Spark-March 2011 Issue by Spark Editor

d o o

h n a

t e

t u ib

r T

W o m

isd

05 March 2011

Spark—March 2011: The Team

Dear Reader, This month we pay a tribute to womanhood. A woman has many facets—she is bold, compassionate, fickle, moody, patient, confused and brave.

Contributors: Anupama Krishnakumar Jeevanjyoti Chakraborty P.R.Viswanathan Ramkumar Mohan Ramya Shankar Sandhya Ramachandran Shreya Ramachandran Sri Vani Viswanathan Vivekananth Gurumoorthy Voices of the Month:

The March issue of Spark is a celebration of these facets. Not just that, we also celebrate the spirit of the achieving woman— through our special feature of the month—’Yes we can! – Women who Inspire’. Don’t miss our interviews with Shaheen Mistri, CEO, Teach For India, Mallika Dutt, CEO, Breakthrough, Urvashi Butalia, Director, Zubaan Books and Indian Homemaker, popular blogger. And, what’s an issue on women without the men’s perspective? We have that too. :) So, get going and catch all the action in the issue.

Indian Homemaker

Do send us your valuable comments at feedback@sparkthemagazine.com

Mallika Dutt

We will see you again next month!

Shaheen Mistri Urvashi Butalia Concept, Editing, Design:

Cheers, Spark Editorial Team

Anupama Krishnakumar Vani Viswanathan

Coverpage Art: Sandhya Ramachandran

TABLE OF CONTENTS S PA R K — M A R C H 2 0 1 1 : A T R I B U T E T O W O M A N H O O D

Eva : Introduction by Ramya Shankar

Monologues: Fiction by Vani Viswanathan

‘Yes we can! - Women who Inspire’ - Special Feature

Fighting Educational Inequity : Interview with Shaheen Mistri

The Joys of Motherhood : Photography by Sri

When Women Become Girls : Non-fiction by Jeevanjyoti Chakraborty

Bringing Human Rights Home: Interview with Mallika Dutt

Motherhood : Poetry by Anupama Krishnakumar

To Amma : Non-fiction by Ramkumar Mohan

Giving Voice to Women : Interview with Urvashi Butalia

We the Women : Poetry by Shreya Ramachandran

Only a Homemaker? : Non-fiction by P.R.Viswanathan

She : Photography by Vivekananth Gurumoorthy

Discussing Issues Concerning Women : Interview with Indian Homemaker 43

Eva By Ramya Shankar Picture by Tonythemisfit

I love. I repulse. I fantasize. I generate. I laugh. I sob. I wish. I giggle. I bitch. I blush. I command. I endure. I prevail. I cuss. I pray. I believe. I fuss. I ponder. I brood. I am the optimist. I am the pragmatist. I am the whiner. I am the source. I am the culmination. I break barriers. I girdle emotions. I am a muse. I am an inspiration. I am beauty. I am the fashionista. I am each of you! I am the truth. I am Woman!

MONOLOGUES F I C T I O N B Y VA N I V I S WA N AT H A N

A woman is many things: understanding, frivolous, balanced, caring, confused, patient, brave. These five little monologues by Vani Viswanathan, capture the different facets of being a woman.

#1 He simply doesn’t understand. ‘Didn’t expect this of you,’ he says, throwing his hands up in the air. ‘You’re a confident, independent woman, and you can’t speak to your parents about us?’ I shake my head sadly. He is enraged. ‘Why did we even do this then? You think I’m a fool?’ No, my mind answers. I always knew my parents will never agree. I knew it would come here, and I tried my best not to get involved, but I couldn’t cheat any more: I really liked you, and so I gave in. Of course you don’t understand. You swear and walk away from my life.

#2 ‘In those days,’ said Mr. Krishnaswamy, relishing his coffee with a slurp, ‘there wasn’t as much resentment among women about their roles as there is today. But they knew what a key role they played in a household: everything revolved around the woman. Take me, for instance; all I did was work and bring money home. My wife managed the little money we had efficiently, brought up the six children, and most importantly, was my biggest source of strength. True as it were to women of her generation, she never questioned my decisions, but adjusted herself accordingly, be it the endless moves we made from one town to another, or the couple of times I quit my job to try my hand at something else. Without her silent support, I would nowhere be the contented retired man and father of six successful children that I am today. I’m glad that these days women do anything that men can, but as we fight to get equality, aren’t we forgetting what women are best at - nurturing? Would my children have grown up the same way if I had stayed at home to take care of them? I sometimes wonder why women don’t realize that when they are staying at home, men are paying them the biggest tribute they can to any human: they entrust their progeny in them. Kalyani, the coffee is excellent!’ he added distractedly. 5

Picture by Debashis Nayak

#3 Aarthi hated the frequency with which tears flowed these days. She took a tissue and blew her nose, and the baby stirred in his sleep. She looked at the boy. Would he look obviously Mongolian? She had had a friend whose sister was a Down’s Syndrome child, and Aarthi remembered that this girl’s speech had been slurred, she used to wear thick glasses, she was flat footed; and she needed help dressing up, her friend had told her. Aarthi was fraught with terror. Why had she brought this child into this unforgiving world, where he would only suffer? She closed her eyes and the tears streamed down her cheeks, and into the corners of her lips. The saltiness shook her awake. What was Aarthi thinking! He was still her child, a living being, with a unique body, DNA and his own personality, his own idiosyncrasies. She had cared for him for nine months within, and of course she would continue doing the same while she lived, and, she added straightening herself up, for as long as he lived.

#4 Janu didn’t have the usual enthusiasm in her voice. ‘Is everything all right, my dear?’ ‘Yeah, Ma, I guess so…’ So she didn’t want to talk about it. ‘What did you cook for dinner tonight? I made fried vazhakkai, your favourite…’ ‘I’ve been invited for interviews from the university, Ma, but he doesn’t want me to go.’ ‘But why not?! He did say when you left for the U.S that he had no issues with your studying further, and you’ve been talking about it for ages now…’ ‘I don’t know, now he says it’s too expensive. I said I can pay for it by being a teaching assistant but he doesn’t quite like the idea. And he wants to know what exactly I’m going to achieve studying further in History… it’s insulting, Ma. ’ her voice drifted off, and I swallowed back tears hearing the disappointment ridden in every tone. ‘Adjust, my dear, things will not be rosy all the time…’ ‘I know,’ she cut me short. After a moment’s pause, she asked, ‘How did you not see this coming when you thought he was the perfect match for me?’

Picture by Prashant Poladia 6

#5 Vivek felt somewhat awkward waiting at the station with a bouquet in hand. He wasn’t alone, though. In the 20 minutes he’d been waiting, he’d seen hundreds of girls clutching little teddy bears, flowers, balloons, and similar cutesy items that made him sick. Why, right next to him, till about a minute back, a man in crisp formals was standing uncomfortably holding a bouquet with a huge teddy bear stuck to it. Vivek felt some unspoken kind of solidarity with this man until his girlfriend came along and promptly handed over her purse to him which he took with immaculate manliness.

He had no idea how Sandya would react – it was his first Valentine’s Day with her and he wasn’t sure which way to go, for she was a tough woman – she had made the first move, she was the boss of their relationship, and was extremely no-nonsense. He was sure he’d made the right move by removing the teddy bear that had come with the bouquet and stuffing it into his bag. And just then, Sandya saw him from afar and waved. He put on his best smile and presented her the bouquet as she came close. She gave him a nonplussed look – almost as if wondering how on earth he could have thought she’d like flowers – and after a moment’s pause, threw her arms around his neck and planted a kiss on his cheek. ‘Lilies are my favourite! How did you know?’ Vivek breathed deeply. Girls are weird. Unpredictable, and in some comforting way, predictable too.

