Je suis une Gassmann

MY FAMILY CAN´T SAY “ I LOVE YOU ”

Unsure wether this is a habit passed down from generation to generation or if it’s just something that happened one day. My family doesn’t really use the words “I love you” . We love each other, but it doesn’t come naturally for us to say it. We express it in different ways, for example through thoughtful gift giving and quality time. Since my parents both work in a field, where they

must travel from time to time, especially when we were younger, they would bring gifts for us. It was never something you wished for, but something they had chosen, because they thought you would like it. It made me realise how much my parents notice even the tiniest things about me. They would remember how I said I liked something months after I said it in a fleeting moment.

Another thing we do is a family calendar every year, treasuring the memories we created and gifting it to family members, that we don’t get to see often.

Instead of photos this book showcases the memories hidden behind the gifts my family has given me throughout the years. Revealing their characters and the relationship I share with them.

THE MUEGLER DRESS

My Grandma is a big fashion enthusiast. Before marrying my grandpa, she studied tailoring clothes in Paris. She bought this at the Prêt à porter in Berlin. This dress originates in the sixties under the topic Fashion recovers the effects of optical art. She wore this dress on her honeymoon in 1966.

When I asked her about the dress she replied: “It was fun for me – for your sake at least – to deal with the history of fashion, even if I can no longer tailor myself.”

15 years ago, she gifted this dress to my mother as she is tall, slim and has dark hair she thought it would suit her perfectly.

However according to my grandma’s words, you can’t appear twice in a dress like that...

As the only young woman in my family, the dress is now in my occupation, it‘s hanging in my closet waiting for the right time to be worn on an occasion worthy of it.

THE PORTABLE EASEL

Let me tell you about my family, my mother studied math and my father studied informatics. They met at the university in our town, where now my brother is studying to realize his dream of becoming an engineer.

Then there’s me, the odd one out. I always liked art and languages. While they think with their left side of the brain, I think with the right. For a long time, they saw me as a drama queen before they learnt that I just perceive and process things in a different way.

However, there was a time when my mother didn’t know what she wanted to study. Her second choice, before starting with Math, was art. The reason she didn’t do it was because she thought she couldn’t handle the criticism.

The first time she mentioned it to me I thought it was quite funny, because she has always been my harshest critic. She never sugarcoats, she tells me her honest opinion, sometimes without me asking for it.

This used to really get on my nerves when I was a child I thought, why can’t she at least try to be nice. However nowadays everything changed, I study design and it’s hard to find somebody who will express their honest opinion, scared of hurting your feelings. So now if I find myself stuck, I call her knowing her words I can trust.

THE CASETTE RECORDER

My dad has earned himself the nickname papa-razzi, because when we are on vacation or there is an important holiday, he takes millions and millions of pictures of us.

In the moment we hate it, we don‘t see the need to take pictures, any other task seems more important. One thing about my family is that we are all quite impatient. Growing up with two working parents, I always saw them running

around trying to manage work, kids and still trying to pursue passions outside of that.

Sure, taking a picture doesn‘t seem like the most important task. However, we forget more than we remember and now thanks to my dad, I always have the option to look back in time.

Through all of the complaining, I never truly took the chance to say, “ thank you ”

FIRST PAIR OF SHOES

These were the first and only shoes that would fit me, when I was a small child. Their design almost screams “made for girls”, the gold and pink are quite over the top.

My mother probably hated them. Maybe it started with these shoes, but I always was a so-called girlies girl. Everything feminine be it clothes or activities, I loved them ... Still do.

We are both feminists, my mother wanted to be successful and made sure, that she could financially take care of us on her own. She taught me about independence and often talks about how much harder it was for woman back in the day.

My hopes are that I taught her something as well. Liking feminine things and being girly does not make you weak or unprofessional. Looking down on people who present themselves as very feminine is not what femisism should be about.

The goal of feminism is not to erase femininity and masculinity or establishing one as better than the other. It’s about having the same opportunities and rights. It’s a fight that needs to be held together, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of our individuality.

KNUTSCHIE THE BEAR

After seeing the tv-series about a baby polar bear named Knut, that was born in the zoo of Berlin in 2006, I decided to name this plushie I just got from my grandparents Kuntschie. My grandparents used to bring me to the circus from time to time. Experiencing the appearance of exotic animals, was mesmerizing as a young kid.

