SOAP & SEX FORREST ORSER
Art
44
Measuring laundry detergent always reminds me of casual sex with a woman named Paula. “Paula seems nice,” I said to Dave. He said, “She’s a whore.” “Don’t call a woman that.” “Before I met her, she slept with all my friends. After I met her, my friends told me that she’d slept with everybody. 69 And she knew they told me. BLACK VULTURES And then she slept with me. Wouldn’t you call her a whore?” “I’d say she likes to screw,” I said. “There’s nothing wrong with that. SHOSHANA WALFISH Women should be able to do whatever they want. We can. You can screw lots 70 of women and no one will ever call you a whore.” BOTOXIC Not long after that I ran into Paula at the Cosmopolitan Club and PAYAM MONTAZAMI said, “Hi, Paula!” I was glad to see her. She glared at me. It made me mad then, but looking back on it I 71 LEand RECROQUEVILLÉ think she was probably mad at Dave was rude to me because she thought I was Dave’s friend. He’d probably been rude to her, he’d probably treated her ERIC SANTERRE like a whore. 72 A month later I walked into the Regent Street Laundromat and there DYPTIQUE 24A she was, waiting for her clothes to dry. She smiled at me. ADRIAN BRACISIEWICZ I wonder now what would have happened if I had smiled back. But I didn’t—I ignored her. I was still74mad at her for being rude to II; IIIme though because I put way me at Cosmo. I guess her being there unnerved too much soap in the washer. Back then, I didn’t measure the soap, I just ALLISON MURPHY poured it out of the box and guessed how much I needed. It usually worked 76 fine. But not this time. When I went back to the laundromat an hour later, my WINTER’S A BEACH clothes were coated in suds from being washed in too much soap. JESSICA SLIPP And Paula was gone. I ran my clothes through again, they were fine. And now, 35 years later, every time I77 measure soap for the washing CONTRIBUTORS machine, I think of casual sex with Paula.
45 67