yo’ Mama” And other important Southern ways To express Yourself

It is true that Southerners have a language of their own. Some expressions just don’t carry weight unless they are said with a southern accent. Here’s a collection for those from up north to practice on as they assimilate into the southern way of life.

“That possum’s on the stump!” (Translation: That’s as good as it gets!)

“His heart is a thumpin’ gizzard.” (Translation: He’s cold-hearted and cruel.)

When Southerners are upset:

He’s got a burr in his saddle. His knickers are in a knot. She’s pitching a hissy fit.

When Southerners don’t think much of somebody:

You’re lower than a snake’s belly in a wagon rut. Why, that egg-suckin’ dawg! Worthless as gum on a boot heel!

When Southerners are busy:

I’ve been running all over hell’s half acre.

I’m as busy as a one-legged cat in a sandbox.

Busier than a moth in a mitten!

About being broke or poor: He was so poor, he had a tumbleweed as a pet.

I’m so poor I couldn’t jump over a nickel to save a dime. Too poor to paint. Too proud to whitewash.

About Laziness:

He’s about as useful as a steering wheel on a mule. About as useful as rubber lips on a woodpecker.

He’s about as useless as a screen door on a submarine /a trapdoor on a canoe.

About Liars:

That dog won’t hunt. You’re lyin’ like a no-legged dog! You’d call an alligator a lizard.

About stupidity:

If that boy had an idea, it would die of loneliness. The porch light’s on, but no one’s home. If his brains were dynamite, he couldn’t blow his nose. I was born at night, but not last night! (I’m not that stupid!)

If you hear these southern expressions, you better watch out! Keep it up and I’ll cancel your birth certificate. I am going to jerk a knot in your tail.

I’ll knock you into the middle of next week.

Southern expressions for speed (fast or slow):

Faster than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking competition. Faster than a hot knife through butter.

Slower than a Sunday afternoon.

About being surprised:

Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit. Well, slap my head and call me silly!

And lastly:

“Bless your heart” is sort of an all-purpose expression. It can be used to mean anything from, “you sweet thing” to “you’re an idiot.”

It is just one of those sayings that you have to hear in context to understand what meaning is intended.

“St. Marys Magazine” makes a great travel companion. We’d like to know where you’re taking us. To become one of our media darlings, simply have your photo taken in a distinguishable location, holding a copy of the magazine, and email the photo with names and location to info@stmarysmagazine.com.

By Skip Harris

Here in St. Marys, we are blessed with some of the most beautiful boating waters anywhere in the world. The nearby waterways abound with fish and wildlife galore and offer up magnificent vistas. While it’s great to take this all in from the shore or from one of our public docks, the absolute best way is by taking a boat tour. From this vantage point, it’s common to see a school of dolphins frolicking in the sound, an osprey devouring its morning meal atop a piling, and even a small herd of horses grazing at the edge of the marshes on Cumberland Island. The view of Fort Clinch from the mouth of the St. Marys River takes you back to a time when it guarded the entrance to Fernandina and St. Marys harbours. You can almost feel the fear it struck in enemy sailors aboard wooden ships.

Sounds good right? But you don’t have a boat you say? Not a problem. St. Mary’s continued ...

also happens to be blessed with one of the best, most knowledgeable and interesting captains who charters his classic Grand Banks 50-foot yacht on a three-hour tour of our water realm or on longer tours custom-designed especially for his guests.

Spending a few hours with Captain Keegan Federal aboard the Mary Virginia is an experience few could imagine. Keegan is an accomplished attorney, Superior Court judge, airplane pilot, Vietnam veteran, and, of course, a licensed boat captain. His local knowledge of the coastal waters from South Carolina through Georgia to northern Florida and beyond is impressive. His wife, Rebecca, is often aboard and uses her culinary skills to serve guests gourmet hors d’oeurves and delicious meals. Keegan and Rebecca also own the historic Federal Quarters, the oldest private home in downtown St. Marys and the home where Aaron Burr escaped to after he shot Alexander Hamilton. (Burr went to the same law school as the home’s original owner—Archibald Clark.) The Federals operate the residence as a short-term vacation rental, and many of their boat charter guests often start out as overnight guests at the Federal Quarters.

The Mary Virginia (named for Keegan’s beloved mother) is in a class by itself. The Grand Banks is widely revered as one of the most classic private yachts ever continued built. It features two staterooms with ensuite baths, a downstairs galley, and a beautiful main salon, all air-conditioned. Up top is seating for six guests on the flybridge with a commanding view of sparkling waters and verdant landscapes that make the low country such a magnet for visitors.

It’s an incredible experience to spend a few hours with Captain Keegan as he regales you with tales from a life well lived. Celebrities, statesmen, and acclaimed names that you would recognize have had the privilege of experiencing an outing on the Mary Virginia. And I, personally, have had the good fortune of being present on several of her coastal journeys, including trips northward to St. Simons and an overnight to Hilton Head, and Jacksonville and St. Augustine to the south, so I can attest to the happy memories for guests that are made aboard this amazing little ship.

