Meet Your Neighbor

Steve Kragenbrink

PHOTOGRAPHS BY CHRIS BERSBACH

In this installment of our “Meet Your Neighbor” series, SLO LIFE Magazine sits down for a conversation with Steve Kragenbrink. He and his wife, Julie, were high school sweethearts who share an impossible love story. They live in San Luis Obispo and have three children, Emma, 16; Noah, 5; and, Luke, 2. A lifelong lover of animals, Kragenbrink is the Community Programs Director at Woods Humane Society, where he serves as the voice of dogs and cats searching for local homes. Here is his story…

Tell us about yourself, Steve.

I’m the seventh son of a seventh son. I was born on the Ides of March. My oldest and youngest children were both born on January 22nd, fourteen years apart—how weird is that? Let’s see… my family is German and the name Kragenbrink means either “the guy with a broken neck” or “the executioner.” We’ve never been able to find out exactly. I grew up in Southern California, Tustin, actually. My father was a Wisconsin pig farmer, but he moved because he was tired of the cold. Growing up we did a lot of those trips back and forth to Wisconsin. I still have a lot of family back there. That’s also a really big part of me. I love the farm, mostly the animals. Before I was even able to read, I carried around a huge encyclopedia-type book with pictures and descriptions of all the animals in North America.

What was high school like for you?

I spent most of my time at the beach. I was kind of a guy that was on the fringe, really. I didn’t have a group that I belonged to, and I had long hair to my waist. I was the guy rolling into school with the surfboard and sandals and not really caring. I met my wife in high school. We were total high school sweethearts and had a Romeo and Juliet sort of experience. We were forbidden to see each other. Actually, we dated a couple of times before her parents got involved. They decided that they didn’t want us seeing each other. It got to the point where they basically forbid us to see each other. They actually took her out of our high school and put her in a Catholic school.

Wow.

There was a lot of passion between us, and we snuck around to see each other, but it just became so difficult with the parents that we eventually went our separate ways. She stayed in Orange County and I went to do some traveling in Europe. I got ahold of a Eurail pass, started in Rome and made my way up to London a couple of times. I actually did have a purpose—I was looking to see every Pietá that Michelangelo created outside of Italy; they were so amazing. So I did that a couple times, then I came back to the States and moved to San Francisco. I started my own marketing and promotions company there. I was the manager and owner of a nightclub—one of the best nightclubs ever—and was also a bartender and a bar manager at another one. So I spent a lot of time in the entertainment business up there. That was right during the whole dot com explosion and money was really the focus. Thinking back on it now, that was what I was so focused on. All I could think about was trying to earn money, spending money, play with money, have a good time—whatever it might be. I was having a good time.

Then why stop?

It really hit a headwind when it was my birthday one year. And I’ll never forget it. I was sitting there at a coffee shop, and I remember all my friends blowing up my phone with messages saying, “Happy birthday, happy birthday—we’re going to take you out to celebrate.” At that point, I literally turned off my phone and went to the movies. It really got me thinking that all I knew was who I was portraying. My friendships felt very superficial. On a whim, I packed up everything, sold everything. It was right when the bubble burst with the whole dot com thing. I remember sitting in apartments or being six or seven or eight floors up and watching, literally on the street single lines of U-Haul’s. It really got me thinking about material wealth, and questioning what’s valuable in life, and where do you place your values? And I could tell you, looking back on it now, the whole time I always wanted to grasp onto that raw, natural emotion that I had with Julie back in high school. I can completely, honestly say that I had been chasing that for years and years.

Ok, so what did you do about it?

So I packed everything up into a U-Haul one day and left. I didn’t even tell my folks I was coming back home. I just showed up one morning. It was like, “Hey, mom, I’m here for a few months! I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m rethinking life. I’m gathering into a huddle with myself and I’m trying to figure out where I’m going from here.” I was probably at my parents’ house for a couple of days, maybe a week when I decided to go check out the old coffee shop. It was one of those locations in life that will always have some sort of meaning to me. I decided to go back and check it out and have a latte and kind of reminisce on things; bring a sketchbook and just hang out and be really introverted. And I’ll never forget, I was sitting there and I looked up and I saw Julie’s reflection in one of the windows. It was one of those moments in your life where it’s very surreal. It’s like she wasn’t there physically, but I could see her image. The same image I had been chasing all this time. So, then there’s a fight or flight kind of reaction. [laughter]

Well, don’t keep us hanging! What did you do?

I finished my latte, got in my car and took off. And then I got about three blocks away. And it’s one of those things that is so hard to explain. But, literally, I was sitting there at a stoplight and something hit me. Life. A brick wall. I don’t know what it was. But, it hit me. The light turns green, and it’s a situation were I’m not going. Cars are honking behind me. And I’m not going. I’m just kind of daydreaming. I don’t know, I’m off in some weird place. But, it was a situation where I saw two paths open up in front of me. One of those paths leading back to the entertainment business back to living on the edge, back to doing what I was doing. And the other path was to turn around, not knowing necessarily what would happen, but to turn around and

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see. I decided to turn around. I actually went back in and I positioned myself in the same chair that I was sitting in. I figured that if I can see her reflection then she could see mine.

Aw, come on… you didn’t even talk to her?

Later that night, the phone rings at my parents’ house. I pick it up and hear this, “Hi,” on the other end and instantly I knew it was her. Interestingly enough, she had remembered my parents’ phone number from high school. It was really weird, a completely surreal moment in my life. It was just a really weird day. So, it was just, “What are you doing? And what are you up to? How’s life been?” Then she asks me out for a drink. So, we hang up and I’m still just kind of weirded-out by the whole situation. Something felt just really strange—it was almost like my skin was buzzing; that’s probably the best way to describe it. I knew something was happening, like sixth sense or something. I don’t know. It’s just so hard to explain.

