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AFFINITY

THOUGHTS From current college students & Survivors

Mattress Performance (Carry That Weight) by Emma Sulkowitz An activist performance art peice in response to sexual assauult at Columbia University

Parents

Highschoolers

Friends

How to talk to your child about sexual assault

What you need to know before going to college

What you can do for a sexual assault survivor

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Friends

4 But first, the stats University of Rochester Feminists

8 h ow schools are failing to create a safe space for survivors YWLC member Hannah Embry

Editor

Sarah Kingsley

Letter From the editor

10 ‘ T i ll i t h a ppe n s t o you

by The Midnight Ramblers University of Rochester acappella group

Hello! I am a member of the Young Woman Leadership Council, a group of colligate women and recent graduates who work through the organization The New Agenda. Our purpose is to have discussions about the plague of sexual assault on college campuses and to create actions to combat it. This publication was born from an opportunity in my undergraduate studies of the fine arts to explore the medium of printmaking through activism. After existing in the world of sexual assault prevention, I knew what I wanted to make was a resource for those people who exist tangentially to sexual assault. Namely parents, highschoolers and friends of survivors. This publication is called Affinity because the word’s synonyms are empathy for. It tells of a relationship of support that is crucial to any survivor.

12 De a r Fri e n d YWLC member Emily Frieband

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CONTENTS Parents

6 I s your s c h oo l be i n g i n v e st i gat e d?

Institutions being investigated under a itle IX

High School Students

EDITORIAL My original art in this magazine in inspired by the words and thoughts of the peolple who have been a resource to me. Their collection of letters, stories and pieces that have spoken to them are shared in hopes they will promote the kind of community that will directly oppose type of thought that creates sexual assault. Every high school student needs to understand what consent is long before they enter the dangerous collegiate environment. Every parent needs to create a safe space for their child to come to them to have these difficult conversations. Finally, statistics dictate that every person will know at least one person that has survived sexual assault. We need to know how to only make the struggles of survivors easier and never more difficult.

I hope these words will guide you as they have guided me in creating empathetic conversations and actions.

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14 Talking to your children about col l ege sexual Assault: It’s all about empathy

By TNA member Paul Kingsley

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Highsch hool Stu udent

by Zoe Markovits

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Rape is still one of the most under-reported violent crimes in the country.

One in four women will be victims of rape or attempted rape while they are in college, and one in 12 men will be victims of rape or attempted rape in their lifetime.

Approximately 30 percent of gays and lesbians will be victims of rape or attempted rape in their lifetime.

Half of transgender people experience sexual violence at some point in their life.

Alcohol is still the number 1 predatory drug.

People are still afraid to walk alone at night.

This means our work is not done.

Because we can be proactive rather than reactive.

We can continue to educate classrooms, residence halls, and community organizations.

We can examine how we view survivors of rape and sexual assault and challenge our stereotypes and stigmas.

It means we can create dialogue between diverse communities.

It means we can demand support from more faculty, more staff, more students, and especially from the administration.

It means we need everyone to be involved in this, because everyone is affected by this crime.

Because by being involved you not only help others, you help yourself.

Because it’s 2016 and no still means no.

Because you can be a catalyst of change in your community.

Because change doesn’t occur on its own.

Because we want safe streets. We want safe residence halls. We want safe houses. We want a safe campus. We want a safe world.

And we want it now.

Replicated here by permission of the UR Feminist s

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LANGSTON UNIVERSITY

Title iX Protects your right to be educated without facing discrimination because of your sex. This includes your right to feel safe in the case of being sexually assaulted. These are the institutions being investigated for violating these rights.

