Dating outside your race
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hey say love is blind -- but is it really? A plethora of people say that they won’t date this and they won’t date that. Good, you know what you like and dislike. But when it comes down to a guy or girl unwilling to date a certain race, that is usually where the the anvil of disappointment drops and a barrage of “but it’s not my fault I’m...” rebuttals form in people’s minds. Interracial dating is a controversial and touchy subject, but it has increasing popularity here in this melting pot of a nation we call America. For Samantha Cato, a half-Korean and half-African American sophomore studying linguistics, interracial dating made it possible for her to be here today. Her father is black and her mother is Korean. Samantha began to notice recurring stereotypes concerning her parents’ differing races. “I guess some of the stereotypes that came with it was that black women were jealous that my father went out with my mom,” she says. “It’s like sometimes, they say that good black men go out and date other races.” Some, like Monique Bautista, a Filipino student studying nursing, are still struggling to date out of their ethnic circle. Monique says she once dated an African American and was immediately barricaded with questions asking why she chose him. “My friends were shocked,” Monique says. “My parents took it even harder, especially my mother. She said she was disappointed. “While we lived in New York, she was mugged three times by black men,” she says. “It’s more of a traumatic experience for her than a question of race.” While Samantha and Monique have open views of interracial dating, Nina Coloso, a Filipino freshman studying nutritional sciences, does not. “I can’t see myself with another race. Most of the time, the other cultures can’t relate,” she says. “My parents expect perfection in everything -- grades, looks. There are a lot of different social pressures to deal with. Most cultures don’t believe in everything being perfect.” Nina does have an exception, though. “If I did date another race, they’d have to be really open-minded,” she says. She remembers her 18th birthday, a time when she had been interested in Japanese and Korean culture. “My parents called me ‘anti-Filipino,’” she laughs. “For me, even dating a different nationality could pose a
cultural problem.” In the long-run, Nina said that she would date any Asian (so long as he is not Filipino). This rings true for Raye Ng, who is a Filipino sophomore studying microbiology. “I have been with my own race, as well as with Hispanic, German and currently with (an) All-American,” she says. However, the chances she took with dating interracially did not come without a social burden. “Some of the older [Asian] people look down on me for delving into other races,” Raye says. “Especially because it has been varied, they often look at it as being ‘loose’ or unorthodox.” But Raye says she does not let those pressures hold her back at all. She is confident that she is doing the right thing. “In the very beginning, I definitely preferred someone to be Filipino or Asian, because I just felt like things would be easier and we would all have very similar values that we grew up with,” Raye says. “But after being with a Filipino, I learned that limitation is dumb. I learned a lot of things that I otherwise may not have learned if I just kept being with a guy in the same race as I am.” Eric Villa*, a Filipino student, has been through the ins and outs of interracial dating and has not found the subject of race to be a source of a problem. He says he has dated girls of many races -- one who was Filipino, whom he had his longest relationship with, three of them Chinese, one Jamaican and one Guyanese. When it came to his parents, he says his father was happy that he was happy, but his mother was a different story. “She would always ask, ‘Why her? You can find such a nice pretty Filipino girl going into medicine,’” he laughs. “From my experience, I would say it honestly didn’t matter to me. If I had to choose, though, I would probably want to date outside my community. That way, I would avoid my mom choosing the ‘perfect Filipino bride,’ and I would have that sense of independence from being ‘selectively Asian.’” And for Samantha, love conquers all. “Personally, I would date outside my race,” says Samantha. “I think when it comes to dating, it shouldn’t matter what race the person is. You’re dating the person for who they are, not what they are.” jonathanchandler *Real name has been changed at request of source
issue 02
out of
29