Wilson Quesada '98

My First

As I sit at my desk, tke warm, salty tears run down my ckeeks and onto tke carpet. Tke dorm walls seems to get smaller and smaller as itk nk akout tke mistake I kave done. How could you? I stare at you laying on my ked. Your arms are open and are inviting me over for more. You were my first, and undouktedly my last. Tkey said it would not ke tkat kad, kut tkey ked. I wonder if everyone goes tkrougk tkis. Tkinking and tkinking akout tke mistake I did, I put my kead down in skame. Tkrougkout kigk sckool I was konest and pure, tke good student wko was going somewkere. Tke future for my kigksckool, and you know wkat, I did go somewkere. I came kere, to Brown University, land of tke priveleged ckildren, kome of sckolars, and tke next generation of professiona Is. Wkat you did to me was wrong, kave you done tkis to any otker student, I ket you kave, yeak, you always get your way, don't you? Building up tkeir dreams, only to tear tkem down. How many women kave you done tkis too? Wky wasn't I notified of kow kard it would ke. It is not my fault my education was kad. My future as a doctor is gone, my ckance as an konest good working woman is gone. Wkat kave I done? I regret it so muck. But you mislead me into tkinking I was tk e one. My insides are turning justing tkinking akout my kopes you diminisked. My keart ackes at tke tkougkt of not ackieving my ckildkood dreams of kecoming a "someone", Dr. Torrez, to you... You are still tkere, your arms are getting longer and longer as I stare at your red self. Ugk! You disgust me! I skall ke tke one, tke one to warn otkers. I need to stop girls from kecoming trapped into your arms. You are tke reason we are negatively portrayed. I will start now, start witk tke women of color, make sure tkey take tke oppposite route I took. For you were my first, and now kecuase of you, my career ckanged. I am no longer pre-med. Just kecause of you I am afraid to kecome involved witk anytking tkat reminds me of you. You really impacted me. How could I kave done tkis, wkat was I tkinking? All is done, kut I will get you kack. Yes, you, my first, MY FIRST FAILING GRADE...MY FIRST BIG RED "F", I will get you kack!