ELIZABETHTOWN COLLEGE

OKLAHOMA STATE UNIVERSITY

MINOT STATE UNIVERSITY

CARNIGIE MELLON UNIVERSITY

MISSOURI UNIVERSITY OF SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY CLEVELAND STATE UNIVERSITY WILLIAM JEWELL COLLEGE

DENISON UNIVERSITY OBERLIN COLLEGE

SAINT CLOUD STATE UNIVERSITY

WESTIMINSTER COLLEGE

OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY

REGIS UNIVERSITY

THE UNIVERSITY OF AKRON WITTENBERG UNIVERSITY

UNIVERSITY OF IDAHO

UNIVERSITY OF COLORADO AT BOULDER UNIVERSITY OF COLORADO AT DENVER

CENTRAL COMMUNITY COLLEGE LINCOLN UNIVERSITY

UNIVERSITY OF NEBRASKA-LINCOLN

PENNSYLVANIA STATE UNIVERSITY POINT PARK UNIVERISTY

COLLEGE OF WILLIAM AND MARY JAMES MADISON UNIVERSITY

SAN JOSE-EVERGREEN COMMUNITY COLLEGE DISTRICT WHITMAN COLLEGE SANTA CLARA UNIVERSITY STANFORD UNIVERSITY

BUTTE-GLENN COMMUNITY COLLEGE DISRICT CALIFORNIA INSTITUTE OF THE ARTS

UNIVERSITY OF RICHMOND

UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA-BERKELEY

MALBORO COLLEGE

CHAPMAN UNIVERSITY

UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA-DAVIS

OCCIDENTAL COLLEGE

UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA-SAN FRANCISCO UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA- SANTA CRUZ UNIVERSITY OF SAN DIEGO SWARTHMORE COLLEGE TEMPLE UNIVERSITY