For an economy trip to Cumberland Island, the Cumberland Island Ferry is wonderful fun, but for an exclusive adventure in an intimate setting exploring the beauty of our low country waterways with just your family and friends, on your own schedule and in complete comfort, you might consider booking a luxurious private cruise aboard the Mary Virginia.

For more information, visit www.TheFederalBoat. com, or call 912-319-5505.

By Barbara Ryan Harris

She’s a sweet little fishing village steeped in history, awaiting exploration about an hour north of St. Marys.

A jewel in the crown of the Georgia Coast, Darien is embraced by swaths of saltwater marsh that cascade into the Altamaha Sound. Majestic oaks festooned with Spanish Moss depict the real Old South as you tour the waterfront downtown. Best done by foot, you can pick up a walking map at the Darien-McIntosh County Visitor Center just off I-95.

The waterfront is dotted with tabby ruins— Coastal Georgia’s age-old construction material continued ...

comprised of lime, oyster shells and water. You’ll find at least two dozen points of interest each marked with a plaque including the 1820 St. Andrews Episcopal Church, the First African Baptist Church, the Old City Cemetery, and the Grant House—the only residence to survive the 1863 destruction by Federal Troops during the Civil War. A must-visit stop is the Sugar Marsh Cottage, a charming retail shop in a circa 1935 historic home. The beautiful waterfront park is the perfect setting for a romantic stroll, a picnic, or just to watch the many shrimp boats come in. In you’re fortunate enough to be visiting Darien in the springtime, you can immerse yourself in the traditional Blessing of the Fleet that’s known far and wide.

Other experiences not to be missed include a boat tour with Georgia Tidewater Outfitters where you’ll explore the Altamaha Delta on a nature or wine tour, and the Geechee Gullah Ring Shouters on Sapelo Island.

For a moving and poignant experience that will leave you in tears, visit The Weeping Times at Butler Island. Butler Island, the historic Fort King George (established

Overnighters enjoy staying at Oaks on the River, Dockside Inn, Darien Waterfront Inn, or Open Gates B&B—all welcoming venues with open arms’ hospitality and warm and friendly hosts.

From rice plantations to an historic fort and lighthouse, to a waterfront downtown that pulls you into yesteryear, Darien stands as the quintessential southern small town just waiting to be discovered, explored, and remembered forever.

For more information, visit DiscoverDarien.com.

Whoooooo will find the Owls of Osborne?

Just follow the clues...

While enjoying our beautiful downtown keep an eye out for these bronze owls designed by local artist Walter Palmer. Inspired by the history of Downtown St. Marys, the Owls are a result of a public art program collaboration between St. Marys Mainstreet and Rustapalooza.

St. Marys is a place where history walks around each corner and city block. I watch from above, near the dearly departed, right where you finish just as you started.

Seven seats and many doors. The people's place and so much more. It's the heart and it's a hall. Tomorrow is shaped by us all.

01 02 03 04 05

Shrimp boats and pirates, A Navy's great fleet - I've seen them pass at the end of the street.

Starry Nights and sun-filled days, I wait by the river where the music plays.

A pillar of society, A belle of the ball, I perch above main street watching you all.

Families and friends share meals 'neath my wings in this beautiful place where the fountain sings. 06

You hear a lot about clambakes and “clamming” relating to the New England states, but not many people know that Coastal Georgia boasts a rich resource of these delectable shellfish.

In the waters of Sapelo Sound a little over an hour north of St. Marys, Charlie Phillips runs a thriving clam farm that produces millions of clams yearly. Founded in 1997, Charlie’s operation is the oldest clam farm in Georgia and one of the most prolific clam resources in the Southeast.

Clam farming is a relatively new practice, with the first large-scale commercial operations being established in the early 21st century.

Charlie said that Sapelo Sea Farms’ genesis of clam farming came about when the shrimping started getting scarce. The University of Georgia helped him get into continued the business. He continues to work with UGA along with the Department of Natural Resources on other shellfish aquaculture species.

As a teenager, he worked his daddy’s shrimp boats and then began captaining the boats while in college.

“The Georgia Coastal waters are ideal for raising clams,” he said. “We have some of the largest tides on the East Coast, averaging seven feet, which helps filter and clean the water resulting in sweet, succulent clams.”

Georgia’s Coastal Resources Division routinely monitors water quality conditions along the coast to ensure that waters meet classifications for harvest as prescribed in the National Shellfish Sanitation Program (NSSP). Guidelines of the NSSP ensure that waters are routinely tested and classified to prohibit the taking of shellfish for human food purposes from any areas not classified as “approved” and to deal with emergency closures related to extreme weather events.

Charlie said that the only time his clamming business has been affected by water conditions was during and after a hurricane or tropical storm.

Charlie explained how the clamming process goes: “Clam farming starts out at a hatchery that specializes in the spawning and care of young shellfish through the fragile larval phases,” he said.

When Charlie purchases the seeds from the hatchery, continued ...