He pokes at the carpet. It wriggles again). It’s no good, I’ll have to get the magicians out there to help me with their magic. Will you help me, kids? Yes! OK, wave your right arm … NOW! (SFX: ‘Twang’. The carpet begins to ‘flow’ again, and flies once round the stage collecting underneath it at some point a low all-black truck, operated by a crew member in full-body black dress,). Hey, you’ve forgotten me! (The carpet returns to its original position, but twelve inches / thirty centimetres above the stage). Sit! (The carpet drops to

just above the truck and the Slave climbs on and sits down). We’re all ready to go … just show

us the way to Aladdin and the Princess … Fasten your seat belts … SFX: Swishing/swirling effect rising to a crescendo as the music starts

MUSIC #28 – PLAYOFF (‘WE’RE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD’) The carpet, still ‘flowing’ underneath the Slave, flies from side to side, slowly backing US. Blackout. Forest Cloth flies in.

SCENE 5 – IN THE FOREST Enter Aladdin, Widow Twanky, Wishee and the Policeman.

Twanky Aladdin Wishee Policeman

It’s a bit spooky round here. We must keep moving … we have to find the Princess. You find her, I’m going to sit down … I’m whacked. Me too.

They all sit on a bench.

Aladdin

This ring’s getting a bit mucky.

He rubs the ring. Enter the Slave in a sand dance costume.

Slave Twanky Slave Aladdin Twanky Slave Wishee

What? What do you mean, “what”? Somebody’s playing with my ring … It was me. I’ll have a word with you later. What’s the matter with everyone … come on, up you get … let’s dance … Is he some sort of dance-aholic or something?

Snad Dance routine, one minute maximum.

MUSIC #29 – THE SAND DANCE Thanks for that … if you need me, give my ring a rub …

Slave Exit the Slave.

Twanky Wishee Twanky

(To Aladdin) I need a word with you about the company you’re keeping.

Isn’t this spooky … I hope there’s no ghosts around here … Oooh, you’re right … let’s sing a song to scare them away.

MUSIC #30 – ‘IF YOU’RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, CLAP YOUR HANDS’ They prepare themselves during the introduction. The bench is struck by Wishee and the Policeman. Routine : They sing the first verse. The ghost then enters and ‘manifests’ itself first to Aladdin, who on seeing the ghost runs off frightened chased by the ghost, then to the Policeman, who runs off etc, then to Wishee, who runs off etc. On each occasion the others do not see the ghost and continue with the song and actions. Finally Widow Twanky is left alone singing away oblivious to what has happened. The ghost returns to Widow Twanky and finally gets a good look at her face, upon which the ghost runs off frightened.

Twanky

You cheeky monkey …!

MUSIC #31 - PLAYOFF Blackout.

Scene 6 – Abanazar’s Hideaway The Princess is chained up at the back of the stage. The lamp is on the floor.

MUSIC #32 – ‘BAD’ Abanazar sings the Michael Jackson song with the dancers.

Abanazar

Be gone, slaves.

The dancers exit.

Princess Abanazar Princess Abanazar Princess Abanazar Princess Abanazar Princess Abanazar

Princess

Aladdin, Aladdin … Be quiet. Aladdin will save me … (Sarcastically) Of course he will … ALADDIN … You can shout as much as you like, no-one will hear you. Brute! That’s no way to speak to your future husband. Husband! … Do you really think that I would marry you? You have no choice. While I have that lamp, we’ll be king and queen of the universe … Me for better … you for worse … Ha, ha, ha … I command you to forget about that boy Aladdin, and love me. Never … never!

Abanazar begins to approach her. Enter Aladdin carrying two Kendo poles.

Aladdin Abanazar

Stop! You!

The rest of the principals enter, except the Slave and the Genie. Abanazar goes to grab the lamp but Aladdin puts a pole over Abanazar’s hand to stop him and then kicks the lamp away.

Aladdin

Not this time, Abanazar! This time it’s just you and me. No slaves, no genies … just you and me. We’ll see who’s the better man.

Aladdin gives Abanazar a Kendo pole. They fight, with the cast cheering Aladdin on. Aladdin gains the upper hand, but Abanazar manages to trick Aladdin, enabling him to run to the Princess and put his pole across her throat.

