10 So thank you, Mr Tampon. You came into my life when I needed you. You got right in there and saved the day – no more notes for the PE teacher. Sod Mr Toxic Shock, it was worth the risk! Younger friends have flirted with Mr Mooncup, but he lost his glow after he was too fiddly to insert. So, now I’m settling down with Mr Menopause; I’ve finally ghosted those other trolls who made being female such a pain. It’s great to know I don’t have to bother about which brand of environmentally friendly sanitary products to buy, or about crafting my own period pants at home. As a Blue Peter viewer, I can tell you that we had one up on you there, Snowflakes. I wouldn’t have survived those trying times without my blood brothers Mr Andrex and Mr Sticky-Backed Plastic. But I’ve broken the first rule of Gusset Club. My undercover boys never leaked a word of what I’m spilling to you before now. Now that’s what I call fully underwired, seam-free, 100% protection!
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