UNIVERSITY OF DENVER

UNIVERSITY OF NEBRASKA AT KEARNEY

POMONA COLLEGE SAN FRANCISCO STATE UNIVERSITY UNIVERSIDAD DE PUERTO RICO

UNIVERSITY OF TENNESEE

CALIFORNIA POLYTECHNIC STATE UNIVERSITY-SAN LUIS OBISPO

UNIVERSITY OF TENNESSEE CHATTANOOGA

UNIVERSITY OF HOUSTON

VALLY FORGE MILITARY COLLEGE WASHINGTON STATE UNIVERSITY

BETHANY COLLEGE

VIERGINIA COMMONWEALTH UNIVERSITY DAVIS AND ELKINS COLLEGE WASHINGTON AND LEE UNIVERSITY

VANDERBILT UNIVERSITY FRANKLIN AND MARSHALL COLLEGE

UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON-SEATTLE

WESTERN WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY

THE UNIVERSIT Y OF TEXAS PAN AMERICAN

TEXAS A&M UNIVERSITY WEST VIRGINIA SCHOOL OF OSTEOPATHIC MEDICINE

UNIVERSITY OF ALASKA SYSTEM OF HIGHER EDUCATION CISCO JUNIOR COLLEGE

TRINITY UNIVERSITY

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FROSTBURG STATE UNIVERSITY

INDIANA UNIVERISTY -BLOOMINGTON VALPARAISO UNIVERSITY VINCENNES UNIVERSITY

JOHNS HOPKINS UNIVERSITY

SUNY BUFFALO STATE COLLEGE

SAINT MARY’S COLLEGE OF MARYLAND

KNOX COLLEGE

CANISIUS COLLEGE

THE PRATT INSTITUTE

SAINT THOMAS AQUINAS COLLEGE

POLYTECHNIC INSTITUTE OF NEW YORK UNIVERSITY

IDAHO STATE UNIVERSITY

PRINCETON UNIVERSITY

SETON HALL UNIVERSITY

ALMA COLLEGE

BOSTON COLLEGE

UNIVERSITY OF CONNECTICUT

BOSTON UNIVERSITY

AMERICAN UNIVERSITY

EMERSON COLLEGE

CATHOLIC UNIVERSITY OF AMERICA

HAMPSHIRE COLLEGE

UNIVERSITY OF DELAWARE OGLETHORPE UNIVERSITY

EMORY UNIVERISTY

MOREHOUSE COLLEGE

FLORIDA STATE UNIVERSITY

FULL SAIL UNIVERSITY

UNIVERSITY OF SOUTH FLORIDA

HARVARD COLLEGE MASSACHUSETTS INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY NORTHEASTERN UNIVERSTITY

SPELMAN COLLEGE

TUFTS UNIVERSTIY

UNIVERERSTITY OF MASSACHUSETTS-AMHERST

DUKE UNIVERSITY

UNIVERSITY OF MASSACHUSETTS DARTMOUTH

UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI

MARION MILITARY INSTITUTE

AMHERST COLLEGE

BERKLEE COLLEGE OF MUSIC

DARTMOUTH COLLEGE

WESLEY COLLEGE

ST. JOHN’S UNIVERSITY

SUNY AT ALBANY UNIVERSITY

GRAND VALLEY STATE UNIVERSITY IOWA STATE UNIVERSITY

SARAH LAWRENCE COLLEGE

PACE UNIVERSITY

UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN-ANN ARBOR

DRAKE UNIVERSITY

NEW YORK UNIVERSITY SCHOOL OF MEDICINE

UNION COLLEGE

CORNELL UNIVERSITY

HAMILTON COLLEGE

HOBART AND WILLIAM SMITH COLLEGES

UNIVERSITY OF ROCHESTER COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY

UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO

SUNY COLLEGE AT PURCHASE

SUNY AT STONY BROOK

BARNARD COLLEGE

SOUTHERN ILLINOIS UNIVERSITY CARBONDALE

CUNY HUNTER COLLEGE

SUNY COLLEGE AT BROCKPORT

MORGAN STATE UNIVERSITY

COLUMBIA COLLEGE CHICAGO

MONMOUTH COLLEGE

ELMIRA COLLEGE CORNING COMMUNITY COLLEGE

GUILFORD COLLEGE

KANSAS STATE UNIVERYSITY BROWN UNIVERSITY

LOUISIANA STATE UNIVERSITY

WESTERN NEW ENGLAND COLLEGE

GRINNELL COLLEGE UNIVERSITY OF HAWAII AT MANOA

MEDICAL COLLEGE OF WISCONSIN UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN MADISON

UNIVERSITY OF KANSAS WASHBURN UNIVERSITY

UNIVERSITY OF KENTUCKY

UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN WHITEWATER

ARIZONA STATE UNIVERSITY

COLORADO STATE UNIVERSITY

UNIVERSITY OF NORTH CAROLINA AT CHAPEL HILL

As of December 30, 2015 there were 194 sexual violence cases at 159 postsecondary institutions.

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how schools are

Failing to create a safe space for survivors 08

Frien nd off a Surrvivor

Peice by YWLC member Hannah Embry, a student at SUNY Geneseo studing Gender Strudies and Black American Studies.

F

rom my own experience, some college campuses fall into the blame game. At the freshmen orientation I went to the summer before my freshmen year. We watched a video about sexual assault on college campuses. It was so odd that the message of the story was essentially: don’t get raped, because if you do and you press charges it’s going to ruin the perpetrator’s life. They walked through how difficult it would be for the perpetrator, how they’d get kicked out of school and it would be on their record, and blah, blah. I was sitting there, as a survivor, thinking holy shit they didn’t in any way try to depict or sympathize with the person would was assaulted! It was very clearly made through a male (not to say men aren’t raped), rapist-sympathizing lens. I think this really influenced what I saw as the campus climate around sexual assault. Beyond this, there was little discussion around this issue, I’ve had one professor hand out resources for survivors during class, but that is not typical. Everyone knows its happening, but unless you go out of your way to weave it into your life on campus, its largely swept behind slimy frat doors.

Another issue I’ve had on mycampus is that there’s recently been a good amount of front work on the issue (which is amazing), meaning preventative work like education about consent. However there’s less on the back end which would provide support for people who either came into school with a history of rape or are raped on campus. There is a rape crisis hotline and such, but it took me creating a support group for survivors of rape and sexual assault for there to be a group that says, “hey, you’re not alone. You know that 1 in 5 statistic, yeah, it’s real and we’re here for ourselves and for each other”. I think because sexual assault largely happens in the private sphere it’s easy to keep the issue quiet. And I think that’s what many campuses are doing.