The feeling of seeing an animal like a bear for the first time was otherworldly. Like many kids I was very fond of animals, and I wanted to take care of them and keep them as my pet.

Knutschie never left my side, I saw it as my duty to take care of him. Looking back now, I think Knutschie took more care of me than I did of him. When I was young, I struggled to be separated from my parents and being put in a new environment gave me a lot of anxiety. So, I took Kuntschie with me to remind me of home. Slowly I started making friends, so I now longer needed him, but I was and will forever be grateful of my companion named Kuntschie.

THE RED EARRINGS

My brother and I couldn‘t be more different people, but some aspects show that at the core we are the same. My brother is a watch collector, he especially has an affinity with Swatch watches. Against my father‘s wishes, I got my ears pierced when I was 16. Since then, my earring collection has been growing and growing.

Collecting jewelry is the only common interest I can think of that we both have.

One birthday he gave me a pair of diamond earrings, but not the conventional kind. As he was always passionate about machines, he got himself a 3D printer, so he took the diamond shape and printed that as earrings for me.

To this day I love these earrings, because they represent my brother so well, but they also show he thought of me and my interests while producing them. My brother is an engineer, I am an

aspiring designer. At our core we share the passion for creating things, but in the realization and thought process behind the creation, we couldn‘t be more different.

We represent two opposing sides of creation; in a project group we would disagree the most. However, the one can‘t work without the other and together we can create the best result.

THE FAST GLASSES

The appreciation for the finer things in life comes from my dad‘s side of the family. Growing up in Paris my father still holds a soft spot for the city. My Grandpa sold the house my father grew up in some time ago, leaving the rest of my family devastated.

It‘s understandable that for an elder couple managing two houses, one in Germany the other in France, is a lot, but that house was special. It had a big garden, a greenhouse, and enough space for the whole family.

Knowing that he will never be able to visit it again, reminisce about the memories made in it still makes me gloomy.

Last Christmas my father gifted these to me. He saw the glasses in Paris and said they were screaming my name he had to get them for me. They are pink and shiny, like my first pair of shoes, he picked them well.

I looked up the brand and they were made with skiing in mind, but I‘ll wear them anyway.

THE BARBAPAPA ACTION FIGURES

Growing up bilingual means watching your favorite shows and reading your favorite books in a language not spoken in the country you live in. Since for the most part of my childhood we lived in Germany, my parents made it their mission for me to learn French, my father‘s language. Even though the series “Barbapapa” has been translated into a lot of languages, it was realized in the seventies in Paris.

The word “Barbapapa” means cotton candy in French, relating back to the fact that cotton candy can turn into any shape, these characters could turn into any shape they wanted to. This chameleon aspect is something I related to, being able to be part of two countries cultures and easily relating to French and German people is a beautiful thing. While being bilingual gives you a lot of benefits

it confuses you too. I never really felt German, especially older references I didn‘t grow up with them. Other French people in Germany felt the need to point out, that only one of my parents is French. In their minds I wasn‘t French enough.

I learned that people try to define who you are and where you belong to, it‘s in your power to not let them.

THE PEARL RING

My Grandmother and I share the same birthday. It‘s a running theme every birthday we get to congratulate each other.

I always felt a bond with her, she dresses fabulously and knows so much about art and fashion. She commands a room, even if she isn‘t always

aware of it. When I turned 16, she turned 80, a birthday we celebrated together. Me being a teenager I was a little upset I didn‘t get to spend my birthday with my friends at home. However, when I met her all those thoughts went away. Even though it was her party she made sure I was

seen too. She gifted me this pearl ring she used to wear when she was around 16 years old. From that day on a strange feeling came over me, I realized that I will be the one carrying out her legacy. Wearing the ring proudly and carrying her spirit with me when she isn‘t there anymore.

THE RED BRICK CITY

Toulouse, the city we moved to a month after I was born. The city is famous for its red brick architecture, but I also associate it with the nature in the countryside outside of the city.

My godparent’s life on a farm there in the middle of nowhere. It‘s one of the most peaceful places I ever stayed. After we moved away, I always visited them every summer.

My mother bought this dress back when we lived in Toulouse and a decade and a half later, I wore the dress in its city of origin.