Well, how did the date go?

I think we had finished our second drink when she says, “Do you want to see pictures?” And, I say, “Uh, pictures of what?” And then she looks me right dead in the eye and says, “Pictures of our daughter.” Now put yourself in that situation where you are somebody who has been living life on the edge, living life to the fullest—whatever that means—full of debauchery, bad decisions, having a wonderful existence. And then all of a sudden you have a 2 x 4 slap you on the side of the head. Of course, my first thought was that there was no way she can be mine. But, then I look at the photo of this four-year-old little girl and instantly I knew. Instantly. It’s uncanny how much I look like my daughter, or my daughter looks like me. There was nothing I could say. I kind of went into a shock, a complete state of shock. I mean your life is just thrown through a blender. Wow. Wow this is really happening.

So what did you do?

I ordered another drink! [laughter] But, seriously, I found it so interesting that she had never tried to get into contact with me, she never expected anything of me. And I started feeling this flood of really weird emotions. And I thought to myself, “You’ve got to man-up. You’ve got to do something.” So my head is just spinning when we get back to her car. I lean over to give her a little hug goodbye and I just remember her grabbing ahold of my shirt and looking me in the eye and saying, “Is that it?” And then she just planted one on me. I’m already seeing stars, and now it’s like, “What the hell is happening to me!?” So, we let some time pass—maybe a week—before she invites me over to her house for dinner. It would be the first time I was to meet Emma. Julie had been telling her that she doesn’t have a dad. Anyway, by the time I arrived, Emma had already fallen asleep and was in bed. I ended up staying over that night and I remember waking up the next morning and seeing these little eyes kind of staring at me just over the bed. I was looking at these little eyes and these little eyes were looking back at me. At first it was kind of curiosity, but I can tell you that I’ve never seen so much wisdom in such small eyes before.

Did you tell Emma that you were her dad?

No, it was more a matter of me becoming more and more a part of her life. And I have so much respect for my wife for raising Emma on her own during those first four years. I remember her sitting me down and saying, “We don’t have to tell her that you are her dad. I’m not here to come after you. Make sure this is something you want to do because I am not going to tell her if you don’t.” So, we’d go out to lunch one day. The next day I’d come over to watch movies with her or I’d read stories. We took it really slow and didn’t tell her until four or five months into it. But, she seemed to know before then. It was one of those moments in my life, where even though I didn’t know I needed it, this huge weight

But, then I look at the photo of this four-year-old little girl and instantly I knew. Instantly. ”

had been lifted off. Almost like I had been floundering for so long that now I had something to ground me. Now I had something to really focus on that wasn’t me. Honestly, that is where I was up until that point in my life. It was all about me. Then I’m in this situation where I am, instantly, literally overnight, a dad to a four-year-old. It still amazes me.

So, how did you find your way here?

Not long after this all happened, we moved to the Central Coast so Julie could continue her studies in psychology at Cal Poly. And a couple of years after that we ended up getting married. I proposed to her at the top of the Empire State building. Her family is all from New York, so it was kind of important for her. The night before I proposed I found myself at a bar in Newark, New Jersey randomly sitting next a famous pro wrestler from the WWE named Big Show. I end up telling him our story and we get into this deep, philosophical conversation. He basically tells me, “Hey, you’ve really found something. Don’t wait, do it now. Do it right now.” Honestly, if it weren’t for this massive guy who pretends to beat people up for a living convincing me to do it, I don’t know if I would have proposed as soon as I did. [laughter]

So, Big Show closes the deal, and now you’re married, living in SLO. What’s next?

On a whim I walked into Woods Humane Society with my resume seven years ago and I’ve been there ever since. I have always loved animals. And I’ve always been a fan of the underdog. And for those that can’t speak for themselves, I’ll be the first one to step up and defend them. I see that I am able to utilize that passion a lot in what I do, especially when you’re talking about dogs and cats. You have some of that come from neglect or abuse or whatever it might be, and then the success stories that come from it. We adopt out 1,000 to 1,200 animals every year. I have come into contact with a lot of animals, but some of them really stand out. There was one dog, a dog named Jelly. Now, talk about true love. [laughter] I still keep a picture of her on my desk. It was the first dog I remember when I was first hired, probably my first week. She was a Rottweiler, an older dog, and she would go with me on all our education and outreach visits in the community. She ended up going kennel crazy and we had to put her down. I remember holding her and telling her that it would never happen to another dog again. And, I’m proud to say that it hasn’t.

Do you find any common thread with your journey so far?

I think what it’s done is taken me in a completely different direction from where I was going. And, of course, finding my way to San Luis Obispo and falling in love with the community here; the environment here; watching my children grow up here, and really learning value. Now I’m struggling with the fact that my daughter has just turned 16 and is reminding me way too much of myself at that age. She’s going to Europe this summer. She has the same wanderlust that I have. It scares the hell out of me. [laughter] I just hope that she is able to take a little bit of my experience and learn from it. She has a really good head on her shoulders; she’s smarter than I am—don’t tell her I said that. It’s fun though. Every day is a new day. I find a lot of joy reflecting back on the situations I’ve been in; and then to think about the situations I’m in now; and look forward to where we are going from here. The relationship I have with Julie, I love my wife to death. The love I have for my kids, honestly, I would do anything for my babies, unquestionably. But, hopefully, we’ll be able to continue to grow. My thing now is just really making an impact here in San Luis Obispo County and having my kids understand the benefits and the joys of being a part of the community.

Thanks very much, Steve, it’s an incredible story.

My pleasure. I just have one little request… whatever you do, please don’t plaster my face all over the cover of the magazine, okay? SLO LIFE