Picture by Prashant Poladia 7

Yes we can! - Women who Inspire Special Feature Introduction and Interviews by Anupama Krishnakumar and Vani Viswananthan

India is one of the few countries where womanhood is extremely intriguing : do we respect our women or do we subjugate them? Our religious texts extol them, and yet slot them into defined, confined roles. Extreme importance is placed on the ‘honour’ of a man, so much so that rape and domestic violence are means of showing power play between males and females. The country’s ancient greatness, rich diversity and recent modern advancements seem to have had only mild effect on half of the country’s population. Inspite of that, it is heartening to see women making their mark in various fields, some excelling really well in their chosen area. Among them, we really are proud of those who drive change through their work. These are ladies who stand testimony to the fact that women can do well to bring about change, notably in the lives of fellow humans. It’s their vision, their actions and ultimately the spirit of achievement that Spark salutes. Ladies and gentlemen, we are proud to present four wonderful women who, through their initiatives, are striving hard to start conversations, influence mindsets and drive change in diverse and significant areas including education, human rights, feminist publishing and blogging.

We speak to Shaheen Mistri, CEO of Teach For India, a nationwide movement that aims to end educational inequity in India. As an 18-year old, Shaheen Mistri walked into a slum in Mumbai and began teaching. She then went on to set up Akanksha Foundation, an NGO that works primarily in the field of education. Today, she is the CEO of Teach For India (TFI). In her interview to Spark, Shaheen Mistri talks about her personal journey with Akanksha and TFI, her views on the Indian education system and the relevance of social entrepreneurship in today’s world. Meet Mallika Dutt, CEO of Breakthrough, a human rights organization in India and the U.S. promoting human dignity, gender-based equality and justice through the use of pop culture and grassroots-level education. In her interview to Spark, Mallika Dutt talks about her journey with Breakthrough and one of their most successful campaigns, the Bell Bajao campaign. We are pleased to present an interview with Urvashi Butalia, Director of Zubaan Books. In 1984, Urvashi Butalia co-founded India’s first feminist publishing house, Kali for Women and then went on to establish Zubaan Books in 2003. In her interview to Spark, she talks about her journey with Kali for Women, about Zubaan and about feminist literature and publishing in India. Last but not the least, we catch up with Indian Homemaker, who is the author of the popular blog – The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker. Indian Homemaker’s posts tread heavily on societal issues specially concerning women, such as violence against women, intolerance, against the use of tradition, culture and religion “to justify anything that common sense might refuse to accept”. In her interview to Spark, she speaks on issues that she deals with on her blog, her views on feminism in India and the state of women in urban India today. Each of these interviews showed to us the confidence that brims in all these women and revealed the intelligence that sparkles in each of them. We sincerely hope this is just a start for better times to come! Find the interviews spread over the pages of this issue. Don’t miss any of them!

Fighting Educational Inequity SHAHEEN MISTRI An Interview with Shaheen Mistri, CEO, Teach for India By Anupama Krishnakumar Shaheen Mistri is the Chief Executive Officer of Teach For India, a nationwide movement that aims to end education inequity in India. She is also the founder of the Akanksha Foundation, a non-profit organization with a mission to impact the lives of less privileged children, enabling them to maximise their potential and change their lives. Akanksha works primarily in the field of education, addressing non formal education through the Akanksha centre model and also formal education by initiating school reform. Over the past 19 years, the organization has expanded from 15 children in one centre to over 3,500 children across Mumbai and Pune. Mistri is an Ashoka Fellow (2001), a Global Leader for Tomorrow at the World Economic Forum (2002), an Asia Society 21 Leader (2006) and serves on the boards of Ummeed, The Thermax Social Initiatives Foundation and is an advisor to the Latika Roy Foundation. Mistri has been working on the idea of Teach For India from 2007, and serves as its founding CEO and one of its founding Board Members. Picture Courtesy : Shaheen Mistri 10

As an 18-year-old, Shaheen Mistri walked into a slum in Mumbai and began teaching. She then went on to set up Akanksha Foundation, an NGO that works primarily in the field of education. Today, she is the CEO of Teach For India, a nationwide movement that aims to end education inequity in India. In an interview to Spark, Shaheen Mistri talks about her personal journey with Akanksha and Teach for India (TFI), her views on the Indian education system and the relevance of social entrepreneurship in today’s world. Excerpts from her interview to Anupama Krishnakumar.

I understand that your journey to counter education inequity began with Akanksha. What was it that really prompted you to start Akanksha Foundation and seriously take up the cause of ending education inequity in India? I started Akanksha when I was 18 and in fact, didn’t start with the thought that it would become an organization. I had just moved back to India then. I had walked into a slum and started teaching. So it just started as a small college project and it slowly grew out of that. On the first day, there was a girl called Sandhya who I met in the community that I went in. She was my age but from a really different world compared to mine. My interactions with her, including the fact that I used her house as the base in the beginning to start teaching, became one of the main reasons why I started the work that I did.

The journey with Akanksha I am sure wouldn't have been without challenges. What were some of the stumbling blocks you faced and how did you overcome them? I think the biggest stumbling block has been in really understanding what it takes to bring about change in a child. It’s something I have been asking over and over the years. How do you really change a child’s life path and what do we really need to teach them to do? I think it’s just a constant process of working, learning from the kids and reworking the program. The other challenges were of course, of raising money, bringing up an organization, finding the right people and reaching kids. Finding spaces and getting people to give the space for us to teach was also a challenge for our concept.

Teach For India is, I believe, a sort of continuation of the initiative that you started many years back. Tell us about how TFI came about. What made you think you should start a movement like this? TFI came about because I felt that there is a leadership gap in solving the inequity in education in our country; I felt that we had to create a next generation of leaders who are both skilled and are interested in solving the problem of educational inequity. So, the idea behind TFI was to see if we could just step back and create thousands of young leaders who are some of the best and the brightest people in our country, who will spend two years teaching in classrooms and then go on to form a powerful alumni force who will work up for education from within education as well as from outside education.

I am sure you would have interacted/ would be interacting personally with children at Akanksha and TFI schools. What do the children tell you? Have there been any incidents when what they have shared with you has moved you or made you feel that all that you have done is worth it? There is no way I can possibly pick one or two or even ten examples because that’s really the reason that I continue to be inspired by what I do every day – there’s the constant change that I see in the kids – changes in their aspiration levels, how they think about what they can do with their lives, changes in their achievement levels, what they are actually able to do with their lives, changes in their value systems, the things that they are willing to stand up for and fight for. It’s just so many millions of these little changes.

Looking back, what are some of the important lessons you have learnt from your journey thus far? I think I have learnt that it is important to have a lot of belief that you can achieve a seemingly impossible mission, belief in the people that you work with, belief in the children and the belief that no matter how many times they stand up and fall, they are going to get there if you work hard enough; a belief in just hard work and the fact that there really are no shortcuts in this work and it is just all about consistent hard work and sticking it out over time.

What are your views about the education system in India today? The government has done a very good job in providing access to education to the children. Many kids have access to a school. That’s the positive. I think where we are way behind is on what actually happens in the schools –or the quality of education. That inequity is a huge problem in our country. Further, one of our biggest problems is the drop outs. Many of the children don’t even complete class ten, which is just a shame.

