What’s your problem? Contrast's agony aunts, Fatima and Selin and new agony, Rhasan join qualified psychotherapist and counsellor Niki D to give us advice from their different perspectives on two of our readers' problems There's a girl at school who I really like but she takes drugs, what do I do as I'd really like to go out with her, but not when she's a druggie. Heartbroken, 15 A person who takes drugs isn't really thinking about their own safety. Maybe if you chatted to her about drugs and their dangers she may change her mind. You could also talk to her friends about it and see if they can help her to stop. Rhasan
Firstly, do you know for sure that this girl uses drugs, or could it just be gossip? You are obviously clear that you will not get involved with someone who does use drugs, so before anything else happens you need to find out for sure. It also might be useful for you to contact a drug service like FRANK or SUB19 for advice as it is easy to judge people who use drugs without understanding much about drugs and drug users. If this girl is using drugs and you want to help her, then be sensitive in how you go about this and suggest she checks out the youth drug services I’ve mentioned. Niki D
Well, does she like you the way you like her? If you let her know as a friend that taking drugs is not good for her health then, if she likes you, she'll probably agree with you and attempt to stop it. If she refuses to change, there's not much you can do but get friendly with another girl who appreciates your care and thoughts. Selin
FRANK: (National on-line drug advice for young people) Tel: 0800 776600 - www.talktofrank.com SUB19: (Hackney Young People’s Substance Misuse Service) Tel: 0800 0582860 - www.sub19.com
Me and my boyfriend have been together for two years now and I really love him but recently he has been acting kind of cold and sometimes ignoring my calls. What should I do because I really love him? Worried, 16, Hackney
Mayor for a day
Don’t worry about it. Your boyfriend is probably just going through something and doesn’t want to burden you with anything or he probably doesn’t even realise that he is doing it. However this doesn’t justify his behaviour so it is important that you express your concern to him. If he still doesn’t respond to you, just give him some space and go about your own business. Both of you shouldn’t have to suffer. If he does eventually approach you, make sure you don’t make a fuss about whatever it is that is going on because that will only push him away. Fatima
Rather than imagining worst case scenarios about why your boyfriend has become distant, talk to him about it instead. It seems like you have been avoiding this conversation but situations can get worse the longer things are left unspoken. Arrange to meet him somewhere private, don’t let him put you off either, tell him you need to talk about your relationship and stick to it when you meet up. No matter how much you love your boyfriend, still balance loving him with loving yourself, make sure that you don’t allow your boyfriend to treat you badly ‘in the name of love.’ Niki D
Personally, I think he’s trying to brush you off. If he seems to be acting cold, ignoring your calls, he’s either upset at something you might have done without realising or he’s trying to give the signal of ‘Leave me alone’. The best thing to do in this situation is to confront him face-to-face and ask him why he’s acting like he is. If he refuses to talk it through it’s best to move on and find someone who will treat you better rather than torturing yourself with “whys” all the time. Selin
Bisi “I would fine people for breaching dress code violations, such as wearing shorts in the winter. Or, on a more serious note, I would make it so that community support officers were on watch nightly for the supervision of people coming home during the night across areas in London.”
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