less comprehensive manner of communication, letting her know my thoughts and feeling on what happened and was rewarded with a kind reply. In a conversation later for this article, the woman remembered the day well— “A very interesting day,” she said. She talked about her reactions offering that she “froze” mainly because she is “uncomfortable in new social situations.” The incident was “most challenging,” she said. “Another one of those things.” When asked to further explain “those things,” she said that in new situations she always feels, “something is going to happen were everyone is going notice me.” She mentioned that her daughter is usually shy around people she doesn’t know but had several friends in attendance, so she was more relaxed. After her initial feelings, the woman said that her first thoughts were, “how to handle” the spill and all the “beautiful food all over the ground.” She reported a fairly thorough introspection of her feelings and then commanded herself to “be calm.” When asked where she developed that introspection, she definitely stated, “not from my family,” thinking it more a “self preservation to not draw anymore attention.” When asked if she would attribute it to her yoga training and practice, she was somewhat dismissive, “I’m not that good a yogi,” she said; this despite antidotal evidence I have heard from both those attending her classes and from our common yoga certification teacher on her mastery of yoga concepts and her practice. Had this woman brought this incident into a psychotherapy session with me, along with exploring her reactions to the accident, we could also have furthered her parenting skills. My advice would be to start off by telling children you love them and that you know it was an accident (Cline & Fay, 2014); this is
especially true with children this young but valid for any age, even through adulthood. Tell them you love them even when it is not an accident and consequences will need to be assessed. She could have also begun to teach and/or foster empathy and responsibility in her daughter by adding that although it was an accident, she needed help cleaning up the mess, asking her daughter to fetch napkins and then having her throw away the trash (Krevans & Gibbs, 1996). Further teaching and processing could have been done at bedtime that evening, asking her daughter to talk about her feelings and experience around the accident (Dunn, 1997). These are little things that pay big dividends in the future. While these would have been added bonuses, the woman had already hit a home run with doing no harm, both previously and in that instant (Darling & Steinberg, 1993). My somatic relationship with this woman had me reflecting on my past parenting missteps and then seizing the opportunity to step out of an adapted self that was installed in my childhood. In many ways that Saturday was magical from the moment I woke up until I went to bed. I am grateful to be over sixty, still learning, still growing, and every day embodying ever more my authentic self! Wade H. Cockburn, PhD is a Relational Somatic Psychotherapist and was a Qualified Mental Health Professional in Oregon, where he was the clinical supervisor and a family, individual, and child therapist at a children’s day-treatment center. He and his wife have recently relocated to the Houston area where he is pursuing licensure, teaching yoga, and giving workshops and writing on authentic communication, relationships, and parenting. After 30+ years as a successful small family business owner, Wade entered graduate school to continue being of service as a psychotherapist, receiving
his MA in Spiritual Psychology from the University of Santa Monica and a PhD in Clinical Psychology, Concentration in Somatic Psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology. He primarily practices Spiritual, Somatic, and Energy Psychotherapies. He is a member of the American Psychological Association, the United States Association of Body Psychotherapists, the European Association of Body Psychotherapists, and the Association of Comprehensive Energy Psychology, where serves on the board and as its treasurer. References Alexander, P. A., Jetton, T. L., & Kulikowich, J. M. (1995). Interrelationship of knowledge, interest, and recall: Assessing a model of domain learning. Journal of educational psychology, 87(4), 559. Bandura, A. (1978). The self system in reciprocal determinism. A merican psychologist, 33(4), 344. Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss: V ol. 1. Attachment. New York: Basic Books. Chamberlain, D. B., (1993). Prenatal Intelligence. In T Blum (Ed.) Prenatal Perception, Learning and Bonding. Berlin: Leonardo Publishers, 14-21. Cline, F. & Fay, J. (2014). Parenting with love and logic: Teaching children responsibility. Cambridge: Tyndale House. Darling, N. & Steinberg, L. (1993). Parenting style as context: An integrative model. Psychological bulletin, 113(3), 487. Dunn, W. (1997). The impact of sensory processing abilities on the daily lives of young children and their families: A conceptual model. Infants & Y oung Children, 9(4), 23-35. Emerson, W. R. (1998). Birth trauma: The psychological effects of obstetrical interventions. Journal of Prenatal & Perinatal Psychology & Health, 13, 11-44. Gilbert, P., McEwan, K., Mitra, R., Franks, L., Richter, A., & Rockliff, H. (2008). Feeling safe and content: A specific affect regulation system? Relationship to depression, anxiety, stress, and self -criticism. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 3(3), 182-191. Hilton, R. (2012). Bioenergetics as a Relational Somatic Psychotherapy. In: C. Young (Ed.) About Relational Body Psychotherapy, (pp. 19-34). Galashiels, Scotland: Body Psychotherapy Publications.
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