Lastly, though not all of my professors have done this through my own experience and my peers’ experiences, I’ve noticed that many professors either assign readings, discuss content, or show videos that explicitly show or discuss sexualized violence without a trigger warning before hand. This is a huge violence to survivors and effectively turns their learning environment into a dangerous space.

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Dear Friend,

A

guide by a survivor to help

s a survivor of sexual assault, I understand how difficult it is to approach such a sensitive topic. I understand how it can be uncomfortable to talk about. I understand that most people do not know how to respond to a survivor.

Welll, the reason is becasue there is not a right or proper way to respond to a survivor since everyone is different. Everyone has a different story and a differnt way of healing. So just be prepared to really listen.

First off, if someone approaches you with news that they were sexually assaulted, do not take it lightly. It takes a huge amout of courage to tell someone for many reasons. So many vitims stay silent for fear of being judged, not being beleived, retaliation from their assaulter and many more reasons. I know I stayed silent for months because I tried to brush it off but that back fired. After 4 months, I finally told someone and it was the most releiving experience because I was believed in.

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Second, let your friend know that you believe in them. While this may seems obvious, you need to let the person know this. Reassurance is vital. Repeat it if you must until they understand that you do indeed believe in them. Too many people remain voiceless because they do not think they have someone that will believe in them.

issues and helped me cope with my trauma. Never turn your back on them and just make sure they know you care and love them dearly.

Third, be present. Ask how you can help. Ask what you can do to make this easier on them. Be there for them but remember unless you are a professional, you cannot take this all on yourself. Encourage them to open up to others they care out and seek professional help if they want. Talking to a therapist about it was weird at first for me but it opened up so many underlying

Sincerely, A Survivor

Letter by YWLC Member Emily Frieband, a student who studies Law and Socienty at the American Univeristy.

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‘Till It Happens to you Click to be taken to video

Acapella Group:The Midnight Ramblers Adaption of the original song by Lady Gaga University of Rochester

Words from the director Jacob Gusman So I’ve been fortunate enough to be a part of two incredible organizations during my time at Rochester. One is obviously the Ramblers, the other is an organization that I co-founded called Men Opposing Violence Everywhere (MOVE). The point of this group is to create spaces where, specifically men, can feel comfortable talking and learning about the issue of sexual assault and rape. So we primarily put on facilitated discussions with student groups as well as more open events. All this under

the understanding that sexual assault and rape is not simply a “women’s issue”. But in fact a men’s issue, as it is men who have constructed the environment where this has been allowed to persist for centuries.

For the past few years I had wondered how I could utilize this well-known group, the Ramblers, to raise awareness for this cause I am so passionate about. And the video you are about to see is, in fact, the result of that.

I want to note my thanks to Kyle Orton of the CSCM, Title IX coordinator Morgan Levy, Anne-Marie Algier and Wilson Commons student activities, and Dean Feldman, whose generous contributions were what made this possible. Also thanks to Nick Lyons for his work on the audio and especially to Danny Olefsky who put a ton of time into making this video for us.

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Talking to your childeren about college sexual assault: Its all about empathy

by Paul Kingsley, Memeber of the Think Tank of The New Agenda

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ITS NEVER TOO LATE OR TO EARLY early to begin the process of talking to your child about sexual assault at college. Whether or not they are going off to college for the first time this year, or they are in kindergarten, there are conversations you can, and should engage in with your child to prepare them for the fact that 1 in 5 women (and 1 in 14 men) will experience unwanted sexual contact (sexual assault) during their four years as an undergraduate. While this number has been challenged by many people, several studies, including most recently this one (see Fig. 7, http:// www.bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/ccsvsftr.pdf ) surveying 15,000 women and 8,000 men across nine institutions continues to confirm the number of 1 in 5. Denying this fact does nothing to educate our children on this matter, nor does it help to decrease the prevalence of sexual assault on campus in the future.