What's the sort of impact that you think TFI will bring about to the Indian education scenario? TFI will hopefully do many things. One is that it can really bring about a change in mind set; that teaching is a respectable profession and it should be something aspirational; that kids irrespective of the background can really learn to high levels. The second point is that TFI can prove to people that what is today seen as not possible is indeed possible; which is about taking kids out from the poorest backgrounds and teaching them at the same level as children in the best private schools. I think TFI will show that over time. The third point is that TFI will create the next generation of leaders who will work with sectors – in politics, in business, in education and social work. It will really show that to solve the problem of educational inequity, all the people from these different sectors should work together; I think you will see TFI having leaders across all these different sectors.

Talking again of the road ahead, what do you feel are the significant challenges that TFI faces as you move forward? It’s many of the same challenges that Akanksha faces as well, including tracking what is the transformation of teaching, training and supporting our fellows to be successful, raising the money to be able to scale this across the country and keeping the quality high.

Both Akanksha and TFI are really commendable steps and efforts in the right direction. That said, it would also be interesting to know your views on the relevance of social entrepreneurship in today's world. What do you think social entrepreneurs should aim to achieve? I think social entrepreneurship has become too much of a buzz word today. Social entrepreneurship makes sense when there is a gap, which is not currently being filled. I think today everyone wants to be a social entrepreneur, which is actually worrying because the thought of starting something new seems exciting to many. I think social entrepreneurship becomes truly valuable when it meets a gap. Where it doesn’t, it makes sense for a young person to join someone already doing something 13

similar as what we need is perhaps not a million small individual efforts but people working together.

You as a person and the work that you have done are an inspiration for many women including me. Tell us about the women who have inspired you. I think it’s so many of them. Both my mother and my grandmother have been big inspiration to me. The many, many teachers who have worked with us over the years, some of them who have who have absolutely turned around children’s lives – they have been an inspiration too. The third would be my own two daughters – they have really taught me as to what it means to be a child and what it really takes to bring about change in a child’s life.

And finally, we would be really happy to share any message that you would like to convey to our readers. Try to find out what your passion is, just do it, and stick with it for time. I think we get so caught up in being led by what other people think we should do that we stop listening to our own inner voice. So find out what you believe will be your significant contribution to the world and to yourself is and then just go for it! Teach For India website Teach for India on Facebook The Akanksha Foundation on Facebook

The Joys of Motherhood Photography by Chicago Maternity Photographer Sri

Expecting..Joyfullyâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;the arrival of the little bundle of joy!

The joy of being a motherâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;picture perfect!

Chicago Maternity Photographer Sriâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s website

When Women Become Girls Non-fiction by Jeevanjyoti Chakraborty Women mature faster than men and suddenly, these women become girls, who the boys die to impress with their gentlemanliness. Here’s an interesting take on what happens when women indeed ‘grow back’ to girls. Jeevanjyoti Chakraborty entertains with his thoughts and words. 17

Picture by quirky bird

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not here to write about women, and certainly not about girls. Alright, maybe a little. But, this piece is about boys and a little about men; however it is mostly about ... well, I am getting a little ahead of myself.

dignified grey streaks, battle-hardened wrinkles, double-chins and golden-rimmed glassy badges of honour. She is the mother, the granny and, of course, the wannabe granny. She has given life. She has seen life. She has fought well. And, after being through it all, has managed to emerge not entirely unscathed perhaps, but then, not without her trophies of glory either. It is now that she tells herself that she deserves a bit of life – the good life, in her own terms. And it is then that out comes the girl, giggling, joking, curious and cautiously carefree. It’s her playtime.

Men spend a big part of their life being boys. Some even stay that way. Always. Girls, on the other hand, grow up faster. I am not talking about the “faster” kind taught in biology textbooks but, “faster”, as in maturing up there – inside the head; in the tint of the glasses through which they look at others, at books, at movies, at love, at flowers, at weddings, at families – not necessarily in that order though; the way they look at suffering, at compassion, at most other stuff, generally the world at large. And, then, suddenly, with boys still playing and prancing about - blissfully unaware of the changes occurring among the better half of their generation - the girls graduate into womanhood.

And here is the second mode. She is the girl that had grown into womanhood perhaps a little too soon. She never quite was the adolescent. Blame it on career-making. Blame it on ambition. Blame it on responsibility. But, the real girl, subservient to the diktats of the would-be-woman, never stood a chance. She got tucked away... A period of tumult passed... The ship having finished coursing through the troubled waters finally hits cruise mode. And it is then that the girl gingerly emerges. Breathes in the fresh, relaxed air. Stretches and finally, with the pent-up energy of a life not lived, unleashes herself upon the world. She is that girl.

So, what’s new? I don’t know if you have noticed this but there is something amiss about this whole graduation business. Girls become women alright. Mature. All big-sisterly. Some motherly. Some teacherly. Some become “aunties”. Some even mothers. The curious thing, however, is that these grown up girls – women – don’t seem to stay that way. I have had this subliminal feeling for sometime now although I never could point a finger on it. Until one day, while introducing my mother, out came the liminal with a stylish flourish into the very limelight of the glorious spoken word – “And, here is my mother, she is also my kid sister”. Curious glances all around, a sparkle in mom’s eyes... but those words surprised none greater than me. Here was an epiphany. Women tend to grow back into girls.

There are, of course, deviant varieties to both these modes. Trying to cling on, unnaturally, to a past with props and shades while the heart harbours no real youth, - they are best described as girly women (calling them girls would be an insult to the beautiful word). Elsewhere others dab themselves with copious sprays of “girlishness” in order to strategically exude the expected virtues of energy and enthusiasm that are officially (and curiously enough) mandated as unquestionable prerogatives of the girl but not the woman. Deviant or not, these neo-girls bid farewell to their womanhood.

Now, there are two modes of this neo-girl-hood. First is the girl emerging from behind those 18

Remember, what I told you in the beginning about this piece not being about women or girls and so on. Who was I kidding? Even if this piece is about boys and men and... it still had to be women and girls, girls and women all the way. It always is. But finally, with due permission, on to the real subject. Let me reiterate that boys mostly get left behind by the real girls of their own age group in the race to adulthood so that in mental maturity, they can, at best, equal only the girls who were born after them. But, that’s got to hurt the ego in the daily scheme of things. At the same time, ambitions of chivalry are so incorrigibly hard-coded into the genetic instincts of boys that they are rabid hunters of opportunities to go all mighty gentlemanly. In this situation, it is the neo-girls – older women who grow back into girls – who present wondrous opportunities to the wannabe knights. The advanced age guarantees an egoboosting mature platform; at the same time, the girl illusion presents a mirage-like image of a damsel. Distress calls being more frequent from neo-girls than real damsels, it is a win-win situation. The boys, ever so vigilant after the rude jolt – through the realization of having been left behind - from the reverie of an extended adolescence, clamour to rescue. It feels great to help, find and fix things for little girls. But, it feels greater to hold the chair for the woman-girl. To fetch stuff, to reach for the upper cupboard, and to carry out, on her behalf, the barking orders of the unpleasant boss. Mothers and aunts, strangely shorn of the ferocity that marked early years, flounder around like lost girls – oh what joy, what chivalry to hold them and walk them through, to be the “man of the house” (even as the real men watch on in amusement!).