Abanazar Policeman Abanazar Policeman Wishee Abanazar Wishee Twanky Aladdin

Now, Aladdin … lay down your weapon or I assure you I’ll break this pretty maiden’s neck without a second thought. (Stepping forward) Excuse me, I’d like a word with you about all this fighting. Get back, and shut your big cakehole. Fair enough. (He steps back). That’s my best friend you’re fighting there … and if you don’t leave him alone, you’ll get what you get from where I come from. Alright, yorkshire-pudding face, try it … come on, try it … No thanks, I don’t live round there any more. The ring, Aladdin … the ring! Of course … (He rubs the ring).

FX: Flash. Enter the Slave.

Slave

Having trouble, are we? (He walks up to Abanazar and pinches his nipples. Abanazar screams and drops the Kendo pole). And another thing …

He puts his hand up into Abanazar’s cape and pulls out a tin with ‘Prince’s Salmon’ written on it which he shows to everyone.

Twanky Slave Aladdin Slave

Abanazar

So it was you who stole the Prince’s salmon! What would you like me to do with this bag of slime, master? I don’t really know. I’ll ask the boys and girls. (He now asks the audience what should be done, picking out suggestions from those shouted out). Now … we have three “kill hims”, five “pull his finger nails out” … (etc etc). What would you like us to do with you, Aberystwyth? Spare me, please … 27

Twanky Abanazar Slave Abanazar

I know … (To the Slave). What with you having magic powers, why don’t you make him into a nice person? Nice … Oh, no … please don’t. I like being horrible … I’ve always been horrible … Listen to my words and take my advice … from now on, Abernasty, you’ll be Abernice … Ooh … I do feel strange … I don’t feel nasty anymore … I feel friendly. Would you excuse me, I must show an old lady across the road … Bye-bye everyone, bye-bye you lovely boys and girls … love you!

Abanazar exits, skipping.

Slave Aladdin

Now, master … are you ready to return to Peking? Yes, of course.

Exit, the Slave.

Twanky Aladdin Wishee Aladdin Policeman All Policeman Princess Aladdin

Before we jump onto the magic carpet, I must say, son … you did a great job. I’m proud of you and I love you very much. I love you too, mum. Well done, mate …I hope you and the Princess are really happy forever. Thanks, Wishee. I need to have a word with you about a parking ticket … Shut up! Sorry … (Moving over to Aladdin) I know I’m going to be happy for the rest of my life … I love you, Aladdin. I love you too, Princess.

Enter, the Slave.

Slave Aladdin

All is prepared, oh master. Please … it hurts me when you call me ‘master’ … no-one should be a slave … I decided that I want you to have this for keeps.

Aladdin hands the Slave the ring.

Slave Aladdin Slave Aladdin Slave Aladdin Slave Aladdin Slave

The ring …! After you have got us safely back home, then no more shall you be a slave … from then on, you will be you! Thanks, Aladdin … and will I be free from then on? Yes you will … and all you have to do is to rub the ring, make a wish and your wishes will come true. Wow … my first wish will be to act in the (local area) pantomime! Maybe one day, my friend, maybe one day … Well … Goodbye, and thank you … I’ll always be there for you, Aladdin … let’s keep in touch … I’ll e-mail you! OK, my address is … alad-dot-in-dot at twanky’s-backslash-chinese-dash-laundry dot-peking-dot-com (Spoken quickly) … alad-dot-in-dot at twanky’s-backslash-chinese-dash-laundry dot-peking-dot-com … got it!

MUSIC #33 – ‘PANTOMIME TONIGHT’ Twanky

Come on … let’s get going … we’re going to be late for the wedding!

Blackout. Exit all except Wishee.

MUSIC #34 - PLAYOUT

Scene 7 – The Song Sheet Wishee teaches the audience the wordS; they all sing together; Wishee can’t hear them; gets them to sing louder etc. Depending then on the time available, and their inclination to participate, the audience can then be split into left/right, boys/girls, stalls/balcony, kids/grown-ups etc in any combination to see which group can sing the loudest.

MUSIC #35 – THE SONG SHEET Wishee

I almost forgot … I’ve got to get ready for the wedding! See you later! Bye …

Exit Wishee. Blackout.

Scene 8 – The Finale (Wedding Walkdown) MUSIC #36 – THE BIG ENDING Lights up on a magnificent golden palace. An arch USC leads out onto as many steps down to the stage floor level that are practicable. The cast enter in turn through the arch for their walkdown and curtain calls. All principals should have changed into their ‘wedding’ outfits, with that of Widow Twanky being completely over the top. Aladdin and the Princess enter last, wearing appropriate bride and groom costumes. The crew, ushers and band are thanked. Slow fade to black.

THE END