Every time my mother sees me wearing this dress, she realizes how much time has passed. These memories of us spending time with my godparents are still so vivid and yet unreachable.

How can a dress stay in perfect condition for over 15 years, but a memory can‘t?

In the blink of an eye, I am no longer a child, neither a teenager. My parents live in a different city than me and my brother will soon live in a different continent.

Every time I feel like life is going slowly, I realize abruptly that time is actually racing. One of the reason, we humans feel the need to capture what we see, and experience is because life is fleeting.

You feel like you arrived at a milestone, yet you are already onto the next...

THE STABILO LINER CASE

My German Grandparents live a very structured life. Set mealtimes, never seen an item out of place in that house. When they bring you a drink you will always get a costar. Every time we visit there is either pudding or ice cream as desert. They like their structure, but as they get older, they struggle to ask for help when it‘s necessary.

They always call, when the problem is already solved, which my mother really dislikes, she wants to make sure they can confine in her, anytime they struggle. When it comes to birthdays or Christmas, they ask a month in advance what you wish for. As I love to draw, I normally list the drawing material

I currently run out of or a drawing book. One time I asked for fine liners, I was thinking I‘ll just get a single pack but they gift me this. The item reflects them so well, every pen has its place, organized by color. Going above and beyond to make sure you have everything you could ever need.

THE HOBBY STAND

When I was younger, I wanted to be a fashion designer, I remember being in my grandmother‘s sewing room with this mannequin, draping fabrics around it. In my mind I made the most fashionable garments, looking back now it was just fabric on a mannequin. My father‘s father, he is no longer with us, was a big advocate in his grandchildren‘s talents. Since I was in second grade, I wanted to learn how to play the violin. My memories of my grandfather are a little vague now, but I remember he really supported it. Even though I played for a long time, I never got good at it. I liked the way, when I played, it took all my focus, but I wasn‘t infatuated enough to practice a lot.

This stand is interchangeable, with the mannequin attachment and the note stand attachment. Since its from my grandparents it‘s surely over 50 years old. You know its old because the item is of impeccable quality. This will be an item even the generation after me can use.

I have used this item when I was a young child all the way into my teenage years. When I had the mannequin attachment on, it scared me at night, it looked like an intruder entered my room.

It fascinates me how a picture can capture one moment in time, but an item can hold a lifetime of memories. The longer you have something the more memories are attached to it.

THE MACARON BOXES

Laudrée is a bakery in Paris along the Champs Elysées. When my father came back from his work trips, he would sometimes bring us some macaron‘s from there. The intricacy of the macaron is reflected in the box it came in. I started this habit of collecting them because they were so precious and delicate.

I put miscellaneous things inside, like earrings or buttons. Paris is known for its kitsch souvenirs, but these boxes are something I can get behind. Every time I looked forward to what design they would choose next.

The feeling when you know, somebody put a lot of work into the design, and it pays of is incredible.

THE CAT BOTTLE

Our families’ cat was called Chance, it means luck in French. We saved her when I was one year old, from a farm where she would have been killed otherwise.

She was incredibly smart and intuitive. She knew when something was wrong and how to comfort us.

We grew up together, she turned 18 years old, she died last year.

I have never experienced grief like this before. We miss her incredibly and our house doesn’t feel the same. My room is full of cat themed things, if there is a cat on it my friends and family knew I‘d love it.

Now when I look at all of these items it is truly bittersweet.

I know from the outside it feels silly to be this sad about a cat, but Chance knew us so well and she brought warmth and comfort into our home.

I still wish I could have said goodbye properly, Chance you were so special to me.

THE FAMILY CALENDAR OF 2023

This is this year’s calendar filled with last year’s memories. Today I can’t imagine what next year’s calendar is going to look like. Will we even have made enough pictures to fill it up?

I often think about the fact that after you turn 20 you will already have made most memories with your family. Now you must plan and schedule time with family to see them, it doesn’t just come naturally.

Time is a hard concept to grasp, one thing is sure it never goes backwards even if you would like it to. The future is and will forever be uncertain. Take every chance you get to tell the people you love that you do.

So, this last part is for my family...

“Even though times are changing, we don’t see each other often. Sometimes we don’t know what to talk about, even if we know each other better than anyone else. I want to thank you for the time we have and will spend together. Forever grateful you are my family and I love you.”

DÖRNEMANN