Picture by Courtney Bolton

There is another dimension to the neo-girl – boy relationship. The real girls (corresponding to the agegroup of the boys, that is) being very busy with reality, are “difficult”, “demanding”, and too real for comfort in matters of the heart. With due apology to those boys who are not self-serving-pig-headedlying pricks - for most boys it is a perfect world if the heart can somehow be set aside in matters of the heart. Such opportunities are presented in ample measure by the neo-girls (mostly the deviant variety) who are ever so ready to lap up the doting “affections” of the racy colts. These boys take it upon themselves to be the “men” for these neo-girls. Unless the self-serving-pig-headed-lying prick also happens to be an inveterate fool, no one gets hurt in this situation. The girls get the boys, and the boys get to play at becoming men. So, all in all, when women become girls, boys pretend to be men, genre notwithstanding. Some boys actually grow up in the process. Pretence transmogrifies into Reality and boys become men. And then they stay that way. The doting care stops thereafter. But, neo-girls needn’t worry – fresh boys will always keep coming... and they will always continue to outnumber the real men. 20

Picture by Mindsay Mohan

Bringing human rights home MALLIKA DUTT An Interview with Mallika Dutt, CEO, Breakthrough By Vani Viswanathan

Mallika Dutt is President and CEO of Breakthrough, a human rights organization in India and the U.S. promoting human dignity, gender-based equality and jus-tice through the use of pop culture and grassroots-level education. A lawyer by training, Mallika is a member of the NY State Bar and has served on several boards and committees, including the Human Rights Watch Women's Rights Project and Asia Watch, Committee on Sex and Law - the Association of the Bar of the City of New York, and the US NGO Coordinating Committee for the UN World Conference Against Racism. In addition to founding Breakthrough, Mallika also founded Sakhi for South Asian Women, an organization based in New York aimed at ending violence against women of South Asian origin. She was also the co-author of the globally utilized manual, "Local Action Global Change: Learning About the Human Rights of Women and Girls," which has been translated into more than ten languages.

In an interview to Spark’s Vani Viswanathan, Mallika Dutt, CEO of Breakthrough, talks about her journey with Breakthrough and one of their most successful campaigns, the Bell Bajao campaign.

I understand that you were involved in various philanthropic and social justice-related initiatives and organizations before you founded Breakthrough. How did these shape your desire to start Breakthrough? My interest in social justice has been a lifelong endeavour – developed through my personal experiences as a child and given political shape as I matured. While studying for the bar exam in New York, I cofounded Sakhi for South Asian Women to break the silence around violence in our communities and fill a critical void in services. After law school, I did pro-bono work on reproductive rights and immigrant rights issues, and set up an extensive network of lawyers to represent battered women. Following that, I acted as Associate Director of the Center for Women’s Global Leadership. It was a critical moment in the movement to gain recognition for women’s rights as human rights and I was lucky enough to stand shoulder to shoulder with many extraordinary women and bring it to fruition. It was while I worked as a Program Officer for Human Rights at the Ford Foundation that I really began to dream up Breakthrough. After years of working on the inside of a global network of lawyers and policy makers, I wanted to bring the conversation on human rights to the real world.

India has numerous NGOs looking to raise awareness on domestic violence against women. What was the gap that you saw that you hoped Breakthrough would address? Our use of pop culture and mass media tools in concert with grassroots mobilization strategies is certainly unique in the field, as is our work to bring men and boys on board as partners. Both are essential strategies if we are serious about ending violence against women. However, working in partnership with other NGOs and Community Based Organizations is one of Breakthrough’s core pillars – we collaborate, share tools, provide trainings and uplift other organizations doing very valuable work on the issue.

What goals did you set for Breakthrough? How far would you say you have come? From the outset, our goal has been to reach beyond the usual suspects in the field and engage the public directly. Breakthrough began with the production of Mann ke Manjeeré – a music album and video that was on the Indian pop charts for six months, won multiple industry awards and managed to reach an entirely new audience on the issue of domestic violence. Ten years later, we have evolved from a single campaign to a global leader, with our innovation and impact being recognized internationally, from the Clinton Global Initiative to the Cannes International Film Festival!

At the same time, you would probably be able to look back and find some lessons that you learnt from your work. What would these be? Promoting a message of dignity, equality and justice in an oversaturated media environment is an ongoing challenge, and requires a great deal of innovation and creativity on our part. Managing our online and grassroots presence is also time- and staff-intensive – though I’m proud of what we have managed to accomplish as a small organization.

And now on to one of your most successful campaigns – the Bell Bajao Campaign. Please tell us how this came about. There are two things that really fascinated me about the campaign: a) its innovative approach to raising awareness about domestic violence – the real life stories on your blog are testimony to the success of the initiative; b) the sustainable approach the campaign has adopted by training more individuals to become advocates. How did you go about successfully implementing these facets of the program?

As a campaign, Bell Bajao is an extension of Breakthrough’s mission to inspire bold action for dignity, equality and justice. We targeted men and boys as the campaign focus in order to uplift them as partners rather than violators or bystanders. Through an iterative process with Ogilvy & Mather, we finetuned the campaign concept and Ogilvy produced the Public Service Announcements (PSA) pro-bono. UNIFEM and the Ministry for Women and Child Development partnered us in its dissemination, and enabled the campaign to reach 130 million through major television channels, such as STAR, SONY, ETV, NDTV and coverage in mainstream media, including Times of India.

Breakthrough’s Rights Advocates conduct large-scale community mobilization and education programs to engage youth in efforts to shift social norms and foster respect and support for women. We've trained more than 75,000 Rights Advocates to become peer educators in their own communities, equipping people with the knowledge and tools to take ownership of these issues and really bring them home. 23

I’m sure there have been some proud moments you’ve had from Breakthrough’s successes. Tell us about some of them! There have been so many over the years! The success of Mann ke Manjeeré really blew me away. I had absolutely no clout in the entertainment industry when I first started putting that project together. There were more “Who the heck is Mallika Dutt?” moments than I care to remember, but it came together beautifully and really put us on the map. Launching What Kind of Man are You? and Is This Justice? – our PSA campaigns addressing condom use and the stigma faced by women living with HIV/AIDS – and seeing them reach millions on mainstream networks was extraordinary. They caused quite a stir, and started a national dialogue about safe sex and HIV/AIDS-related stigma. Recently, I’ve had the honour of announcing the global expansion of our Bell Bajao campaign while sharing a stage with former President Clinton, and brought UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon on board as a Bell Bajao Global campaign ambassador. Bell Bajao also won a Silver Lion at the Cannes International Advertising Festival this summer – the campaign momentum has been incredible. Though I would have to add that I was most impressed when Bell Bajao was featured as a question (and correct response!) on ‘Kaun Banega Crorepati’ (India’s version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire?). To me, that was proof-positive that we are bringing these issues to the mainstream.

How would you rate the success of the campaign in involving the youth and mobilizing grassrootslevel advocates? Breakthrough’s Rights Advocates serve as the change leaders who sustain and build out our impact – the program is critical to the work we do. In the day to day, you can see the impact we are having as Bell Bajao has become a metaphor for fighting injustice in all its forms – people have taken ownership of the campaign and given it new meaning. We have also documented a considerable increase in awareness of the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act, a 15% increase in certain areas for services for battered women, and a growing demand for better implementation of the Act. 24

Bell Bajao has been around for over two years now. Could you tell us where you see the campaign going in 2011? Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re taking Bell Bajao global! Building upon our success and momentum in India â&#x20AC;&#x201C; we are calling on men and boys all over the world to unite in stopping violence against women. Since launching in 2008, we have been inundated with requests to adapt our campaign materials. We are developing an online multimedia platform to enable global access to our PSAs, social networking platforms, blogs, video-sharing and user-generated content sharing spaces, as well as online training programs and educational resources. We will also collaborate with regional and country-specific partners to implement local training and community mobilization initiatives. We are currently partnering with United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-moon and his UNiTE campaign as our inaugural Global Bell Bajao champion, and are looking for other campaign champions to help us take the message forward.

