Addressing the Struggles of Adoptees with the Father’s Love by Jonathan Holmes
“Could I see your driver’s license, please?”
“Why did your mom give you up?”
My debit card at Wendy’s had been declined, and the cashier asked to see my license. As he peered over it, he looked up at me, then back down to my driver’s license.
“Why can’t you speak Korean?”
“You don’t have a funny sounding immigrant name, do you?” Stunned at first, embarrassed seconds later, I mumbled something quickly about being adopted, grabbed my receipt, and headed to the drink stations.
The Adoption Dilemma Time and time again, I’ve had conversations that range from the awkward to the awful: “Where are you from?” “Why don’t you look like your parents?”
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“Do you want to meet your birth parents?” “I’m going to hire you to prove I’m not racist against Asian people!” Now, I want to say that most of the time, the questions were and are borne out of curiosity and not malice, confusion, or meanness. And yet, therein lies a dilemma for those of us who are adopted. Consistent questions asked out of concern (or ignorance) ultimately lead to a dissonance in the heart and mind of the adoptee. The message is clear—you are not like us. I do not presume to speak for all Korean American adoptees. But the more I listen, learn, and speak with other adoptees, the more I hear echoes of my stories in theirs. The experiences of never truly fitting into a majority
