How Do I Know If Someone is “The One”? by Daniel K. Eng
I remember the moment when I knew she was the one. That’s right—there was a point when I knew who my wife would be. I even remember the exact date and even the location of when I knew. When did I know she was the one? It was the moment I was pledging my marriage vows. Standing with my wife on that wedding day, making a promise before God—that was when I knew I’d spend my life with her. Before that, I didn’t know. I hadn’t made the promise yet. Many of us believe in “The One,” the idea of a soulmate or a single person meant for each person. In other words, it’s the belief that there is only one particular person God has reserved for each of us. But accompanying this belief is the worry that we have to figure out who this person is. It’s as if God gives us the burden of solving a mystery in order to find the person we have to marry. But is that really how it works? Here are four reasons why we should let go of the Idea of “The One.”
1. The Notion of “The One” Leads to an Absurd Conclusion Consider the implications of the idea that “The One” exists. If Person #1 marries the wrong person, he/she has
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married “The One” of Person #2. Then Person #2 ends up marrying “The One” of Person #3, and so on. In other words, if each person has “The One,” then marrying the wrong person leads to a catastrophic chain reaction where many, many people are in the “wrong marriage.”
2. Searching for “The One” Degrades Singleness Subscribing to the notion of “The One” often makes us think that our “soulmate” will complete us, which means we are incomplete without marriage. This is toxic thinking as life is made complete only through Christ. He is the One who makes us whole. A married person is just as empty without Christ as a single person. Also, the idea that someone is incomplete without a spouse can lead to single people being shamed. Sometimes churchgoers can even treat singles like they have a disease: “Still single? I’ll keep praying for you.” But singleness is not a curse. Singles are often the most faithful and available servants in the church. Accordingly, marriage is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It takes a lot of work. I have to constantly die to myself and serve an imperfect person, and as an imperfect person myself, it is a difficult and constant task.
3. Believing in “The One” Can Lead to Idolatry If you’re single, trying to find “The One” can lead to a “me”-centered attitude about marriage. You might be