Finally, we would love to hear any message you might have for our readers. I would encourage your readers to take risks in pursuit of their dreams. Founding Breakthrough was a huge leap for me, but one that has changed my life forever. Breakthrough Website

Breakthrough on Facebook

Motherhood

O’ my little one, holding my hand, without you, life would be so bland.

Poetry by

For me you symbolize all that’s grand, all else’s trivial, like a grain of sand.

Anupama Krishnakumar

When you were all but a tiny speck,

A mother speaks to a new-born on what maternity meant and the change the child ushered in her life. Poetry by Anupama Krishnakumar.

I watched you swim about, awe-struck. I waited breathlessly to give you a peck, to have your little arms round my neck.

I watched with wonder, the first signs of little eyes, ears, hands and spine, of the life held within, with human twines, you – my dream that grew within my confines.

Your treasured kicks that meant all good, enigmatic whispers under the hood. I proudly nurtured you with my blood and food O’ dear one, such are the joys of motherhood.

Yet, what do I say of the pains it took, now though it feels like ripples in a brook. It almost felt like death was round the nook, yet it all dissolved when you gave me a look.

O’ child, I’ve been a daughter and a sister, a friend, a wife and a granddaughter. But, as life surged ahead like a river and brought you my little one, near, I realized, of all, I love being your mother.

By Ramkumar Mohan Ramkumar Mohan has something to tell about his mother and something to share with his mother. Read on.

I remember the day my mother quit her job.

To Amma

She went to work in the morning as usual, my sister and I had gone to school and my dad had left for work. And then she was back before lunch. My grandmother was surprised. ‘Why are you back so early ma, are you not feeling well?’ she asked. ‘No Amma, I quit my job’. And that was how she quit her job. No second thoughts, no deliberation, nothing. I asked her that evening why she had decided to quit all of a sudden. I knew she liked her job and the sense of financial security she derived from contributing to the household. It kept her away from boredom, from watching ridiculous soaps throughout the day, which she so heavily despised. She said, ‘I spoke to Kripa Aunty (our neighbour) yesterday. She told me how sweet my daughter was, how she would climb onto the gate everyday at five in the evening and wait patiently for a whole hour looking at the road. And when sees me walking home, she would come tearing down the walkway shouting “Amma is back! Amma is back.” I somehow wanted to be that mother who welcomed her daughter back from school with a big smile.’ My eight-year-old gap-toothed sister was thrilled in the evening when she found out. ‘So you don’t have to go to office EVER Ma? EVER? PROMISE? Does that mean you can come to school during lunch tomorrow? I’ll introduce you to ALL my friends!’

And my sister did just that, the following day. She paraded my mother around, introducing her to all her friends, teachers and even the school watchman. My mother is a wonderful woman, a wonderful human being who sacrificed her career to be with her kids. I left India three years later to pursue my under-graduation in Singapore and my sister left Chennai a year and a half ago to study in Trichy. And so my mother tells everyone who comes home, ‘Both my son and daughter aren’t in Chennai now. So it’s a good thing I decided to quit, else I would not have been able to spend time with them’. I live in times where gender equality symbolises career growth, opportunities and success for women. Children who can barely speak are left with nannies who they call Amma. I feel for that tender child who looks longingly at the empty chair during ‘Mother’s Day’ in school . The bond which a mother and child share surpasses everything else in this world and you gave up a lot to strengthen it. So Amma, this is a tribute to you. You have been the epitome of womanhood, everything that the phrase could possibly encompass. Well, you have become quite cool over the years too, googling anything and everything I talk to you about. You even tried your hand at programming and gave up (failing at programming seems to be running in the family). I enjoy talking to you about the things you see in National Geographic and I find it hard to believe that you’ve caught up so much on your reading too! Whenever you’ve had to clean up after us, you’ve always called us a thankless bunch in complete exasperation. So here’s a big Thank You for all that you’ve done for the family. I want you to enjoy yourself and watch your children do well in their life. We are here with you and for you. Love, Ram

Giving Voice to Women URVASHI BUTALIA An Interview with Urvashi Butalia, Director, Zubaan Books By Anupama Krishnakumar

Urvashi Butalia, Director, Zubaan Books, is an Indian feminist and historian. She is also the co-founder of Kali for Women, India’s first feminist publishing house, of which she was the Director. As an extension of Kali for Women, in 2003, she set up Zubaan, an independent non-profit feminist publishing house. Urvashi Butalia has also been active in the women’s movement in India. She has authored and edited many books on a variety of subjects including gender, media and history. Her book, ‘The Other Side of Silence : Voices from the Partition of India’ is one of her most popular works.

Picture courtesy : Urvashi Butalia

In 1984, Urvashi Butalia co-founded India’s first feminist publishing house, Kali for Women, and then went on to establish Zubaan Books in 2003. In an interview to Spark, she talks about her journey with Kali for Women, about Zubaan and about feminist literature and publishing in India. Anupama Krishnakumar listens in.

We would like to know about your days with Kali for Women. What motivated you to start a publishing house that focused exclusively on women and what were some of the exciting things you got to do as part of Kali for Women? Kali was set up in 1984. For some time before that, nearly a decade, I had been very closely involved in the women's movement in India, working with groups focusing on issues of dowry and rape. The group I belonged to was called Stree Sangharsh, and among other things, we did street plays on these issues. I was also part of the original founding collective of the magazine, Manushi. After I finished my studies at university, I was very clear that I did not want to teach — I had studied English literature and although I loved the subject, it meant nothing to me in terms of the realities on the ground in Delhi and India. So I wanted to do something different. A job in publishing fell into my lap by accident; I fell in love with it immediately and decided to stay there. But as years went by, I began to realise how few books by and about women there were, and on asking my bosses about this, I was told things like, 'But, do women write?' and 'What do they have to say anyway?' and so on. I looked around me in the movement and found that we were discussing all kinds of issues — patriarchy, economics, social frameworks and so on — but there was nothing about these in books. The only books that seemed to be there were usually written by the occasional foreign scholar who came to India, did a few months of research and wrote the definitive book about us. And, these were the ones that we had to buy back at high prices. So, I began to think it was time to create knowledge about ourselves, to provide a forum for women writers, to encourage women to write and to believe in their writing, to reverse the flow of information that was always from west to east and north to south and to reflect the thinking that was going on in the women's movement. That was the real motivation for Kali. We did many memorable books in Kali — among them, a history of the women's movement called ‘The History of Doing: An Illustrated Account of Feminisms in India’, which continues to be in print today. We did a collection of essays entitled ‘Recasting Women: Essays in Colonial History’ which has become a standard textbook and a classic in gender and women's studies. We did Vandana Shiva's first book on the environment and women entitled ‘Staying Alive’. We did a lovely book by rural women from Rajasthan called ‘Shareer ki Jaankari’ and many more.