You may be skeptical about my suggestion of having talks with kindergarten age children to lay the groundwork to reduce sexual assault.

Yet I would argue that teaching children empathy is the most important lesson you can provide your kids on how to treat others. There are countless opportunities you will have with your children where you can interject a question about their feelings when they are in a situation that they experienced with a friend. Asking, “How would that make you feel if that happened to you?”, sets the stage.

Importantly, listen to their answers, let them know that the talk you are having is important to you, and thank them for sharing their feelings.

As your children get older, approaching and entering adolescence, bringing the topic of conversation to relationships, power, and sex is awkward and embarrassing for all involved. But it’s too important to ignore and put off until “later”. I

find it easiest to begin to talk about these subjects while watching TV and movies together. Pointing out stereotypes in relationships, including objectification, sexism, and bullying are opportunities to just make a simple comment, like “that is terrible”, or “do you see how they are treating her” to “I bet that makes her feel awful”.

These can be openings to “do you ever see that at your school?” and “do you ever feel that way?”. Also you can relate a story you heard or read that made you wonder what your child felt about a topic like dress codes, or someone who was shamed online for their behavior. Often times, children talking about their environment, and people they associate with is easier than talking about themselves. If you are watching a show or movie that has an assault, even if it is an action adventure movie where the common trope of attacking a woman gives the hero an excuse to go violent on the villain, you can use that scene as an example to say that even though it was just a contrived scene, women, and men, are assaulted with surprising frequency and put into uncomfortable situations where physical relationships get out of control. Wouldn’t it have been better in that show if they hadn’t dehumanized that character and tried to make an important point?

blame the victim for what she wears, or for being drunk, or for her wild behavior, that you believe she did not cause her own attack: victims do not cause their rapes, rape are caused by rapists. Tell your child that if they let their friends know that they believe victims when they say they are assaulted, it will make it easier for their friends who have been assaulted to confide in them.

Tell them that you would be so proud of them if they are known as someone who can be a trusted friend and not someone who might blame them for a victim for thier own attack.

As your children get older, it’s important for them to know that you know sexual assault is a common problem in high school and in college. You know that people are sometimes forced to do things they are uncomfortable with, and that often times people blame the victim for getting in a situation where she is over her head. Let them know that when you hear about stories of assault, especially when people

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Finally, there are some documentaries you can watch with your precollege teen before they go off to their first year of college. Two from the Representation Project, “Miss Representation” <http:// www.imdb.com/title/tt1784538/> and “The Mask You Live In” <http://www. imdb.com/title/tt3983674/> deal with the roles our society places women and men in, respectively. Young women are objectified and sexualized, young men are rewarded for keeping their feelings inside and responding with toughness.

Both stereotypes objectify the role of each gender in relationships. Watching these with your child, discussing gender roles within relationships and discussing empathy will help them navigate their own relationships when they are

independent. Watching “The Hunting Ground” <http://www.imdb.com/title/ tt4185572/> with your older child and having honest discussions about the prevalence of sexual assault on college campus: how women are disbelieved and discouraged from reporting these crimes will drive home the seriousness and prevalence of sexual assault. Let your child know that you believe them, and you trust them in these matters, that you would be proud if they were known among their friends at college as advocates and allies for safety and respect.

Tell them you would be proud of them if they worked among their peers to be part of a bystander system that spoke up when they saw a dangerous situation at a party that looked like it might lead

to danger. Tell them you love them and want the best for them, and that includes being aware of assault as a problem. Tell them that they will know assault victims, whether they have been told of the assault or not, and that they need to be able to put themselves in other people’s shoes to be a part of the solution to sexual assault on campus.

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Race to end sexual assault! Join us for a 5k walk/run on in NYC and college campuses to show support for, and unity in ending sexual assault. #SToPP5k 18