From Kali for Women to Zubaan. How did Zubaan come about? What did you have in mind when you set up Zubaan? Zubaan is really a child of Kali. As people may be aware, although Kali was my idea and the initial work and setting up, as well as the choice of name, was mine, the actual work of setting up and putting Kali on the map was done by two of us, my then colleague Ritu Menon and I. We worked together for 19 years and then felt the need to go our separate ways. So, both of us set up our own independent imprints. I set up Zubaan, which basically took Kali's work further, but which also expanded on Kali's mandate to take in more fiction by women, and to bring out books for young adults. We felt that the changes that Zubaan brought in — more general books, attention to young readers — reflected some of the changes in the women's movement. So, we continued to do our solidly feminist books, and also did more that addressed a wider readership but kept our feminist vision intact.

What does it mean to run a publishing house that focuses exclusively on feminist literature in India? What are the challenges?

How do you think women's writing scenario has changed over the last 25 years in India? I think today women writers know their work will be looked at, and that the publishing environment will at least be open and hospitable to it. They also have a choice. When we began, we were the only ones. Today, there are many; so women have a choice. Further, the old taboos about which subjects are possible and not possible, permissible and not permissible for women, have gone or are going. I think it's a good environment and I hope it gets better and better — women writers deserve it!

The challenges are many. What it means is that you believe in each book you do, because the whole rationale of your publishing is your politics, and not commerce. For us, each book is important, and it is a fine balance to keep that political edge and not lose the market. The challenges are of course to stay alive, to ensure your books sell in a market that is heavily weighted in favour of the biggies, to see that your authors get a good deal and do not feel cheated, to see that the books get out to readers. But the biggest challenge is really to stay true to your politics and to survive in the marketplace. Also most people call feminist publishing, or women's publishing, niche publishing, yet to me it is about half the world and that's a very big niche!

Looking back at your journey as a publisher, how do you feel now? I feel wonderful, I feel privileged, I feel I have been really lucky. I have enjoyed every moment of it, I have learnt so much, met wonderful people, and interacted with all kinds of people. The thing about publishing is that you are in touch 32

with new ideas all the time, and the knowledge you have of them is not superficial, and that makes a difference. Also, I don't know many people who have the good fortune to be able to so closely match their political beliefs and commitment, and their professional capabilities and their personal interests. So in many ways, I feel I have been quite blessed in this profession.

Zubaan publishes books in various categories including academic, fiction, non-fiction and autobiographies. Which of these categories do you feel gives you high visibility today? Further, which of these categories do you feel demonstrates high potential for growth going forward? I think all, but if you were to ask me to be more specific, I think general non-fiction is an area that has not been sufficiently developed and there is a lot to do there. Books for young adults (Young Zubaan) too are an area that can develop well. Academic books are steady and rock-like. As long as the research is cutting edge and the subject fresh, these books will last forever, as the hunger to learn will never go away.

What do you feel is the future of the feminist publishing industry in our country? Do you see more players coming in and the competition increasing? I'm not sure. When we began, there was just us. At our peak we did about 15 titles a year. Today, there are two imprints, Zubaan and Women Unlimited, and between us we do about 50 titles a year (35 by Zubaan, 15 by Women Unlimited). There is Stree in Kolkata â&#x20AC;&#x201D; that does quite a few. Then there are the smaller independents such as Yoda, Navayana, Three Essays, LeftWord, all of whom do a good number. And of course, there are the biggies. So, as far as I am concerned, women's publishing is now both in the feminist houses and outside, which is a good thing. I doubt there will be other specific feminist houses coming up, but women's books are here to stay. That of course raises the question of whether we will survive, and to this again I have no answer. I can say with confidence that we will never run out of ideas, especially new ideas, and I also know that the moment these ideas come out into the market they will be taken over by the big publishers, which is the way of life and we can't really do anything about this. But personally, I am very 33

interested in seeing whether a feminist house can sustain itself in the commercial marketplace and this is what I am now trying to do. If we had a crystal ball that could tell us this, it would help!

What can we look forward to from Zubaan in the coming years? Many exciting books, many exciting projects. We believe that our main purpose is to do more and more books, to explore new areas, but alongside, we also do projects that help document the history of the women's movement. We organize events around our books too. I think you can hope to see many more of these in the future, and of course hope to see exciting, cutting edge, unorthodox, feminist publishing coming out of Zubaan.

Zubaan Website Zubaan on Facebook

N E M

E W

O EW

Y YB R T E PO

AN DR

RA A Y RE SH

N HA C MA

What makes women unique? Hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a poem by Shreya Ramachandran.

We clean up messes to make things better write many a love-drenched or hateful letter. We smile when we want to curl up and sob, wear painful footwear that makes our toes throb.

we hide our dreams inside cynical shells, live through menâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s pretenses and hells. We walk straight and move on with pace though we want to slap someone's sorry face.

Picture by Bharath Kishore

We can raid ice-cream stores if we so set our mind or swallow down every bar of chocolate we find. For women globe over know one thing for sure Guilty-pleasure food is unbeaten in its lure.

We decide one thing, but want another we essay the role of daughter and mother. We play games that we really should have outgrown and sometimes choose the silence of being alone.

We are at times quite misunderstood and do not act as reasonably as we should. Yet we are not sorry, and we would not change at all we stick by our actions, and justify them with gall.

We have strange habits, tendencies and quirks no one can change us - no tactic really works. Yet, given good reason, we are loyal and true accept us in our strangeness, and we'll always love you..

Only a Homemaker? Non-fiction by P.R.Viswanathan

The role of a homemaker is not as valueless as it is made out to be. P.R.Viswanathan feels that it is perception that shapes preferences. Read on to find out his perspectives on the status of women in the society and the role of a homemaker.

I am a “cool” guy when it comes to attitude towards women and I have my wife’s permission to say so.

The complex issue The human penchant for taking extreme positions, making sweeping generalizations and jumping on to the bandwagon of the moment has been the bane of society through the ages, particularly in modern times. Consider any of the issues that have agitated mankind in the last two hundred years – industry vs. agriculture, the urban-rural divide, reservations/ affirmative action for depressed classes or private enterprise vs. state control. Those who carry the day are the ones mouthing catchy, meaningless, rhetoric and loud protestations of support for the cause that is in fashion. Intelligent debate, which can only result from a dispassionate approach, then, becomes well-nigh impossible.

“Cool”, that was one of the finest compliments I have received in my life, coming as it did from both my daughters. They were talking about my attitude towards them, their mother and women in general and it came after they had both spent time away from home – in places as diverse as Chennai and Austin, U.S. My wife vetted it; she would not have, of course, originated such praise herself. In reality, ours is a fairly traditional household. My wife doesn’t have a commercial job; she has been a homemaker ever since we got married. She does all the household chores. I help only in times of need. I would like to say that I have always had a healthy respect for women, admiration for their devotion to family and for the work that they do as homemakers. And they can do as well as men or better in any profession. All these feelings have been greatly reinforced in recent years with my entry into the field of microfinance which involves extending loans to poor women in the slums of Mumbai.

Nowhere is this phenomenon more clearly evident than in debates or writings on the subject of women’s liberation, feminism – generally the position of women in society. For example, any suggestion that certain occupations suit the men better is met with a violent dismissal. One seldom hears any reasoned refutation. On the other hand, you can be sure of applause if you say that women are superior managers because of their ability to multi-task and their intuition. The point here is not whether these statements are true. There is indeed more than a grain of

All the same, men’s attitude towards women and the status of women in society, is indeed a complex issue.

of truth. What is a cause for concern is the kind of reactions they draw. Can we not discuss the possibility that women may not be best suited to, say, combat forces in the army? Must we insist that women are actually superior in management to men? Is it not more reasonable to start from a position that both sexes are equal?

One also hears of bachelorette parties thrown by women (needless to say from higher strata of society) at which male strippers are invited. So the question arises: are these traits, so condemned in men, gender-based, or do they reflect financial success/independence combined with one’s upbringing, family values and so forth?

Here’s one reason why I think this issue is complex. Today we condemn suggestions of male superiority in any area. By implication, we cannot then logically take a stand that women are superior in any field. And what does one say of the fact that some of the characteristics displayed by men and women are precisely on account of their present status in society? For example, men are often accused of appraising women from only one angle viz. physical beauty – as sex objects. The plethora of magazines like Playboy and Penthouse, cabarets and dance bars are living testimony to this dirty aspect of men. Even in the matter of selecting a life partner, men are said to be guided only by looks. A woman on the other hand looks at more solid aspects such as income and the ability of the man to be a good father etc.

Yes, feminism or women’s liberation deserves our whole-hearted support. However, one often finds that when such a cause is espoused in the public domain, symbolic gestures are made in response with no change in the underlying attitudes, which should be our main concern. We should be clear on what exactly we mean by women’s liberation. There are so many injustices meted out to women – lack of nutrition and health care, lack of education, early marriage, bad treatment of widows etc. All these are crimes in greater or lesser degree. And then we have that most horrific of crimes – female foeticide. In a civil society, such issues should not be even up for discussion; the absence of these issues is the least we should expect. Women’s liberation does not refer to the correction of these gross injustices. Even in the more advanced societies where such injustices do not exist, we have women’s liberation movements. Such movements seek to improve the status of women in society with a view to bringing it on par with that of men, in terms of the right to choose a career and nature of jobs etc.

However, in recent times, we have had some interesting insights into female behaviour. There was a survey which revealed that financially successful women want good-looking men.

Career or Homemaker?

Probably the most important aspect of this issue is that of career. More than anything else, it is engagement in a commercial career that sets men and women of substance apart. A homemaker, who cooks, cleans and cares for the children, is regarded as ordinary, run-of-the mill. The work she does is routine, dull, not requiring exercise of the intellect. Haven’t we heard some of them introduce themselves at an office party apologetically:

“I am only a homemaker.”? Only?! Consider the variety of tasks that she handles in the first place. Cooking, cleaning, laundering, keeping an eye on the provisions and making sure you don’t run out of coffee or dal or whatever, supervising the maid in some of these tasks and above all, children — feeding, clothing and comforting them, teaching them and listening to them. No skills required? Each of these tasks demands intelligence, presence of mind and enormous patience. And let us not forget that the homemaker needs to transit from one job to the other and does so with practiced ease. In the ordinary commercial workplace, more often than not, there is specialization and most people attend to a single task and spend a lifetime making it sound very complex.

What society needs to do is to re-appraise the role of a homemaker and assign to it, its rightful place, its true value and learn to respect if not venerate, those playing that role. I worked long years for State Bank of India in its Mumbai Circle. One of the things that most officers dreaded was a transfer to the NorthEast and they resisted it with every trick in the book. Sick mothers or children popped out of the bag, sudden maladies struck the officer himself in question - serious enough to argue for cancellation of the transfer but not so serious as to risk getting thrown out of the Bank on medical grounds. Interestingly, when an officer was transferred from NE to Mumbai, far from resistance, s/he felt only excitement. Now rationally speaking, the officer in either case has to move the same distance and is put to equal hardship in finding a house, a school and in the bad old days, even a gas connection. But the difference is when you go on transfer to Mumbai you are perceived to be making progress; you are going to the commercial capital. Never mind that you are also going to suffer those daily free massages in Mumbai’s famed suburban trains. On the contrary, NE is labeled as a hardship posting by the Bank itself and the general view is that you will not learn anything.

In the workplace, the “boring, low-skilled” tasks of the homemaker go by such names as administration (cooking and cleaning), inventory management (keeping an eye on the provisions) and HR (supervising the maid). As for children, would any of us want to devalue a parent’s task by comparing it with anything in an office or factory even at the level of Ratan Tata? Essentially, what it amounts to is this: the role of a homemaker is invaluable so she doesn’t get paid anything. But, we have moved in a facile and imbecile manner from invaluable to valueless. So how do feminists, women’s libbers or the cool guys handle this issue? They say since the commercial workplace enjoys such prestige, women should work there. No more the traditional role for our women – no more changing nappies, no more drudgery. So, one succeeds in liberating one’s wife or sister. In the bargain, the work of the homemaker is passed on to a housemaid. Now looking at this issue at the social level, what about liberation for the maid? So this is hardly the right solution to the problem.

The transfer orders are usually accompanied by specific dates on which to report at Guwahati and dire warnings to stick to those dates. I must also add that in my long career, there was only one case of an officer doing the unthinkable - refusing a foreign posting - and he genuinely had a sick mother to look after. The moral of the story is perception is all-important; it shapes our preferences. Which is why I say: reappraise the role of a homemaker, make it “cool”. Do I hear some sniggers? A snide remark perhaps: “Ha! Here is an old goat of an MCP painting women into their traditional corners by sanctifying these corners, giving them a halo and making them cool.” Not in the least! I do believe sincerely that once the role is made fashionable, even men will scramble to play it and those women who are by nature inclined to be homemakers will get into the role whole-heartedly. The profession of homemaker will attract the right candidates from both sexes. Let us also understand that in the high-tech world of today, the homemaker can make money too by working from home so that financial independence is ensured. Can we all work together towards this win-win situation?

Pictures Courtesy : Google Images 40

She Photography by Vivekananth Gurumoorthy

She sits on Her lapâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;the lap of the Mother of allâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Mother Nature.

She is lost in thought — as the other woman, the river, watches.

A sudden realization—that she is a part of the Mother, one with Nature — Liberation. 42

Discussing issues Concerning women

INDIAN HOMEMAKER An interview with Indian Homemaker, Blogger Interview by Vani Viswanathan

Indian Homemaker (IHM) is, in her own words, someone who blogs “about the everyday life of an urban Indian homemaker and her reactions to what’s happening in the world around her.” Her posts tread heavily on societal issues specially concerning women, such as violence against women, intolerance, against the use of tradition, culture and religion “to justify anything that common sense might refuse to accept”. IHM enjoys huge popularity and her blog, ’The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker’ (www.indianhomemaker.wordpress.com) plays host to some intellectually highly stimulating discussions around various issues that concern the female gender in India.

In her interview to Spark, popular blogger, Indian Homemaker speaks on issues that she deals with on her blog, her views on feminism in India and the state of women in urban India today. Vani Viswanathan listens in.

What prompted IHM to discuss issues concerning women? Women’s issues are everybody’s issues. A society cannot be considered civilized if it sees injustice and inequality as a normal part of existence for 50% of its population. Feminism is not men versus women. The issues that harm women also affect men; for example, sex selection results in skewed gender ratio; domestic violence leads to unhappy childhood for male children too; street sexual harassment or ‘eve teasing’ causes constant worrying about female family members, having to escort them or worse, being killed while objecting to ‘eve teasing’; obsession with a woman’s personal and sexual life and honor killings lead to destroyed families, and male members get killed too; dowry and sexual crimes against women affect entire families, male members included.

I like how a lot of your discussion revolves around women from urban, educated families – almost debunking the myth that life for women in cities is significantly different and much better than of those in rural areas. What are your thoughts? The problems Indian women face are basically the same. They are generally less welcome than male children. They have little choice or control over their own lives. Their education and self-reliance is seldom a priority, and even when it is taken seriously, they are expected to be ready to give up years of hard work if their relationships require that. They are raised to believe their goal in life is to ‘Get Married and Stay Married’ (or die trying). They have little choice in who they marry, but they are expected to make these marriages work, with or without their partners’ support. They are given no choice in whether or not they wish to live with their spouse’s parents. Once married, lack of freedom, restrictions in visiting their own families, control or interference in how they dress, whether or not they work, when they have their children (and when they must abort a fetus), what time they go to bed and wake up, are trivialized as 'family matters'. Most women are advised to ‘please adjust.’ A reader once asked me what I thought of the joint family system. She was the only child of her parents. The couple chose to live in their own house instead of living with the husband’s family. They felt this way the parents of both the partners could visit them. Her question made me realise that in most parts of India we have this system that makes the birth of half the population unwelcome – and yet we support it because we believe it ensures care for senior citizens. Does this mean we don’t count the parents of female citizens amongst senior citizens?

How relevant is feminism in India today? Feminism is good for the entire society. Children should grow up in an environment where women and men are equally respected and where injustice is not encouraged in the guise of customs or traditions. A huge number of the social problems we face today are directly related to gender discrimination. For example, crimes against women are not taken as seriously as they should be. If women were valued in their homes, sexual crimes like rape and child abuse would not go unreported. A family member would then become more important than a neighbour’s opinion. We would then redefine ‘respect’ and include women’s self-respect in it and take away from it the concept of ‘family honour’. Feminism is simply the acknowledgment that human rights include women’s rights. The fact is men benefit from feminism as much as women do. Patriarchy controls the lives of men too (specially younger men). While self-reliance is preferable for everyone, society would benefit from men having a choice in being the default breadwinners. Feminism also means fathers being allowed to be more than sperm donors and having the right to bond with their children, and getting paid paternity leave.

It appears that the Indian urban society has progressed in giving women access to basic necessities such as education or access to healthcare. But in terms of mindset and allowing women to make informed choices, it’s still a far cry. In the name of ‘tradition’, are we deliberately keeping women from progress? Countries such as Japan have managed to maintain their tradition but their women still have the ability to make choices freely. What’s holding us back? I don’t think we are deliberately keeping women from progress; most families would love to see their female members do well, so long as they are ready to come home and cook, clean and make endless cups of tea for the family. If only 50% of the population is expected to ‘balance’ home and family life, the ‘balance’ is impossible. The other 50% is discouraged from pitching in mainly because we are afraid of change. Equality for all is also seen as loss of privileges for some; those who protest don't realise these changes benefit their future generations too. At times we seem to put tradition and custom above common sense. We also see customs being used to control the lives of other equal citizens. I think women who do have support do very well today. Support here might mean as little as acknowledging that they are equal and deserve the same opportunities anybody else does.

It’s a shame that we in India had to invent the term ‘eve teasing’. Where does change have to start to abolish this embarrassing ‘culture’? Gender bias in Indian homes doesn’t only mean better health care and education for a male child. Gender bias also means that the problems a less valued child faces are not taken seriously. When street sexual harassment becomes difficult to ignore, the society turns to the victims and tells them to watch when, where, how and with whom they go out, or worse, they are made to stay indoors. Men and women who see women being treated like second-class citizens in their own homes or surroundings are more likely to allow harassment of women on the streets. Unfortunately, some of those who do fight ‘eve teasing’ have ‘honour’ of the girl, and not her safety, in mind. One also hears of ignorance and personal prejudice undoing of a lot of good work. A college principal tried to ban jeans for female students to control ‘eve teasing’. Here the college seemed to sympathize with the harassers. Maybe they saw the eve teasers as victims of ‘provocation by jeans-clad women’. This was like telling these men that it was okay to harass a girl who is not behaving the way the ‘society’ expects her to.

How should relationships between a man and the women in his family – mother, wife, sister, daughter – evolve for the society to mature? Women as mothers have the power to change the way they are seen by the society. Little boys and girls should see their mothers as adults who can take decisions and who are respected by their families. Little boys should not see themselves as protectors of their mothers and sisters. Raksha Bandhan too, should be seen as a way to celebrate sibling bonding. Young boys should not see their sisters as ‘paraya dhan’ or ever-sacrificing angels. They should be given the opportunity to recognize that little girls are just like all other children, needing love, guidance, respect and being valued for who they are, with no special expectations of ‘honourable’ behaviour (i.e. total obedience) from them. Respect for women would come naturally then. Families, where all the children have equal rights and responsibilities, are happier families. Such families would take as much pride in a happily-married son as most Indian families take in happily-married daughters. They would see their daughters–in-law as family members, not as caregivers for their old age. Such families would expect all their children to be there for them, and would accept that their daughter–in-law has responsibilities towards her own parents and family. We know such families do exist, but still, many would see this as sacrilege. 46

Today, even if a woman’s parents worked as hard as her husband’s parents to get her good education, custom forbids them from living with her. This is made almost impossible when she lives in a joint family. This is a major reason for preference of male children. Women have more say in their own lives in nuclear families. A daughter living in her own house also means that the parents from both the sides can visit them, and if required her parents can move-in to live with their child too. This change is necessary for Indian parents to stop seeing their daughters as liabilities. No amount of moralising has or can ever change the male child obsession in India. Seeing all their children as assets is only possible when parents are not expected to disown some of them.

A country’s progress is inextricably linked to the socio-economic status of its women. What are the pressing issues India has to deal with to make meaningful progress? A shift of emphasis for women from getting married to being self-reliant is one thing that can, and is helping change attitudes. I have seen educated daughters of my domestic helpers refusing proposals suggested by parents in favour of someone they have met at their work place. Of course, self-reliance doesn’t automatically change mindset (that would take generations), but a girl who is economically independent is less likely to submit to societal or family pressures because she does have that option. Once getting married stops being the only goal in her life, a woman will have the option of refusing a marriage proposal if there is a dowry-demand. She would also be able to think twice before agreeing to marry a man who does not approve of her supporting her parents. For parents, equal property rights for sons and daughters becomes easier to accept (or ‘digest’) when all their children can be relied upon in their old age. When all the children are seen as assets, parents are likely to take a girl child’s health, safety and general well-being as seriously as that of their other children. It all begins at home – the society and the country are made up of families, and if families value their female members, so would the nation. Some of the changes that can help a female citizen towards this much needed self-reliance are as simple as providing toilets for girls in all schools.

Finally, any other thoughts you’d like to share with our readers? I believe change is possible if each one of us starts acknowledging that change is needed. Once the mindset changes, everything else becomes easier. If a woman is truly convinced that a daughter is as much a blessing as a son, it is difficult to persuade her to abort a female baby. Similarly, a woman who realises that whether or not she earns, she is an equal family member, is difficult to bully. Strong, empowered mothers make for a better society. I like the way some festivals are changing: ‘Karvachauth’ has become more like an Indian Valentine’s Day with couples fasting together for each other’s long life, instead of the wife fasting for the husband’s long life. These little changes are an indication of a more equal, and a more humane society in the coming decades.

Pictures Courtesy : Indian Homemaker’s blog